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  #1  
Unread 10-12-2017, 05:39 AM
Wrt2lv Wrt2lv is offline
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Would this relationship be too volatile to pursue? Or should I let it go?

I'll spare you all the long narrative of how this situation came to be, but basically:
- There's this guy (22, bi) whom I have fallen for hard (I am a guy - 29, gay). It's weird because 1) We only met 2 months ago, 2) I historically am very hard to woo / am very resistant to falling (partly due to past traumas), and 3) Never thought I'd fall so hard for a guy so much younger. (I usually skew older.)
- We established a great connection (on accident and out of nowhere) but then I discover he's moving away. He's just recently moved, but will be back here regularly (he's from here and whole family is here).
- I don't readily connect to most guys these days and am usually very clear-sighted about this kind of thing. But we developed a very strong connection over a short time and even though he's moved away, we're still on great terms and I know I'll be seeing him again.
- Just wondering if there's something in our synastry that might give me enough pause to reconsider whether this would be worth pursuing in the long run or if I should shift my attentions elsewhere.
- It kind of frightens me how easily and quickly I fell for him, and how strong the energy is between us, and if there's something there that ought to deter me from pursuing this I'd like to know.

A couple aspects in our synastry I can see that I'm interested in are:
- My Venus (Aquarius) opposite his Venus (Leo). I've read conflicting reports that Venus opp. Venus can be good or horrible.
- My Mars and his Pluto are conjunct both in Scorpio. Seems like this could be a source of some of that energy between us, maybe?
- His Lilith is almost exactly conjunct my Chiron in Gemini on the 6th house cusp
- Our Chirons square each other
- His Chiron is also conjunct my South Node
- My Lilith is conjunct both his Sun and his Venus

Our synastry chart is attached. I'm inside circle (blue) he's outer (red).
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File Type: jpg synastry.jpg (44.8 KB, 27 views)


Last edited by Wrt2lv; 10-13-2017 at 04:30 PM.
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  #2  
Unread 10-15-2017, 01:47 AM
Wrt2lv Wrt2lv is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

Any ideas? Grateful for any insights.

Is my question too vague? Should I have singled out a specific aspect to look at? I think I'm most intrigued by the following:
- conjunction of his 7th house vertex with my 3rd house Moon
- opposition of his leo Venus and my aquarius Venus
- my Venus trine his Mars
- His Chiron conjunct my south node
- My moon conjunct his south node
- His Lilith conjunct my Chiron
- His Midheaven conjunct my Descendant
- My Ascendant conjunct his IC
- I also saw my Vesta conjunct his Venus, his Vesta conjunct my Vertex, and my north node trine his Pluto.

Kind of concerned about our squares:
- Saturn square chiron
- chiron square chiron
- Pluto square sun
- Sun Square Mars
- Neptune Square Mars

Last edited by Wrt2lv; 10-16-2017 at 12:29 AM.
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  #3  
Unread 10-18-2017, 03:11 AM
thelivingsky thelivingsky is offline
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Re: Would this relationship be too volatile to pursue? Or should I let it go?

Can you post the composite chart? It looks like you probably have a big stellium in the composite and perhaps the NNode on the Moon both of which are very positive, but i am just guessing by eyeing the two charts.

Barb at thelivingsky.wordpress.com
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  #4  
Unread 10-18-2017, 04:37 AM
Wrt2lv Wrt2lv is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

Sure, here's the composite. Looking at this, it looks kind of horrible based on all the terrible aspects, but then again I don't really know anything about composite charts so maybe there's something good in there.
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  #5  
Unread 10-18-2017, 05:26 AM
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mdinaz mdinaz is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

That's a difficult composite. The synastry is how you interact as individuals, but the composite shows how you interact as a couple. The two charts can indicate completely different things as some people make great friends and a horrible couple, or have zero in common and make a great couple.
You want to see positive aspects between the personal planets, and here they are all square or opposite each other, as well as with Chiron. This would be an incredibly difficult pairing with one or both people continually hurting the other. It would be emotionally stifling and argumentative. Sorry for the news but you should definitely look elsewhere as far as a coupling relationship goes.
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  #6  
Unread 10-18-2017, 05:43 AM
Wrt2lv Wrt2lv is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

Yikes! That's good to know, but also a bummer. We spent a lot of time together over the past couple months and only had a great time (he initiated all of it...if he hadn't I probably would have just been content thinking him a friendly guy). But I guess if we tried to go deeper we'd start hitting those rough composite aspects.

Just what I wanted to know though. No pursuit, just friends!

