Actually, if we leave the chart as is for the moment, it gives us mercury ruler of both the ascendent (how you are presenting yourself to others) as well as the 11th cusp (friends), tying the picture together.
Mercury is in its detriment in sagittarius, and conjunct pluto, whose energy can be described precisely by the words you used to present your problem.
Virgo can seem standoffish and put others off, when actually it is only being its cool, critical self with no harm meant. In the first degree of the sign, you don't have experience with this type of expression and have to learn from scratch. Critical comments to others about their behaviour, what they say, how they are dressed, etc, meant in good will can be taken negatively. And pluto likes to delve. It wants to get to the bottom of things, so may not pick up on where the limit is.
Mercury is also ruler of the 11th, so you like to be able to talk and comunicate with your friends, and here again mercury on pluto starts to prod. And mercury in honest sincere sagittarius wants to be very straightforward and spontaneous, but does it awkwardly because it isn't in its own realm.
It's clear that this is a major emotional concern of yours, because moon is stationed right on the 11th cusp. You need friends, you need their recognition and comfort, more so than others. Almost the entire house of friends is occupied by cancer, sensitive and caring, but when challenged it withdraws back into its shell, and doesn't necessarily give others a chance to reach close.
The mercury/pluto conjunction is sextile mars of action on the one hand, and sextile Uranus of insight and originality and freedom on the other. These two positive aspects will pave the way for you to be able to balance these energies and learn self-control, and to be kind to others and caring without risking your own feelings being hurt. Moon is strong and sextile your ascendent so you can harness your emotions and your expression.
Keep in mind that you may have insight into how things could be done better, but it isn't always opportune to express it, and often it isn't at all easy to express it to others without causing hurt feelings. Ease up a bit, try not to be critical of others, and let your cancer shine through, it's very warm and loving, so don't mask the love, and don't try to "help" others see themselves.
You'll find they respond very positively to you.