What do you see from this chart? Who do you think I am ?

Hello there fellow forumers ^^
My life summary (you can skip if needed)
I am 20, and I have gotten into astrology a lot in the past. I stopped a lot, and I have started to look into it again in a moderate way because life is normally better to experience with surprises, and no preconceptions. Yet i get drawn back into astrology. It has some truths I think... I think often times I can be in denial of realizing who I really am, and also why I relate to the people I do. My mother keeps trying to tame me in the house. she is building a kitchen for me in my room and is saying "ah why would you leave now?????" but I've never felt satisfied in my house. Also she's a taurus, but she irritates me a lot, and think she's very naggy, needy and clingy. Even if I say this, she has given me everything and I will never stop appreciating her for that. She is the complete opposite to my father, whom I appreciate A LOT. He's an Aries, he's been gone throughout my whole life (he works a lot) but we talk sometimes. Seems like he wanted me to grow up as an independant woman and I have all of my appreciation for him. I love where our relationship is at with him even if I don't see him often.

I've also ALWAYS been so shy but also all at the same time very loud, and I want to be around people. I WANT people in my life. I want the opposite of what I'm supposed to want. If that makes sense. For instance a crab (sun & moon) is supposed to be a homebody. I am in ways, but I really just hate staying in the house and would rather be a homebody at someone's else's house. If that makes sense. On top of that I feel like all of my friends are either air or fire signs. The current boyfriend that I have is ALL FIRE in his chart (at the exception of his moon in gemini) and I am here like.
Am I doing something wrong here, and why am I --
JUST LOOK AT MY CHART! all of these "compatibility sites" are telling me that I am with people I shouldn't be with, but they have been the ones I want to be around the most. I grew up with two libras ^^ And I am really into my aries man... (I will leave his chart too if you're interested in helping me understand that too) or just some life advice is always good too lmfao. We are online dating, but this is probably my longest relationship i've had yet and somehow the only guy who has TRULY kept my interest and is just an amazing guy all around. now I'm not going to say we don't have problems. bleh that's a story for another time.

I checked up the synastry and its mostly positive. (and there's like a pluto trine sun thing going on too) but it doesn't always mean its the best relationships right?

Come here if you don't want to read my rant -- basically all i want is my chart interpretation. I am lost, but anyway this is about discovering me. I appreciate ALL comments, TRULY. don't feel pressured in typing out a big essay, but if you do I will read each and every words and will try to leave out a reply for all of you, or at least a thank you note.

Medical past -- can skip if needed
P.S. Just a little info (medical you could say about me) is that I was born with a speech disorder (dysphasia) and am testing out weather i have ADHD -- which is seeming to come out positive for now. The first part is interesting to me as I'm into singing and just communication in general and people say that they seem to understand me very well for someone who has supposedly a speech disorder. My Perceptual (non-verbal) IQ is above average and my verbal iq is below average through a recent simple IQ test with a psychologist. I have always felt like I couldn't ever really formulate the things in my head properly... but am getting better at it (for those of you who are struggling with this. reading books or anything out loud HELPS.) Just wanted to point that out there. I found it just interesting because I have leo merc conj my MC...

***Here is MY chart: https://ibb.co/2dw6J2D

If you're bored and want to commentate on my relationship, here is my BFs chart. He lives in the states whereas i live in canada: https://ibb.co/qy09kFc

And well, if you are even more bored or just want a better lookout for me and my bfs relationship, I use cafeastrology for synastry. But I have no idea of what his birthtime is so I do it without it.
https://ibb.co/JcFqNVR
https://ibb.co/qN5bvQc

I hope I made it as simple as I could for you guys. Again, I really appreciate all of your replies and really wish to not take you guys for granted. All of you are amazing people and super helpful and have created a great community out here ): I just want you to know that OK?

Hi... your post intrigued me so hence had a look at your chart also. One quick question - how sure are you about your birth time (I see you used a specific time) - because Venus changed signs on that day it looks like and you would have it in Leo if born just a little earlier.

Now let's look at the element balance first - you have a sort of "all around" balanced chart in that there are planets in all four elements - the elements pair up sort of so the water and earth ones (cancer-scorpio and then taurus-virgo) comprise one side of your personality while the air and fire ones (the planets in leo, sag, and aqua) represent another. So while your core personality is Cancerian you'll also have some extroverted traits which belong to the fire and air signs.

