Never had a more intense relationship that consumed me, what's going on?

The19thLaw

Well-known member
So I have been thinking about it and came clean with her this week about some of the games she has played with me, in a professional manner of course. She gave me clarity on things as well and what was going on, I asked of her that we maintain honesty in all things moving forward.

Unfortunately, I still see myself being attached to this woman even though I have yet to meet her in real life. Quite frankly, I doubt I ever really will either and maybe that is for the best. The more I think about it, this attraction gradually built up and then it consumed me like a virus.

When I first saw her, I was not into her in any way. It was not until about 5 to 6 months of working with her that I started to become attached and I think what drove me was the jealousy. When she started to do me dirty and professionally undermine my results or put me in a bad place with my projects, it made me angry and that anger consumed me like none other.

From there, a sort of attraction built up to where I even saw myself seeing her in a favorable way physically. I cannot believe it, I really can't.

Now I have been trying to keep her out of my mind but for about 4 to 5 months or so now, it has been tough to. I think I have thought about her almost every day, part of it due to the fact that we work together and part of it because she just consumes me.

Thankfully I had a date the past weekend and have a couple more this week, those seem to take my mind off of her. I am even going back to watching **** to take my mind off of my feelings for her.

All I can say is dear god, what the h3ll did I miss in this synastry. No significant 8th house contacts and even looking back at it, Pluto contacts are quite minimal.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
Could be a transit thing, who really knows, but I am feeling stronger about wanting to finally move on. I start to realize that this partnership at work with her was really a circumstance type of thing due to the kind of year 2020 was.

It was really a testament to how bad the lockdowns and lack of a social life due to them really affected me rather than a strong attraction to her.

The past week I went on a date with three different women and had a hell of a brunch with some good friends. I started to feel so alive and whenever I have these social situations, I start to pull away from her. I had it before where I had an awesome date with this tanned brunette and I was finally like away from thinking about her.

Slowly but surely, I have seen myself mentally, emotionally, and spiritually pull away from her and it feels good. I have started to look for a new job and started to accept that I should not be in contact with her say about a month from now.

Sure, I still have something around having a "type" but I think that will get resolved with some serious work. I can't help what I lust after but I can sure get more insight on it.

Either way, I finally see myself moving on and it feels so good.

Those intense feelings still come every now and then out of jealousy but I have stopped being a victim to those intense emotions in recent days.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
Spoke too soon.

As soon as I try to slowly back away from her, she is purposefully cutting me out of my credit on projects and leaving out any contribution I made. It's like such a toxic freaking relationship where if I am not actively chatting with her and trying to have a conversation, she is doing stuff to get my attention in other ways.

Dear god, as soon as I try to forget about her, it is like she does things to get under my skin and pull me back and eat up my headspace.
 

stellium86

New member
A couple of observations, though i'm sure someone's already touched on these. You have Mars conjuct pluto which brings extremely powerful emotions, sometimes bordering on obsession/violence - a less dramatic version is a transformative and powerful sexual attraction where you drive each other nuts. You could argue with each other that blue is green, though i have had these mars.pluto transits in one of my past relationships which was violent. Still, this person - regardless of wether you manage to work out, will deeply tranform your life and vice versa. I can't tell from the chart who's pluto and who's mars, but many astrologers believe the faster planet person (mars) will feel the effects of the attraction more powerfully, though that's not to say the attraction isn't there the other way round. I've been the faster planet and the slower planet and still felt immense attraction (I do have pluto conjunct my sun & mars in first house sag though, so always going to be more powerful for me).

You also have pluto sqaure venus, which is a very powerful attractor too, though like above can lead to obsession under certain circumstances, and from experience can be a difficult one to manage, but you won't care. Either one or both will care so deeply for one another that you'd do anything for each other - just be caustious about possessiveness and jealousy.

The inner person's pluto is also trine the outer persons mars, meaning the intense connection is deffo there for both parties, but i wonder if the outer person may find the relationship more emotionally demanding as the inner person's trine will make the sexual attraction and transformative nature of the relation a wonderful one.

