Why am I disgusted with my ex-husband?

Well, my divorce has just been finalized; I have maintained contact with my ex-husband through the entire process, although our relationship is more like me=therapist and him=patient at this point. He was emotionally (and occasionally physically) abusive through our relationship, although I had a tendency to yell at him a lot, so I guess I was emotionally abusive as well. However, it wasn't until very recently, when I started speaking more regularly with a counselor and had my psychiatric meds finally sorted out, that I realized that I have lost all respect for him. I still feel as if he's someone I care about, like a family member, but I find myself disgusted with him; completely disillusioned. I have attached our synastry chart and have noticed that our key inter-planetary contacts were mostly negative and our relationship was largely unequal, so I can't understand why I stayed with him for 4 years and then married him for 2. What was the attraction? I notice our axes line up nicely, and we have a lot of Mercury contacts, but no Venus-Mars contacts, mutual Sun, Moon, and Venus contacts are mostly negative (Sun sq. Sun, Sun opp. Mars), negative Saturn contacts, negative Ascendant contacts and no particular house emphasis in the chart that would indicate a romantic relationship. I could see us being casual friends/acquaintances, but nothing that shows that I would be DISGUSTED with him or have no respect for him. Thoughts?

My thought is that not everything comes down to astrology. This might be heretical on these forums, but there is such thing as life experience and personal chemistry and a whole bunch of other things that are co-factors in your experience of another person, that a chart simply can't describe. Synastry charts provide good bone structure, but it's the two people and their respective life experiences that paint the canvas. 'Disgust' is more like a delayed reaction to feelings you probably displaced elsewhere while you were in the relationship; now that you are out of it, you are able to actually feel them appropriately.

It seems to me that by focusing on an astrological chart to 'explain' your feelings for him, is simply another way of avoiding actually feeling and experiencing them as being valid for what they are: feelings.

AG

You're probably right; I just wish there were some way to "explain" the way I feel now about everything. I feel as if I had blinders on the entire time we were together; I keep feeling like our relationship had such a strong Neptunian influence. Perhaps it's the fact that I have Neptune in my 7th house? Maybe it's something I should be careful of...

Also, he has some major issues with truthfulness and control, as I noticed in his natal chart. He also has a Mars Sq. Uranus which is replicated in our synastry chart (a sign of violence?). There was a lot of violence in our relationship, emotional on my end of things and emotional/physical on his. It took a while for my therapist to convince me that it wasn't my fault that he had acted that way.

Absolutely it wasn't your fault. A 7th house Neptune does, however, have a lot to answer for; I think you are right to make sure that you are going into relationships with eyes wide open. If you don't trust what you're feeling, ask a level-headed friend, and trust what they tell you. Having ideals is great but they sometimes obscure reality.

But losing respect for someone who harmed you in any way, whether physical or emotional or verbal, is a perfectly normal, perfectly healthy reaction, and probably shows that you are becoming healthier in yourself, and healing. There may or may not be chart influences (natal or transit) but it seems to me that being disgusted with your ex isn't really something you necessarily even need to question. I mean, the reasons are right there! A Mars square Uranus aspect certainly can indicate a tendency to violence; not always, but often enough. Well done for getting out.

