Extreme fear of sexually transmitted diseases?

Mandy said:

OMG, did you see my unedited 1st msg of this thread, I asked if you were gay, and removed it, ha. You sound just like my friend James...James is that you?? lool Good luck with that. From what I hear (and I have a few gay friends), dating on the gay scene is even more complicated than dating hetero, and you would think it would be the opposite. Anyway, I am unsure of how old you are, and how sociable you are, but it would be great for you to forge friendships with people on-line, gay sites. Just spend time being friends, even if, and after, you meet them this (platonic) friendship just continues, it would be a good, good, exercise for you, helping you to answer, at your own pace, a lot of the uncertainties which you have. Whilst I would never advise someone to abstain from sex unless they were ready, I think it is important for you to always remember to not feel pressured socially to have penetrative sex (do I sound like your grandmother?). This is, first and foremost, not about any two people shacking up, but about you feeling comfortable at every step of the way. I know, plenty of (sexy) boys out there feel the same as you, even if they don't show it, so don't be afraid to just be yourself and, when you meet the right person, you can, and will, move forward from this.

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Yes it is probably a problem of not finding the right person. But for me, it seems very difficult to find that person so I may not have sex for a very long time. I don't need someone...though of course I prefer to have someone. I used to need a relationship. Now I am okay if I am alone. A pet actually is a good substitute for me

retinoid said:

Hi, thanks for your input. I don't eat a lot of meat. The sex drive comes in cycles, sometimes overpowering and sometimes very little. Orgasm is more spiritual to me, a lot of times it is spiritual like I just died almost. Idk how to explain it. But maybe it is an addiction or something. A lot of people have told me that I need to meditate but it seems like every time I meditate I become detached from the world. Just last night I meditated and had a dream that there was a person possessed and I had to use my 'power' to draw it out. I have had millions of dreams such as this and used to be scared (in my dream), but now I tend to confront them and have had issues in the real world with such 'entities', like waking up and seeing an orb or a shadow person or feeling like things are stalking me. And meditation exacerbates these issues plus the feeling of detachment (which I have always been already).

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I have the exact experience with classic meditation. With the detachment particularly. It just shows that everything is so relative, even the most benign considered things aren't good for everyone. I know one person who says that meditation can lead to depression. It sounded true to me.

I use alternative ways of meditating, or better said spontaneous ones, like music, observing the nature,resting etc. It has the same effect if not better, since it's not forced like the classic meditation.

retinoid said:

Hi, thanks for your input. I don't eat a lot of meat. The sex drive comes in cycles, sometimes overpowering and sometimes very little. Orgasm is more spiritual to me, a lot of times it is spiritual like I just died almost. Idk how to explain it. But maybe it is an addiction or something. A lot of people have told me that I need to meditate but it seems like every time I meditate I become detached from the world. Just last night I meditated and had a dream that there was a person possessed and I had to use my 'power' to draw it out. I have had millions of dreams such as this and used to be scared (in my dream), but now I tend to confront them andhave had issues in the real world with such 'entities', like waking up and seeing an orb or a shadow person or feeling like things are stalking me. And meditation exacerbates these issues plus the feeling of detachment (which I have always been already).

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have had issues in the real world (end quote) your meditations , in my opinion , are highly successful !. . .to be able to become detached from the present reality , and then detached from 'the ego/self' . . . opens infinite possibilities .
your beliefs regarding what is 'the real world' are powerful . . . and 'questionable' (?).
material/sense-based craving (main post) keeps us tethered to this plane of existence (my opinion , and that of many others) . . . perhaps a 'work-around' (?) would be not only to 'detach' but to 'attach' to (embrace) something 'higher' than human . . . just as a meditative experiment (a 'test-drive') to see if you can reconfigure your world . . .you can always change it back .
The experience of sexual orgasm is powerful . . . . the mind stops and for a time we transcend the world . . . in 'orgasm' (opinion) the 'self' disappears.
The word ecstasy means 'to be outside of one's self' . . . . like the experience of 'orgasm' . . .
to be permanently 'detached' (outside of, in a way) from 'ego-human-self' . . . produces a more permanent 'orgiastic experience'.

baby steps .....

best regards,
Ion

Hi Retinoid! I have been reading over this whole conversation. Of course, what most are saying, the 8th house is a difficult and often painful house. It is one of the three psychic houses and with so many planets in it (and sorry, I do include Moon and Venus in the 8th because planets which are less then 5° away from the next cusp can be taken into that house) there is of course a huge 8th house concentration here.
The 8th house deals with your inner demons and crisis which at some point in your life, you will have to face and deal with, mostly when other planets transit over that 8th house.
The 8th house also has to do however with transformation and I have the feeling that you are given the opportunity to transform yourself in this life. Things always happen for a reason.