Last edited by Wrt2lv; 10-18-2017 at 05:46 AM.
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  #7  
Unread 10-18-2017, 01:24 PM
thelivingsky thelivingsky is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

The Composite shows many red lines (squares and oppositions) but some of those are because the orbs used are quite wide. The Venus opposition Sun/Mercury never happens in reality - it is an artifact of making composite charts so many astrologers would read that as a Venus conjunct the Sun/Mercury/Mars. S we can read the Venus position as being 5 degrees Scorpio. This then is a 4 planet stellium and these always make for a very intense attraction and initial very quick feelings of sympatico. You also have a Moon stellium in this chart which also contributes to attraction.

But unfortunately the stelliums are square each other and that is very difficult. And the Pluto square to the Moon/Saturn, Jupiter is very difficult. Most telling is that the Nodes do not aspect the stelliums in a way to suggest longevity.

I often see difficult aspects to Chiron in Composite charts of couples who have been together a very long time, so they do not seen to be as fatal as one would think. Also Jupiter squares and oppositions tend to be relatively benign.

But I am not seeing signs of longevity and fulfillment here.

Barb at thelivingsky.wordpress.com
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  #8  
Unread 10-21-2017, 02:15 AM
rainbows rainbows is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

I just read through the aspects you posted...I can't say as I'm new to astrology as well, I've only been looking at my serious personal relationships but in my experience mars pluto hard aspects can be hellish if not supported..and venus signs (in my opinion) really need to be compatible for the love to feel truely understood and loved on both sides. The summary of these aspects feel mostly lustful and a bit potentially agressive to me so if thats what you're after go for it but I'd keep a watchful eye out for toxic behaviors here.

Last edited by rainbows; 10-21-2017 at 04:57 AM.
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  #9  
Unread 10-23-2017, 06:41 PM
Wrt2lv Wrt2lv is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

Thanks for the insights, everyone! This was kind of what I was afraid of, so I feel safe not pursuing a relationship with this person. We had this really magnetic connection that developed very quickly and like I said was actually a little unsettling to me. But powerful. So I will keep my distance as romance is concerned.
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  #10  
Unread 10-29-2017, 01:27 PM
Tryalchemy Tryalchemy is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

Hey, I really feel for you. In my previous relationship, he was 21 and I am 30. The age difference is the ONLY thing that manifests itself in ways that seem impossible. And this will not be noticeable at the start of something serious. But it does eventually leak out, and if you are prepared, you can be successful.

First of all, let me just say, I do not believe you should ever let synastry determine whether or not you should give it a shot. You should ALWAYS try. Even if it ends badly, at least you aren't going to be left wondering if it could have been good. You should never pass up the opportunity. You can never be 100% certain how it will turn out. The way to be successful in a relationship with terrible synastry is to be aware of how the aspects will play out, and what to do when you begin to see them in action. It only takes one person to do this, but if your partner can participate and is interested in astrology as well, so much the better. If two people are able to participate in identifying and working on challenges, the relationship is far less likely to fail. The reason most relationships fail is because one person gives up and eventually the other person does as well.

I can tell that you obviously have deeper feelings, and I know that the synastry might not be great, but what if you were to try it out with him and utilize these charts to be aware of what could arise and find out how to work through those issues?

If he is into astrology, or open to it, you could show him the chart and explain where you guys might have problems, so you are both aware them. All problems have solutions. I think that ALONE diffuses so many problems and natural instincts. Oddly enough, I have thought about your question for a few days, because I am a relationship counselor, I felt extremely sad about your decision to not go ahead and see what happens. I truly feel that you will be missing out on something you are meant to experience. I say this not just from relational knowledge, but also heightened intuition. I feel this experience will help you release inhibitions that have been created from your past, and even if it does not work out, you will gain far more then you will lose. I think you need this to free yourself from the chains of the past. He could be very good for you, in many ways you'd not have thought.

Synastry, when terrible, can ALWAYS be worked through. The problem that is most likely to occur is that you will be more patient and able to work through the issues then he will be. This is due to the age difference. Be aware that he may not be able to comprehend what needs to be changed or confronted to make things harmonious if issues do arise. At his age, even if he does understand, he might not have the patience or endurance to go through many trial and errors that everyone faces in serious relationships. If you can be compassionate and detach yourself from taking any of those things personally, and remember the age difference, and practice patience with him and if you are willing to put in a bit more work on your end, then I strongly suggest you try it out and see where it goes.

This is actually very rewarding, and can lead to a higher, more evolved spiritual self.

If you want, send me a private message and I can do a full chart analysis for both of you using a few different techniques and create a summary of what main problems might occur and how to deal with them. I have much experience with unconventional relationships and I use astrology to help couples who have even reached the point of no return. I want so much for people to give everything a chance, to open their hearts to possibilities and not be afraid or the outcome. There is no other way to love. And there is no better experience when love happens in this way.

You seem to have already made up your mind but I do urge you to reconsider.

