Twin Flame? Soulmate? Help me decipher!

ardentika

Well-known member
I respect your opinion but I wasn’t projecting my own beliefs. I was giving my perspective. I think that hearing from different ones of us helps him take a bit from each and find his truth. We all interpret things in our own way.

I do strongly believe that anyone who feels that they have to “save” or “fix” another behaves as such due to early childhood programming. Codependency keeps us shackled to another person and held back; it is ego. Codependency is ego interacting with ego — enabling each other to continue on in patterns that are unhealthy.

I believe there’s a lesson in every relationship, absolutely.

My approach isn’t everybody’s cup of tea...but for a few, it is their double shot of whiskey. ;)

I also don’t base things on Freud. I think he has a few good points and was mentioning him in a tongue in cheek way.

I can’t get on board with the codependency thing, though.

But anyways, I always enjoy your posts and appreciate your perspective.

Hah, I see what you mean, you got a point. And that's true there is a lesson in every relationship.

Oh I know you don't base things on Freud, was just mentioning hah. Also I'm not sure I agree with the part of "helping" and "fixing" being a part of early childhood programming. This is simply the MOST human trait. I don't know a single person that did not want or try to help one of the parents, mostly the mother. It's an instinct. Well, maybe I do know one person, and he is the most selfish and rude being I know. So there ya go with the results.
Simply these days we live among a very psychological generation that this is the way we help each other. Just my observations tho.

nnm227, I will be honest with you, because I was in a similar position as you are. I too met someone who made me experience things out of this world, and I'm not talking about love or shiz. I'm talking about dreams, premonitions, synchronicities, him talking to me in my dream and then I find out what he said there is not made up but true. I even saw his room one time. It was crazy. Each time we went out I felt this odd energy between us as he was coming close to me, it was so intense many times I wanted to just turn around and leave. We never dated, we were never romantic. At some point I obsessed over him, who he was, what was this, why it was so intense, I wanted answers badly. From him, from the universe.. I'm a huge skeptic, I had way too many people telling me he would act as a twin, but I never believed that ****. Altho he fits the bill perfectly. He is prolly on the same level of awareness as me, perhaps not THAT much, but I was still surprised. This hooked me even more cos I wanted to dig deep in his psyche.
I had times where he was responding poorly, and I'd get pissed off. Each time I got pissed off there was something I was not seeing. Each time I got a clearing and reached a point of realization, bam he would respond within days. It was fascinating, it was like a dance.
We spoke about that and he openly shared he was avoiding me sometimes because he felt that obsessive vibe from and that threw him off, he also shared that he sees that commonly in people, but there is nothing he can do rather than step back and see if the person deals with it and overcomes that energy. Needless to say I was on awe that someone could be so mature, haha.
I too fell in that state of "OMG, I need to help you, I need to clear you, I need to help me, clear me" bla bla. This is another obsessive thought that I do see in you too. I came to realize I can only heal myself as much as to not feel bad. I cannot clear more than I am given to clear, if that makes sense. If its meant to happen it shall happen, one way or another. I cannot force anything, I did all I felt i had to do, the rest is on him. Sometimes we gotta let go and move on. And it's painful I know. I too had an 1 orb moon-moon conjunction. Sun/Moon too. He too has some weed addiction problems, which I used to criticize a lot, but now I get it. I was put in the same position as him, so I get it , really, I can't judge. Our charts are almost identical, mimicing each other, so I do believe he is indeed a lot like me, with the same fears, same beliefs, just tiny bit different. I too got hooked up with astrology, that we have this amazing composite Libra Sun/Merc/Venus stellium, all at 22 degrees. (my favorite and spiritual number hehe)
And funnily enough we met at 22. His juno conjuncts my Sun/Moon midpoint, my moon conjuncts his Sun/moon .. you get the picture, it looks perfect on paper.

