This is a classic sign you are with a narcissist/psychopath. Are you still with him? Leaving can be really hard because of trauma bonding or being together cos of kids or money. But I swear, if you stay he will totally destroy you. You will lose your identity and your soul. Lots of ppl go as low as wanting to commit suicide. Does the narc care? No. It is their goal to lower you to the lowest point. Its what they live for. It feeds them. They don't know how to have empathy. That part of their brain was never developed as a child. The biggest mistake an empathy can do is think that by giving the narc lots of love, he will be happy. This is hugely incorrect and worsens the situation because the narc not only loses more respect for you, but he knows he can abuse you even more and use you like a puppet. You will be right in the palm of his hands where he wants you.
So here are tips, off the top of my head, on the only things you can do with someone who really does have NPD or is a psychopath.
- grey responses. Never ever truly answer any question at all. Even yes or no. It will be obsessively analysed and used to sabotage you. And I mean even the smallest things like what food you like to eat. Trust me, they are crazy. They will look for any kind of abuse to 'feed them.' Grey responses mean giving a vague response eg:, that's interesing, hmmm, what a good question, I'll get back to you, maybe, I'll let you know when I find out, we'll see etc. Even though this may aggravate the narc and lead him to harass you, still remain vague and bland and detached and repeat what you said, then walk away. When it comes to other ppl make sure you inform them not to give any answers either.
- grey rock. This is a technique where you become a grey rock. That's it. You don't pay any attention. You look at the wall and remain detached, uninterested with no reaction. The idea is to become boring for the narc and they can't get the reaction they want.
- the narc lives off of abusing ppl. They WANT to hurt you. You can't change them EVER. So all you can do is protect yourself. The narc will always find something that will really hurt you. They are good at this, and it would hurt anyone. So when the narc does his hurtful action, as bad as it is, shrug it off and say something like 'oh that happens,' then walk away peacefully and do something you enjoy.
- narcs hate happy ppl. So by choosing to be happy as much as possible, without telling them why and then carrying on without reacting is your best line of action.
- if you can, leave. Run as fast as you can. You will never be happy with a narc. They will blame you for their misery everyday, then belittle you.