This is where it gets kind of complicated - the most extroverted placements I see are your Mars on the Ascendant which is itself in Scorpio (so you would make your presence known very quickly wherever you go) along with Mercury in Leo on the MC (outspoken and enthusiastic) with its aspects to Mars and Jupiter but also the trine to Pluto - are you interested in psychology and going beneath the surface of things? Mercury-Jupiter here would love learning new things and perhaps engages your intuition while Mercury-Mars means you speak your mind with relative ease, or at least you don't hold thoughts back.

On the other hand you have some placements which are definitely introverted, such as the new moon (your sun and moon conjunction) sextile Saturn where it is normal for someone with Sun sextile Saturn (particularly) to be fairly shy before their first Saturn return at age 29 - the Moon to Saturn also gives you some qualities similar to someone with a Capricorn moon such as taking your feelings seriously but also feeling as if you are burdened by them at times. As well Venus in Virgo is a fairly introverted placement for Venus although with that trine to Jupiter you can pretty much automatically count on making a good impression whether you know it or not.

Then we have the grand cross - Mercury opposite Neptune (more dreamy intuitive stuff!) on the one hand with Mars opposite Jupiter on the other - this sets up a kind of internal friction dynamic where you may at times feel very strong and confident going ahead with things (Mars in 1H -> Jupiter) but at other times it might be easy to feel discouraged especially when you encounter people who are mean or somehow project negativity - this is because your Neptune picks up on this and then transmits it to Mars and Mercury which feel down or drained when this happens (also with your Cancer moon you would notice such things very easily..) Jupiter on the Descendant however does make a statement about running into people who are genuinely good or positive for you, but with the side note that you also have Saturn in the 7th so there is a deep feeling in you about relationships being difficult or requiring too much work to maintain somehow, or that you are unduly limited by them in ways that may seem too much for you.

(As well Chiron in the 1st house tells me you experienced some difficult times in your past and while this is a general statement it has defined who you are in ways which you are probably still working to heal or understand.)

The other bit that's apparent here is that you had Pluto opposing your Sun just this past year so your personality would have changed very dramatically in ways that surprise your former friends and perhaps even family who have known you a long time - the experiences would have been intense and whatever you learned through them has changed who you are now. (Previously Pluto also opposed your Moon in.... 2016-7? so that would have been an emotionally dark time as well - but now that both of these are complete you probably know yourself much much better than you thought you did before they happened.)

Does any of this help?

Omg...THIS IS MIND BOGGLING.
2016 was when I graduated from high school. My last year of high school, particularly the second half of it, was torture. at first i started out with a lot of confidence and even had a boyfriend(didnt last very long), was experiencing a lot of new things in life, and was also when my brother moved out, so I started being reckless for some reason, and then suddenly have no boyfriend and high school was hell for me. And after high school, I cut out absolutely everyone from my life and got into depression, which led me to my addiction to weed and later on the video gaming 24/7. Anything that would make me disappear from reality. It was only last year that things started to change for me and I started to find strength in myself to change and to get out of my dark place and to start taking control of my life. I was also angry 24/7 to my mother, which caused her depression. and eventually i stopped that too. and my dad stopped gambling when he started seeing me getting addicted to the computer. Basically my whole disfunctional family that I had changed around me... as well as myself. I don't know how -- but now I can proudly say that for once, I have a functional family.

And for the relationships. My best friend that I grew up with, I started having problems with her as she started to break out and becoming independant & having all of these different friends, and she would be judgemental of me too. I always felt like she broke me in ways... But I also know that I have a tendency to put the blame on others for my own insecurities, and I still have a lot of working on myself to do. and yes, I felt like I was genuinly so lost in myself, but I atleast feel connected to myself now -- like i somewhat know who I am. But I still need to grow so much more...

My relationships/friendships are definitely hard because I do feel like they require work or i'll lose them. I go full on in, but then the other person feels like they're my best friend (i am not -- I just don't want to lose these friendships and I DO feel introverted, that I need my time) but all the while I have always had this conflicting feeling of needing others. To this day I still can't reply to someone if they would ask me if I was an introvert or an extravert. I'm sorry pal, I am both -- but you can't be both! I don't know man... Also when I get in relationships, and all conceptions of myself are at loss. I think I'm always the most easy going person, but then I start stressing about the fact that my boyfriend didn't come to our dinner date. I brush it off, but little things start to stress me the **** out.
I actually just had a conversation about it with my dad, and I think I'll just take it easy, let it go, and if the person wants to do something nice for me that's great. I should just focus on my own success in life though, and make it so i don't ever feel like I hate myself.

And yes I've been told that I talk before I think. But it's honestly rare that I say something really bad. I have done it in the past, I have said things that are hurtful to people that I didn't mean and I did it out of pure anger, but I know when to shut up now. I know when I'm just purely wrong.

