Life purpose

graay ghost · Aug 26, 2015

Osamenor said:
Again? You've already asked your boss to stop touching you and he hasn't stopped?

If so, he's guilty of assault and battery. If there's anything potentially sexual about the way he's touching you, he's also guilty of sexual harassment. Legally, you have a case.

Touching a mentally competent adult who's asked not to be touched is legally assault and battery even if the intentions are benign. Paramedics and doctors can't even touch someone who's asked them not to, even if they would have to in order to save the person's life. If the law applies even in that situation, it certainly applies to what your boss is doing.

He keeps touching my shoulder and I don't like it. I told him to stop and he stopped for a while and then it's started again and I'm just...

I don't know. Everything is just so hard. I don't want legal action. It's just so hard to say anything.

Osamenor · Aug 26, 2015

graay ghost said:
He keeps touching my shoulder and I don't like it. I told him to stop and he stopped for a while and then it's started again and I'm just...

I don't know. Everything is just so hard. I don't want legal action. It's just so hard to say anything.

If he stopped when you first asked him to, it sounds like he's a touchy-feely person who needs to be reminded periodically that some people don't like to be touched.

Is he a southerner, by any chance? Or Hispanic? Those are some very touchy-feely cultures. I once had a coworker who was from Louisiana, and he would always put his hand squarely in the middle of your back when he was talking to you. I found it very disconcerting until I got used to it. Other people I've known from that area had similar habits. And I once had a boss who was Colombian, and he went in for hugging everyone. Not meaning anything by it, just his culture, but he needed a few reminders when people weren't comfortable with it.

If you ask him again, reminding him that you don't like being touched, he'll probably be apologetic and back off. And you might have to remind him again at some point, if he forgets easily. But if he's not doing anything malicious and not making come-ons to you, it's probably just a case of forgetting--and if it is, he'd probably appreciate being reminded.

I think legal action would only be necessary if he's doing something really, blatantly illegal, like sexually harassing you or touching you in ways that wouldn't be appropriate under any circumstances.

graay ghost · Aug 26, 2015

Osamenor said:
If he stopped when you first asked him to, it sounds like he's a touchy-feely person who needs to be reminded periodically that some people don't like to be touched.

Is he a southerner, by any chance? Or Hispanic? Those are some very touchy-feely cultures. I once had a coworker who was from Louisiana, and he would always put his hand squarely in the middle of your back when he was talking to you. I found it very disconcerting until I got used to it. Other people I've known from that area had similar habits. And I once had a boss who was Colombian, and he went in for hugging everyone. Not meaning anything by it, just his culture, but he needed a few reminders when people weren't comfortable with it.

If you ask him again, reminding him that you don't like being touched, he'll probably be apologetic and back off. And you might have to remind him again at some point, if he forgets easily. But if he's not doing anything malicious and not making come-ons to you, it's probably just a case of forgetting--and if it is, he'd probably appreciate being reminded.

I think legal action would only be necessary if he's doing something really, blatantly illegal, like sexually harassing you or touching you in ways that wouldn't be appropriate under any circumstances.

I mean, this is most probable, he's not doing anything else, it's just... I'm sorry. Everything is very hard for me, okay? Life's really hard when you're a coward.

Osamenor · Aug 26, 2015

graay ghost said:
I mean, this is most probable, he's not doing anything else, it's just... I'm sorry. Everything is very hard for me, okay? Life's really hard when you're a coward.

Life's really hard when life has been very unkind to you. Perhaps you feel like a coward, but you're really just having a very difficult time.

We're the bravest when we feel anything but brave.

If you really want to know your life's purpose, I'd say there are many purposes... there are to every life... but a big one for you, and your chart shows it, is to get yourself into a healthier, happier space. Starting from where you are, that's a tall order, but it's doable. We discussed that elsewhere, as I recall.

graay ghost · Aug 27, 2015

Osamenor said:
Life's really hard when life has been very unkind to you. Perhaps you feel like a coward, but you're really just having a very difficult time.

We're the bravest when we feel anything but brave.

If you really want to know your life's purpose, I'd say there are many purposes... there are to every life... but a big one for you, and your chart shows it, is to get yourself into a healthier, happier space. Starting from where you are, that's a tall order, but it's doable. We discussed that elsewhere, as I recall.

You say this, but it already seems too late, you know?

Osamenor · Aug 27, 2015

graay ghost said:
You say this, but it already seems too late, you know?

If I had a dollar for every time in my life I've ever said that.... :crying:

To paraphrase something my herbalism teachers have said, you can't change what's happened to you, but everything that's happened can become medicine.

For that to seem real, though, not just words, you would have to personally experience changing wounds into medicine. Perhaps that hasn't happened for you yet. But you're not just knuckling down and giving up, even if you feel like it sometimes. There's a big difference between your posts and some of the other posters on here, the ones I think of as sad sacks... people who keep on about their problems but don't even seem to consider any advice anyone gives them, and don't seem to be taking any steps on their own to make any change.

