OK. I looked at the modern chart for about 10 minutes, so take this for what it's worth!
Thanks Judy! Wow, for 10 minutes you sure saw a lot and you are very accurate in your assessment.
I'm thinking that "Still One" is a very appropriate handle for you.
Your two 12th house planets rule your Ascendant-Descendant axis. I get a very vulnerable feeling about that. Also a sense of "powerlessness", with Saturn in the 12th squaring Pluto -- or maybe you just have (or had in youth) a hard time individuating yourself from the demands of others about how/who you should be.
Indeed, I'd say I'm pretty vulnerable. Vulnerable to people. Seems I am so sensitive I really take so many things personally. These perceived slights tend to stick with me as I have a hard time letting things go. I really need to focus on forgiveness... every day... not only others but myself also.
I don't think I'm "powerless", but I think when I was younger I really just wanted to belong. So I was a bit insecure since I didn't embrace my uniquness very well.
You are easily touched by other people's problems. But it looks as if you probably have had a hard time reaching out to people, because you feel exposed or not quite in control of relationships. Learning when and how to engage with people and disengage from them could be an issue here, though I imagine you've worked that out in a way that's comfortable for you by now.
I'm very concerned about other people. I really want the best for others and I sometimes sacrifice myself. I've stopped sacrificing myself since it really doesn't benefit anyone in "the end". I'm very good at sensing others feelings/situations/conditions etc. and helping find solutions to problems for them. However, I do have a hard time doing that for myself and have had issues reaching out for help. As I've matured I've been able to open more which hasn't been easy and as you see here, I'm still learning to do.
Through introspection/meditation, reading, studying astrology I have finally found a path and feel a sense of belonging.
Maybe you have a sort of persona or mask... very common with Cancer, to create a personality "shell" that hides the sensitive inner self in order to deal with the world.
I'd agree with that since traditionally it hasn't been very "manly" to be sensitive.
With your extreme sensitivity, retreat is probably a preferred option for you, just spending time alone, in meditation or quietude... Still One, indeed! Even alone, it may be hard for you to "shake off" other people's feelings in order to get back to yourself. You "bond" very easily, and can lose yourself in relationship... emotional boundaries are easily crossed. In my experience, Cancer rising people can get kind of cranky when they feel someone's getting too close. It's a way to get others to back off a bit. But maybe you've developed a different technique to keep people at arm's length when needed.
Yes, I've always operated in this manner. I need periods of solitude. I seek tranquility from the inner turmoil. Lol, yes I get cranky if I don't get my space and someone is being pushy. Thanks for illuminating this as now I can explain this better going forward.
Indeed, "Still One" has many meanings...
I wonder if you sort of feel your thoughts and think your feelings -- if they feel as if they're all one thing and hard to sort. I'm sure you soak up a lot of influences from all kinds of sources. Very creative and probably spiritual thoughts, with Mercury in your 5th ruling the 12th. Mercury in Scorpio can be razor-sharp and incisive. How do you bring those marvelous thoughts into the material world?
I do exhibit this thinking feeling of Gemini. If I feel my thinking? I'm unsure about that. I'll have to explore that more.
I think I used to be quite gullible... Looking up to others or putting others on pedestals, thinking they had answers or that they were better in some way. I would discount my instincts and intuition.
Now I find that if I just listen to what my soul is telling me it's almost always the right course of action. So, it's currently very important for me to unite the mind, body and spirit. That's one reason why I really wanted to try and get people to comment here.
I feel I'm very creative with a huge imagination. I'm a musician (not my profession) and am attracted to the arts in general. I think what you say about Mercury is interesting in light of the "Twelfth House" thread as well. As I've aged I've become increasingly spiritual (even though I always was without realizing it). These aspects come out in the music I write and the personal philosophies of life that I have. I have always enjoyed thinking about spirituality and religion even when I considered myself athiest!
Since Cancer and Capricorn, Moon and Saturn, can indicate the parents, I have to wonder if they were emotionally distant or if they made huge sacrifices for the family? Or maybe it's the opposite, that you're very bound up in identifying with your parents? So hard to tell with the 12th house! Did you take on a caring role for one of them? If not yet, you may be called upon to do so at some point. I somehow think you wouldn't mind. In fact, you'd probably be very good at that kind of supportive, caring role.
Very good guess! So, as I mentioned my father was largely absent. So my mother had to make sacrifices. I'm largely very independent however. I haven't taken on a caring role... yet, even though I'm always emotionally supportive.
It looks as if Mars may have been your "helping hand" in the world, as Aries rules your MC and Mars is inside the 10th house, as well as being the apex of a yod.
I think you're right here as well! I do think that prominent Mars, even though it's retrograde, has helped me out considerably. It has pushed me to cultivate a very important physical exercise that was able to help release a lot of internal tension. Mars retrograde is largely an internal Mars, so I was always attracted to more individualized activities. Pushing myself versus competing on a team or against others. This type of activity, in hindsight, also helped then appease the tensions created by the yod. I've participated in this particular exercise for almost 25 years now and hope to make it a lifelong pursuit since it brings me such all around benefits.
I think my next thread will be my experience with yods.
PS: I get a mental image of you sitting in the lotus position, meditating, as the world -- people, clothes, food, personal items, "stuff" -- all swirl around you in the air like a sort of gentle cyclone.
Lol, very cool visual! I feel I'm not very materialistic and could do without, but in this material age it's difficult to do so.
Thanks for your take Judy, it's been quite illuminating.
Also, though the ASC ruler is cadent and in aversion to the ASC, I believe I remember reading somewhere that the Sun and Moon have a unique relationship where one is fully familiar with the other, meaning that the Sun can assist the Moon in its job.
