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  #1  
Unread 05-21-2019, 05:08 PM
caramelo caramelo is offline
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Unable to express

I found communicating (conversations) so hard and I have become terrible shy, I feel like I do not know myself at all or have an identity. This was so different during my childhood.

Is there something in my chart that indicates this change?

https://imgur.com/s34FACw

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  #2  
Unread 05-23-2019, 12:39 AM
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Re: Unable to express

Did you begin to see this change in yourself in the year end of 2014 & 2015, or did you notice this change more recently, like in late 2018?
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Last edited by conspiracy theorist; 05-23-2019 at 12:43 AM.
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  #3  
Unread 05-23-2019, 02:43 AM
caramelo caramelo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conspiracy theorist View Post
Did you begin to see this change in yourself in the year end of 2014 & 2015, or did you notice this change more recently, like in late 2018?
Wow that was sort of accurate
Actually I have reflect hard on it and the answer is both. In 2015 my personality changed a lot as I became more passive and sad, less extroverted. In december 2018 I would say, I started, having more difficulties being around people.
Why would it be?

Last edited by caramelo; 05-23-2019 at 02:46 AM.
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Unread 05-23-2019, 10:11 PM
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Re: Unable to express

My first instinct was to take a look at your Mercury and to see what it was doing in your chart. It's in a special condition, for it fits the criteria of an unaspected planet. This is a planet in the chart that makes no ptolemaic aspects (conjunction, opposition, square, trine, sextile) to any other planet in the chart. It's disconnection from the rest of the chart may show up as an incessant focus on what it signifies (which may lead to overcompensation), wild "feral" talent, or a source of difficulty and problems because it is hard to integrate the energy with the rest of your chart. Or all three at different points of your life.

At the end of 2014, this unaspected Mercury was getting hit by the Uranus-Pluto square in Aries-Capricorn. Both transits would have put pressure on your Mercury, especially Pluto who's effect can be "annihilating".

Mercury/Pluto may have increased obsessive thinking, paranoia, and would have added a dimension of heaviness to communication that wasn't there before (especially where having a 5th house Mercury is concerned, where conversation would definitely be a source of enjoyment). Mercury rules the 8th, which indicates the "excitement" of 8th house themes during this time. The more "intense" psychological states (anciently "anguish of the mind") may have heightened during this time - fear, anxiety, insecurities, perhaps issues around sexuality (Mercury rules both the 5th and 8th in your chart) could have assailed you.

Pluto would have been located in the 11th house of associations and wider groups - you may have felt like "everyone" was judging you negatively and this may have shaken your confidence whenever you had to speak to others. You may have projected this inner judgement unto the world around you, or conversely, you may have very well gone through some sort of bullying from your peer group. Was this the case for you?

This first time-frame I see as chiefly Pluto's doing, although Uranus may have caused some shake-ups and surprises that probably didn't help your peace of mind.

In late 2018, Saturn would have been within orb of opposition to your Mercury, and you expressed that you actually started to feel more aversion around people. Saturn is another planet that would increase feelings of judgement and inadequacy in a person, as well as make one aware of the limitations of one's capabilities. The thing about Saturn is that it can be pessimistic, and skew the results toward the more negative. Things may not be so bad, after all. Once again the field of influence that Saturn would be felt is in the 11th house, the social house of the wider world around you, hence isolating yourself from others.

Since Mercury is unaspected, you would want to look at what its dispositor (the planet that rules the sign a planet is located in) because this is one of the ways that an unaspected planet can find integration with the rest of the chart - it will draw on this relationship more because of its disconnection to everything else. What rules Mercury in this chart is the Moon - she is located in Taurus, conjunct Saturn and is located in the 3rd and within distance of the cusp of the IC. Also (and I think very importantly) she is also connected to the fixed star Algol. The combination of Moon/Saturn/Algol would mean that the emotional nature is quite serious and heavy, and Algol adds extreme passion of the kind that can make one "lose one's head". It's a combo that is harsh on the emotions, but potentially very creative and willing to put into actuality said creativity, since the practical energies of Saturn and Taurus are implicated in the configuration.

With Mercury in Cancer and the Moon in Taurus, both planets are in a relationship referred to as "generosity" - meaning that both planets are in the others sign but with no aspect between them. This indicates a melding of energies that while not as strong as mutual reception, would still be beneficial to the planets involved. It can be thought of in a similar way to the sextile - opportunity is there if you consciously work at it.

While your ability to express yourself in conversation and in an breezy extraverted manner might have taken a hit, the chart indicates that you have a vast ability for creativity and self-expression, maybe even some mechanical ability, too (unaspected Mercury in the 5th, exalted Moon/Algol in the 3th, Mars/NN conjunction). Have you ever thought to express yourself more seriously through the written word, art or a creative hobby that utilizes the hands? I think there is a lot of potential there for you, with the energies you have at your disposal.

Algol - I think you will find this article on Algol enlightening and valuable.
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  #5  
Unread 05-24-2019, 04:44 PM
caramelo caramelo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by conspiracy theorist View Post
My first instinct was to take a look at your Mercury and to see what it was doing in your chart. It's in a special condition, for it fits the criteria of an unaspected planet. This is a planet in the chart that makes no ptolemaic aspects (conjunction, opposition, square, trine, sextile) to any other planet in the chart. It's disconnection from the rest of the chart may show up as an incessant focus on what it signifies (which may lead to overcompensation), wild "feral" talent, or a source of difficulty and problems because it is hard to integrate the energy with the rest of your chart. Or all three at different points of your life.

At the end of 2014, this unaspected Mercury was getting hit by the Uranus-Pluto square in Aries-Capricorn. Both transits would have put pressure on your Mercury, especially Pluto who's effect can be "annihilating".

