I´ve never ever had a relationship (29th year old Aquarian)

I would like to first point out that astrology isn´t a hobby or something (the interest is very mild to say the least) - I just happend to be raised by two people who are really into astrology.
But I´m an open-minded person (one of the few traits I really like about myself) who values everyone´s oppinions, and thats why I´m here more or less.
You guys and gals know astrology a 100x better than myself, so I turn to you experts for consultation. Maybe you astrology geeks (hey, nothing wrong about being a geek!) could perhaps explain why I am like I am and how I can even start dealing with my issue of finding a partner.

Like I wrote earlier, I am the son of two astro geeks so I´ve picked up a little here and there. But through my uprising I´ve geneerally just seen astrology as ******** - being an aquarius and all: can you blame me? (we question EVERYTHING).
With this in mind, try and keep the technical vocabulary at a very minimum or I´ll have problems following you. I don´t know what Uranus in Sagittarius means. or what the houses are for instance.
So what actually made me come here? Well I did one of those natal charts online and when reading that the answers really saddened me as I came to the conclusion that I´m really poor boyfriend material, as I have some of the worst (darkest) aquarian traits you can have.
I don´t really care "how" this astro stuff works, because I´m fine saying "I don´t know" when things are beyond my comprehension. I´ll just say that most of the stuff (80% or more) of the things I read are so true - and that bothers me.

So, Im born with the sun in Aquarius, on the 29th of january 1985 at 6:10 am in the morning (in Stockholm, Sweden) - so from that I´m sure you can get a lot of basic astro facts about me.
My number one problem in life is relationships: I have no friends (lots of acquantences though) and I´m simply unable to form deep relationships with people. And despite being 29 years old and good-looking, I´ve never had a girlfriend. In fact, no one has ever been interested in me.
which ofc is very saddening. I´ve been depressed for like 10 years before I finally managed to get a career in a field that lies close to my heart (a creative and technical one), and today I feel much better. But still, the issue with relationships is still there.

It wasn´t until very recently that I looked up my natal chart. I knew things were bad but not -this- bad. For example: Every time my mother has been talking about the sign of aquarius with others (to my brother or sister for example) I´ve always commented on it by saying:
"Yeah, aquarius is the worst sign in the zodiac".

As I see it, I´m totally incompatible with everyone - and I´m not talking about the zodiac signs here I´m talking about women. Sure, there are a lot of things I appreciate about myself/being an aquarian: I´m creative, intelligent, objective and have an ability to think outside the box (sometimes too far
outside the box!) - and I always think the best of other people (sometimes in a naive way). But, on the other side I can be very negative! It´s something I´ve worked a lot on in the past few years, which has led to an increased self-confidence - I feel better than I have in 15 years. But I´m never fully
satisfied with my accomplishments - ever! When I was feeling the worst, I went to a psychologist who said that I was being way too hard on myself - which appears to be true now in retrospect (-28 square sun, Pluto - whatever that means).

Anyway, getting to the point: I have too many flaws and weaknesses as I see it. Here´s a list of some of the greater ones.

-I have a tendency to be negative
-Im odd and weird
-I have an introvert personality
-I´m emotionally cold and distant - at least externally (which is what counts!)
-I´m not in touch with my feelings, or anyone else´s for that matter...
-I´m terribly afraid of opening up to other people, so I rarely do it. I get uncomfortable exposing myself as weak.
-I have a strong need to control my own life
-I´m really stubborn!!
-I´m not comfortable with too much change, too quickly
-I have a strong need for privacy and alone time: My energy levels get drained a lot faster from socializing than it does to normal introvert people. This further gives ppl the impression that I´m cool and distant and want nothing to do with ppl (even though I long for company)
-Being an aqua, I´m actually really asocial - much "thanks to" the above two points. I´m not comfortable in large crowds and I don´t like situations where I have to socialize with a lot of ppl who I don´t know.
-I´m very bound to my routines
-I have incredible issues reading people (emotionally, but also their body language)
-Emotionally, I am bad at adapting to new stuff.
-Im a way, WAY, too deep thinker. Most ppl simply can´t keep up with my out-of-the-box thinking (typical mercury in Aries -kinda thing?)
-I constantly avoid activities I find is a waste of my time, even if it´s activities I know are good for me in the long run (typical Jupiter in Aries thing?)
-Tremendous issues being empathic (my EQ is -HALF OF- my IQ!!!)
-I constantly annoy people with my rebellious way of being and my way of always questioning things (especially ideas and behaviors I find stupid. Like a scorpio I will point out flaws in a second!)
-I have a temperament when I´m emotionally driven "across the line". But thankfully it also takes a lot before I get there.
-Im sarcastic
-Im strongly oppinionated. I have oppinions about everything, many which are not very politically correct (which angers women!). For example:
-I do not want to have kids - ever. In fact, I dont like having to socialize with children. I dont hate them ofc, kids can be lovely! But I just dont want to have anything to do with them. This is a huge problem when closing in on age 30, as most women (without children) is starting to panic, having mom-feelings.
-I don´t like club life and noisy environments. I don´t like big crowds and parties where you meet a lot of ppl (the ideal party for me is with 4-5 ppl I know, in a safe environment such as back at someone´s home)
-I don´t believe in giving money to beggars
-I want to legalize drugs, prostitution and I have plenty of other libertarian/minarchistic ideals - and I loath politicians

