Please Read Her Chart: Most manipulative, invasive and pain inflicting person

PurpleReign

Well-known member
Hi,

Sorry to hear that you went through that with someone. As for her chart, maybe my interpretation is biased because I read your experiences with her before looking at the chart, but she has ruler of her third (communicaton, mind, etc.) conjunct Mars, and maybe that indicates she is a bit temperamental and hot-headed and perhaps has a harsh, aggressive way with words. Especially when mad.

Ruler of her 7th house is Uranus and it conjuncts Pluto. This is a generational thing conjunction, but Uranus ruling her 7th house (relations with other people) and being conjunct Pluto might mean that this generational aspect plays out in her role through tense, difficult, challenging relationships that are filled with power struggles and psychological/emotional discomfort.

She has Jupiter in the 11th house of friends, but it is in Gemini and Jupiter isn't happy in Gemini. What's more is that it's retrograde and squares her Uranus and Pluto -- which further makes me think that she tends to struggle in her relations with others.

This coupled with her Leo rising may make her seem arrogant, bossy, selfish, quick-tempered, and hard to get to know. She just seems like she's hot-headed, wants control in relationships, and perhaps has harsh or very bossy/assertive speech. But again, my interpretation could very well be biased.
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
I don't know the background, but moon on pluto/uranus can be very difficult to handle and all of it opposing Saturn/Chiron makes it more so. These are lying on her 2nd/8th axis, so involving her sense of self-esteem. In trying to fight her sense of inferiority she can become compulsively aggressive, but at the same time feels emotionally isolated.
Not an easy personality.
 

VenusianGirl

Well-known member
Hi,

Sorry to hear that you went through that with someone. As for her chart, maybe my interpretation is biased because I read your experiences with her before looking at the chart, but she has ruler of her third (communicaton, mind, etc.) conjunct Mars, and maybe that indicates she is a bit temperamental and hot-headed and perhaps has a harsh, aggressive way with words. Especially when mad.

Ruler of her 7th house is Uranus and it conjuncts Pluto. This is a generational thing conjunction, but Uranus ruling her 7th house (relations with other people) and being conjunct Pluto might mean that this generational aspect plays out in her role through tense, difficult, challenging relationships that are filled with power struggles and psychological/emotional discomfort.

She has Jupiter in the 11th house of friends, but it is in Gemini and Jupiter isn't happy in Gemini. What's more is that it's retrograde and squares her Uranus and Pluto -- which further makes me think that she tends to struggle in her relations with others.

This coupled with her Leo rising may make her seem arrogant, bossy, selfish, quick-tempered, and hard to get to know. She just seems like she's hot-headed, wants control in relationships, and perhaps has harsh or very bossy/assertive speech. But again, my interpretation could very well be biased.


Thank you, I really appreciate your input 🙏🏻🙏🏻
 

VenusianGirl

Well-known member
I don't know the background, but moon on pluto/uranus can be very difficult to handle and all of it opposing Saturn/Chiron makes it more so. These are lying on her 2nd/8th axis, so involving her sense of self-esteem. In trying to fight her sense of inferiority she can become compulsively aggressive, but at the same time feels emotionally isolated.
Not an easy personality.

This is my mom, I thought I would just say woman to keep things a bit more objective. I’m not sure if by me saying she’s my mom, you’d be able to describe her mothering/parenting style better? Or perhaps if you have any suggestions on what you think she should work on in herself (maybe I’d send your tips to her, she believes in astrology, but unfortunately only sees the good versions of herself or then cries woe is me and plays victim for all the pain she’s been the recipient of growing up, which she just keeps using as an excuse for her failures.) As a 53 year old woman, I personally don’t think it’s fair to continue justifying the wrong you do and the pain you inflict, especially to your child, by putting the spotlight on to your own hardships. I’ve never felt like she’s my mom, I’ve always been placed into the role of being HER mom/therapist. Sorry to vent so much, but maybe that adds to the background you referred to! Thanks for your reply!
 

R4VEN

Well-known member
(she hasn’t worked through any of her issues, so I believe she’s living out her negative side rather than positive.)

I think you may have hit the nail on the head with the statement you have made above.

I am more interested, not in how she behaves, but why. I think any attempt to describe her from a natal chart is going to be difficult, given people tend to behave in different ways at different times of life.

