mother-daughter + past lives

Pixi

Member
I've just discovered today that my mother has the same moon as me - Gemini.
Also I've been reading various interpretations of my own chart and it keeps coming up that my mother is a strong influence in my life(she's a Leo Sun).
Sadly the reality is that our relationship has always been difficult - basically I think we've each been a disappointment to each other(to put it mildly) and each in our own way have created distance either by action or inaction, bad timing etc.
I am the eldest child and female so there is/was bound to be a strong bond (healthy and/or unhealthy). To complicate matters I had an older sister who died at birth... Okay I know this is not talking astrology, just giving some background - I'm wondering if the fact that both my mother and I have Gemini Moons could explain anything?
If I could explain some of this chapter of my past astrologically I think it would be a relief to me psychologically as I often feel a huge mess of conflicting emotions and turmoil surrounding the relationship, which by now is non-existent, and I believe non-reconcilable in any sense that wouldn't do further damage to an already fragile sense of self(mine). But I also go through huge bouts of guilt for how I have behaved in the sense of having not handled things more delicately and having lapses of judgement and allowing my sense of justice to take over, and despite my belief that there is no going back to right the wrongs(for either of us), I feel that this is a burden and sense of regret that I will carry with me forever, in other words a huge failure in terms of what it seems I am here to do/be.

This leads me to the subject of my nodes: In particular I'm wondering if someone can give me an interpretation of my south node conjuncting my midheaven? My chart: placidus, equal
I've searched online but only found one interpretation talking about meeting several others from my past life and that my current life is about being more humble than I was in my past life/lives. I am having trouble with this idea that I might not already be sufficiently humble.
Also it's occurred to me how in recent years at times of facing certain mountains to climb I would think "I must have done some terrible things last time I was here!", a throwaway thought really, or so I thought, but now having read this it feels almost scary that there might be some truth to it.. Anyway I am curious to know does anyone agree/disagree with this interpretation of South Node conjunction Midheaven or have any alternative interpretation, I would really appreciate hearing your perspective.
 
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Warm welcome to forum,

Firstly, looking at your moon in gemini, a rather restless, talkative sign and then the opposition. I actually have this one and my mother was emotionally unavailable to me, present in body but worked 24/7 as hotelier. So, the connection with mother is blurred due to neptune.Sometimes I thought as a child I must have been adopted, cos I never got a straight answer out of either of them and like you have saturn retrograde which suggests father was either absent or ineffectual, plus yours is in 12th house which is cadent/hidden (I have cappi ruling 12th, so very similar thing)

So your Mother was Leo and Leo is covering ALL your 12th house and if it were conj your Saturn when she gave birth to you, could show someone cool distant, strict, authoritarian even.

You also have mars,jupiter, saturn retrograding (going backwards) they hint or suggest a 'lack'
Retrograde planets
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22923
http://astrology.findyourfate.com/astrology-retrograde.htm
http://www.north-node.com/astrology-tutorials/retrogrades
http://www.north-node.com/astrology-tutorials/retrogrades
http://www.skyviewzone.com/astrology/retrogradeplanets.htm
http://www.cafeastrology.com/retrogrades.html
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showpost.php?p=5796&postcount=8
http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showpost.php?p=5861&postcount=10
Pluto retrograde in scorpio above


Mars Retrograde
* reconsiders before expressing anger
* finds competitive situations hard to handle
* tends to repress and so ....
* can become depressed
Jupiter Retrograde
* has doubts about what they deserve and so ...
* finds it easy to settle for crumbs
* feels superior in some way inside
* abundance is felt on the inside
* looks inside for answers to religious questions