We all see how problematic an 8th house can be, but as Mandy also mentioned, there is always a positive side as well to be found. There is light and dark, life and death (all very 8th house), black and white and so on.
We now all know what the issues are. But we dont know where they come from, when they started and why you became so afraid of STD, notwithstanding your sexual appetite, clearly shown by a strong Scorpio house and Scorpio sign. A double whammy.

Why have you become so sexually obsessed? We can argue that it is a karmic thing and that you brought it over from a past life. Very possible with such a full psychic house. But I also strongly believe in upbringing, how your homelife was, your parents and other family members.

OK, when I look at your 4th house, I see a very dominant parent. Could be mother, could be father.You see that Mercury, your Asc. ruler is conjunct that Sun, in Scorpio, showing a deep emotional bond between you and probably your father (Sun). As ruler of the 4th house, it could be the mother as well (in modern astrology, but traditionally 4th house = father).

Sun/Pluto in 6 shows someone who is very hard working and also very demanding of those who work for him/her. Mars at 29° can be counted as also being in the 6th house, lots of energy there, especially with that trine to Jupiter and sextiles to the planets in the 8th house.

Ruler of your 5th house of selfexpression is also in this 6th house and conjunct Mars and Sun. It seems to me that you have been strongly influenced by one of your parents to do exactly what he/she wanted you to do and I think it could have taken all your own initiative away, as well as your self confidence, ruled by that Moon in Sagittarius in the 8th house.The ruler of the Moon, Jupiter, conjunct Chiron in your 2nd house of selfworth (psychologically seen) opposes Saturn, ruler of your 9th house of (amongst other things) your own opinions, your view of life, your own philosophy of life etc. Chiron here shows the most vulnerable part of your being, your achillis tendon. The opposition to Neptune also clouds your sense of selfworth.

6th house also has to do with health issues and with Jupiter, who rules Venus (6th house ruler) opposite Saturn, either you could have been prone to illness, like something chronic, or one of your parents could have been obsessed with health issues which then strongly left a mark on you.

Another thing is, that Jupiter rules your 7th house of "others" and therefore this area, relationships, is also dampened by Saturn, notwithstanding the fact that you would love to be in a relationship. Moon and Venus still do have the position in the 7th house after all.

Ruler of the 7th in the 2nd shows a person who needs someone else to feel confident. Sometimes it has to do with money, like needing someone to maintain you but sometimes it just means the need for someone to support you and because of the opposition of Jupiter with Saturn, you feel like no-one really supports you emotionally.
You probably feel that you do not deserve to be loved. But why? What happened to you when you were young?

I see that Mercury, Sun and Pluto are all intercepted, meaning that you could have felt (or still feel) stuck, unable to express yourself. This could change when Mercury enters Sagittarius by progression in about 2-3 years. Sun already must be there and will enter by progression into your 7th house soon. This could then change you into a more outgoing personality, because with a Moon in Sagittarius, your soul is outgoing, wanting to learn and see different things in life.
The opposition between Jupiter and Saturn is a question of balancing out your own selfworth with what you think others are worth. Dont ever think that others are better than you.
As to your future, this 8th house can be of great use to you. You said that you see entities or shadows. This is also a typical 8th house thing. You have become very sensitive, probably psychic because of things that happened to you in your childhood.
By Solar Arc progression for instance, I see that your Moon conjuncts your Uranus (a sudden unexpected event) at around 4 years of age and Venus also around that time, a bit later maybe. At 4 years of age your Sun conjuncted Pluto by Solar Arc progr. which could show a very deep psychological shock or happening, maybe related to an illness. Uranus inconjucted your Ascendant at around 2 years. An inconjunct also often has to do with illness. It is possible that you forgot all trauma's, but maybe you do remember.

By the way, there is an inconjunct present in your chart between your Asc. , Uranus and Asc.-Mercury.This is called a YOD. They are 8th-6th house inconjuncts and the Yod itself has an 8th-6th house association (because they are the only houses which are forming an inconjunct with the Ascendant). An inconjunct, especially between these two houses can indicate health issues and psychologically can give you a subconscious restlessness, something you cannot put your finger on. It can also show creativity. (I think you could be a good photographer and generally good with your hands). Traditionally the 8th house shows your latent talents, not sex! Now with all those planets in 6 I think you could be very good at helping other people. After all, it is also the house of service to others. And with the ruler of the 10th house in the 8th, you should develop your psychic talents and maybe become a healer or hypnotist in order to help others. By doing that, you will be able to help yourself as well. Some people with strong 8th houses become butchers or surgeons (depending of course on their education) and I have seen others who started a business selling sexual artifacts. (maybe less advisable....). There is a lot you can do with your 8th house. After all, that Saturn is strong and in very good aspect with your Mercury which will make you steadfast and serious and you have a lot of power in you.

