I'm sorry to hear about your family problems.
People often use the word "destiny" the same way they use "genetics". Mostly when they want to say that lives are our of our hand. I believe that truth is somewhere in the middle. Yes, we all have our limitations (that is what I called in my previous post parenthesis), there are things we cannot change (like family we're born into), but it's not what happens to us that counts, it's HOW WE REACT. And we can react consciously or automatically. We can make mistakes both ways, but if we do it consciously, at least they will be our mistakes.
Our life (including the people we let in, the people we are attracted to) is a product of OUR choices, or lack thereof. Everything is a choice. When you decide not to act, that's a choice too.
You say that you always have "the most difficult ones (relationships)". But they do not just happen. You were attracted to someone, you accepted whatever that person did (or didn't do). Why?
We learn all the patterns as children. And we repeat them, more or less, with our own twist. The first thing would be to become aware of these patterns, understand why they are there and then make an effort to heal and change them.
One of the basic question is how we define "love". Most people would give textbook definitions, but when you see how they let their partners treat them, you'll probably find that that is how they had learned to define love through what they had been witnessing as children in the homes. If they had been ignored by their parents, they will probably do the same with their partners or accept that kind of behavior from their partners.
People who grew up in homes where abuse was constantly present will unconsciously seek out partners with whom they can repeat that pattern of abuse (both as victims and abusers). On a conscious level they will seek something else (security in a a partnership, for one), but make no mistake, abuse will certainly be a part of the deal. This doesn't mean that the victim is guilty, but he or she is responsible for accepting this situation as "normal". And he or she will continue to do so until he/she reaches a realization that she doesn't have to accept it and that more importantly she could do better.
Nobody stays in a bad relationship because they think they deserve to be abused, used, mistreated or ignored, they mostly fear the unknown (being alone - which they sometimes feel like it is being abandoned, dating other people - because they feel they are not good enough for these other people...) and rationalize by saying that they too have flaws, that their partners have other qualities...
Some people cannot be single for even a second and will do everything they can to find and stay with a partner. This compulsive need is governing every single decision they make. Up to the point of refusing
potentially better career opportunities so that they could stay in a relationship, that is usually bad for them because once you let your fear corner you, you're pretty much blackmailed all the time by it.
Patterns all work the same way, but everybody is different, so that is why we must seek or own "truths" and question them. As children we are programmed to love our parents and trust them, but unfortunately not all people are fit to be parents and can do a lot of damage.
At some point in our lives we become responsible for or own narratives and the best thing to do is accept that parents are humans that make mistakes (even when they mean well and sometimes, as humans, they can even wish harm to their own children) and move on taking responsibility for our own lives. For some people it meant cutting family ties in the process of healing. Some people managed to engage their families into this process and grow together (but everybody has to have a will to do it).
I don't know what might work for you. It depends on your cultural background and possibilities (financial and otherwise). I've seen people making progress with conventional psycho-therapy (e.g. cognitive-behavioral), other used more unconventional paths (e.g. role playing in groups where they relieved their childhood to understand it better). Astrology can be a good tool to start thinking about who you are, what the dynamic of your family is, which patterns you repeat... but it just a means, not an end.
Knowing, however, is just the beginning. We have to replace old, bad, automatic patterns, with better conscious ones.
Let's say that whenever somebody disagrees with you even on most trivial matters (e.g. whether or not they like the same TV shows) you feel the need to convince them that you are right and when they stand their ground you get angry and possibly an argument ensues (sometimes directly related to the above reason, sometimes unrelated at all at some later point). You could also have an opposite reaction and quickly change your mind and agree with them. Both reactions are completely automatic and could come from the fact that you feel that when somebody is disagreeing with you that person is rejecting you. So, you either quickly change your mind to please somebody whose affections you do not want to lose or you attack that person trying to pressure him into submission. Both reactions come from fear of abandonment. And in both cases it's the ego that feels under attack. It's a relationship between a child that wants to please his parents and a parent that fears for his authority and wants to pressure the child into submission.
The only good thing to do is, of course, to accept that other people have different opinions on subjects that are extremely important to us and which we might even identify with. This would be a good replacement pattern. And of course it requires a lot of work to be done on our ego.
We always have to be aware of our weaknesses, otherwise, the moment we go on "auto-pilot" the old bad patterns will kick in, because that is our default programming. Mind you, it IS NOT who you are, it is how you have been thought to react and think.
Maybe this auto-pilot" is what people call destiny?
I know that in my family EVERYBODY died of cardio-vascular diseases. But to be honest, they smoked, eat badly and never exercised. Not to mention that they didn't have an opportunity to learn how to deal with an enormous stress they lived under. So, I can say that it's in my genes and do nothing (meaning "enjoying" the same life they had) or I could do something else now that I know I have opportunities they didn't have (eat healthy, exercise, yoga, meditation, mindfulness). Maybe I'll die young of a heart-attack, who knows, but trust me, the quality of my life is like 100 x better just because I decided to pay attention, learn and make an effort to change. I wish they were here so that i could share with them what I have learned.
So you have a choice. Do you really believe that destiny is unavoidable? Do you really believe that if you close yourself in a room and do nothing you will somehow get rich after 2021? I guess there's something you should do to achieve that, like work hard and always learn new things.
The same goes for private life, but it takes effort.
I think that the following thought has been ascribed to Buddha and it goes something like this: sadness in one's life in unavoidable, but suffering isn't.
It's your choice.
A good astrologer will always tell you what your strengths are and how you can use them to your advantage in order to deal with what is less favorable in your chart.
Our views in astrology evolve. What once was seen as an impediment, now can be seen as an opportunity for growth, because on a global level, as individuals we have more liberty than ever (and yes, there is so much work to be done to fight discrimination and injustice of all sorts).
When there's a will, there's a way.