AG

hi normak
looking at your composite chart the abusive conditions are apparent as well as reasons why you put up with this for so long.
the asbusive aspect are many.mars/chiron midpoint square to pluto/saturn,saturn/chiron midpoint square to pluto,mars/pluto midpoint conjunct jupiter,uranus/pluto midpoint square the sun.these all are physically and emotionally abusive aspects.
as to why you tolerated it, starting with the venus square to neptune shows that you deluded yourself and saw what you wanted to see.this aspects also implies that alcohol or scripts were part of you relationship.the venus/neptune midpoint is conjunct to the sun and opposed to the moon/pluto midpoint.this shows a very intense physical/sexual connection that may at one point "hooked" you into tolerating the negative aspects.this aspect can also give a feeling that the relationship was destined or you were soulmates , at least in the beginning. the neptune self delusion could have encouraged you to feel thing would change and go back to the " idealistic" beginnings.venus is opposed to the mars/saturn midpoint also, so this implies that the physical severity of the relationship was something you felt you deserved.the abusive aspects all undermind your self esteem and allow him to may you think you are the cause of the problems and his violence.
with the venus/moon midpoint to mercury and opposed to the jupiter/uranus midpoint, there are the aspects indicating the arguements and shouting .as you mentioned this seemed to be part of the problem but not to the degree of the abuse you recieved.
the venus/chiron midpoint is opposed to pluto/saturn midpoint and square the mars/chiron mdpoint which shows that you probably were subject to some type of emotional abuse at the minimum during your childhood.with saturn on the ascendant, your relationship could have mirrored negative interaction with your father figure.as archergirl mentioned sometimes it doesn't take referring to astrology to get insights to one's situation.in cases of abuse,victims are often drawn unconsciously to perpetrators who will continue abusive conditions that they were subjected to in their childhood.i haven't looked at your natal chart but i would think that you follow this pattern.the neptune influence can indicate that you may not remember negative childhood experiences but the venus oppose to the saturn/mars midpoint and the venus/chiron opposed to the saturn/pluto midpoint indicate that you were probably insensitiized to this behavior as a child and hence would look to blame yourself first rather than realizing he was a fault.

rahu

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but if you saw 'clearly' then perhaps you would have missed the Lessons.... cos that's what we are all here to experience.

I noticed one of you had mercury in Pisces, it's been my experience that all the mutable mercury's are capable of forked tongues or duplicity, espec if in aspect good or bad to neptune.

You could have the best synastry in the world, but unless you have good communications, are honest with each other about your needs, wishes and desires and 'both' of you want the same things...........then nothing will happen. It cannot make anyone change, or love you more. Some challenging squares, oppositions in synastry can be healthy, and may require one or both of you to grow in some way.

I am of the belief that people come in and out of our lives for a reason, either we have to teach them something or we have to learn something from them. There is Always an exchange, good or bad.

Good luck with your journey

Why are you disgusted with your ex husband?
Because he is your ex!

Sorry my sense of humor is different that is for sure...

I know that some people are able to maintain friendships with their ex's, as I have tried with mine in the past (boyfriends)
However, I never have been able to...
I agree with the above answer of astrologer 50, we are meant to have people in our lives during certain times and when they become useless to us (we outgrow them) then it is time to move on...
I think your inner voice (5th chakra) is telling you that it is over and moving on is completely essential....

Are you aware that you hvae posted your 'birth data' along with your chart, I strongly suggest you remove and block it out.

Did you notice the inside chart has N Node conjunt Juno? Karmically then this was a Lesson indeed for your both and now it's time to move on....

Outside chart has moon opp pluto natally but conj the others Pluto Saturn conj. So the moon person would have felt controlled (Pluto) and unloved (saturn)

It's all there if you want to dissect it, but really it's time to look after yourself and rebuild your own self worth and confidence

Good luck on your journey

Thanks for your insight; I took your advice and re-uploaded the chart with the birth data blotted out. I actually thought that N Node conjunct Juno was a positive contact in synastry. I can see what you mean about my ex-husband feeling unloved. I suppose I was really hard on him, but I felt like I was taking care of a child who refused to take responsibility for anything. Plus, he had been abused by his stepfather and that sort of colored how he saw me. And, he was violent towards me. So, in short, not a good situation. At this point, now that I've cut him off, I no longer feel disgusted with him. It's heart-wrenching whenever I'm reminded of him; I feel like I've lost a child or a family member or part of my body. He always looked so sad and lost, but refused to accept help. The last time I spoke with him, he had been seeing a counselor and apologized for being so "messed up" and having emotional problems. He told me that he was working on things and feeling much more hopeful. I told him, in the end, I couldn't have contact with him for a while. I feel so guilty for cutting him off, but I know it had to be done. I just wish it didn't hurt so much.