For many years I just couldn´t understand why people dislike me so much, and why women NEVER have shown any interest in me - but now I know...
When I speak to others, read on online forums and so on, I quickly come to the conclusion that I simply do not have enough positive character traits that women appreciate. In their eyes I´m a defect personality - definetly not boyfriend material.
And the worst of all is that I´m so **** comfortable living like this: I´m comfortable and lazy - at least externally. On the inside on the other hand, I really long for a traditional relationsghip - and I really just want to find someone I can dedicate my emotions to.
I´ve had a lack of self-confidence for a very long time - but no longer. I´m no longer depressed and I have a better looking appearance than I´ve ever had in fact, both women AND men have complimented my good looks.
So yeah, being alone no longer depress the **** out of me! I´ve seen the contrasts and I know how much I´ve grown in the right direction the last couple of years.

But here I am, not knowing what to do and how to progress with my life; thinking that I´m never gonna find anyone that will be interested in me for longer than it takes to have a proper conversation.

Stuff from that naval chart I did online:
Sun in Aquarius
Moon in Taurus
Mercury in Capricorn
Venus in Pisces
Mars in Pisces
Jupiter in Capricorn
Saturn in Scorpio
Uranus in Sagittarius
Neptune in Aries
Pluto in Scorpio
Lilith in Aries
North node in Taurus

EDIT: Someone told me my 7th house is entirely empty - and that it is the house of close relationships. But what exactly does the lack of a planet in said house mean?

You need to post your chart . Here's how to:

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/showthread.php?t=12126

P.S.: How about a list of your positives?

I´ve attached my chart now to the original post!

As a first observation, most of your planets, and all your personal planets, are below the horizon, which makes for a very introverted person.

I would like to see your chart using equal house system, since you are born very far north and the houses in a placidus chart get very distorted the further north one is born. You can choose house system on astro.com and perhaps re-post your chart with equal house.

You are 29 and just about to have a Saturn return, a time of questioning and re-evaluating your life.

I think a main feature of your chart is the t-square between Sun, Moon and Pluto creating a lot of inner stress and tension, I feel Pluto is very strong here, since he is in his own sign Scorpio and can make you very intense so that people may feel a bit intimidated by you (?).

Neptune in the first house trining your moon will make you very sensitive to the vibrations of others, also softening the moon/pluto opposition.

The Venus/Mars conjunction in Pisces adds to the sensitivity and shows a need to balance male/female energies within you. These two also closely trine Saturn, showing that, as you get older, you may be more likely to find a relationship which suits you.
The Mercury/Jupiter conjunction sextiles Mars/Venus - most likely you have a lot of ideals and ideas about relationships. Together with Saturn this forms a talent triangle, a very nice feature of your chart!

I feel you can work it out with time, though you definitely need to start thinking/feeling more positive about yourself, as I said before, make a list of positives, even just for yourself!

Thank you Bina.
I´ve now attached a natal chart using the equal house system!

ok, will have another look again later, have to go out now...

Artificial Lifeform said:

EDIT: Someone told me my 7th house is entirely empty - and that it is the house of close relationships. But what exactly does the lack of a planet in said house mean?