What I'm saying is, let go of control a bit. Cos from what I get from your post you almost sound like you believe that if you clear more he will come back to you. That's definitely trying to control things and it's a huge nu nu. You can't just become more aware with clearings. Those things tend to happen on their own terms, simply because someone above sees better how much you can take, and even if you might believe you CAN take a greater awareness, that can literally fry your brain and psyche. SO everyone wakes up at their own terms and their own speed.

I'm sorry I went on rambling with my story, but I know it feels good when you know this happened to someone else too and you are not alone in the madness haha <3
 

Sagcap88

Well-known member
Wow, sounds like you’ve been through a lot! Sending you good vibes so for your journey on clearing out the negative energies and making a space for even better things to enter. It sounds like you’re on the right path and have a good attitude!
 

nnm227

Member
Hah, I see what you mean, you got a point. And that's true there is a lesson in every relationship.

Oh I know you don't base things on Freud, was just mentioning hah. Also I'm not sure I agree with the part of "helping" and "fixing" being a part of early childhood programming. This is simply the MOST human trait. I don't know a single person that did not want or try to help one of the parents, mostly the mother. It's an instinct. Well, maybe I do know one person, and he is the most selfish and rude being I know. So there ya go with the results.
Simply these days we live among a very psychological generation that this is the way we help each other. Just my observations tho.

nnm227, I will be honest with you, because I was in a similar position as you are. I too met someone who made me experience things out of this world, and I'm not talking about love or shiz. I'm talking about dreams, premonitions, synchronicities, him talking to me in my dream and then I find out what he said there is not made up but true. I even saw his room one time. It was crazy. Each time we went out I felt this odd energy between us as he was coming close to me, it was so intense many times I wanted to just turn around and leave. We never dated, we were never romantic. At some point I obsessed over him, who he was, what was this, why it was so intense, I wanted answers badly. From him, from the universe.. I'm a huge skeptic, I had way too many people telling me he would act as a twin, but I never believed that ****. Altho he fits the bill perfectly. He is prolly on the same level of awareness as me, perhaps not THAT much, but I was still surprised. This hooked me even more cos I wanted to dig deep in his psyche.
I had times where he was responding poorly, and I'd get pissed off. Each time I got pissed off there was something I was not seeing. Each time I got a clearing and reached a point of realization, bam he would respond within days. It was fascinating, it was like a dance.
We spoke about that and he openly shared he was avoiding me sometimes because he felt that obsessive vibe from and that threw him off, he also shared that he sees that commonly in people, but there is nothing he can do rather than step back and see if the person deals with it and overcomes that energy. Needless to say I was on awe that someone could be so mature, haha.
I too fell in that state of "OMG, I need to help you, I need to clear you, I need to help me, clear me" bla bla. This is another obsessive thought that I do see in you too. I came to realize I can only heal myself as much as to not feel bad. I cannot clear more than I am given to clear, if that makes sense. If its meant to happen it shall happen, one way or another. I cannot force anything, I did all I felt i had to do, the rest is on him. Sometimes we gotta let go and move on. And it's painful I know. I too had an 1 orb moon-moon conjunction. Sun/Moon too. He too has some weed addiction problems, which I used to criticize a lot, but now I get it. I was put in the same position as him, so I get it , really, I can't judge. Our charts are almost identical, mimicing each other, so I do believe he is indeed a lot like me, with the same fears, same beliefs, just tiny bit different. I too got hooked up with astrology, that we have this amazing composite Libra Sun/Merc/Venus stellium, all at 22 degrees. (my favorite and spiritual number hehe)
And funnily enough we met at 22. His juno conjuncts my Sun/Moon midpoint, my moon conjuncts his Sun/moon .. you get the picture, it looks perfect on paper.

What I'm saying is, let go of control a bit. Cos from what I get from your post you almost sound like you believe that if you clear more he will come back to you. That's definitely trying to control things and it's a huge nu nu. You can't just become more aware with clearings. Those things tend to happen on their own terms, simply because someone above sees better how much you can take, and even if you might believe you CAN take a greater awareness, that can literally fry your brain and psyche. SO everyone wakes up at their own terms and their own speed.

