Goldenmoon
Member
I have a moon square pluto and frankly this is such a hard placement to have. I am capable of experiencing such high heights of happiness- sometimes to the point that people think I'm crazy because I scream and jump and flail my arms- and other times I can sink into a very depressive state where I hide in a corner and sulk, and sometimes cry. It kinda sounds like I have bipolar disorder... and maybe I do, but I just haven't been diagnosed. Often my overemotional behavior is expressed behind closed doors or simply in my head. I keep my maniacal excitements and my debilitating sadnesses to myself, because I know other people don't want to see it. I also have my moon in 8th house, so that probably exaggerates my emotional roller coasters more. I rarely feel neutral about anything, though on the outside it doesn't seem like it. And when it comes to love, boy is it hard. In the beginnings of a relationship are when I am most happiest because I am not yet attached and the person I'm dating hasn't given me any reason to vex yet. But when insecurities arise, that's when the problems begin. And it's often in my head. The feelings are so intense that even I am scared of them. I often suppress my feelings of pain, hurt, and anger, and my fears of being betrayed. But when pushed beyond my limit, I could either implode or explode... and my lovers would be shocked at what I had transformed into. Because before all of that, I loved passionately and completely. But unleash the deep dark fears into the open and I either become as cold and distant as the Ice Age, or as hot as the raging flames of a fire that could consume the earth. And whenever I reach that point, there is no turning back for the relationship. Usually it ends. Because the uncontrolled Pluto has destroyed it. The end of a relationship is very much like an apocalypse. I have been thinking on how to tame this side of me. And I am not talking about suppressing it, because I have learned to do that a long time ago... I mean how to prevent it from getting into my head and sabotaging my relationships. Maybe I just need to let myself experience these destructive, transformative emotions behind closed doors... to let it change my thoughts and patterns... maybe to scream in a place no one can hear me.
Just so I can let it all out.
So when I come out of the underworld of my darkest fears and emotions, my subconscious(Moon) has been purified by the great transformative Pluto... and the weaknesses I used to have are no longer there.
Just so I can let it all out.
So when I come out of the underworld of my darkest fears and emotions, my subconscious(Moon) has been purified by the great transformative Pluto... and the weaknesses I used to have are no longer there.