Saturn Retrograde
* feels inside that they're never good enough
* indulgent outward behavior may mask inner feelings of inadequacy
* hides fears

http://www.skyviewzone.com/astrology/retrogradeplanets.htm#neprx
If I could explain some of this chapter of my past astrologically I think it would be a relief to me psychologically as I often feel a huge mess of conflicting emotions and turmoil surrounding the relationship, which by now is non-existent
On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

http://www.katsandogz.com/onchildren.html
Before I go onto Nodes, I feel your mars square pluto aspect is the most challenging for you, as this suggests physical violence either attracted to you, or given out from you. Now mars is in the 11th house of friendships and pluto 2nd house, so hopefully it's just friends challenging your personal beliefs and values rather than the former. :sad:
:mars::square::pluto:
"produces a forceful nature. Often your actions can be described only as reckless. Yet you are cautious and secretive about your projects, especially as you mature and develop. When frustrated, you may become abusive and display much temper. This aspect suggests that your sexual drive is strong, and may not be well controlled at times. This is a very physical aspect needing control and channeling"
http://www.skyscript.co.uk/marsaspects.html#maspl
"You have a tendency to impose your will upon others, which can cause severe problems for yourself when they react in self-defense. You have a hair-trigger temper and may even resort to verbal or physical abuse when upset. Learning to react to unpleasant circumstances with your intellect rather than your emotions comes with maturity.
It is all too easy for you to find something negative about a situation. Avoid issuing ultimatums when you meet an obstacle"
http://www.cafeastrology.com/natal/marsplutoaspects.html

to read the rest of the article just click on link--

This leads me to the subject of my nodes: In particular I'm wondering if someone can give me an interpretation of my south node conjuncting my midheaven?
So N Node in Scorpio conj mercury, so your life mission/Lesson is to become intense communicator to people in your neighbourhood, to name the demons as you see it...

S Node in taurus in 9th, taurus is highly romantic, affectionate practical, and lazy at times. So instead of staying in the comfort zone of luxury, security and everything that aesthically nice, beautiful, luxurious, comfortable, poss connected to 9th house matters to find you niche in 'communications' to spread bits here and there to people who need it most. You may not see how much good you have done or ever realise how much good you do with your bits of information that are 'treasures' and eye openers to others.....

http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/northnodeinscorpio.html
http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/northnodeingemini.html

perhaps if you posted your mother's chart and /or synastry bi wheel we could expand on your problems more and explain them astrologically for you.
 

Claire19

Well-known member
I dont know about your mother but I feel that we do reincarnate with the same group and in different roles. I feel I was my mother's sister in the past with my Moon in the 3rd and not well aspected. I also was not close to my siblings and didnt get on with my mother. I see that if you have siblings then they are definitely connected to your past.

She was a Gemini as it happens and Gemini is in my 4th house of family. You have your Moon in the 10th opposing Neptune in the 4th so there is some kind of secret or hidden element with your family I feel. She seems to be the boss or the authoritarian one. Was she not really there for you or worked a lot????? Do you feel that you really know her or is she an enigma or somehow
not as represented??
 

Pixi

Member
Firstly, looking at your moon in gemini, a rather restless, talkative sign and then the opposition. I actually have this one and my mother was emotionally unavailable to me, present in body but worked 24/7 as hotelier.
If my mother had worked I think life might have been easier or less frantic. Also she'd have had a healthier sense of self with a social outlet that being at home deprived her of. But the grass is always greener, and I imagine if the parent is workaholic like yours then this also affects the child. My mother made it so that her own identity became very bound up with being a mother/someone who was needed/depended on. She took this to an extreme but at the same time harboured resentment about it as if she had no free will or flexibility in her actions. To be fair, the roles/expectations of women in society were very different back then and it can't have been easy for her.
saturn retrograde which suggests father was either absent or ineffectual, plus yours is in 12th house which is cadent/hidden
My father(Pisces Sun) was very present, but yes,ineffectual. As a young child I wanted or expected him to somehow stand up for me or save me against my mother's violent outbursts but he would walk away and leave the 'parenting' to her. But I can remember him being very strong-willed when it came to defending his own self within in the marriage.

So your Mother was Leo and Leo is covering ALL your 12th house and if it were conj your Saturn when she gave birth to you, could show someone cool distant, strict, authoritarian even.
She certainly wasn't cool/distant. I don't think strictness by itself is necessarily a bad thing but her version of strict was haphazard and experienced as bullying as opposed to disciplining. So yes, authoritarian.