I'm sorry I went on rambling with my story, but I know it feels good when you know this happened to someone else too and you are not alone in the madness haha <3

Wow thanks for sharing your story! :love: Hmm you have a good point about just stepping back and stop trying to control things. Although I feel as though I try to control a lot less than I did when I first "woke up" to spirituality, I still have ways to go. I need to step back even more and just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. Matt is his own person. I am really learning to just let him fly free.

I guess a part of me just *hopes* that energy clearing will uplift him from afar, but I am learning to just not worry and do it SOLELY for ME. I matter. I am me. I deserve the best. I desire to be the best. I need to really integrate that into my mind and really just do me lol. I hold on so tightly to him because I never experienced a love like this before. I let myself become *one* with him through the sex, and I guess I need to let that go. It twists my insides to know he is having sex with someone else; but then the psychology major me realizes how he is letting his fears control him to not feel his own pain - he has a large track record and has sex when he is depressed. He is with this guy to get over me - I read his messages, but even by doing that I was engaging in low behavior. In the end do I really know him? Maybe he is genuinely happier, I hope! Now, I want to fix this, but I realize time heals and if we are meant to be, we will come together like we ALWAYS have in the past. Was the past supposed to give me faith? A part of me believes so. Even that thought I cannot hold onto, I just need to DO ME!!! Thinking and thinking and thinking will only drive me crazy.

I may really be turning my feelings into thoughts. I need to step back from living in my heart so much and live in my mind. I tried living in my heart so much with him because I WANTED HIM to live in his heart too so I could heal him - so in that sense its martyrdom - but nothing ever healed because we were both smoking pot together doing nothing to change for the better. We stood stagnant. It makes me wonder, if I live in my mind more will he live in his heart? Is this like, a balance thing? Idk. I think a lot lol.

Maybe in the end it's Anthony all along haha? The state of awareness thing you describe, I feel as though Anthony was more on my level. It was just weird and full of synchronicities with him, but very short-lived. Anthony has an Aries/Pisces cusp moon btw. And he is a Taurus. Honestly though, in the end, I just don't care who I end up with as long as it is the one I am MEANT to be with. So, doing energy clearing for ME and focusing on ME will make that happen.

In the beginning I held onto Anthony because I prayed for him and fell in love with the idea. Now that I am wiser, I am holding onto Matt because I actually EXPERIENCED love with him, became *one* through the sex - but yes, I really just need to stop trying to control him and let him go! The whole sharing Scorpio moons may be why I feel like Matt is me on some strange level. It may be why we both held on so tightly, why we always came back together. But Anthony felt like me on a spiritual level, yet he felt the opposite, and that is what they describe a Twin Flame as.

Maybe if/as Matt awakens, he will be more like me on a spiritual level? Who knows what the future holds. I'm learning to just let go man. In the end it doesn't matter. I just let God guide me and I'm learning to focus on me and follow my inner passions and not let any outer influence stop me! I want to create the life I desire, and ever since yesterday I realized how I have been letting my parents stop me from doing what I wanna do. Listening to my parents only made me ruminate about the break up more and become depressed over Matt even more! It only made me engage in more sabotaging behavior because I was letting my hurt emotions control me; because instead of doing what inspires me, I was staying small which kept me stuck and stagnant! Although I feel positive without Matt in my life, I still have a lot of stagnation in me to remove through energy clearing tools. I just need to take control and step into my inner power and not let ANYONE stop me. I want to live my dreams, and Matt really only stopped me from that too all year! Well, we stopped each other. I blame the stagnation, for real, the weed!. No forward momentum like there was in the beginning when he was helping me to stop! When our relationship was based off of love!