Another couple of points are the oppositions between the outer person's mars and the inner persons neptune, mercury and venus. The mercury is less attraction, but more heated conversations and debates - something that can under the right circumstances trigger attraction. Venus signals the attraction, though with the opposition this could be a very push-pull attraction, blowing hot and cold, but venus with mars generally signals powerful attraction. Neptune and mars energies are out of sync but in a synastry aspect can promote fantasy and idealising of each other/the relationship that might not always work out that way.

There are a number of other positive aspects in your chart too, and each aspect on its own isn't definitive. Those challenging aspects i described are only part of a bigger picture to give you an explaination of why your feelings are so intense right now. You have a number of saturn transits, most positive, which in the right circumstances can promote a long-term connection. Saturn trine moon equals a deep and easy emotional connection, saturn trine saturn, though outer planets, can promote harmony with structure, and square jupiter, though it can lead to over indulgence, can also promote prosperity under certain conditions.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
A couple of observations, though i'm sure someone's already touched on these. You have Mars conjuct pluto which brings extremely powerful emotions, sometimes bordering on obsession/violence - a less dramatic version is a transformative and powerful sexual attraction where you drive each other nuts. You could argue with each other that blue is green, though i have had these mars.pluto transits in one of my past relationships which was violent. Still, this person - regardless of wether you manage to work out, will deeply tranform your life and vice versa. I can't tell from the chart who's pluto and who's mars, but many astrologers believe the faster planet person (mars) will feel the effects of the attraction more powerfully, though that's not to say the attraction isn't there the other way round. I've been the faster planet and the slower planet and still felt immense attraction (I do have pluto conjunct my sun & mars in first house sag though, so always going to be more powerful for me).

You also have pluto sqaure venus, which is a very powerful attractor too, though like above can lead to obsession under certain circumstances, and from experience can be a difficult one to manage, but you won't care. Either one or both will care so deeply for one another that you'd do anything for each other - just be caustious about possessiveness and jealousy.

The inner person's pluto is also trine the outer persons mars, meaning the intense connection is deffo there for both parties, but i wonder if the outer person may find the relationship more emotionally demanding as the inner person's trine will make the sexual attraction and transformative nature of the relation a wonderful one.

Another couple of points are the oppositions between the outer person's mars and the inner persons neptune, mercury and venus. The mercury is less attraction, but more heated conversations and debates - something that can under the right circumstances trigger attraction. Venus signals the attraction, though with the opposition this could be a very push-pull attraction, blowing hot and cold, but venus with mars generally signals powerful attraction. Neptune and mars energies are out of sync but in a synastry aspect can promote fantasy and idealising of each other/the relationship that might not always work out that way.

There are a number of other positive aspects in your chart too, and each aspect on its own isn't definitive. Those challenging aspects i described are only part of a bigger picture to give you an explaination of why your feelings are so intense right now. You have a number of saturn transits, most positive, which in the right circumstances can promote a long-term connection. Saturn trine moon equals a deep and easy emotional connection, saturn trine saturn, though outer planets, can promote harmony with structure, and square jupiter, though it can lead to over indulgence, can also promote prosperity under certain conditions.

Whew! I have been meaning to get back to this post but every single time something just pops up to stop me haha.

So blue is her and red is me. I did this on Astro Seek as well, happy to post that if you want.

In the conjunction between mars and pluto, she will be the mars and I the pluto, both in Scorpio and its 2 degrees as well. Then the trine is 0 degrees with her Pluto in Libra and my Mars in Gemini. So that makes it a double whammy.

I am thinking that the conjunction might be more powerful since both planets sit in their homes in Scorpio, that makes her the mars. With the trine, it is a 0 degree but I hear trines are weaker than conjunctions and neither of the air signs are home to the planets. My hope is that the houses negate this effect because god knows if it was in the 8th house or 5th how ******* we'd be.

We do not have a square between Pluto and Venus, that is just my natal.

You are extremely on point about those powerful emotions, they seem to come out so often. Even my recent two meetings with her was her intenisty being angry at me. What gets me is that we can rarely finish our meetings in the 30 minutes we have arranged, they go well well beyond that. I cannot tell if she is my friend or enemy.

It is like she wants me gone but at the same time, she does not. It's so tough to tell and I have never endured more powerful mind games even if they are not of her own doing.