You also have mars,jupiter, saturn retrograding (going backwards) they hint or suggest a 'lack'
Thank you for the links you posted. I have read some and have some yet to read. I'm sure I'll have more questions on this later.. :) From the bits you copy-pasted though I can mostly agree about what is said about Mars, Jup, Sat retro.

Thanks for posting the Children poem, I was already aware of it, but it is really beautiful and good to read a few times and be reminded.

I feel your mars square pluto aspect is the most challenging for you, as this suggests physical violence either attracted to you, or given out from you. Now mars is in the 11th house of friendships and pluto 2nd house, so hopefully it's just friends challenging your personal beliefs and values rather than the former.
Well again going back to childhood I experienced regular beatings from my mother and somehow these memories I've carried with me, it seems moreso than other children who were beaten in that era who might have been more resilient. It is a hurt that I carry to this day, but at the same time I wish I could erase it because it doesn't serve any purpose. Also some relationships in my 20s contained some violent incidents towards me towards the end of the relationship, but nothing that was ongoing. Sometimes violence in childhood leads to some adults getting into relationships that have ongoing violence, but I could never do that. I've always hated violence as a way of dealing with something and I could never do it myself. Also I like a quiet life and am not drawn to noise/turmoil. On a very rare occasion when very drunk I've experienced feelings of rage and luckily no-one was there and nothing happened, but there is anger deep down there that is so deep down that by the time it reaches the surface it is sadness, or some something less forceful. Having said that though there is(was) a self-destructive side to me. I don't mean self-harm, but more self-sabotage and lifestyle choices and also I would get verbally angry once in a while and scare people. But hopefully this is all in the past now and I feel I am now grown-up.
As for people disagreeing with beliefs, yeah I experience that quite a bit because I have a 'different' take on things. It's something I'm used to.
So N Node in Scorpio conj mercury, so your life mission/Lesson is to become intense communicator to people in your neighbourhood, to name the demons as you see it...
This is so interesting, in some ways it makes sense, maybe it will make more sense later...
Thanks for posting this and all of what you've posted, it has all given me loads to think about and consider. I would have included my mother's chart also, but sadly I do not know her time of birth. I will attach the chart anyway in case you want to have a look.
 

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Pixi

Member
Since you have Pluto conjunct Venus, and Saturn located in the 12th house, does your mother have a Pluto or Saturn conjunction? Your Venus is in Libra, are there any major planets in her chart in Libra?
Her Mars and Neptune are in Libra. I would love to know her birth time to see more. Unknown time chart is attached in post above.
I've felt a sense of guilt and regret relating to my relationship with my mother too. I can't do anything about it except forgive and protect myself.
Yeah this is true. Maybe it's fairly common to have these feelings. It feels almost like a bereavement, even though she is still alive. I said some things earlier in the year, it will take time to forgive myself for that and maybe later forgive her too.
I also have Mars retrograde, I get upset with myself for not handling things better also. The thing is, I feel that my mother brought me into this world, the responsibility to properly handle situations with me falls on her too, and she didn't, at all.
Oh yeah I'm aware that it falls on her too, and that she was my main female role model and shaped me a lot. In the end I lashed out and used this as an excuse when she wanted to criticise me for things because I feel she has no right to be so hard on me and so critical. Then I reacted by reminding her of things she had done when she was the age I am now, in a way turning myself into her and losing myself. If that makes sense!
I know someone who has a Gemini moon, she's often had an intense on/off again relationship with her mother.
I don't think I could ever desribe mine as an on/off relationship in the sense that on = feels pleasant/mutual respect/ability to be honest with the other/good friends. Even when in my 20s(away from home, doing my real growing up/learning of lessons without my mother being at all involved in this process), there was a certain grace period of about 8 years when we talked on the phone every week or so and occasionally I would visit, but I would feel out of balance and it was like being civil to each other was ultimately all an act. Also there was a strange role reversal when she would ring me to get advice or a shoulder to cry on. I would be fine with this and gladly go along but then I noticed I'd come away from a phone conversation feeling drained of energy, and sometimes even resentful that I was there for her to give her advice etc when I never had that in her growing up. Not that she wasn't there at all emotionally, just there in completely the wrong way.
You have Venus trine moon, this aspect could help bring a positive outcome for this issue.
hmm I must read more about this.. But honestly I can't see it and if it does happen it will be several years from now. As I get older I see that things have an expiry date, that if certain things happen at a certain time, you don't get a second chance to make it right. Also sometimes things are pushed beyond no return. But thank you for your insights, I appreciate hearing from you and you've given me stuff to think about.
If you feel it is necessary to maintain the most reasonable relationship possible with your mother, try to connect with other family members to talk with them about it, and maybe a family counselor.
I don't know if I would go so far as say it is necessary. I mean on a rational level I don't think people who don't get along should spend time together. Then of course if it's family you go the extra mile. But at a certain point in time you just have to think about what's best and I am someone who is not very good at doing things purely out of duty or because it's expected of me, or because it 'looks good' to the people looking on. Maybe this is a fault, I am in two minds. There was a time when I was a 'people pleaser', like my mother was, but then I found this led to being taken advantage of etc.
So the strong connection I feel doesn't make sense to me on a rational level, so this is why I was wondering about past lives. And I suppose getting out of my depth a bit, because I don't know anything about Karmic astrology and wasn't even aware this area existed when I made the original post!
 