Click to expand...

A empty 7th house doesn't mean that one will not have close relationships. Every house has a ruler. Your 7th house is in Gemini. Therefore ruler of 7th house is Mercury. You would then look for mercury in your chart and study it. Your Mercury is in Capricorn. Capricorn's ruler is Saturn. Saturn creates delays/restrictions/growth and discipline. Usually when the 7th house is somehow related to Saturn relationships come in later life. Saturn = Father time. Sometimes during the Saturn Return, Which you are currently going through. Saturn Return usually only happens twice in one lifetime, and is really wonderful to study when you are going through it.

I am curious what happened around December of 2010? did you meet anyone romantically, or were you interested in someone?

Pluto is in your 11th house of friends in Scorpio, opposing the moon in the 5th in Taurus. You very much need to relate to people on a deeper level and are not satisfied with superficial friendships- such friendships are of course harder to find.

Groups of all kinds are likely to be challenging and there can be power issues as well, but they can also bring personal growth and change.

Exalted Moon in Taurus in the 5th seeks personal happiness through the areas of the 5th house, i.e. creativity, lovers and children.

The Moon-Pluto opposition can demand that you face your deep emotional patterns and for that it may be necessary to periodically withdraw form others, so as to go inside and sort out what is happening in your inner world.

Artificial Lifeform said:

EDIT: Someone told me my 7th house is entirely empty - and that it is the house of close relationships. But what exactly does the lack of a planet in said house mean?

Click to expand...

It means nothing in particular. No information there = no meaning to place there.

So in other words, no planets in the 7th house of relationships does not mean 'no relationships.' That is simply low hanging fruit some find easy to point out by glancing at your chart instead of studying it in-depth.

Your chart shows someone who lives in the mind a lot and who enjoys freedom, broad interests in life that may take a while to settle into allowing interest in one person to partner with. Perfectly fine.

I didn't have my first (very brief) relationship until I was 31. Trust yourself and the sequence of your life (whether astrology/astrologers can explain it adequately or not) and know you will get your opportunities.


You said the following about yourself...

-I have a tendency to be negative
-Im odd and weird
-I have an introvert personality
-I´m emotionally cold and distant - at least externally (which is what counts!)
-I´m not in touch with my feelings, or anyone else´s for that matter...
-I´m terribly afraid of opening up to other people, so I rarely do it. I get uncomfortable exposing myself as weak.
-I have a strong need to control my own life
-I´m really stubborn!!
-I´m not comfortable with too much change, too quickly
-I have a strong need for privacy and alone time: My energy levels get drained a lot faster from socializing than it does to normal introvert people. This further gives ppl the impression that I´m cool and distant and want nothing to do with ppl (even though I long for company)
-Being an aqua, I´m actually really asocial - much "thanks to" the above two points. I´m not comfortable in large crowds and I don´t like situations where I have to socialize with a lot of ppl who I don´t know.
-I´m very bound to my routines
-I have incredible issues reading people (emotionally, but also their body language)
-Emotionally, I am bad at adapting to new stuff.
-Im a way, WAY, too deep thinker. Most ppl simply can´t keep up with my out-of-the-box thinking (typical mercury in Aries -kinda thing?)
-I constantly avoid activities I find is a waste of my time, even if it´s activities I know are good for me in the long run (typical Jupiter in Aries thing?)
-Tremendous issues being empathic (my EQ is -HALF OF- my IQ!!!)
-I constantly annoy people with my rebellious way of being and my way of always questioning things (especially ideas and behaviors I find stupid. Like a scorpio I will point out flaws in a second!)
-I have a temperament when I´m emotionally driven "across the line". But thankfully it also takes a lot before I get there.
-Im sarcastic
-Im strongly oppinionated. I have oppinions about everything, many which are not very politically correct (which angers women!). For example:
-I do not want to have kids - ever. In fact, I dont like having to socialize with children. I dont hate them ofc, kids can be lovely! But I just dont want to have anything to do with them. This is a huge problem when closing in on age 30, as most women (without children) is starting to panic, having mom-feelings.
-I don´t like club life and noisy environments. I don´t like big crowds and parties where you meet a lot of ppl (the ideal party for me is with 4-5 ppl I know, in a safe environment such as back at someone´s home)
-I don´t believe in giving money to beggars
-I want to legalize drugs, prostitution and I have plenty of other libertarian/minarchistic ideals - and I loath politicians

Click to expand...

