Lykanized
Well-known member
I know I've made many thread already, but what's another? I'm wondering if anything in my chart might indicate why I feel such a deep, piercing lack of connection to anyone. If there's anyone I feel connected to, it's one person, and even that isn't that deep. I crave intimacy and I need it, but it's hard for me to achieve it. This is from many fronts. I have social issues(anxiety), I may feel alienated, I don't trust easily, connection for me is all or nothing, I'm very introverted and have trouble being 'in the moment'. I just feel like something's missing...
I love people as a whole, I love humanity. I may not like individuals, but I love people. I was never in tune with everyone else as I was growing up and I think I got permanently fallen away. I've tried to find ways to do things like go to parties and the such, but that's awkward. If you have no friends, then you're just trying too hard. I just find it so hard to communicate with people in the moment and I suppose I'm not a smalltalk kinda person either. I also feel detached very often. I'm either detached or very in tune with people emotionally, but it tends to more often veer into detachment
Sometimes I do it to my own self. Like I want something so deep and if it's not deep enough, I'll just say **** it and stop talking to the person because it's really not worth it anyway. I had a short bout in which I was really putting effort into socializing yet I was probably trying to hard. Even then I would flake on people a lot yet when I did get out there, I absolutely loved it whether it was a club, a festival, or a smaller get together at someone's house. I am a bit divided as a part of me loves partying and the other needs something vastly deeper
Idk, there's so many facets to this it's hard to really pinpoint what the deepest issue is. I feel that perhaps I'm just not at that point in life yet, that when I get into the place where I belong, I'll hit more of a stride in connecting, but there's no way to know for sure
I love people as a whole, I love humanity. I may not like individuals, but I love people. I was never in tune with everyone else as I was growing up and I think I got permanently fallen away. I've tried to find ways to do things like go to parties and the such, but that's awkward. If you have no friends, then you're just trying too hard. I just find it so hard to communicate with people in the moment and I suppose I'm not a smalltalk kinda person either. I also feel detached very often. I'm either detached or very in tune with people emotionally, but it tends to more often veer into detachment
Sometimes I do it to my own self. Like I want something so deep and if it's not deep enough, I'll just say **** it and stop talking to the person because it's really not worth it anyway. I had a short bout in which I was really putting effort into socializing yet I was probably trying to hard. Even then I would flake on people a lot yet when I did get out there, I absolutely loved it whether it was a club, a festival, or a smaller get together at someone's house. I am a bit divided as a part of me loves partying and the other needs something vastly deeper
Idk, there's so many facets to this it's hard to really pinpoint what the deepest issue is. I feel that perhaps I'm just not at that point in life yet, that when I get into the place where I belong, I'll hit more of a stride in connecting, but there's no way to know for sure