Using Evolutionary astrology as a starting point, she has Moon in Virgo in 1st house squaring her Moon's Nodes, indicating a `skipped step' in her soul's evolutionary journey. Add to that Saturn opposing her Moon, and the conjunct between Pluto and Uranus (an indication of the `traumatised generation', or a soul group who brought in deep trauma when they incarnated), then we have someone who has deep - very deep, and probably unacknowledged - issues in relation to her family of origin, and/or her mother, love, acceptance, and maybe also her value. Her Moon is in Virgo can have her being overly critical - of herself, as well as of others. It may be that any criticism she has of others is actually criticism she has received in her early life, and so she is simply `passing it on'. Her Moon's South Node is in the 4th house, and this may confirm what I have said about her family of origin. Whatever is behind it, it is deep-seated, and not openly acknowledged or understood by her.

A couple of other things. Mars conjunct Venus in Aquarius may describe someone who is unable to connect with her own behaviour. Her Jupiter retrograde inconjunct Neptune perhaps leads her to having little clue how her behaviour affects others. It can also be an indication of someone who is invasive, due to having very poor personal boundaries. Again, I have found that those with poor boundaries are usually that way because their own boundaries were invaded in early life (often by abuse) and they have little sense where they end and others begin.
I suspect this woman of having a well of deep-seated anger/rage. It is how she expresses this which is difficult to predict or to define.

Edit: I've just noticed that she has Chiron opposing Pluto. That's a heavy, heavy situation for anyone. This person has been controlled, manipulated, probably abused (and possibly sexually, also), and yet, with all that she has little ability to deal with, or even recognise her own destructive behaviours - towards herself, as well as others.
I also suspect she may have dabbled in drugs/alcohol at some stage, maybe as a way of blocking it all out, and pretending that life is fine, and all is super cool. Her behaviour towards herself as well as others is always going to tell you what she really feels about herself.
 
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ElenaJ

Well-known member
Difficult situation.
So, looking at her, the 5th would be her children. Jupiter ruler is in a stressful aspect with the critical axis I mentioned in my earlier post. It translates into alternating coldness, power plays and just not being there when needed.
Mercury and sun are also there in the 5th, in serious Capricorn, making them trine and sextile to the axis, which relieves some of the stress by syphoning it off. Mercury trine moon, and mercury ruling both her self-esteem and her friendship house, talking out things is an emotional aid for her.
Sun on the other hand is inconjunct Jupiter, so her relationship with her children becomes very stressful for her own individual development.
Having said all this, you actually chose to be born into this relationship. So another part of the puzzle is what part of your own chart is being set off by all this.
One consideration is the fact that you are still there, which is important. Some might have completely abandoned the nest and the conflictual parent and cut ties. You didn't. So there is something there that binds you, that you also have to work out, you don't feel ready to go off and develop it on your own. You need to stay and work it out.
This is one of life's most difficult relationships to work out, there are so many subtle threads that bind and repel, so much karma being paid off or worked out.
At the end, the "normal" route would be for the parent to eventually pass away, leaving the child to continue their own life and reap the rewards of what they invested during a lifetime into the conflict, and how well they were able to internally resolve this conflict.
Because at the end, it is an individual internal conflict, the energy within yourself that you have to come to grips with, evaluate and mold into something healthy and positive for yourself that brings you to grow and become a satisfied happy person. Her energy can be terrible and fierce, but your concern in this lifetime is how to receive it and transform it. If you manage to resolve this inside of yourself, you will be that much richer for it.
Don't count on solving her problems. She has to work on those. And while she identifies with her role of having children, she has to understand that she is the parent, the nourisher, the guider, and not the other way around. She should not work out her problems by leaning on the easiest post she finds for emotional support, her offspring. People have children for lots of reasons, not always healthy ones.
At the end of the day, you are the future, and you have to work on your internal energies. She could even be (to exaggerate) wicked and cruel, but you have to decide how you will internalise this, you have to understand that it is her and not you. You have to really understand and believe that how you are is your decision, you are not condemned to be like her or to succumb to her. Your reaction is in your hands.
Most people have conflictual relationships with their parents, whether the mother or the father, and there is a reason why they chose to be in that situation in this lifetime.
What is yours?
 