I would however suggest to you to go for professional help with your sexual problems because once you can overcome your insecurities and get to the bottom of it all, I am sure that you will be able to function well and loose that excessive fear. I always advice anyone who has a phobia or obsession with something to find a therapist to help them to get to grips with it. Otherwise you will not be able to make use of your abundant talents. It will mean facing your demons, go deep into your own psyche and clean house. After that I am sure you will be able to meditate without fear. Also, always know that you can ask for protection from your guardian Angel or any other archangel. But you must call on them. Before meditation breath deeply and ask for instance Archangel Michael if he can put a shield around you which will protect you from all evil things and only let love come through. Then thank him for protecting you. Then trust that you can meditate in peace.
I wish you much strength on your road to happiness.

Starlink

retinoid said:

I have a huge fear of STDs and I don't know why. It is something which keeps me from satisfying my intense sex drive. It is very frustrating. My Moon, Venus, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune are in the 8th house and I am wondering if this is Saturn there? I have been sexually 'frustrated' my whole life and something continually prevents me from being satisfied. If I do have an occasional hook up I am not satisfied. But I also can't find a relationship. Can anyone see any affliction and how to get through this?

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To me that opposition from Jupiter in the the second house, conjunct Chiron, all in Cancer, is the clue to this. Second house: values, pleasure, body, self-worth. Jupiter: expansive (lot of self worth) but in Cancer (exalted), thus concern for well-being, conjunct Chiron, suggesting wounding, and thus expansiveness runs into concern and becomes a excessive worry about body as it relates to pleasure.

Cancer does not want occasional hook-up. Jupiter conjunct Chiron- wounded/concerns with self worthy, not enough self-value to be in relationship, could be very needy, or overly-protective.

Sexual frustrated I would say created then by own values system. Need to recognize own self-worth and worthiness, has become fixated on protection from "physically illness" because of outlet to this opposition in the 6th, as the 8th house is sextile 6th.

Parents possibly divorced: provoked anxieties about worth and relationships.

~ QuaternityEagle

retinoid said:

Yes it is probably a problem of not finding the right person. But for me, it seems very difficult to find that person so I may not have sex for a very long time. I don't need someone...though of course I prefer to have someone. I used to need a relationship. Now I am okay if I am alone. A pet actually is a good substitute for me

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Let me tell you a story. Many years ago, I used to have a friend called Stacy who was in a rush to start having a sexual relationship with, come to think of it now, every man whom she strated to date. One day, she did not come into work and, later that day, phoned me for a chat, which I remember like it was yesterday. Half way through our chat she asked, "aren't you going to ask why I didnt come into work today?", so I did, and she explained that she'd spent the previous two nights in bed, not sleeping, because she had developed all these warts on her lady area, and that they were that painful, that every time she moved, they would open, and that, due to them being so painful, every time she needed to pee, she would have to do so in a bath full of water, so to dilute the urine immediately, before it could get to these open wart lesions. She told me that she'd gone to the clinic and was diagnosed with genital herpes and was informed, as Claire says, that these are something that you cannot ever get rid of. So, in my friend's words, which still resound in my head, she said "Now, if I ever want to have unprotected sex again, I am going to have to say to my partner: This is what I have, and this is what you have to be willing to carry." I felt so bad for her.

What am I trying to say? Sexually transmitted, incurable, infections are very real. As Claire has already explained, even using a condom, does not protect you from some of these, due to the locations in which they may appear, and their presence on the body irrespective of whether you are even aroused, or penetrating someone, or not. The fear which the title of this thread speaks of is, in reality, not really a fear, it is due caution. Finding the 'right', and suitable, and clean, person is a long, but necessary, process for many, but when you find them (and to know if they are 'right' you will have to spend time getting to know them), for however long that partnership may last, you will want to be spending many hours of intimacy with them, and what kind of additional problem are you going to have, then, when, because you were wanting to rush into sex before, you now have co-habitants living on your penis wanting to meet your partner, because your doctor has said they are above even his expertese?