These strongly indicate that your chart as shown here may not be accurate -- especially those statements that I have highlighted in blue. What you have listed are traits that line up more with AC in late Scorpio near Saturn (an earlier time). I suggest you read the following Descriptions of Rising Signs:
https://kannonmcafee.wordpress.com/rising-signs-2/#scorpio
Read about Scorpio, then scroll on and compare to Sagittarius.

Charts often have to be adjusted to be accurate and for the interpretation to match up. Most astrologers don't like that, because it suggests common astrological practice is on shifting sand. (There are ways of verifying the accuracy of a chart so doubts can be erased).

Also read this about Saturn:
https://kannonmcafee.wordpress.com/planets-2/#saturn
Then read on about Uranus following it and tell me which seems most like you.

If you identify with Saturn and not Uranus, then this is an indication of where/how your chart needs to be adjusted to be accurate. It will then give an interpretation more truly reflective of your life, because what you have described about yourself does not match AC in Sagittarius near Uranus. It does line up well with AC in late Scorpio near Saturn.

Based on your post you can agree that:

You are introverted,like to stay indoors, don't like public gatherings, admitted that you say things that offend people... yet you expect someone to come to you?

The problems with speech does show on your chart, but, by now, where you are in life, these should be easily controllable...

Try dating websites. They can't hurt.

By the way, Mercury, the ruler of the 7th house, is in a Saturn-ruled sign.Mercury also aspects Saturn. Venus and Mars trines Saturn. Talk about delays!

Focus on your T square and squares to Pluto to Jupiter+Mercury. I think that will give you some mileage in figuring out your chart.

Sending you PM.

most of the "negative" traits you listed don't seem all that bad to me. I mean, if you choose to think of them as negative then that's what they're gonna be. But being stubborn can be a valuable trait and surely there are other people out there who appreciate uranus conjunct ascendant oddballs? And honestly, if everybody wanted to have kids, population would be outta control. Just own it and people are going to like you despite your less redeeming qualities. And you can't just sit on your *** and not make an effort. You should make a list of your good qualities because that's a step forward to thinking positively.

Bina: You are right, I am a very introverted person (prob more than what´s good for you).
Could you tell me a bit more about what exactly a t-square is and what´s so special about it consisting of the sun/moon/pluto.
I think people can feel intimidated by me from time to time, most likely due to all maverick traits. I can be intense for sure,
and have been told several times that I take myself too seriously (whatever the heck that means). And I do have a lot of ideas.
and ideals about relationships. Like a taurus I want stability and reliability in relationships, and have quite conservative and
traditional ideals. Regarding superficial relationships: you are spot on, and this is why I always feel lonely (even in company):
I never relate to others on a deeper level. I no longer toss away superficial relationships as if they were nothing though, but
I used to do that.

ashriia: Mid to late november was when I moved to Stockholm (wasn´t born here, but nearby) to start building my career. I had
a great internship at a place I really liked, but 6 months down the road I experienced probably one of the more disappointing
emotional situations in my life as I didn´t get to stay (but the other guy from my class got hired - and is now living in N.Y.)
I saw this as a huge betrayal in a way, as I had put a lot of time and energy into making sure they wanted me there. So I was
unemployed for many months before I finally got a job again.
As for romance: never had any. I tried some online dating around december-january 2010-2011 and it was a big disappointment.

Kannon: Are you sure about that? I read on cafeastrology that a lot of those traits are typical for ppl with the Moon in Taurus. (bound to routines, stubborness, a need to control your own life)
I identify a lot more with Uranus than Saturn. Does that clear things out? :/

Bunraku: Not at all actually - I don´t expect women to like me.
Tried online dating already - without any results. Sweden just doesn´t have a dating culture like there is in say, the USA.
Asking a stranger for their phone number might seem like a normal thing to do in the USA if you fancy someone. Here, women will
just think you are a pervert if you do that. Anyway, you said I should focus on my T square and squares to Pluto to Jupiter+Mercury.
Unfortunatly I´m not very familiar with the astro lingo, so what does that mean?

Thanks for your feedback, very much appreciated!