It seems too late when you're at the bottom looking up, or not even knowing how to look up. But what would really make it too late would be if you weren't even trying or even considering trying... and persisted in not even trying until the end of your life. If you're capable of thinking it's too late, it's not.

graay ghost · Aug 27, 2015

Osamenor said:
If I had a dollar for every time in my life I've ever said that....

To paraphrase something my herbalism teachers have said, you can't change what's happened to you, but everything that's happened can become medicine.

For that to seem real, though, not just words, you would have to personally experience changing wounds into medicine. Perhaps that hasn't happened for you yet. But you're not just knuckling down and giving up, even if you feel like it sometimes. There's a big difference between your posts and some of the other posters on here, the ones I think of as sad sacks... people who keep on about their problems but don't even seem to consider any advice anyone gives them, and don't seem to be taking any steps on their own to make any change.

It seems too late when you're at the bottom looking up, or not even knowing how to look up. But what would really make it too late would be if you weren't even trying or even considering trying... and persisted in not even trying until the end of your life. If you're capable of thinking it's too late, it's not.

I just already feel old and tired, like, this is my life now. Just... Ugh. How to explain...

There are, I guess, at least two parts to my thought processes. I guess I can call them the sad one and the critical one here... The critical one, she's mostly just contrary and critical most of the time, says all sorts of nasty things all the time, and the sad one is just... I don't know. He likes things, or doesn't like things, and cries and moans all the time...

I guess this "sad" one has more say in what I say a and the critical one has more say in what I actually do. Despair then isn't a stagnating thing. The sad one can scream and tear at the walls but the critical one has already thought of and is enacting a solution.

And a lot of people get really frustrated with this "contrary nature", and they're like you can't actually be depressed if you're still doing stuff, and just being upset by things for attention and I don't know how to explain. I don't think most people are in such violent argument with themselves most of the time and I don't think they know what it's like. Or maybe they do and just have no sympathy. I don't know.

Osamenor · Aug 27, 2015

graay ghost said:
I just already feel old and tired, like, this is my life now. Just... Ugh. How to explain...

There are, I guess, at least two parts to my thought processes. I guess I can call them the sad one and the critical one here... The critical one, she's mostly just contrary and critical most of the time, says all sorts of nasty things all the time, and the sad one is just... I don't know. He likes things, or doesn't like things, and cries and moans all the time...

I guess this "sad" one has more say in what I say a and the critical one has more say in what I actually do. Despair then isn't a stagnating thing. The sad one can scream and tear at the walls but the critical one has already thought of and is enacting a solution.

And a lot of people get really frustrated with this "contrary nature", and they're like you can't actually be depressed if you're still doing stuff, and just being upset by things for attention and I don't know how to explain. I don't think most people are in such violent argument with themselves most of the time and I don't think they know what it's like. Or maybe they do and just have no sympathy. I don't know.

To me, that makes a lot of sense. Feeling old and tired... yes, sounds familiar. When I was your age, it really would've sounded familiar. Oddly, now that I am indisputably middle aged, I don't feel as old and tired as then. Had to do a lot of work to get here, though.

I don't know if I would ever have described my own thought processes as split in that way, but unable to stop crying, inside if not visibly, yes. And depression is not simple at all. You can be depressed and still be doing stuff. You can be very beat down and still be functioning on some level.

I don't know how much help it is to you to talk about it online, but I hope it does something.

Do you still, really, think your birth chart dooms you?

graay ghost · Aug 27, 2015

Osamenor said:
To me, that makes a lot of sense. Feeling old and tired... yes, sounds familiar. When I was your age, it really would've sounded familiar. Oddly, now that I am indisputably middle aged, I don't feel as old and tired as then. Had to do a lot of work to get here, though.

I don't know if I would ever have described my own thought processes as split in that way, but unable to stop crying, inside if not visibly, yes. And depression is not simple at all. You can be depressed and still be doing stuff. You can be very beat down and still be functioning on some level.

I don't know how much help it is to you to talk about it online, but I hope it does something.

Do you still, really, think your birth chart dooms you?

Being young and tired, when I'm supposed to be working 60 hours a week and chopping endless vegetables and doing strenuous exercise all the time and take care of the parents and obviously still have time to date and spawn and everything when after 8 hours I want nothing to do but to fall asleep for twenty... I mean it feels like I already have a foot in the grave. All the things they say to make you less tired are like... either insanely painful or impossible. Usually both.

It is not the birth chart that dooms me, no. The birth chart is just an indicator of a much larger and more inevitable doom.

And still, Ms Critical, the same one that's screaming at my body for being bad and lazy and needing to be punished and at me for being whiny and useless says, "You're doomed. So what?"

There is so much advice out there for trying to silence intrusive thoughts but when it's your self-loathing that actually makes you get out of bed in the morning and feed yourself and go to work and in general not die, silencing her isn't really an option.

Osamenor · Aug 27, 2015

graay ghost said:
There is so much advice out there for trying to silence intrusive thoughts but when it's your self-loathing that actually makes you get out of bed in the morning and feed yourself and go to work and in general not die, silencing her isn't really an option.

In order to effectively silence your self loathing, you would have to replace it. Or maybe transform it, so that you still have the impetus to get up and feed yourself and work and all that, but it isn't coming from self loathing.

