As I posted in my introduction, I've learned to be careful reading for myself. In the process of trying to better understand a very challenging relationship, and studying its composite chart, I stumbled on a discussion on this site that pointed out that a Square from Pluto to the Ascendant in such a chart was a sure sign that one should get out. Which is just one of the challenging aspects on the composite describing a relationship that has had a huge impact on my life. I have attempted to attach the chart to this message.
Background: This relationship started 53 years ago, when I was 17 and had just entered college. I instantly recognized this person, and after an initially intense connection, we had an on-and-off platonic relationship for the next several years that ended when we attempted to become intimate. I had thought it was just a crush, and assumed the whole time this very handsome, very sexually active man hadn't had strong feelings for the sweet little girl he had taken under his wing.
Decades later, I had heard something that made me think he had died. I found myself writing novels about the man I had remembered. Years later, he morphed into the hero of a book that achieved a small amount of fame.
I have been very happily partnered with a warm, loving, very creative man for the past 23 years. But last winter, as Uranus moved into the square with my very early natal Leo Sun, I started feeling as if my life had become far too comfortable and stagnant. At that point, events led to my discovering that this man I hadn't seen in 50 years lived not far away from me. We met, neither of us expecting anything save a bit of nostalgia, only to find ourselves in the grip of that obsessive, Composites' Pluto-Asc square.
We discovered, to our mutual shock, that after he graduated college and moved far away he had tried to connect with me so he could ask me to marry him, but a very Uranian circumstance intervened so that my enthusiastic reply to the letter he'd sent, which had been very vague about why he wanted to hear from me, got lost, and we both ended up feeling that the other had no interest in us. The discovery this fall that we had both loved eadch other, but been unable to show it, due largely to poor self-esteem, rocked both of our worlds, as we both write and have other strong interests in common, and both imagined what we could have done together.
But we both now are in committed relationships. He is having a very hard time dealing with how attracted he is to me, and I with him. Though I am very aware that we could never live together comfortably, given the many incompatibilities in our natal charts, and of course, personalities, I keep feeling that we could still, despite our age, do something wonderfully creative together. There is just so much energy here.
We rarely see each other, but when we do, it is intense. We have a strong psychic connection. If I get pissed at him for not writing, the email appears almost immediately. We both admit to holding imaginary conversations with each other.
I have been much more creative and productive at a very high level in my writing since he showed up. I am getting a lot more insight into my 2nd house issues of not valuing myself without the feedback from other people.
We both yearn to take some kind of journey together. I have made it clear it must be platonic. To my surprise, my partner has been very supportive, knowing me very well, and telling me that I do seem to need whatever it is that is here and telling me I can always come home and find him still waiting for me. My friend's partner, whose natal Sun is within one degree of opposition to mine, is not so tolerant.
So here I am, hoping that some of you very talented astrologers here might have some insight to share with me. I do believe in past lives, based on a great deal of life-experience, though not in an airheaded New Agey kind of way. If ever a relationship had "Past Life" stamped on it, this is the one.
What do you see on this chart? What can I do to deal with this in the most productive, growth-enhancing way. It is not a comfortable relationship, but has much of the "grain of sand" in the oyster feel to it.
Background: This relationship started 53 years ago, when I was 17 and had just entered college. I instantly recognized this person, and after an initially intense connection, we had an on-and-off platonic relationship for the next several years that ended when we attempted to become intimate. I had thought it was just a crush, and assumed the whole time this very handsome, very sexually active man hadn't had strong feelings for the sweet little girl he had taken under his wing.
Decades later, I had heard something that made me think he had died. I found myself writing novels about the man I had remembered. Years later, he morphed into the hero of a book that achieved a small amount of fame.
I have been very happily partnered with a warm, loving, very creative man for the past 23 years. But last winter, as Uranus moved into the square with my very early natal Leo Sun, I started feeling as if my life had become far too comfortable and stagnant. At that point, events led to my discovering that this man I hadn't seen in 50 years lived not far away from me. We met, neither of us expecting anything save a bit of nostalgia, only to find ourselves in the grip of that obsessive, Composites' Pluto-Asc square.
We discovered, to our mutual shock, that after he graduated college and moved far away he had tried to connect with me so he could ask me to marry him, but a very Uranian circumstance intervened so that my enthusiastic reply to the letter he'd sent, which had been very vague about why he wanted to hear from me, got lost, and we both ended up feeling that the other had no interest in us. The discovery this fall that we had both loved eadch other, but been unable to show it, due largely to poor self-esteem, rocked both of our worlds, as we both write and have other strong interests in common, and both imagined what we could have done together.
But we both now are in committed relationships. He is having a very hard time dealing with how attracted he is to me, and I with him. Though I am very aware that we could never live together comfortably, given the many incompatibilities in our natal charts, and of course, personalities, I keep feeling that we could still, despite our age, do something wonderfully creative together. There is just so much energy here.
We rarely see each other, but when we do, it is intense. We have a strong psychic connection. If I get pissed at him for not writing, the email appears almost immediately. We both admit to holding imaginary conversations with each other.
I have been much more creative and productive at a very high level in my writing since he showed up. I am getting a lot more insight into my 2nd house issues of not valuing myself without the feedback from other people.
We both yearn to take some kind of journey together. I have made it clear it must be platonic. To my surprise, my partner has been very supportive, knowing me very well, and telling me that I do seem to need whatever it is that is here and telling me I can always come home and find him still waiting for me. My friend's partner, whose natal Sun is within one degree of opposition to mine, is not so tolerant.
So here I am, hoping that some of you very talented astrologers here might have some insight to share with me. I do believe in past lives, based on a great deal of life-experience, though not in an airheaded New Agey kind of way. If ever a relationship had "Past Life" stamped on it, this is the one.
What do you see on this chart? What can I do to deal with this in the most productive, growth-enhancing way. It is not a comfortable relationship, but has much of the "grain of sand" in the oyster feel to it.