It blows because as I do more energy clearing work, I dream of Matthew more and more. In my dreams he DOESN'T want ANYTHING to do with me. It makes me feel bad when I wake up, because I just wanna just let go. Maybe it is showing me I just need to dig deeper inside of myself. I can do it! It's weird because in one dream I felt so much love and I was in his bed and kissed him on his cheek, but he said he didn't want my kiss and that I'm only kissing him because I want to, not because he wants it. He really doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Like I said, time changes. I need to change my inner alchemy before I ever reunite with my true soulmate. Hmmm :tongue::love: lol sorry for my ramble haha
 
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ardentika

Well-known member
Wow thanks for sharing your story! :love: Hmm you have a good point about just stepping back and stop trying to control things. Although I feel as though I try to control a lot less than I did when I first "woke up" to spirituality, I still have ways to go. I need to step back even more and just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. Matt is his own person. I am really learning to just let him fly free.

I guess a part of me just *hopes* that energy clearing will uplift him from afar, but I am learning to just not worry and do it SOLELY for ME. I matter. I am me. I deserve the best. I desire to be the best. I need to really integrate that into my mind and really just do me lol. I hold on so tightly to him because I never experienced a love like this before. I let myself become *one* with him through the sex, and I guess I need to let that go. It twists my insides to know he is having sex with someone else; but then the psychology major me realizes how he is letting his fears control him to not feel his own pain - he has a large track record and has sex when he is depressed. He is with this guy to get over me - I read his messages, but even by doing that I was engaging in low behavior. In the end do I really know him? Maybe he is genuinely happier, I hope! Now, I want to fix this, but I realize time heals and if we are meant to be, we will come together like we ALWAYS have in the past. Was the past supposed to give me faith? A part of me believes so. Even that thought I cannot hold onto, I just need to DO ME!!! Thinking and thinking and thinking will only drive me crazy.

I may really be turning my feelings into thoughts. I need to step back from living in my heart so much and live in my mind. I tried living in my heart so much with him because I WANTED HIM to live in his heart too so I could heal him - so in that sense its martyrdom - but nothing ever healed because we were both smoking pot together doing nothing to change for the better. We stood stagnant. It makes me wonder, if I live in my mind more will he live in his heart? Is this like, a balance thing? Idk. I think a lot lol.

Maybe in the end it's Anthony all along haha? The state of awareness thing you describe, I feel as though Anthony was more on my level. It was just weird and full of synchronicities with him, but very short-lived. Anthony has an Aries/Pisces cusp moon btw. And he is a Taurus. Honestly though, in the end, I just don't care who I end up with as long as it is the one I am MEANT to be with. So, doing energy clearing for ME and focusing on ME will make that happen.

In the beginning I held onto Anthony because I prayed for him and fell in love with the idea. Now that I am wiser, I am holding onto Matt because I actually EXPERIENCED love with him, became *one* through the sex - but yes, I really just need to stop trying to control him and let him go! The whole sharing Scorpio moons may be why I feel like Matt is me on some strange level. It may be why we both held on so tightly, why we always came back together. But Anthony felt like me on a spiritual level, yet he felt the opposite, and that is what they describe a Twin Flame as.

Maybe if/as Matt awakens, he will be more like me on a spiritual level? Who knows what the future holds. I'm learning to just let go man. In the end it doesn't matter. I just let God guide me and I'm learning to focus on me and follow my inner passions and not let any outer influence stop me! I want to create the life I desire, and ever since yesterday I realized how I have been letting my parents stop me from doing what I wanna do. Listening to my parents only made me ruminate about the break up more and become depressed over Matt even more! It only made me engage in more sabotaging behavior because I was letting my hurt emotions control me; because instead of doing what inspires me, I was staying small which kept me stuck and stagnant! Although I feel positive without Matt in my life, I still have a lot of stagnation in me to remove through energy clearing tools. I just need to take control and step into my inner power and not let ANYONE stop me. I want to live my dreams, and Matt really only stopped me from that too all year! Well, we stopped each other. I blame the stagnation, for real, the weed!. No forward momentum like there was in the beginning when he was helping me to stop! When our relationship was based off of love!

