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  #1  
Unread 10-22-2016, 12:40 PM
11001010 11001010 is offline
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I've managed to purge all joy from life...

When it comes to life, I've really never been interested in "taking part".

Both marriage and children never occurred to me. I'm happy enough going through the motions when it comes to social niceties, and feel I pull this off quite well as people tell me I come across as happy and positive, but there has always been an almost overwhelming sense of pointlessness to life, which I know has affected work as I can rarely throw myself wholly into anything, preferring to remain partially distant.

It might sound an odd thing to say at 44 years of age, but I really can't understand why I'm here.

My career has been like an ON/OFF switch; at times very good, other times dire.

There have been periods of depression, again from an early age, which I've usually managed to work through.

In all honesty, I would be quite happy to spend my entire life reading and thinking!

To top it all, I've managed to purge all joy from my life as anything other than the basics doesn't make sense to me, which, on reflection doesn't make proper sense, either; perhaps I need a change of direction?

Your thoughts are much appreciated.
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  #2  
Unread 10-22-2016, 11:28 PM
curiousabout77 curiousabout77 is offline
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

You have the sun and jupiter on the angles which would explain why you come across as positive and happy.
Saturn is conjunct venus and mars and opposite neptune which would explain why you don't know why you are here as neptune puts fog in front of your eyes. Venus is about what makes you happy and mars about the drive to achieve goals conjunct saturn which is about structure and restriction so this would also explain why you have trouble realizing a fulfilling life and it is made worse by the fog of neptune.
Uranus is coming up to a conjunction with your ascendant so this should rejuvenate your life with a change in direction so you maybe starting to feel restless about how to change your life so you should think about how you could make your life more meaningful with this energy coming up.
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  #3  
Unread 10-23-2016, 12:40 AM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

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I've managed to purge all joy from my life
Good, now you can give your life away to Lucifer.


Sun and Moon are both angular, strong and geared towards the first. In a way, that does have explanatory value as to why "just being" seems to be your modus operandi in life.

You actually seem ripe to undertake the spiritual path seriously, as my understanding from your OP is that you are detached and undistracted by material considerations.
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Unread 10-23-2016, 11:29 AM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

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You have the sun and jupiter on the angles which would explain why you come across as positive and happy.
Saturn is conjunct venus and mars and opposite neptune which would explain why you don't know why you are here as neptune puts fog in front of your eyes. Venus is about what makes you happy and mars about the drive to achieve goals conjunct saturn which is about structure and restriction so this would also explain why you have trouble realizing a fulfilling life and it is made worse by the fog of neptune.

Uranus is coming up to a conjunction with your ascendant so this should rejuvenate your life with a change in direction so you maybe starting to feel restless about how to change your life so you should think about how you could make your life more meaningful with this energy coming up.
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Good, now you can give your life away to Lucifer.

Sun and Moon are both angular, strong and geared towards the first. In a way, that does have explanatory value as to why "just being" seems to be your modus operandi in life.

You actually seem ripe to undertake the spiritual path seriously, as my understanding from your OP is that you are detached and undistracted by material considerations.
Thanks to you both, very helpful.

An unexpected career change came about just over five years ago; having had a breakdown due to stress and overwork, someone suggested horticulture as a quieter way forward, and I was lucky enough within a year to be working for a London company at designer level. This came to an end in March of this year due to the situation between myself and my employer deteriorating to such an extent, neither of us could bear to be together for any length of time, and most conversations descended into thinly veiled personal attacks. I'd been working long hours for much of the time, and was, frankly, shattered.

I did manage to retrain as a garden designer during this time, the course finished in July, and have been working on my own website and promotional material, etc., although for some reason, I always consider this a secondary, rather than primary, career option.

Something I derive much pleasure from is writing, and having abandoned it for decades, recently started sketching out ideas and passages with moderate success.

Hopefully, with a shift of focus and concerted effort, I can start to feel again.
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Unread 10-23-2016, 08:25 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

I have only recently entered the world of astrology, so donīt take anything I say as the truth.

