My astrology chart does not match who I want to be at all

Can anyone help me with this? I feel trapped that I’m not going to be the person I ever want to be with where my planets are and their aspects.

My info is here:
Born June 18, 1987
4:03pm
Albany, NY, USA
Gemini Sun
Aries Moon
Scorpio Ascendant

Who I want to be:
-I have a deep need to contribute something great and meaningful to the world
-I see myself as very creative (and I’m in a creative profession) and want to be acknowledged and recognized for it
-I want to be emotionally grown up and stable without being rigid
-I want to have a true sense of self worth
-I want to be a kind compassionate wise person and well liked
-I don’t want to be toxic

Some troubling aspects:
-Most aspects are quincunxes. I can’t seem to create any sense of integrated self that can be agreed upon
-My sun is in the same house/sign as Chiron
-Moon in Aries but Mars in Cancer (“mutual reception” but the planets in each of these is anti the sign)
-Completely empty fourth quadrant (see above about wanting to contribute something greater to the world.)
-I can’t find anything in common with Scorpio and Gemini

Does the fact that I was born a C-section have anything to do with it?

How can I achieve what I want when it seems destiny is saying something different?

[FONT=&quot]Happy Birthday Tomorrow BTW. I pulled your chart up. My software includes aspects with MC and Asc. Using it I count 5 oppositions, 5 squares, 3 sextiles, 4 trines, 4 quincuxes 2 of which form a Yod, which in my experience puts these quincuxes in another dimension. [The Yod, aka Finger of God, is in my opinion a source of inner turmoil. In my experience having several and watching them evolve over 60 some odd years the Yod is kind of like unrequited love. You strive to reach something while feeling you're being pulled apart. It's like experiencing a dissonance which you can't resolve or like the 7th cord that doesn't resolve to the dominate. You desire harmonic resolution but can't achieve it. It's unsettling, yet it has purpose. What I've read and have personal experience with is that a new chapter in one's life often begins when an outer planet aspects the apex of the Yod especially by conjunction. I have experienced this during approaching sextiles and during conjunctions. You may not notice it at the time the aspect is formed, but definitely in retrospect you can pin point that date as a turning point in your life. Having said that, chart approaching outer planets to your Natal Venus, apex of your Yod, and jot down the dates for future reference.] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]A quick overview of your chart suggests you will influence others positively. Twelfth House Pluto, ruler of your Scorpio Asc. suggests you what you create or effort you put forth behind the scenes will be recognized quite likely on stage. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]To do a proper delineation you need to look at the chart as a whole. Your planets form a Splash pattern it would seem even though there are conjunctions. There are no empty Quadrants. 12th House Pluto occupies your 4th Quadrant. You are a Gemini, Scorpio Rising, Aries Moon. Your Final Signature is Cardinal Fire -- Aries. Gemini Sun has the most aspects and therefore is your chart ruler. Two planets form a Trine with your Mid Heaven which has Leo on the cusp (Sun rules Leo). Moon forms one T-Square with Sun and Neptune and another T-Square with Sun and Uranus. The base planets of your Yod are Pluto and Neptune with Venus at the apex in 7th House. The 8th House Sun with the most aspects rules Leo on your 10th House cusp of Career and Success. With Sun as chart ruler indicators are that you will have a life in the public eye.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]There's so much more, but the overall theme I see is that you are creative. You pursue your creativity behind the scenes and will gain support for this creativity and be recognized for it. Furthering your creative self expression are your 5th House planets and karmic North Node. The 5th House is the house of Self Expression/Creativity, and Sun and Leo are the natural rulers. The Pisces Cusp further emphasizes creativity and artistry. Your retrograde planets add critical self analysis to the mix and have you reviewing and reevaluating and perfecting things. It's challenging to advance whenever you're reviewing, but it hones your talent and refines whatever you create. Your 5th House Moon rules 9th House Cancer, the house of expansion which is ruled by Jupiter which is in your creative 5th House. 8th House Mars rules your 6th House with Aries on the Cusp. This combo could contribute to the challenge you may feel in finding your niche. Regarding Chyron in your chart, I do not put any credence in Chiron, but I'm old school. I bought a book on Chyron, read through it and threw it away. As for a C-section birth, I can't imagine C-section changing anything unless you held your breath for a while or something - ?
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[FONT=&quot]A deeper probe might reveal the source of your feeling rigid or toxic. Those characteristics simply don't appear to dominate. They may be a subtext or an underlying theme, as 11th House Virgo can make you standoffish or needing to separate from others. The retrograde planets could have you beating yourself up over this, but to focus on this is like you're peeling away too many layers of the onion and missing the whole onion.
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[FONT=&quot]I don't do Solar Return interpretations, but you might pull up your chart for tomorrow around noon or whenever the Sun is the same degree and hour as your natal Sun. (Noon Albany tomorrow is a mere 2 hours from exact.) From first glance it appears you're going to have a busy year ahead. You might ask for a Solar Return interpretation. [/FONT]

You don't address what exactly is at odds with what you want. Do you mean that at the moment you are the opposite of what you want? If you want to be compassionate then are you currently unkind?


Listing a bunch of aspects doesn't do anything if they don't connect to your current state. Aspects can mean a myriad of things. If you don't feel the opposite of what you want then why do the aspects bother you? Could it be that you have already overcome the negative tendency of your chart?

Thank you so much Cecile!

You have draconic moon in Pisces and Libra Rising.

Hope you're having a nice birthday today! (Emoji for balloons, cake, ice-cream, confetti, etc.)

musicsegue618 said:

How can I achieve what I want when it seems destiny is saying something different?

Click to expand...

Destiny is not saying something different. I'm looking at your chart, and I don't see the problem or anything preventing you from accomplishing your goals.
You have the drive, the planets are behind you to succeed. Aries moon in the 5th with the north node and a leo midheaven if you want to be recognized for your creative contributions --I'm not seeing an issue with your placements.
Also your suns ruler is conjunct mars- which brings us back to your aries moon.
So this is the focus area. The initiative and drive are both present.

Lastly, glad you are focusing on yourself- and career. Don't ever give up your dreams or sacrifice your career for a relationship. Which might be where a problem would likely arise in your case.