Sagakkan
Well-known member
Hello,
For the last 9 months or so I've been experiencing a great deal of chaos, including my home being destroyed (and rebuilt, though not nearly as comfortably as I would have liked). Various problems relating to the teeth, joints, skin and hair have appeared, including scalp/ facial eczema and hair loss, in response to which I have felt so much shame, I can't even describe. Maybe I would be able to deal with this if I had parents or friends who were around that could understand why these things upset me, or a nice, comfortable home. My parents are supportive but they are also kind of unstable (one is an alcoholic), unpredictable and so different from myself that they will probably never be able to understand the things I think or feel. At college I have people I like to be around, but at home (where I am now, on leave of absence), there is no one.....even when I do have people around, the shame I feel keeps me from truly feeling connected.
Achieving greatness and individual superiority used to be my 1st priority, but now I would do almost anything just to have enough self-esteem to participate in life and the world....the good part is that I feel better than I did 4-5 months ago (I felt like just giving up on life completely), I have begun to believe that things absolutely will get better. I still believe I will absolutely achieve a greatness beyond that of ordinary mortals in this lifetime, somehow. But for now I really just want to feel connected, and a release of shame.
Based on my chart, can you tell when the difficult influences might lift, and the good things might come? My birth certificate doesn't have an exact time of birth, my parents say around 6:30-6:45. I put 6:50 because I very much feel like a 12th house mercury and not a 1st house one.
For the last 9 months or so I've been experiencing a great deal of chaos, including my home being destroyed (and rebuilt, though not nearly as comfortably as I would have liked). Various problems relating to the teeth, joints, skin and hair have appeared, including scalp/ facial eczema and hair loss, in response to which I have felt so much shame, I can't even describe. Maybe I would be able to deal with this if I had parents or friends who were around that could understand why these things upset me, or a nice, comfortable home. My parents are supportive but they are also kind of unstable (one is an alcoholic), unpredictable and so different from myself that they will probably never be able to understand the things I think or feel. At college I have people I like to be around, but at home (where I am now, on leave of absence), there is no one.....even when I do have people around, the shame I feel keeps me from truly feeling connected.
Achieving greatness and individual superiority used to be my 1st priority, but now I would do almost anything just to have enough self-esteem to participate in life and the world....the good part is that I feel better than I did 4-5 months ago (I felt like just giving up on life completely), I have begun to believe that things absolutely will get better. I still believe I will absolutely achieve a greatness beyond that of ordinary mortals in this lifetime, somehow. But for now I really just want to feel connected, and a release of shame.
Based on my chart, can you tell when the difficult influences might lift, and the good things might come? My birth certificate doesn't have an exact time of birth, my parents say around 6:30-6:45. I put 6:50 because I very much feel like a 12th house mercury and not a 1st house one.