VenusianGirl

Well-known member
I think you may have hit the nail on the head with the statement you have made above.

I am more interested, not in how she behaves, but why. I think any attempt to describe her from a natal chart is going to be difficult, given people tend to behave in different ways at different times of life.

Using Evolutionary astrology as a starting point, she has Moon in Virgo in 1st house squaring her Moon's Nodes, indicating a `skipped step' in her soul's evolutionary journey. Add to that Saturn opposing her Moon, and the conjunct between Pluto and Uranus (an indication of the `traumatised generation', or a soul group who brought in deep trauma when they incarnated), then we have someone who has deep - very deep, and probably unacknowledged - issues in relation to her family of origin, and/or her mother, love, acceptance, and maybe also her value. Her Moon is in Virgo can have her being overly critical - of herself, as well as of others. It may be that any criticism she has of others is actually criticism she has received in her early life, and so she is simply `passing it on'. Her Moon's South Node is in the 4th house, and this may confirm what I have said about her family of origin. Whatever is behind it, it is deep-seated, and not openly acknowledged or understood by her.

A couple of other things. Mars conjunct Venus in Aquarius may describe someone who is unable to connect with her own behaviour. Her Jupiter retrograde inconjunct Neptune perhaps leads her to having little clue how her behaviour affects others. It can also be an indication of someone who is invasive, due to having very poor personal boundaries. Again, I have found that those with poor boundaries are usually that way because their own boundaries were invaded in early life (often by abuse) and they have little sense where they end and others begin.
I suspect this woman of having a well of deep-seated anger/rage. It is how she expresses this which is difficult to predict or to define.

Thank you for writing all this, I’m grateful! Everything is true and the part that really resonated is that she isn’t able to connect to her own behavior! I’ve never met someone more unaware and in denial of their actions ... very unfortunate. Thanks again!
 

VenusianGirl

Well-known member
Difficult situation.
So, looking at her, the 5th would be her children. Jupiter ruler is in a stressful aspect with the critical axis I mentioned in my earlier post. It translates into alternating coldness, power plays and just not being there when needed.
Mercury and sun are also there in the 5th, in serious Capricorn, making them trine and sextile to the axis, which relieves some of the stress by syphoning it off. Mercury trine moon, and mercury ruling both her self-esteem and her friendship house, talking out things is an emotional aid for her.
Sun on the other hand is inconjunct Jupiter, so her relationship with her children becomes very stressful for her own individual development.
Having said all this, you actually chose to be born into this relationship. So another part of the puzzle is what part of your own chart is being set off by all this.
One consideration is the fact that you are still there, which is important. Some might have completely abandoned the nest and the conflictual parent and cut ties. You didn't. So there is something there that binds you, that you also have to work out, you don't feel ready to go off and develop it on your own. You need to stay and work it out.
This is one of life's most difficult relationships to work out, there are so many subtle threads that bind and repel, so much karma being paid off or worked out.
At the end, the "normal" route would be for the parent to eventually pass away, leaving the child to continue their own life and reap the rewards of what they invested during a lifetime into the conflict, and how well they were able to internally resolve this conflict.
Because at the end, it is an individual internal conflict, the energy within yourself that you have to come to grips with, evaluate and mold into something healthy and positive for yourself that brings you to grow and become a satisfied happy person. Her energy can be terrible and fierce, but your concern in this lifetime is how to receive it and transform it. If you manage to resolve this inside of yourself, you will be that much richer for it.
Don't count on solving her problems. She has to work on those. And while she identifies with her role of having children, she has to understand that she is the parent, the nourisher, the guider, and not the other way around. She should not work out her problems by leaning on the easiest post she finds for emotional support, her offspring. People have children for lots of reasons, not always healthy ones.
At the end of the day, you are the future, and you have to work on your internal energies. She could even be (to exaggerate) wicked and cruel, but you have to decide how you will internalise this, you have to understand that it is her and not you. You have to really understand and believe that how you are is your decision, you are not condemned to be like her or to succumb to her. Your reaction is in your hands.
Most people have conflictual relationships with their parents, whether the mother or the father, and there is a reason why they chose to be in that situation in this lifetime.
What is yours?