Mercury/Pluto may have increased obsessive thinking, paranoia, and would have added a dimension of heaviness to communication that wasn't there before (especially where having a 5th house Mercury is concerned, where conversation would definitely be a source of enjoyment). Mercury rules the 8th, which indicates the "excitement" of 8th house themes during this time. The more "intense" psychological states (anciently "anguish of the mind") may have heightened during this time - fear, anxiety, insecurities, perhaps issues around sexuality (Mercury rules both the 5th and 8th in your chart) could have assailed you.

Pluto would have been located in the 11th house of associations and wider groups - you may have felt like "everyone" was judging you negatively and this may have shaken your confidence whenever you had to speak to others. You may have projected this inner judgement unto the world around you, or conversely, you may have very well gone through some sort of bullying from your peer group. Was this the case for you?

This first time-frame I see as chiefly Pluto's doing, although Uranus may have caused some shake-ups and surprises that probably didn't help your peace of mind.

In late 2018, Saturn would have been within orb of opposition to your Mercury, and you expressed that you actually started to feel more aversion around people. Saturn is another planet that would increase feelings of judgement and inadequacy in a person, as well as make one aware of the limitations of one's capabilities. The thing about Saturn is that it can be pessimistic, and skew the results toward the more negative. Things may not be so bad, after all. Once again the field of influence that Saturn would be felt is in the 11th house, the social house of the wider world around you, hence isolating yourself from others.

Since Mercury is unaspected, you would want to look at what its dispositor (the planet that rules the sign a planet is located in) because this is one of the ways that an unaspected planet can find integration with the rest of the chart - it will draw on this relationship more because of its disconnection to everything else. What rules Mercury in this chart is the Moon - she is located in Taurus, conjunct Saturn and is located in the 3rd and within distance of the cusp of the IC. Also (and I think very importantly) she is also connected to the fixed star Algol. The combination of Moon/Saturn/Algol would mean that the emotional nature is quite serious and heavy, and Algol adds extreme passion of the kind that can make one "lose one's head". It's a combo that is harsh on the emotions, but potentially very creative and willing to put into actuality said creativity, since the practical energies of Saturn and Taurus are implicated in the configuration.

With Mercury in Cancer and the Moon in Taurus, both planets are in a relationship referred to as "generosity" - meaning that both planets are in the others sign but with no aspect between them. This indicates a melding of energies that while not as strong as mutual reception, would still be beneficial to the planets involved. It can be thought of in a similar way to the sextile - opportunity is there if you consciously work at it.

While your ability to express yourself in conversation and in an breezy extraverted manner might have taken a hit, the chart indicates that you have a vast ability for creativity and self-expression, maybe even some mechanical ability, too (unaspected Mercury in the 5th, exalted Moon/Algol in the 3th, Mars/NN conjunction). Have you ever thought to express yourself more seriously through the written word, art or a creative hobby that utilizes the hands? I think there is a lot of potential there for you, with the energies you have at your disposal.

Algol - I think you will find this article on Algol enlightening and valuable.
Oh! Yes... I had some "bullying" issues twice with some girls during 2014-2015, not too bad, but it caused me to doubt of my social skills and turned me into a more reclusive and socially anxious person.
According to everything you said, my comunication skills (verbally) are doomed? Despite all efforts I do not seem to being able of improving them, and is causing disconnection with people around me.
I didn't quite understand what do you mean by the combination of moon/taurus/algol is harsh on my emotions.
How should I integrate Mercury better?
Thank you by the way, I appreciate it
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  #6  
Unread 05-25-2019, 01:50 AM
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Re: Unable to express

No, I don't think your verbal communication skills are doomed, but you can never go back to your naive childhood state. You've grown in your consciousness of the world, and have come to find elements in it that has shaken the childlike invulnerability you once had.

Here are two quotes from Jung that I think are relevant for your situation:

"The world comes into being when man discovers it. But he only discovers it when he sacrifices his containment in the primal mother, the original state of unconsciousness"

"The unconsciousness itself initiates the process of renewal"

Your verbal communication skills can and will improve, especially if you work at it, but your expression won't be like the child you once were, but it will come from a place of greater maturity and awareness, since you would have experienced what it was like to lose your powers of communication. You would have known what it was like to have "no voice".

With Moon/Saturn/Algol, your emotional nature is likely to be serious, prone to melancholic moods and also tinged with a heavy amount of passion. Negatively you could fall into patterns of obsessiveness and depressive thinking when you are in times of great distress in your life. It's harsh because it is not an easy temperament to deal with, despite your Leo Sun and Venus, I don't take it that you are a buoyant personality, since the combination of a Saturn ruled ascendant, your Moon and Mercury placements gear toward a more somber and introspective personality.

I also think the another reason why the transits were so hard on you was because Mercury is unaspected, so once these transits hit your mercury it had no other planetary energies allied with it which could've offset the force.

How to integrate Mercury better? Start to use its energies creatively. Some clues in your chart are its dispositors - Moon by domicile and Jupiter by exaltation. Moon in the 3rd and Jupiter in Gemini are showing a similar messages - writing, researching, learning, exchange of information. Perhaps this is a time of your life where Mercury can no longer be frivolous - he needs to have purpose for him to work for you. Learning and practicing astrology is actually a fine way to incorporate more of your mercurial energy. I think a chart like yours could benefit from a study of history, too.

I don't know how much you are open to mysticism and deeper spirituality, but I think with the energies in your chart, it would be fruitful for you to look into divine feminine and ancient goddesses. You might learn a lot and find inspiration to get in touch with your own power and inner divinity. One example being Sekhmet
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