So, I think you need to throw away the word "fear", in your mind, insofar as it is a debilitating condition, and change it for the words "sensible and wholesome and proud" about the way in which you see yourself in this current situation. Devote the rest of the energy that you are devoting to all this, to healthy eating and life-style in which you can perpetuate these values, alongside your self-development. Dicard of giving rulership to the low level, base, primal, urges, that you report. Note, the latter factors are healthy in their own way, but they have a place and, due to the society in which you live, their place has to be not in the forefront of your mind, but in a side-pocket that you dip into when you choose. I don't know a great deal about hormones, but the older I become the more I realise that there is something fundamentally challenging about having a sea of testosterone flowing through a body, as many males experience. If it helps you at all, know that as long as sex is something which you crave, it is also something that those who give it to you can control you with. It is an important, but wonderful and liberating, choice. You have to find your way to it. What an interesting subject.

Mandy said:

Let me tell you a story. Many years ago, I used to have a friend called Stacy who was in a rush to start having a sexual relationship with, come to think of it now, every man whom she strated to date. One day, she did not come into work and, later that day, phoned me for a chat, which I remember like it was yesterday. Half way through our chat she asked, "aren't you going to ask why I didnt come into work today?", so I did, and she explained that she'd spent the previous two nights in bed, not sleeping, because she had developed all these warts on her lady area, and that they were that painful, that every time she moved, they would open, and that, due to them being so painful, every time she needed to pee, she would have to do so in a bath full of water, so to dilute the urine immediately, before it could get to these open wart lesions. She told me that she'd gone to the clinic and was diagnosed with genital herpes and was informed, as Claire says, that these are something that you cannot ever get rid of. So, in my friend's words, which still resound in my head, she said "Now, if I ever want to have unprotected sex again, I am going to have to say to my partner: This is what I have, and this is what you have to be willing to carry." I felt so bad for her.

What am I trying to say? Sexually transmitted, incurable, infections are very real. As Claire has already explained, even using a condom, does not protect you from some of these, due to the locations in which they may appear, and their presence on the body irrespective of whether you are even aroused, or penetrating someone, or not. The fear which the title of this thread speaks of is, in reality, not really a fear, it is due caution. Finding the 'right', and suitable, and clean, person is a long, but necessary, process for many, but when you find them (and to know if they are 'right' you will have to spend time getting to know them), for however long that partnership may last, you will want to be spending many hours of intimacy with them, and what kind of additional problem are you going to have, then, when, because you were wanting to rush into sex before, you now have co-habitants living on your penis wanting to meet your partner, because your doctor has said they are above even his expertese?

So, I think you need to throw away the word "fear", in your mind, insofar as it is a debilitating condition, and change it for the words "sensible and wholesome and proud" about the way in which you see yourself in this current situation. Devote the rest of the energy that you are devoting to all this, to healthy eating and life-style in which you can perpetuate these values, alongside your self-development. Dicard of giving rulership to the low level, base, primal, urges, that you report. Note, the latter factors are healthy in their own way, but they have a place and, due to the society in which you live, their place has to be not in the forefront of your mind, but in a side-pocket that you dip into when you choose. I don't know a great deal about hormones, but the older I become the more I realise that there is something fundamentally challenging about having a sea of testosterone flowing through a body, as many males experience. If it helps you at all, know that as long as sex is something which you crave, it is also something that those who give it to you can control you with. It is an important, but wonderful and liberating, choice. You have to find your way to it. What an interesting subject.

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Awesome post, Mandy! You make me proud to call you my buddy.

Luv ya,
Serafin5

Serafin5, you are awesome and a true inspiration to me. Big love always.

retinoid said:

Yes it is probably a problem of not finding the right person. But for me, it seems very difficult to find that person so I may not have sex for a very long time. I don't need someone...though of course I prefer to have someone. I used to need a relationship. Now I am okay if I am alone. A pet actually is a good substitute for me

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Hiya. I have saturn on the edge of the 8th house and almost in the 9th. I identify completely with what you've said here. I'm in my early twenties and never had a partner and never had sex. Embarrassing for me to admit. It's not that I'm against sex. But I feel like I can't have sex with just anyone and that the guy I have sex with needs to mean a lot to me and be someone important to me. All the men who have come into my life I haven't been attracted to and haven't been guys that I would want to have a relationship with so for me it would be a betrayal to myself to sleep with them I guess. I think that it would leave me feeling empty. I also have pluto in the seventh, so I guess I am attracted to the idea of intense and 'life-changing' partnerships.

I am also quite independent (aquarius moon) and don't feel that I need to have a relationship. I'd rather be alone than with someone I don't have a connection with and that person hasn't come along yet. So yes, I think my saturn in the 8th has something to do with this. In terms of sexual relationships I am not like everyone else. Other people seem to be able to sleep with a lot of different people and seem to be able to be attracted to and 'like' a lot of different people. I'm not like that. It's rare that I am attracted to someone and even if I am attracted to someone I still haven't found a person that I connect with on a deeper level. It's upsetting because I would like to fall in love and experience sex like everyone else.