Sun and Moon are the luminaries and together with the Ascendant make up the basic,most personal part of every chart. Pluto, the last planet is very intense (doubly so in Scorpio, as it's ruler), and is all about deep transformation, karmic patterns, the soul's evolution - deep stuff! A t-square is a stressful aspect which carries tension and challenges, so it cannot be ignored and has to be dealt with. It seems you have chosen to work on these planetary energies and the life-lessons they represent. It may help you to find out (google) more about Pluto and t-squares.

http://www.astro.com/mtp/mtpt72_e.htm

http://www.cafeastrology.com/articles/aspectpatterns.html

http://members.wizzards.net/~magyan/astrology101.htm
- great site for info on planets, their house and sign position and aspects.

Jeff Green's book "The evolutionary journey of the soul" maybe interesting for you as well. You can check out his website :

http://schoolofevolutionaryastrology.com/school/

All the best,
Bina

How much do you really want to work on these issues? You have given a scenario of all the things that are wrong with you almost as if it was an excuse for your lack of contact with people.

Even your name here: Artificial Lifeform, gives the feeling that you think things are set in stone. IMO, while we could all try to assist you, you probably need to find a real human being to work through some of these issues, or at least the ones from astrology.

I would be happy to start something like that with you here, but it would be a long haul, not just a few one page reports. And, IMO, you should supplement that with contact with a real professional counselor.

I sent you a Private message.

too much scorpionic plutonic uranian and saturnine energy

usually life is either sexually deviant or a non-existant sex life

ascendant conjunct fixed star Ras Alhague

References:
*[Fixed Stars and Constellations in Astrology, Vivian E. Robson, 1923]
ascendant also near lesath and shaula stars, also known as the scorpio's stinger.
uranus conjunct ascendant, thats a straight giveaway, what do you expect? uranian natives are known for being sexually deviant or having celibate life, two extremities, like scorpio all or nothing.

uranus is also extremely powerfull by being exactly on the ecliptic in your chart 0 latitude (0 seconds partile) it usually has 0.8 degree tilt. and your uranus is conjunct its own geocentric south node (malefic power)

and then you have uranus conjunct the star sabik

pluto and saturn most elevated with saturn conjunct the south node, (inhibitions, blockages)

pluto is 8 days away from becoming stationary, it already reached its stationary degree it will move only 1 minute in 8 days, so you have a powerfull pluto and it is most elevated of all planets in the chart

the ruler of all those scorpio placement is mars in pisces conjunct fixed star Scheat, an unfortunate star

of course you have other gifts and talents, i only focused on the negative because of your first post, you wanted to know why you are the way you are,

you're just too intense and uranian what can i say

cheers man

I see... Well, that really *****...

I'll date you, my lovely air sign. I can bring you out of that lonesome misery, if you don't mind seeing someone younger. Newly legal. We can never conceive and travel far--anywhere you'd like. Act like rebels by questioning mankind with our never ending curiosity and speak the perfect language of sarcasm like no other. You'll teach me to see things differently while I'll teach you to adapt without lifting a finger. In the end, you'll know how to love like a real man.

-Gemini Sun/Leo Moon



....

This is my odd attempt of cheering you up, by the way. Do not worry, it's never too late. Many great lovers, one true soulmate.

Kannon: Are you sure about that? I read on cafeastrology that a lot of those traits are typical for ppl with the Moon in Taurus. (bound to routines, stubborness, a need to control your own life)
I identify a lot more with Uranus than Saturn. Does that clear things out? :/

Click to expand...

Not necessarily, but let's go with the chart you have posted for now.

I appreciate your willingness to be open and honest about yourself and explain your attitudes and situation in great detail. That would certainly be considered a Sagittarius trait more than Scorpio, so let's go with it...

I'm not reading others' responses, just your initial post. So my response will reflect that.

1. Mercury (planetary principle of Gemini/7th house relationships) is in Capricorn and that tends to mean you eschew superficial conversations. I would recommend you be clear within yourself first about what is important to you and consider it a process of discovery. Look for someone you can have a serious discussion with even if limited.

Mercury is applying to a conjunction to Jupiter, so I would think that a potential mate would be someone who 'thinks big' and has natural optimism. They will also be constructive, practical and appreciate material rewards. So attract that person by applying that ability within yourself to see other people from new, fresh angles and consider that the higher purpose and greater reward of a one-to-one relationship comes when you can partner with someone who can disagree with you and explain why.

