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  #51  
Unread 06-19-2016, 11:28 PM
besitos besitos is offline
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

i find i have a similar reaction when people don't answer the exact question i had asked -- if the answer cannot be answered by the chart then that should be pointed out more directly. The person who asked the question should also respect their own responsibility in a conversation as well (how they are being understood).

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  #52  
Unread 06-20-2016, 03:09 AM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Nobody is obligated to respond to a question in the way that the OPer assumes it should be answered. We are mostly a bunch of unpaid amateurs on this forum.

Sometimes OPers have highly unrealistic ideas that involve forcing the oracle to give the answer they want. This isn't how honest astrology works.

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  #53  
Unread 06-20-2016, 08:30 AM
Nikki of Dawn Nikki of Dawn is offline
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Hey this comment has nothing to do with horary astrology...I've experienced a couple guys who lost interest in me years ago. Fortunately I wasn't overly into them in the final analysis.
Then this past year, one of them contacted me out of the blue and said he really regretted not keeping in touch with me, even marrying me. I had no idea.

Not saying this guy will do the same for you. But just saying, sometimes people think they know what they want- and they actually do. Then other times they think they know, but later realize they didn't. Again not making any promises on this person and what will or can happen.

Let me ask you this. Is the nagging question as you may have said, more trying to figure out the perplexing nature of this person's response? Or, do you have a gut feeling that all is not really being expressed by him?
Just some food for thought. If its not the world, then yeah you will probably eventually know.
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  #54  
Unread 06-20-2016, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitchy View Post
Tenacious C -

What is the answer you want from all of this?

Is it Saturn - "but YOU came after me - there must be a commitment!"

Or is it Pluto - "how dare you recognize my dark side so quickly and reject me?"

Or is it Neptune - "Nobody understands what I'm asking...."


What is it that you are really wanting out of all of this? Your answer gets 10 pts for honesty - whatever your answer is if it is honest.

Then we can delve further into the the layers of this blind onion question.
None of these. Pluto is probably the closest but I wouldnt necessarily call it my "dark side"...maybe. I just wanted to know what drove him away. I'd rather not talk publicly about the details but I'd message you if you want to get a better sense of the situation/what I'm asking, though you probably do have some idea

For all I know, he could have an account on here (which I doubt but weird coincidences are always happening)

Last edited by craft94; 06-21-2016 at 03:01 AM.
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  #55  
Unread 06-20-2016, 10:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nikki of Dawn View Post
Hey this comment has nothing to do with horary astrology...I've experienced a couple guys who lost interest in me years ago. Fortunately I wasn't overly into them in the final analysis.
Then this past year, one of them contacted me out of the blue and said he really regretted not keeping in touch with me, even marrying me. I had no idea.

Not saying this guy will do the same for you. But just saying, sometimes people think they know what they want- and they actually do. Then other times they think they know, but later realize they didn't. Again not making any promises on this person and what will or can happen.

Let me ask you this. Is the nagging question as you may have said, more trying to figure out the perplexing nature of this person's response? Or, do you have a gut feeling that all is not really being expressed by him?
Just some food for thought. If its not the world, then yeah you will probably eventually know.
He doesn't know what he wants, that much is clear. He changes his mind every five minutes,
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  #56  
Unread 06-21-2016, 12:48 AM
Nikki of Dawn Nikki of Dawn is offline
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

~Craft94,

...right. So yeah, who knows what this guy will ever do. Funny, don't hold your breath for him. But if he calls you 10yrs later, you can look back and say we never know what odd things can occur in life eh?
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  #57  
Unread 06-21-2016, 12:51 AM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

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Originally Posted by craft94 View Post
He doesn't know what he wants, that much is clear. He changes his mind every five minutes,
...right. So yeah, don't hold your breath for this guy.

Funny though, so if he happens to call you in 10yrs and says he likes you after all, you can look back, recall what happened and decide whichever direction you want to go with it.
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  #58  
Unread 06-21-2016, 02:03 AM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

"In that case he wasn't that into you"
"In what case? The case that I'm ugly,"

Rafaela meant he wasn't that into you because if he was, he wouldn't have lost interest.
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  #59  
Unread 06-21-2016, 02:57 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebell87 View Post
"In that case he wasn't that into you"
"In what case? The case that I'm ugly,"

Rafaela meant he wasn't that into you because if he was, he wouldn't have lost interest.
That makes sense, but I was mainly referring to sexual attraction, nothing more. I never thought he was in love with me (or anybody but who knows)
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  #60  
Unread 06-21-2016, 03:10 AM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

I'm a newbie at astrology so can't answer your astrology question but I've been in that situation before though where you push people away and then analyze why and why to the point of punishing yourself. It's not nice to be in that zone. So I feel ya.