My first thought when looking at your chart was that you should write. You could spend a lot of time reading, thinking and writing. You should do what makes you happy. You have Saturn, Venus and Mars in Gemini and seem to be a deep thinker. I believe that it would be good for you to have a creative outlet for your mind. Just keep trying. If you want to you can try to publish something and you can try to make a living out of it.

Mercury is the ruler of Gemini. You have a T-square between Jupiter, Mercury and Pluto. T-squares consists of tensions but also drive and ambition. They can help you become successful. You need to focus on the apex, Jupiter in ninth house (expanding your mind). Mercury opposite pluto is difficult and it is important to not stay stuck in the tensions at the bottom of your T-square. Oppositions to personal planets plays out in our interaction with other people, we need to balance the opposition instead of playing out one of the sides and dealing with another person who plays out the other end of the scale. When you have found the balance within, you can free yourself more and more from those kinds of situations. The ninth house deals with publishing, teaching, higher education, self-education, interactions with other cultures etc.

You mentioned problems with a former co-worker. If you begin to question every belief and opinion you have you can expand your mind (Jupiter) by beginning to see things from many perspectives. You can start to see how there are different layers of truth and that life is filled with paradoxes.

Since I do not know your specific problems Iīll give you some examples from my own life:

If I talk to a feminist who is masculine, angry and hateful towards men it is difficult for me to not feel triggered. My view on feminism is that it should be about allowing the people who feel feminine to be feminine and still be as valued in the society as masculine people. If I would try to become more masculine I would feel like I am repressing my femininity and in my opinion that is not the way to go to stop the repression of women. Instead of being offensive towards these kinds of feminists I try to see past their anger. They feel that this world is dysfunctional and they feel strongly that they want a better world. I feel the same so if I go to that layer of the “truth” I find that we are alike. Seeing it from the first mentioned perspective the “truth” is that we are very different. There are many layers of truth and I practice being present with as many as possible at the same time and being more open. If I want to, I can tune in to the other person and choose a way of talking about feminism that will resonate with her. I can also try to find our common ground instead of focusing on our differences. Whenever I tune in to someone like that the person often views me as an amazing person and feel a great chemistry and connection with me. From that place I can softly try to push her just a little bit into expanding her way of thinking about the subject and inspire her to open up to new perspectives. Since she feels a connection and likes me, she feels a need to maintain the feeling of connection. Therefore she will not be as easily triggered when I challenge her. She makes an effort to maintain the feeling of connection within our conversation and become more accepting of and open to my opinions. This way of dealing with others has opened my mind a lot. If I want to try to change someone, this is the way to do it and I have to accept that it will only be a baby step forward or perhaps no step at all. Everyone has as free will. I can also choose to not spend my energy on discussing the subject with her. Itīs my choice.

If I would time travel to a younger version of myself that version would fight with me regarding many topics since I have different opinions now. I used to be very rigid, extreme and I felt that I always knew best and that I had to make other people think like me. Everybody has their own path to follow and I need to accept that, even though I still believe that I am right and that everybody should be like me

I have a Libra Midheaven and I have learnt how to make co-workers like me. When I want to fit in I canīt be myself completely and be direct and I feel like I have to work in a way that doesnīt feel right to me. That is something that I have to accept since everyone has their unique perspective and we all need to compromise and adapt when we interact with others. I have a few things which are deal breakers to me and I stand up for them, but when other people obsess about details I give in even though it makes me feel uncomfortable to see them being so dominant, controlling and pushy. By being this way, I donīt get involved in the conflicts at my work place. If I donīt like my job and the environment there, I need to either try to improve it in a constructive way, quit my job, or simply accept my situation and realize that I am stuck there because of my own lack of belief in my capability of creating the life that I want. My problem is not that they are the way they are, my problem is that I feel incapable of getting a job that suits me better. I would love it if my work place would completely transform to suit me, but itīs not going to happen. If I feel like I donīt want to cooperate I should work by myself. If I want to be the person in command I should be a leader. If I want to cooperate with people who are more like me I need to search to find people who are like me. Not easy at all of course. But this way of thinking makes me less combative at my work place since I am more focused on my inner limitations than on trying to change my work place.