2. Venus conjunct Mars in Pisces. I don't think you've tapped into this one that much yet, except in terms of general creativity and imaginative intellect, but it bodes well for you in a relationship, suggesting sensitivity and romanticism that I don't think you have even touched on here. Because of this aspect I suggest you consider meeting a potential partner in the context of volunteer work in which you commit to yourself to help others and continue with a cause in which you believe whether or not it gets you any social recognition or dates. Doing this in all sincerity will begin to change the dynamic at work in your relationships.

If you are unwilling to try this for now, then take up dance lessons or involve yourself in an art class of some kind in which you know there will be women around. Go in knowing you will learn, develop some creativity and soften up a bit.

These two options are very doable over the next 1 - 1-1/2 years as Jupiter transits opposite your natal Venus-Mars.

3. Moon opposite Pluto. This is an aspect I overlooked initially and can account for at least some of what you have described about your anti-/non-social attitudes and the desire to keep control of your own life. Part of what you are doing is avoiding disruptive power battles. So beware that because this is inherent in the aspect these issues can be broken open like a Pandora's box if you go in blind to it. This aspect accounts for some excessive stubbornness as well.

In order to be ready for a serious relationship, rather than a casual, easy-come-easy-go thing, you will need to face this within yourself and start overcoming it by thought patterns. You will have to replace an internal tendency for stubborn, irrational desire for dominance, control and even jealousy with listening, intentional development of flexibility using your very dexterous mind and ability to 'see' different points of view. Consider that it makes no sense to enjoy your own freedom to be ambitious and accomplish if you are alternately jealous, possessive, domineering, etc, to any degree at home/with your loved one.

If you go about this seriously within your own mind first, you may have opportunity at a real relationship with legs in a couple years. (After Saturn is past its coming square to your natal Venus). Not before then in my estimation. So do something towards the result you want during that period.

Another feature of a Saturnine nature in your chart that I also initially overlooked is Sun [17S57] Parallel Saturn [17S24]. Just like with a conjunction between these two, this aspect indicates someone with a natural tendency to put more serious things (business) before pleasure (relationships). At age 29 I believe your thinking is beginning to change and see a close relationship as essential to a balanced, worthwhile life. So it is not merely about the 'pleasure' of the physical/emotional contact with another person, but the balance of perspectives and the relational interplay and support.

How far you are willing to go in creating that I am not sure.

In any case, Saturn relates to time and constructively and methodically putting things together. You will want to notice what types of things set you off/turn you off internally/emotionally and ask yourself if that is something that can support a relationship. Changes of perspective and attitudes -- that is where the change is at. These changes literally change the 'vibe' you put out and the lengths to which you are willing to go to give someone a chance.

Considering that Pluto has been in transit trine your natal Moon for a couple years now, you are in a prime window of opportunity to make huge leaps in this kind of personal transformation -- IF you don't delay and do what it takes within yourself.

If you can move out of your head and start getting more grounded, more accessible to the average, common person this could go a long way towards how you see yourself and how others perceive you -- in addition to how you perceive them.

Relationships require EQ -- emotional intelligence. Yes, you are highly IQ intelligent, but you are perfectly capable of missing or ruining a perfectly good relationship by over-emphasizing your mind at the expense of your heart. I have no doubt that there may be rough waters in earlier stages of any relationship for you. But that does not mean it can't work and be well worth it. Go in slowly and let someone gradually soften up the hard outer boundaries of your life over time. In this way you can work with the things associated with the Moon opposite Pluto aspect which, of course, does not like losing control or changing quickly. Set in mind the intention to allow for a slow, but steady progress towards someone getting to know you and coming into your space rather than thinking in black and white/on-off terms or giving in to the temptation to put up walls again and stop trying.

It is well worth it. I was alone until age 39. I am now married to my best friend and we have been together nearly 5 years.

I had to change. I previously put out the 'vibe' of being aloof, introverted and women simply overlooked me like I was not even there. When I did 'fall' for someone it inevitably ended as unrequited heartbreak. When I started to change what I was putting out at the psychological/subconscious level, it was less than 3 years before everything changed.