It blows because as I do more energy clearing work, I dream of Matthew more and more. In my dreams he DOESN'T want ANYTHING to do with me. It makes me feel bad when I wake up, because I just wanna just let go. Maybe it is showing me I just need to dig deeper inside of myself. I can do it! It's weird because in one dream I felt so much love and I was in his bed and kissed him on his cheek, but he said he didn't want my kiss and that I'm only kissing him because I want to, not because he wants it. He really doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Like I said, time changes. I need to change my inner alchemy before I ever reunite with my true soulmate. Hmmm :tongue::love: lol sorry for my ramble haha

I understand you completely, and being a Scorpio moon, you do connect soulfully with someone trough sex, and that can be intense and hard to let go. That's why Scorpio is such an obsessive sign. It's one thing to let go on a mental plane, it's another to let go on a soul level. It really deeply hurts.

But those things really don't work like that, I've noticed. If this truly is as you feel it to be a twin flame/soulmate connection, here the divine holds your bawls basically hahaha. There IS divine timing, and no one can cheat that, trust me I've tried, only to learn I cannot. Your best bet is to trust that the outcome will be the best one possible.

It's funny you mentioned those dreams, because in your mental space you truly believe this person is your soulmate/twin flame, and you get those dreams where he basically rejects you, which is where I believe you need to make peace with.
I'm saying this because with me was the opposite. I truly believed I'm delusional, and this whole thing is ******** and a prank, and I kept dreaming that he wants me, wants to be with me, and I never found easy to believe those dreams, because they were so NOT in tune with my current reality. I honestly still take them with a grain of salt, but I realized my issue is that I actually wanted subconsciously to be rejected, because the idea of shared love scared me so much. The idea of someone sharing the intense feelings I have, and feeling the same for me as I do for them is just simply terrifying haha. It's easier to love than be loved. SO I kind of see similarity in your situation too.
I rejected this idea many many times, and I was being told non stop by readers, and psychic that this really IS a twin, I still have problems believing in that concept, it sounds too fluffy, too romanticized, and yet I can't deny everything that has happened, and the weird dance we do. I'm absolutely terrified of believing and being delusional, and what do you do when you fear something? You let it go. You accept both possibilities, of being right or wrong, and let time pass to see. We learn from out mistakes and we can't change that.

One other thing I've noticed and came to realize is the term of timelines. I'm sure you have heard of it. Chosing only the best and highest possible timelines, and connecting to them. That has to do a lot with planets and transits. Each will bring something different for you, responding to your level, speed and maturity. Chosing the highest ones, means you will manifest only what's for your highest good .

I highly advice you to find Awakened Warrioress in youtube and watch her videos, she is an amazing human being, that I've found for myself to speak only the truth. I often times experience the things she speaks about before I even watch her video, so imo she is legit. Although if you don't resonate with her, it simply means you are on a different wave-length, different path/timeline, whatever you wanna call it. This journey is highly unique to everyobe indeed.
 

kani

Active member
Oh, dear...another self-sacrificing Pisces. You don’t owe him or anyone anything; martyrdom isn’t love.


These two astrology videos may interest you:
https://youtu.be/HKkuQfVcJxs
https://youtu.be/tg_5xxlhxeM

That's what is annoying about some astrologers. Because she said she was a Pisces sun some people automatically read "martyr" and "self sacrificing" into it. You wouldn't have said that if she had a different sun sign. She has strong feelings for this guy and wants him back. Something many women and men of all signs have done.

And I don't agree that you see Twin Flames in the chart. I met mine in 2006 while at uni and our synastry doesn't indicate anything twin-flamy (just checked it out recntly). I know for sure that he was my twin and yeah it wasn't romantic at all, it's ******* hard work on yourself combined with extreme emotions (both good and bad) as both partners trigger deep seated issues within the other. It's hell but the soul wants to do this in order to clear old stuff and get to a higer level vibrationally. OP, maybe the fact you are apart is part of your soul's journey?
 

ardentika

Well-known member
That's what is annoying about some astrologers. Because she said she was a Pisces sun some people automatically read "martyr" and "self sacrificing" into it. You wouldn't have said that if she had a different sun sign. She has strong feelings for this guy and wants him back. Something many women and men of all signs have done.