Thank you so much for elaborating 🙏🏻🙏🏻
Power plays and control are a big theme for her, as much as she likes to claim otherwise. And for sure talking about her feelings is her aid, although what I hate about that is that all I recall and still to this day experience is hearing her redundantly and dramatically speak about her emotions, being the recipient of all her baggage being unloaded, but never having the same offered in return. Listening is a term she’s not acquainted with.

As for me staying, unfortunately I’m 22 and I’ve been dealing with serious health issues for the last few years. Just as I started working so that I could finally escape this hell and for once prioritize myself and live for myself, I got sick. I’ve been stuck at home while doing treatments, so I’ve depended on her.

I know it takes two to tango and I believe I’m obviously intertwined in this duo. I just take a lot of pride in how much work I’ve done on myself and especially at such a young age and with all these experiences that could’ve easily made me cold and cruel. I’ve gained so much self awareness, ownership for my words and actions, maturity, patience, comprise and I almost always put everyone before myself. Not in a door mat afraid to confront type of way, I have a very strong personality, but in the sense that I try to be really objective and imagine myself in the other persons shoes. But it’s gotten to a point with my mom where I’m sick of having to always be in her shoes and rationalize for her, when 1. That’s never done for me and 2. rationalizing has also turned into excusing her behavior. I’ve never known what it’s like to feel like I have a gentle, stable, calm, soothing, mature, motherly mom. Everything is always so dramatic, erratic, unstable, and unhealthy dynamic of our mother daughter roles being reversed. I’m ALWAYS the one to initiate “meetings”/talks to rehash what happened during an argument, to communicate normally and fairly.

I have so much compassion for how she was raised and lack of love she got, that a part of me even starts to feel guilty for creating this post. Yet at the same time, another example is that my father passed away a few weeks ago in a horrific car accident that was on the news. My relationship with him wasn’t close or good either and we weren’t on speaking terms for several years. Despite my relationship with him and all the bad he did and the ways in which he failed me as a father, I still have good childhood memories and this loss has been extremely traumatic for me. But my mom hasn’t comforted me at all. She sees her daughter who has suffered physically mentally and emotionally growing up, with my health for the last few years, and now all this overwhelming grief. And in these moments, she chooses to prioritize herself and her feelings by talking poorly about my dad, about all his horrible qualities (they divorced when I was a kid) not hugging me, not telling me good night knowing that night time is the worst for me and that I feel alone and overwhelmed with his death. Expressing her annoyance when I have the desire to talk about him. During arguments when I’d break down and reach a point of transparency telling her I’ve endured too much pain growing up and right now, have been betrayed by her so many times, feel so alone and have encountered moments of not wanting my life to continue, she just flips the script on me and makes it about her. How she had it worse, how other kids and people in the world have it worse, if I say that I’ve contemplated ending my life she’d reply saying “well so have I, and if I die, who is going to take care of you?! You depend on me so stop stressing me out.” Anyways, obviously a 22 year relationship can’t possibly be summarized here, but perhaps that’s at least a glimpse. There’s a comfort in connecting with strangers, so thanks again for your time and words.

I always try to tell her that just because there may be someone out there in a body cast, it doesn’t mean my broken arm doesn’t hurt. It’s a horrible feeling to have your pain and emotions be invalidated.

This is my natal in case it’s needed:

https://ibb.co/T8cV4Xg
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
First off, condolences on the loss of your father. This is always a deep crises, even if you were not in close contact. It's an event that shakes one emotionally and takes time to overcome and resign to him not being there. Our parents are always our basic touchstone from the time of birth, whether they are present or not, and when we lose one of them it rocks our foundation.
Everything you wrote about your relationship with your mother is there in the synastry. If this were a synastry query, I think no one would answer that you two should stay together or that you have a healthy relationship.
But you say you're boxed in.
She has a good question for you, if she should not be there, as will one day happen, who would take care of you? Without knowing what country you live in, surely there are facilities depending on your illness, or infirmity, where you can stay? Could you even do this now?