She is one of the women I have obsessed about the most and yes, I do have a lot of sexual fantasies about her. What gets me is that it grew like a virus than anything. In the first few months I barely thought about her but then out of nowhere, she consumed my thoughts like none other. I have no idea how she did it and what she did but somehow, she just grew on me. Now I think about her almost daily, acutally daily is accurate.

I do think though that your analysis is quite optimistic.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
The one shining light so far is that slowly and slowly, I feel myself pulling away. I attribute a lot of this to things reopening in my city and my dating matches shooting through the roof on the apps so I have a lot of other women to occupy my time. A few days ago I had this killer date with this beautiful Spanish girl and I loved my time with her. A few days before that I met another cute girl on a date and then a couple days before another cute girl. A couple weeks ago I also went on a date with this beautiful woman.

I am finding that hanging out with my friends and partying has also slowly taken my mind off of her.

But I am cautiously optimistic here, cautiously.......

I remember months ago when I went on a date with this beautiful tanned Sicilian brunette and I did not even think about the woman in question. She was out of my mind and my goodness, it felt so great, it felt like I was free. Then....a few days later, it came back like a virus.

The obsession around her came back like a virus and I cannot believe it, I was trapped again, she had me. It is like my soul and mind temporarily ran away only for her to throw a lasso and catch me, pulling me back. I feel like I escaped hell, escaped it for good, only for a giant hand from the underworld to pull me back.

Please, I don't care if there is a God that has to do it or a lesson, please get this woman out of my mind for good and almost forever. I beg of a higher power to save me from the spell she has me under because it is so punishing. She has me and I hate it, I hate this. I hate every moment of having so much lust towards this witch but she just drags me back everytime.
 

thelivingsky

Well-known member
The weird part is I have not even met this woman in person yet she brings out the strongest emotions in me than any other woman I have known. I do not know what in the world is going on but I fear her but at the same time, have gotten more attached to her.

She was hostile to me in the first couple of months and very closed off but then, she started being really nice to me and is now hot and cold. I feel like she plays these powerful mind games and I am being taken for a wild intense roller coaster ride.

Someone help

https://i.imgur.com/RVziPai.png


I skimmed thru this thread looking for a composite chart and di dnot see one. Did I miss it?


It appears by eyeing the two charts that you may have a Composite Sun conjunct Composite Pluto and that conjunction may square the Composite Moon. It would be interesting to see the composite as this would certainly indicate what what you are describing.
 

thelivingsky

Well-known member
Leo and Sag, a relationship ruled by fire. Funny you described it as "intense" and "consuming".


Typically fire sign people are very independent, and of all the elements, they are the most likely to bail out of difficult relationships. The moniker "fire" gets misinterpreted as meaning extremely passionate or emotional or obsessive, but this characterization misconstrues the basic meaning of "fire" in astrology. Fire element is the element of spirit. More likely water signs will be prone to obsessions and the inability to let go.



This woman has natal stuff that shows her issues with the need to control, to be noticed and her obsessiveness. Sun square Pluto in fixed signs and Sun opposite Saturn all making a huge t-square. His Mars falls on her Pluto activating this t-square.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
Zora, I gave you a Thank You to start off with because you took time to break it down. Usually in these sorts of threads, most people are veering it way off topic saying "oh well jeez golly, I remember this one time I had a pluto conjunct pluto with my ex and lemme tell ya, it's bad news!".

I appreciate you taking the time to do this, it is not easy.

That being said, am I wrong in thinking that she got me and her mixed up in this reading?
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
I did kind of think about this and it has to truly be a karmic type of scenario. She happens to be from the one nationality I have had difficult times with growing up. TBH, its a group I had a lot of animosity towards due to facing a lot of bad treatment in that country and with those people.

Due to media, I even pedestalized these folks but that was years ago. I just grew annoyed by the many people of that background I ran into and hate a disdain towards them but at the same time, envied that the group was portrayed in a good light.

I do not think North Node contacts really mean you are meant to be near or even have anything happen with the person. I feel like they mean that the person is meant to teach you a lesson that sort of graduates you into real life.

Every day I feel like I am slowly ready to move on from her, maybe if it is even getting a new job. But I think back to lessons I have learned so far such as:

1. Do not seek validation from people, it is pointless. Find validation within yourself. It is a losing venture to try to earn validation of some people.