Don't ever let a spark die without at least attempting to start a fire.
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  #11  
Unread 10-29-2017, 06:03 PM
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mdinaz mdinaz is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

In my experience, a relationship should not be about work and effort and compromise. It should be about ease and flow and fun. If you constantly have to work at it and both parties have to continually give themselves up, it's the wrong relationship. This doesn't mean it's a waste of time, quite the opposite. Every one of them can be a valuable experience, and one that leads you to the right relationship.
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  #12  
Unread 10-29-2017, 08:40 PM
Wrt2lv Wrt2lv is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

Thanks, TryAlchemy. I think you're right about the age difference. I've never been this attracted to someone significantly younger and that was what initially gave me pause. I thought, what's going on here? This isn't normal. I wondered how it might work since all our interactions we'd had to this point have been intense/charged and positive. The composite gives me pause about pursuing romance, but I think we could be really good friends.

Even if we worked out the kinks, I'd almost be a little worried that the relationship might take on a sort of big brother or mentor relationship. "When I was your age..." I know 8 years isn't really that much in the grand scheme of things but 22 vs 29 is a little significant since the 20s are an integral time of growing up. I was a lot different at 22 and had a different outlook (and am going through Saturn return now!)

I noticed he was the one who initiated it all. I always thought he was interesting but I kind of wrote it off initially because of the age gap. But he has this "not like the others" aura about him. And he wants to keep our communication going through letters in the interim before he comes back here, which I'm obliging. So maybe I will try to test the waters.

He doesn't know a lot about astrology, but he's open-minded to that and other mystical/occult stuff. I might broach the subject in a letter.
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  #13  
Unread 10-31-2017, 11:42 AM
Tryalchemy Tryalchemy is offline
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Re: Should I pursue him or should I let it go?

If you feel comfortable doing so, you don't even have to commit to anything serious while in the process of seeing how things go on a deeper level. Even when dating multiple people at once, you'll know deep down who you are more inclined to. It's probably good that you don't have constant physical contact, so you can keep your distance and protect yourself in the process of gradually getting closer. But like I said, the only thing that could potentially be a real issue is the age difference. I have found that in regard to age, most people in their early 20's will have difficulty in romantic relationships with anyone more then 8 years older then them. Once people get to about 35, the age gap is not nearly as noticeable due to a certain level of experience obtained by both people. The priorities of those in their early 20s are just so extremely different from those in their late 20s as well. However, sometimes we come to a time in our life where we NEED to have passion and challenges to learn, grow, and feel the ultimate "highs" of having feelings for someone. Whatever you decide to do, always trust your feelings, and if you feel that magnetism, you should grab onto it :]
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  #14  
Unread 11-01-2017, 10:43 PM
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Re: Would this relationship be too volatile to pursue? Or should I let it go?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wrt2lv View Post
I'll spare you all the long narrative of how this situation came to be, but basically:
- There's this guy (22, bi) whom I have fallen for hard (I am a guy - 29, gay). It's weird because 1) We only met 2 months ago, 2) I historically am very hard to woo / am very resistant to falling (partly due to past traumas), and 3) Never thought I'd fall so hard for a guy so much younger. (I usually skew older.)
- We established a great connection (on accident and out of nowhere) but then I discover he's moving away. He's just recently moved, but will be back here regularly (he's from here and whole family is here).
- I don't readily connect to most guys these days and am usually very clear-sighted about this kind of thing. But we developed a very strong connection over a short time and even though he's moved away, we're still on great terms and I know I'll be seeing him again.
- Just wondering if there's something in our synastry that might give me enough pause to reconsider whether this would be worth pursuing in the long run or if I should shift my attentions elsewhere.
- It kind of frightens me how easily and quickly I fell for him, and how strong the energy is between us, and if there's something there that ought to deter me from pursuing this I'd like to know.

A couple aspects in our synastry I can see that I'm interested in are:
- My Venus (Aquarius) opposite his Venus (Leo). I've read conflicting reports that Venus opp. Venus can be good or horrible.
- My Mars and his Pluto are conjunct both in Scorpio. Seems like this could be a source of some of that energy between us, maybe?
- His Lilith is almost exactly conjunct my Chiron in Gemini on the 6th house cusp
- Our Chirons square each other
- His Chiron is also conjunct my South Node
- My Lilith is conjunct both his Sun and his Venus

Our synastry chart is attached. I'm inside circle (blue) he's outer (red).
So his venus, mercury and sun are in your 7th house? At first it seems like the best placement possible. Venus in the 7th house is a strong indication he sees you as a possible marriage partner. BUT, his planets are making nothing but squares and quincunxes to your planets. This is bad. But you two still have the possibilty to be in a relationship if your Solar return chart supports this.
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