I just want to say thankyou for everyones concern and advice on this thread, ive taken into account what you've all said and advised me to do.
Yesterday i took a big step and went to the sexual health clinic to get tested, i ended up breaking down to the nurse and told her what happened, she kinda knew something was wrong with me, she even asked me if id been raped, she said if i told her it was confidential and would go no further, so i told her.
To cut a very long story short, i never had the forensic examination. But ive been given the hep b jab, morning after pill, blood samples taken, and im now on a 28 day course of Prep medication for a precautionary measure incase of HIV. I have to wait two weeks to have chlamydia and gonorrhea tests done analy, as its too soon to show up.
Its mad aswell, as yesterday morning i had this kind of energy put on me, as ive been feeling drained, and a little voice telling me i really needed to go to the clinic that day. If i hadn't have gone to the clinic yesterday i would never have been able to start this prep med for potential HIV, as you can only start it within 72hrs after the incident....i was as of yesterday at 64hrs, as it had happened the early hours of newyears day. So its a good job i listened or IF i had contracted HIV there would have been no way of preventing it and stopping it.
It was this same little voice that told me when i woke up the morning after it happened, that id been raped. It was like i had someone lied at the side of me, and when i opened my eyes she gently said "**** you've been raped", then i obviously could feel the soreness of my bum, and started having flashbacks of what i could remember whilst crying trying to get a taxi.
For the next 8 weeks its constant blood samples and tests, whilst im on this medication, to make sure im in the clear....so roll on March, which seems to me like decades away.
Im just taking each day as it comes so far and trying to be strong once again, ive lost so much weight already, i really am struggling to eat, but times a healer and hopefully this will improve in time.
I just can't work out why i keep being given these types of transits from my chart, are they lessons ? punishments ? this is the 3rd time in my life now ive had this kind of thing happen to me. I was abused when a young child, raped in a nightclub toilet when i was 18....and now its happened again.
I still have this tiny thing in my head that i could/should report it regardless of me thinking its pointless and that it will just make me feel worse. My clothing i had on i was going to throw away, but ive put them into a bag (just incase), my skirt i was wearing on the back underside confirms the whole story.
Im thinking if i can post my natal chart on this thread, or PM it to someone willing to help me ?, for help in seeing if there is some light at the end of this very dark tunnel from all this, as all i can see at present is darkness.