2. Enjoy the positive parts of a situation than focusing on the bad. My company has so many good people in it and yet she is the one bad apple who has sucked up so much of my energy.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
You're welcome The19thLaw.


No - IMO- you are not wrong - she is able "to get under your skin" and you both are in a very special energy contact - for a certain reason - and not occasionally "out of the blue" - if moonnodes are envolved.

Sorry, I meant to say, am I wrong to think that YOU got me and her mixed up in this reading?

She is the blue Sag and I am the red Leo.
 

Zora

Account Closed
Sorry, I meant to say, am I wrong to think that YOU got me and her mixed up in this reading?

She is the blue Sag and I am the red Leo.


Yes - then you are right.

As I am used to that for a synastry it is quite normal that the questioner is in the circle because of the most important house cusps shown below only for one person - for own life themes being touched by the second person.


Did I perhaps miss that you mentioned it before - because I haven't read all the post before ?
 
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The19thLaw

Well-known member
So I will still appreciate the reading since you were kind enough to do it but tbh, I am well aware of how she is affecting me. I experience it almost daily.

What I am trying to learn more about is how the heck am I affecting her? Like what am I doing to her that is making her the way she is towards me?

Here is the chart reversed

https://i.imgur.com/6XSabiN.png
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
I am definitely feeling your point about her causing me issues in my career and reputation. We all work remote but I cannot help but wonder that she wants to ***** me over at every turn. I have seen her take credit away from me for projects and never give me even the slight bit of it in leadership meetings.

Even now I have seen her shut me out of projects I have moved along and I cannot help but think that she is plotting to get me fired or just get me outed. It is like at times that I am working with my worst enemy who knows how to bring up the worst feelings in me.

It is like I am living in fear every day that I have to work with her. A part of me knows I will miss parts of working with her, mainly the kinds of projects I had to do. On the flip side, I know that while it will momentarily hurt, I will be happy to move on because of how tough she has been to work with. She has at times gone above and beyond to sabotage me and take credit away from me.

The worst part is that I feel like she tries to intentionally make me feel small.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
For a while, I did think that this a relationship that takes time to develop and this might be someone who is a good friend down the road. The more I think about it, I feel like so much of this is work related or a 6th house related matter. I really cared about the job and doing well which led to me being so deep into it.

That in turn destroyed my life outside of work as I had no work life balance, work became my life.

Then I think to my Saturn return in the 6th house and I cannot help but think if this is some sort of a warning of how bad things can get if I let my work consume me.

I worked so hard and produced such good results only for this synastry in question to sabotage any chance I ever have of promotion.
 

The19thLaw

Well-known member
So far I go and then somehow pulled in I get. I have been proactively working on breaking away from her and I know in a month or so, even by end of this week really if things go that way, I am going to be done working with her.

This whole relationship has indeed dug into a scar and one I want to keep digging into but it has taught me the value of belief in self really. I feel as if life put someone of her image in front of me to bring my worst weak points out and almost throw them at my face. Like life wanted to somehow bring something to light and almost force me to deal with that very thing.

I am still trying to figure a lot of this out even though I get it on a surface level. At the same time, I do not really think that there is a way to figure it out because the topic is just so taboo and hidden in society.

She embodied to me a type of woman I like. I used to have a belief in the fact that due to the kind of guy I am, that type of woman would hate a guy like me and like other guys who are more of her type. It was something I knew deep down since I would see women like her with guys of a particular background that is not mines.

This scenario played out in my head many times. I was bitter and angry that women like her do not go for men like me (cultural and nationality and such) but go for certain kinds of men.

That was in and of itself the trigger that brought a lot of my intense emotions to light. When guys who look like what I assumed women like her to like got preferential treatment at work and that is when I got raging mad. I still see it now with me, it is that envy and bitterness on my end.

That Leo pride not wanting to be a second option or deal with disrespect like it has, but there she was, in a position of power towards me where disrespect was a language and so was deceit, manipulation, and maltreatment.

So I have identified that root cause of it all. Maybe this is why astrology makes so much sense.

How fate would have willed it that a woman from the exact background I have been treated poorly by would have so much power over me at work due to the nature of the job and treat me as she has. Now for how I will answer the call.
 
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