And I do love figuring people out. but the one thing i always told myself was that I could NEVER become a psychologist. people have for some reason an overly easy time to just cry in my presence and tell me all about their problems, but their problems seem to me like it stems from one core place -- and it feels like they're all creating problems because they're just sad. And I find that stupid sometimes. But I completely and strongly empathize with them anyway which is a weird a contradiction. and I get emotionally drained way too quickly. if that makes sense.

The confidence is particularly too obviously true for me. My first day of college i told myself "I will make so many friends" and I made a really good impression and made a lot of friends. but then when I would actually hang out with them, i would feel overwhelmed and lose all confidence in myself...
I feel so stuck in myself sometimes, in my own contradictions.

Would you have any advices for me ? I find it crazy how sometimes I can resonate with astrology...
Also thank you so so much
and for the birthtime, this is what I got from my birth cerfiticate. I know I've ran into this through my head a lot of times where I could even by a libra rising. But yes to awnser your question.

Ok, few different things - one is, when you have very heavy Pluto transits like this it changes your whole life for good but in a way that on reviewing it later seems better than what came previously - but only after these transits have passed, during the time you are having them it can look like you have descended into the depths of the underworld with no way out. Pluto to Sun and Moon are both huge and there is no understating that - although for me it was a while ago my high school years went rather like yours and this also involved Pluto (going to attach something here for something I had more recently as well - it is just as it says, point is, big time transits.) Also it seems you've handled this very courageously given the extreme stress levels involved and how it has affected not just you but your family and your relationships.

The way Pluto works is that it clears off whatever we have built (persona, expectations, beliefs about the world around us) that helps us adapt to that world but isn't really "us" so in a way what you are experiencing are situations and circumstances that remove all this from you leaving just you left - where the friendship and so on was based on more surface traits you'd find it passes away but now that you know yourself much better you'll also know how to find people who fit your personality much better, if this makes sense. As for blaming others - this is normal for everyone because everyone feels insecure about something so the biggest advice here would be to try to work on feeling ok about yourself even if you do do it and if it happens it can be worked out as it happens - in other words, there isn't really anything wrong with doing it or with you for doing it.

Lots of things here - yes, it can feel unbalanced if you are already going into a relationship feeling you have to start being on your best behavior or that you might do something wrong and this would cause things to spiral out of control (this is common with Saturn prominent but it takes a while to get used to) - my guess here is something like, if the experience has been like this, it can mean you just haven't run into people who are willing to accept you for you thus giving you the feeling you are doing something wrong. It is also common for people around you to misunderstand what's going on while you are going through the Pluto stuff and generally be unsupportive or at least unsupportive in the way you'd really hope they would be. Ultimately you are looking to have others who encourage you to love yourself if that is the problem right now (and if it is don't let them put you down or tell you it's wrong because you are not doing it on purpose) or at the very least just resonate with whatever you are going through. From there you'll do the inner work yourself just fine simply by feeling you have people on your side - that's about it with that.

Same thing as before, everyone can get angry and say hurtful things but specifically with that Pluto stuff it's far more likely since it's bringing the darkness (any accumulated) right out of you. Once the transits pass (and I do think Pluto is past 20 Cancer now so you should be okay) this will normalize and become a memory even if one you remember keenly for a while.

Well I'd say you have some good psychological insight then - people do indeed make things bad for themselves by focusing on bad things and then holding onto those bad things, which with your Neptune placements (and watery Sun-Moon) you'd be able to pick up readily. The plus side here is that you can now tell which people are likely to do this and stay away from them if you must to keep your own energy/well being up. Or you can set some boundaries and only do it when you're up to and say "no" when you can't. People will quickly start respecting you more once they are reminded that they are not where this is the case.

It is interesting you mention contradictions so many times, have you done the MBTI personality test? (As an aside I type as an INFJ there and that is a type that is full of contradictions but it is not the only one to have them - just maybe one of the ones that is more aware of them.) And yes you can be an introvert generally but become quite extroverted in certain situations to where it looks to people that you are both or either. It is not a straight hard line that separates one from the other.

I see, so your time is definitely right and these are the placements for sure... kind of did stick a bit of advice with the above, maybe some of it helps. Generally it seems to me you are handling this very well given the gravity of the situation, so the most... hmm fundamental thing would be to surround yourself with encouragement and stick to those positive influences and avoid the negative until you regain your strength because you will.

(attached - the Pluto transit I had a few years ago)