Some great advice though. Like the user (sorry can't remember name) who went into depth about how self-esteem is related to ego, and therefore inherently flawed. And the user who said guys will lavish attention on you because they want your body, not your heart or mind basically.
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  #61  
Unread 06-21-2016, 03:23 AM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Oh sorry forgot to say and this answer can be generic to everybody not just you. A fixation on physical appearance is masking some kind of trauma. you were born in 1989 right? So maybe use astrology to gain insight on what it if there is some form of childhood trauma, rather than worrying about him. Unfortunately, people get scared when they see real emotion and problems. Men are boys at the best of times, if he doesn't know what he wants, he's hardly capable of understanding unresolved trauma. That's what's so traumatic about causing trauma in the first place because no one can take the pain away from us, but us? Hope that's helps and ignore if it's left field.
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  #62  
Unread 06-21-2016, 03:51 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebell87 View Post
Oh sorry forgot to say and this answer can be generic to everybody not just you. A fixation on physical appearance is masking some kind of trauma. you were born in 1989 right? So maybe use astrology to gain insight on what it if there is some form of childhood trauma, rather than worrying about him. Unfortunately, people get scared when they see real emotion and problems. Men are boys at the best of times, if he doesn't know what he wants, he's hardly capable of understanding unresolved trauma. That's what's so traumatic about causing trauma in the first place because no one can take the pain away from us, but us? Hope that's helps and ignore if it's left field.
I was actually born in 1994, not 89, but your answer is still relevant. Thank you
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  #63  
Unread 06-23-2016, 09:19 AM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

I don't think it's shallow or vanity. I think she actually hates herself sometimes and it's because of unresolved trauma. Her 20s maybe used overcoming this trauma.
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  #64  
Unread 06-23-2016, 07:55 PM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Ok, so even if we all have trauma...some peoples trauma effects them in a way that they transfer all that darkness on to a hatred towards a particular part of their physical appearance...it's not shallow because that implies it is the same as being insecure or easy to overcome or even comes from a place of vanity...but it's actually very deep-rooted.
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  #65  
Unread 06-23-2016, 08:24 PM
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Smile Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucedelsole View Post
It's as simple or as hard to change this way of thinking as you want to make it really.
This seems to be more of a women's issue, especially in Western culture--although in L.A., a lot of men are very looks-conscious as well. Women seem to value a full head of hair on a man, although someone like Bruce Willis might be an exception. Men with money and power can substitute that for looks. Women are far more willing than men to overlook imperfections in appearance, unless the man is really in love. Also, generally speaking, women seem to value men's opinion of their appearance more than vice versa. The Media encourages the "looks game" and there's an entire industry built around it. Opting out is easier for some than for others!

Last edited by david starling; 06-23-2016 at 08:33 PM.
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  #66  
Unread 06-23-2016, 08:51 PM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucedelsole View Post
Exactly: key words: unless the man is really in love. And why would you settle for anything less?

I think for some women it's about control- it's a complex. I mean if it's over, let it go...no need to torment yourself over your looks of all things. Btw, looks are not forever...they fade. So if I were the op I would find a man who's really in love..lest you really be insecure when your looks start fading.
I could not agree more.
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  #67  
Unread 06-23-2016, 09:09 PM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

If it was just a normal insecurity then that's fine, it would be easy to overcome. But if it's masking trauma then expecting her to suddenly not hate herself is like telling a depressed person to stop being sad.
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  #68  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:25 PM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucedelsole View Post
No its not like that at all. First of all, I would never tell a depressed person to just stop being sad. I have had experience with, not only depression, but this very issue the op has when I was younger- I have Venus/Pluto. Once you understand a problem then you can change it and with this particular thing, believe it or not, I am giving her insight into the way it can be changed. She can take it or leave it....I'm not trying to spend hours going over her life giving her pychotherapy. The problem is that people tell you that you need to get to the root of the problem by some sort of soul searching psychotherapy, but that just prolongs the issue. A person changes when they shift their way of thinking and it is totally up to them if they are ready for that. One day it just clicked for me and it didn't take any kind of digging whatsoever. It is literally just right in front of your face. I have a problem with people who say that you have to "get to the bottom of your issues first" before you can change....this could take God knows how long. What happened in the past is gone. If you let it have power over your now then you are not living your potential. There are ways to help someone other than telling them they are hurt because whatever happened to them and to tell them they need to get to the bottom of it. There are ways to help to shift their way of thinking/doing things that gets them off the ground a lot faster. I don't believe it needs to be hard and long process. A person can make it that way but that is their choice. I mean I am far from cold and I would never say to someone in the pots of despair to just snap out of it...I know it's hard to do when you are really in despair. I know first hand what it's like to punish yourself. I'll listen to your problems if that comforts you. But I don't think that changes anything.