In earlier postings her chart was written about by myself and others, so I won't repeat those comments, but her moon/pluto/uranus opposing Saturn/Chiron has your mars right there. This is a volatile combination. Half of these planets are working in virgo, who criticises and nitpicks without meaning to, and will set each of you off like a match head lying in heat.
You yourself have a Venus/pluto opposition that squares your virgo moon, but luckily in an early degree it doesn't fall into the configuration above, but it does sit on her moon's node.
In your case, the nodes would seem to point to the karmic relationship you two are living through. With your Venus on her north node you are kind and affectionate towards her, but your pluto on the south node tries to change her and you take on the role of authority between the two of you, possibly left over from a past lifetime.
Luckily, your nodes are near her opposition axis but too far away to be effectively involved.
From what you write, the 4th house would more probably represent your father, with your sun and Venus both there, while your mother would be your 10th, with manipulative pluto there square your emotions (moon).
Her Neptune near your MH opposes your sun in the 4th, so the divorce effected you strongly and with Neptune ruling your 2nd, and moon your 6th, the situation effected you emotionally (which would be logical) and physically. Lacking an emphatic mother figure, you logically tended to idealise him.
With Uranus on the ascendent you too tend to have a strong-willed personality. Your Uranus is inconjunct her moon, so it may not seem like it to you, but you too tend to be unpredictable to her, and erratic, and not there when she needs you. This is not a fault of yours, it's just the way the energies work out between the planets here.
Your mercuries are trine so you actually understand each other very well, and with similar moons you have similar emotional needs, and sometimes this helps but sometimes one sees themselves mirrored and it feels comfortable, but also lacking a counter-balance. Earthy critical virgo needs a watery pisces to bring it out of itself, an intellectual Venus (gemini or Aquarius) can't perform this task.
Transiting neptune is now setting off her volatile moon/pluto/uranus and Saturn/Chiron, making her further confused and illusive. Is she religious?
The same Neptune is opposing your mars, sapping your energy and making you feel ineffective, like swimming in thick soup, not getting anywhere.
Can you try to add a composite to have a quick view of how all this might combine in the relationship?
 

VenusianGirl

Well-known member
First off, condolences on the loss of your father. This is always a deep crises, even if you were not in close contact. It's an event that shakes one emotionally and takes time to overcome and resign to him not being there. Our parents are always our basic touchstone from the time of birth, whether they are present or not, and when we lose one of them it rocks our foundation.
Everything you wrote about your relationship with your mother is there in the synastry. If this were a synastry query, I think no one would answer that you two should stay together or that you have a healthy relationship.
But you say you're boxed in.
She has a good question for you, if she should not be there, as will one day happen, who would take care of you? Without knowing what country you live in, surely there are facilities depending on your illness, or infirmity, where you can stay? Could you even do this now?

In earlier postings her chart was written about by myself and others, so I won't repeat those comments, but her moon/pluto/uranus opposing Saturn/Chiron has your mars right there. This is a volatile combination. Half of these planets are working in virgo, who criticises and nitpicks without meaning to, and will set each of you off like a match head lying in heat.
You yourself have a Venus/pluto opposition that squares your virgo moon, but luckily in an early degree it doesn't fall into the configuration above, but it does sit on her moon's node.
In your case, the nodes would seem to point to the karmic relationship you two are living through. With your Venus on her north node you are kind and affectionate towards her, but your pluto on the south node tries to change her and you take on the role of authority between the two of you, possibly left over from a past lifetime.
Luckily, your nodes are near her opposition axis but too far away to be effectively involved.
From what you write, the 4th house would more probably represent your father, with your sun and Venus both there, while your mother would be your 10th, with manipulative pluto there square your emotions (moon).
Her Neptune near your MH opposes your sun in the 4th, so the divorce effected you strongly and with Neptune ruling your 2nd, and moon your 6th, the situation effected you emotionally (which would be logical) and physically. Lacking an emphatic mother figure, you logically tended to idealise him.
With Uranus on the ascendent you too tend to have a strong-willed personality. Your Uranus is inconjunct her moon, so it may not seem like it to you, but you too tend to be unpredictable to her, and erratic, and not there when she needs you. This is not a fault of yours, it's just the way the energies work out between the planets here.
Your mercuries are trine so you actually understand each other very well, and with similar moons you have similar emotional needs, and sometimes this helps but sometimes one sees themselves mirrored and it feels comfortable, but also lacking a counter-balance. Earthy critical virgo needs a watery pisces to bring it out of itself, an intellectual Venus (gemini or Aquarius) can't perform this task.
Transiting neptune is now setting off her volatile moon/pluto/uranus and Saturn/Chiron, making her further confused and illusive. Is she religious?
The same Neptune is opposing your mars, sapping your energy and making you feel ineffective, like swimming in thick soup, not getting anywhere.
Can you try to add a composite to have a quick view of how all this might combine in the relationship?