And I don't agree that you see Twin Flames in the chart. I met mine in 2006 while at uni and our synastry doesn't indicate anything twin-flamy (just checked it out recntly). I know for sure that he was my twin and yeah it wasn't romantic at all, it's ******* hard work on yourself combined with extreme emotions (both good and bad) as both partners trigger deep seated issues within the other. It's hell but the soul wants to do this in order to clear old stuff and get to a higer level vibrationally. OP, maybe the fact you are apart is part of your soul's journey?

First of all its a he.

Second, do you mind sending me your charts?
 

nnm227

Member
First of all its a he.

Second, do you mind sending me your charts?

Yeah I'm a guy lol. No worries! I already accepted I have more of the "divine feminine" in me. I mean ultimately I have a balance of both divine feminine and masculine. In the beginning of my journey I would have NEVER wanted to be considered feminine, but now I realize it's just the way my heart works lol.

Anyway, about the dreams. I wonder if he dreams of me wanting him? But maybe the energy he feels in HIS dreams are too... hmm... needy? Not of love? Idk. Thank you so much for your insight because it's so interesting to hear your journey! I think the dreams are 4D! We aren't in 5D yet. I'm working on getting there, trust me!

And oh, it is 100% part of our soul's journey to be apart right now. I *feel* it. This all happened in divine timing too - this separation to clear fears on an even deeper level. I look back and realize all the shitty things he did to me all year. I lost all my friends - he blocked all my guy friends out of jealousy. Like when I say things were stagnant like omg you have no idea. I am finally talking to one of my good guy friends again and, wow it makes me happy to have friends! I love to help people and give people advice.

Honestly though, I met a new guy yesterday lol. Leo sun/Scorpio moon. I don't *feel* anything like I felt with Matt, but wow, we flow really well and have a lot of trines and conjunctions in our chart. There are a lot of squares that mainly deal with his connection to me, but I believe it is so that I can help him with his emotions. I'm just really good when it comes to emotions I think. Anyway ahhh to fast, with this guy I can go out into the world and LIVE and have fun and experience everything Chicago has to offer. I mean, we only hung out once, but trust me we will be hanging out a lot more this summer!

I can learn to stay true to myself and continue doing energy clearing on the side. Maybe Matt really IS happy with his new man, he doesn't have to feel our low energy and can vibe and flow more easily. Same for me! I understand now. I really had the best night of my summer last night!

With Matt, our energy only dragged us both down because - as I believe - we felt each other's negativity and fears and such - it only got worse with time as more gunk came to the surface. This only made us hold on even tighter in a less loving way, which consequently kept causing more and more fights and even MORE negativity to come up to the surface. I am the one to consciously realize this and see the bigger picture. Idk about him, but he just isn't even ready to dig inside his emotions as much as I am. I have been ruminating all month, and as a psychology major, I know social support is very important. I'm done sitting inside doing energy work then hoping and hoping and ruminating and wallowing. No! I can do energy work and then go meet new people and create new experiences and learn to stay balanced ON MY OWN. I can go have fun WITHOUT him. He wasn't even fun to begin with! I wanna vibe with new people without feelings his awkwardness reflected back at me. I mean, I'm awkward too, but with Matt by my side it just stopped us dead in our tracks. NOTHING ever worked out with him. I DO NOT NEED that in MY life!!! He doesn't need it either!

Ultimately if I am meant to be with Matthew I know it'll happen. And quite frankly by going out and living, I can live more and worry less! At first I was trying to be the most pure, spiritual person out there. No drinking, no weed. Honestly, I will not touch weed ANYMORE, but it is okay to drink. Is it the best for my vibration? Probably not, but I am young and free, and at this point in my journey I'm sure alcohol won't do me much harm. It's not like I'm going to drink every day and be an alcoholic. I'm not using it to run away from my emotions. No, like I said, I am READY to live and step into my inner power! You only live once haha.