The OP hasn't shared what is the reason of why she finds herself unattractive.

Its obviously her choice if she wishes to keep it private, but to be fair, we don't know if we are dealing with someone with an actual problem or just some insecure young person. So any type of advice may be incorrect.
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  #69  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:34 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucedelsole View Post
No it has nothing to do with your looks. Your insecurity maybe. Looks aren't that important when youve found the right one. You know this. He was not the right one.

Do you have Pluto/Venus in your birth chart or is Pluto aspectimg your Venus by transit. This aspect can make a person obsess over their appearance.

But you have got to know that this is very shallow right? The right one will love you for all your perceived imperfections. There is nothing to worry about with your looks. You are just fine the way you are.
Who said anything about finding the "right one"? I didn't expect this guy to marry me. And besides, what does that even mean?

On another note, Pluto actually is transiting my Venus right now, sextile, and Venus is conjunct Pluto in my chart. Its very wide. I normally don't count conjunctions of 9 degrees but since it's part of a stellium, I think it counts
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  #70  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucedelsole View Post
We all have trauma. It really has nothing to do with the fact that your physical appearance really does not make someone love you. That is just a simple fact. I did not call her shallow, I called her thinking about this particular issue shallow. And it is shallow. Because if she looks deeper she will see that it doesn't matter- if someone loves you they don't love you for your looks...they may love your looks but they don't love you for them. I personally think that this type of thinking can be transformed if you look a little deeper into it. This is like base level pluto/Venus sh*t. It hasn't been transformed yet.
I agree with you but who said anything about love? I never thought he loved me. Sex and love are two different things.

Last edited by craft94; 06-23-2016 at 10:41 PM.
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  #71  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:42 PM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dirius View Post
Rafaella was very polite reading the chart for you. I think you are out of line in responding that way, given she went out of her way to tell you what the chart says for free.

If you are not happy with the response, you can learn horary on your own

well .. you can see that this person argues and argues.. obviously bloody clueless how horary works and never opened any horary books. Obviously the querent has self-esteem self assurance issues you can tell that by the conditon of the asce's ruler. Dont get me started on the temperament of the querent, Crafty wont like what i have to say and probably will go complain to Wilson or Tsmall

T
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  #72  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:46 PM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucedelsole View Post
It's not about that guy dear. It's about your self worth. One day you will want to find the right one I would think and you can't be carrying this insecurity with you forever. I'm finished with this now.
He approached her then he got disappointed and he left .. look at his L7.. extreme self assurance he knows what he wants.. he saw her a toy .. used it and bailed. cant blame him
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  #73  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluebell87 View Post
If it was just a normal insecurity then that's fine, it would be easy to overcome. But if it's masking trauma then expecting her to suddenly not hate herself is like telling a depressed person to stop being sad.
Thank you.

I feel like most of the people on this thread are completely misinterpreting me and assuming to know more about me than they acually do.

"I am giving her insight" no you're not telling me anything that I don't already know
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  #74  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:51 PM
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Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

I just don't believe there's such a thing as "the right one"

Any relationship, friendship etc. takes work. You can't expect anyone to "love you for your imperfections." Unless you ARE perfect, that's not how life works
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  #75  
Unread 06-23-2016, 10:51 PM
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Smile Re: He found me attractive before: if he pursued me first, what made him change his m

Quote:
Originally Posted by tikana View Post
well .. you can see that this person argues and argues.. obviously bloody clueless how horary works and never opened any horary books. Obviously the querent has self-esteem self assurance issues you can tell that by the conditon of the asce's ruler. Dont get me started on the temperament of the querent, Crafty wont like what i have to say and probably will go complain to Wilson or Tsmall

T
Tikana, seems like a chance to ask, in your opinion should horary stick entirely within Traditional guidelines?
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