If you've never experienced any other way of being, that might sound like pure fiction. But it can happen. I've had a variation of that experience, and it felt downright eerie when that steady stream of self loathing thoughts disappeared.

Your south/north node axis appears to reflect this. Gemini south node in the second house: running around (literally or figuratively), living in the moment, in survival mode. Sagittarius north node in the eighth: able to enjoy the process of living and experiencing things, having the support and resources of others as needed, not having to depend on just yourself. Right now, you're in that south node. Eventually, you can get to a more north node-like space.

graay ghost · Aug 27, 2015

Osamenor said:
In order to effectively silence your self loathing, you would have to replace it. Or maybe transform it, so that you still have the impetus to get up and feed yourself and work and all that, but it isn't coming from self loathing.

If you've never experienced any other way of being, that might sound like pure fiction. But it can happen. I've had a variation of that experience, and it felt downright eerie when that steady stream of self loathing thoughts disappeared.

Your south/north node axis appears to reflect this. Gemini south node in the second house: running around (literally or figuratively), living in the moment, in survival mode. Sagittarius north node in the eighth: able to enjoy the process of living and experiencing things, having the support and resources of others as needed, not having to depend on just yourself. Right now, you're in that south node. Eventually, you can get to a more north node-like space.

I don't know what to do next.

Osamenor · Aug 28, 2015

graay ghost said:
I don't know what to do next.

There's no single magic bullet, and these things don't change overnight. I believe you are taking some steps to help yourself?

If you really are looking for the one thing to do next, what's the most pressing issue you have right now?

If it's not too big a stretch of the imagination at the moment... if you could change just one thing about your current situation, what would it be?

graay ghost · Aug 28, 2015

It's hard to say, I guess. I've been saving money to move out but there are various things in the way of doing that immediately...

It is just so hard to deal with the fact that I spent the first 20+ years of my life being ruined.

JUPITERASC · Aug 28, 2015

graay ghost said:
It's hard to say, I guess. I've been saving money to move out but there are various things in the way of doing that immediately...

It is just so hard to deal with the fact that I spent the first 20+ years of my life being ruined.

Unfortunately this experience is common to many
however
it is possible to move on
even if difficult :smile:

Terrabella · Aug 28, 2015

I see the cancer sun in you. I think because you are a cancer you always feel that you are doing so much for others. That may be the case t, but not to the extent that you are imagining .. I'm not an experienced chart reader but I am a pro at the details of each zodiac sign the good and bad of each . And you sound like a typical cancer who feels they sacrifice so much for so many.

graay ghost · Aug 28, 2015

Terrabella said:
I see the cancer sun in you. I think because you are a cancer you always feel that you are doing so much for others. That may be the case t, but not to the extent that you are imagining .. I'm not an experienced chart reader but I am a pro at the details of each zodiac sign the good and bad of each . And you sound like a typical cancer who feels they sacrifice so much for so many.

I am not sure if this is true but then again I may not be thinking straight because I am kind of having a breakdown because my mother thinks over twenty years of narcissistic abuse is "normal life hardship."

Terrabella · Aug 28, 2015

Cancer sun and mercury ... And you're male? Without a doubt you are highly sensitive and emotional. I've also noticed that lack of family support tends to effect cancers strongly. Especially lack of motherly nurturing , and if no financial support when young or in adulthood there is an extra layer of pain and resentment.making the cancer native envious of others with the opposite situation and causing them to cling on their significant others In unhealthy ways

graay ghost · Aug 28, 2015

Terrabella said:
Cancer sun and mercury ... And you're male? Without a doubt you are highly sensitive and emotional. I've also noticed that lack of family support tends to effect cancers strongly. Especially lack of motherly nurturing , and if no financial support when young or in adulthood there is an extra layer of pain and resentment.making the cancer native envious of others with the opposite situation and causing them to cling on their significant others In unhealthy ways

Are we reading the same chart? I swore I have a Leo Mercury.

Do you believe that emotional abuse all throughout childhood does not have a profound effect on the child, even when they grow up? I suppose I'd better get used to people not believing me and believing that all my problems are all in my head.

Terrabella · Aug 28, 2015

Sorry I meant sun venus cancer conjunct.. And I am simply saying that I can see how you are more emotional and heavily effected than other signs because of your family situation.. Cancers that don't have a stable family situation. Are usually greatly affected.I feel your pain! But you're young I think this can pass and you have a lot of of great aspects in your chart that indicate the possibility of a better future , but you know how they say in astrology the chart is the map and you have to chose which direction to go

graay ghost · Aug 28, 2015

Terrabella said:
Sorry I meant sun venus cancer conjunct.. And I am simply saying that I can see how you are more emotional and heavily effected than other signs because of your family situation.. Cancers that don't have a stable family situation. Are usually greatly affected.I feel your pain! But you're young I think this can pass and you have a lot of of great aspects in your chart that indicate the possibility of a better future , but you know how they say in astrology the chart is the map and you have to chose which direction to go

What do you see that indicates a possibly better future?

Life purpose

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