Okay more on this Leo sun/Scorpio moon man lol. I wrote a list of 111 traits I desire in my perfect soulmate. I am VERY picky, and me and him met so spontaneously and we both got deep to the point of things which is good! He has a MA, he's quite ambitious, down to earth, has the clothes I described I'd want my perfect match to wear, very romantic as we both have Libra in our charts! I think his fiery energy keeps me alive and not too much in my emotions, there's a better balance, and I can help him stay up and positive with my dreaminess. I get his sarcasm and it doesn't hurt me whereas Matt's sarcasm was very "to the bones" and it actually hurt me even though he didn't mean to.

Ultimately I am glad that I'm finally getting ahold of myself. Money is coming to me like a magnet ever since I made this switch 2 days ago, and yeah I always get so surprised at how powerful I really am! And I really vibe with the Awakened Warrioress wow!

All this negativity coming to the surface is just ascension for me. I could've made it all smoother if I had done energy clearing all year, but now I see how crucial it really is for me to do this stuff! At first I was like, "wtf hell nawwww ni55a I am NOT doin that ****" but now I'm like "wow this stuff is really helpful and I want to share it with the world".
 
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nnm227

Member
Wishing you the best. You can make a positive impact on this world by your own merit (you obviously have special gifts) and that has nothing to do with this guy you’re talking about.

These two astrology videos may interest you:
https://youtu.be/HKkuQfVcJxs
https://youtu.be/tg_5xxlhxeM

Wow I finally had time to view these videos. They provided me with a lot of... RAW insight.

Me and Matt have a lot of Pluto (and added Neptune for me). It was INTENSE and very much ESCAPISM! We only spiraled down.

The way I see it, everyone in this world is dealing with their own personal issues. We will never find someone who is perfect from all issues and will come save us. To me, a relationship should have us both spiraling upwards and dealing with our issues at the core - helping each other - but always being their for each other in the right ways. Matt wasn't there for me in the right ways - and yes, the marijuana was a way to ESCAPE from the INTENSITY. We kept coming back because the intensity of *feeling* each other's emotions was like, a stimulant. The sex was a way to transcend everything and become *one* and feel close to each other. We didn't save each other or complete each other in healthy ways. I really gave my power away. That is why for the past week I have been claiming it back! I really do wish Matt the best because at the end of the day I feel as though I am more aware of everything, and I'm definitely more empathetic. But you know what, I have a lot of narcissistic traits in me as well.

I just want to live, step back into my power. This new guy ^^^ (post above) ^^^ Leo Sun/Scorpio moon. I don't want to *save* him. I don't want *saving*. I see him and he drinks a lot. I don't want to escape through alcohol. I'm not trying to become one with his ways. I would love for us to advance our lives together and find ways we can be better each other. Ultimately only I can better myself, and I guess it is nice to have a friend (him) by my side - a connection that has the potential to become intimate. But yes, with me being empathetic, I need to stay true to myself and stay BALANCED. If he is ready to change, cool! I can't force him, I can only be a friend and provide good advice. So far the connection just flows really well. I guess only time will tell what happens. I just want to live and have fun and enjoy life, not excessively like him. Maybe in that aspect I can help him, and he can help me just LIVE. Social support is important, but I guess only time will tell if this turns out to be healthy. Change is GOOD.
 
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nnm227

Member
Are you familiar with aspects, and the meaning of different aspects?

Honestly I think our Scorpio moons being in a tight conjunction, only 1 degree, in each other's 12ht and 1st house is the reason I feel he is my other half. We felt each other's emotions. Toward the end, things were so messed up like wow.

The sex made me feel married to him. Then I read the Bible and like, wow. Hmmm.

I read somewhere about a 'monkey brain'. I have one. He is always in my thoughts in some shape/form, constantly on my mind. I guess I need to let that down into my heart and just *feel*; it's okay to feel millions of things, not stay stuck on one constant feeling aka stagnation.

Everything is retrograde right now. So much looking back. The whole past year, like woah what the heckkkkkk did I go through with him lol. Wow, we took on negative patterning that we both learned in childhood is what happened, fear drove us.
 
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