Thank you for your condolences, I appreciate it.

Unfortunately all of my treatments are with doctors outside of my country, I don’t have the specialists I need locally, so my mom and I have been traveling constantly.

I can’t say I really idealized my father and he was actually very Pluto like too, major control/power issues, very manipulative and vengeful. I just meant that now that’s he’s passed, I obviously want to remember some of the good memories too and in those moments that’s when my mom almost gets offended claiming that I’m canceling out all the bad he did. She chooses to still focus only the negative about my dad.

I think I’ve also worked through a lot of my own things as I’ve said and so I wouldn’t say that I’m not there for my mom or am unpredictable. She has always said I’m the only “normal” one in the family who she feels like she can talk to. I’ve always been the parental figure for her and play therapist, because she’s put me in those roles from a very young age. Major boundary issues and she’s also wanted to be my best friend first instead of a mom, and all that’s caused is neither a mom nor a friend.

My mom is VERY spiritual and although I’m open minded, her naivety irritates me. In the last 10 years she’s been so blinded by spiritual gurus, believing false information and even paying for some services, with money she doesn’t even have to begin with since it’s all being spent on my health. I don’t trust anyone at all in life, so I’ve tested all these spiritual gurus and caught them lying. But when I prove it to her with evidence, it’s like she has rose colored glasses on. Especially with a new healer she’s dealing with now. I don’t know if this is linked to that transit you mentioned or something natally.

Composite:

https://ibb.co/5vdZyym
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
Venus and mars, asc/desc rulers are trine which shows what is keeping you together.
Mars conjunct Uranus is the volatile expression of what we saw in the synastry.
The sun/saturn conjunction confirms how suffocating the relationship can be, square Neptune is the dependency, weakness and illusions.
If you can find a way to spend time away from her, not be 7/24 together, it could give you both some air to breath and rebalance yourselves. You wouldn't be feeding off of negative emotions continually, and be stronger and able to keep a detachment.
 

VenusianGirl

Well-known member
Venus and mars, asc/desc rulers are trine which shows what is keeping you together.
Mars conjunct Uranus is the volatile expression of what we saw in the synastry.
The sun/saturn conjunction confirms how suffocating the relationship can be, square Neptune is the dependency, weakness and illusions.
If you can find a way to spend time away from her, not be 7/24 together, it could give you both some air to breath and rebalance yourselves. You wouldn't be feeding off of negative emotions continually, and be stronger and able to keep a detachment.

Thank you 🙏🏻 I hope to experience that day soon when I can move out and give us some space, I think that would help our relationship a lot.

Would you say based on her natal or transit that major delusions are present regarding the religion/spirituality?
 

ElenaJ

Well-known member
With her Neptune aspect she can be quite gullible, and this in general. Neptune is near the midpoint of sun and uranus/pluto, activating all those energies discussed earlier, and acting as an escape. She sees things through a little bubble cloud of her creation, sort of floating parallel in her own reality, as a protective shield.
This is something that can be helpful for example with writers and artists, if it touches moon or mercury or Venus. If the energy is directed positively. Otherwise it weakens the character, rather than facing reality it floats off. It's a psychological device that serves to protect from painful insights. You have to be careful, shaking it is like taking crutches away from a cripple.
 

VenusianGirl

Well-known member
With her Neptune aspect she can be quite gullible, and this in general. Neptune is near the midpoint of sun and uranus/pluto, activating all those energies discussed earlier, and acting as an escape. She sees things through a little bubble cloud of her creation, sort of floating parallel in her own reality, as a protective shield.
This is something that can be helpful for example with writers and artists, if it touches moon or mercury or Venus. If the energy is directed positively. Otherwise it weakens the character, rather than facing reality it floats off. It's a psychological device that serves to protect from painful insights. You have to be careful, shaking it is like taking crutches away from a cripple.

“Shaking it is like taking crutches away from a cripple.” Spot on, that’s exactly what it feels like whenever I try taking those rose coloured glasses off her. Thanks again!
 
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