Re: Lifelong astrologer abandons me at agonizing time
If your Saturn was conjunct her Sun, just as the pattern with your abusive Mother, then your astrologer/friend did you a favor by stepping away.
As you say, time for YOU to deal with this karmic debt and work through it on your own.
I can hear from you that your life has been quite a difficult struggle. All of this work now means the next will be much smoother...
Meditate on it. Write about it. Sing about it. Talk about it...ponder it. Accept it. Grieve about it. Own it and Love yourself.