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Pixi

Member
I dont know about your mother but I feel that we do reincarnate with the same group and in different roles. I feel I was my mother's sister in the past with my Moon in the 3rd and not well aspected.
When you say you feel that you were your mother's sister, do you mean that you feel it in your actual relationship with her, or just speaking as an astrologer?(maybe both?)
I am only a beginner astrologer myself and I will need to explore my chart in depth, but the whole past lives thing is so interesting to me.
I also was not close to my siblings and didnt get on with my mother. I see that if you have siblings then they are definitely connected to your past.
I’m not close to my siblings(3) either – various reasons. Had a good relationship with brothers when a teen, when I was home, but as adults people drift apart.
You have your Moon in the 10th opposing Neptune in the 4th so there is some kind of secret or hidden element with your family I feel.
This hidden element in the family is probably me! As for secrets I suppose every family has some. There is probably stuff that goes way back through the generations that I'll never know. Thanks for sharing this though, I will certainly keep this in mind as I'm doing more reading etc.
She seems to be the boss or the authoritarian one.
She was the boss of the family, yes, because she won the power struggle with my dad and also her children were not human beings in their own right, she viewed a family very much as a hierarchy. However there were others outside the immediate family who manipulated her, or she volunteered for this manipulation, I'm not sure which. She could not stand up to certain other adults and felt inferior to most adults, even her friends - at least this was what I sensed observing her as a child.
Was she not really there for you or worked a lot?????
It seems there are 2 kinds of extremes - a mother that is workaholic, and a mother that is too much there fussing around the child and not letting them breathe. My mother was the latter and in general she is a fear-based person, but me being the first-born she over-protected me from the world to the point where it stunted my growth. She was always present and watching over me, but I remember as a young child a huge sense of boredom or like I was trapped because I had no way of engaging with the world or connecting with people. As I got older other children had arrived so she had her hands full but I never once remember her asking me things like how was my day at school. She could never sense if something was going on with me. So in a way she might as well not have been there, and looking back I think it would have been better if she had work, or some interest outside the home.
Do you feel that you really know her or is she an enigma or somehow not as represented??
I feel that I have some insight into some of the dynamics of her behaviour, but no I don't know her really and I don't think she really knows herself. She is someone who mostly views the world from a place of fear. This has led to me not wanting to know her as much as she doesn't want to be known/understood. But naturally I am curious. I would like to know her story, how she really felt about herself, others, life events etc.
 
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