I do not know if you have the path of a loner or if it would benefit you to for example have a relationship and perhaps some close friends. Perhaps you did not become fully connected to the world while growing up? Perhaps you grew up in an eccentric or unstable environment or with parents who seemed detached or busy? You have three planets in your twelfth house. You say that you have never been interested in taking part.

We all have different paths to walk. If you feel like you would want a partner if only people were different, that is an obvious sign that you want to be in a relationship and that you need to expand your mind and change your perspective to get it. The general view that you have on how people in this world are is based on earlier experiences. In the world there are so many different kinds of people and it is also a fact that when we change, our interactions with other people change as well. There are endless possibilities. If you believe that you canīt find a woman who gets your way of thinking, that is just a belief, not the truth.

Everybody needs connection. When we are not connected to ourselves we feel empty and emotionless. Some people feel drawn to living the life of a monk and focus on connecting with a higher power, some people are genius scientists or introverted writers and they are connected to a well of creativity and inspiration. The majority of people have the need to connect with other people and they need to practice and create the kind of social life that would suit their own unique personality.

We all have some kinds of needs and we all have something that we want to give out. We want to express ourselves somehow and by that giving from ourselves to the world. The monk types seek inner peace and when they become very present and peaceful they irradiate peacefulness to their surroundings. What they share is their presence and a peaceful vibe that affects other people.

You say that you want to feel again. If you connect more with your emotions, you connect more with your inner compass that is constantly telling you what you want and like and what you donīt want and like. Our emotional self is our compass. To connect with your emotions you need to do some kind of mindfulness exercises where you regularly practice focusing on each part of your body and look for any kind of sensation. But there is a reason why people are more or less emotionally detached. Connecting deeply with your self is like opening the box of Pandora. Humans feel both negative and positive emotions and the negative ones are not fun at all to deal with. Depression is caused by things like repressed emotions, repressed creativity and unfulfilled needs.
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Unread 10-24-2016, 10:48 AM
11001010 11001010 is offline
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

An interesting read, NR, thanks.

A love of language, languages, words and wordplay has always been a constant, but I think it was one of those classic cases of a career such as writing being a career for other people. Daft, of course, but there you are.

I avoid relationships because there are far too many variables. Friendships are always fairly loose, which seems to work well enough, and any that became too intrusive or demanding are just knocked on the head.

Growing up...well, my father was aloof, and we didn't get on particularly well. He passed away nearly twenty years ago. My mother is still fairly unconventional, and I have never had great relationships with any of my three siblings; for balance, I will add they don't get on with each other either.

Something that might not be apparent from all I've written, is I'm fairly patient (I appreciate this could be taken the wrong way...) when it comes to other people and will always try to talk through disagreements unless the situation has moved beyond that.

Anyway, thanks again for giving me much to think about...
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Unread 10-24-2016, 10:58 AM
RaRohini RaRohini is offline
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

Hi !

I can do a vedic reading but would want the birth details to make my own chart.
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  #8  
Unread 10-24-2016, 11:49 AM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

That sounds interesting, thanks.

I've posted the Astrodienst chart at the beginning of the thread - is there anything else you need?
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Unread 10-24-2016, 12:32 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

Okay, I hope this is what you need :
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  #10  
Unread 10-24-2016, 01:57 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

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Originally Posted by 11001010 View Post
An interesting read, NR, thanks.

A love of language, languages, words and wordplay has always been a constant, but I think it was one of those classic cases of a career such as writing being a career for other people. Daft, of course, but there you are.

I avoid relationships because there are far too many variables. Friendships are always fairly loose, which seems to work well enough, and any that became too intrusive or demanding are just knocked on the head.

Growing up...well, my father was aloof, and we didn't get on particularly well. He passed away nearly twenty years ago. My mother is still fairly unconventional, and I have never had great relationships with any of my three siblings; for balance, I will add they don't get on with each other either.

Something that might not be apparent from all I've written, is I'm fairly patient (I appreciate this could be taken the wrong way...) when it comes to other people and will always try to talk through disagreements unless the situation has moved beyond that.

Anyway, thanks again for giving me much to think about...





You certainly seem patient and reasonable. I kind of loose myself in details when I write and it seems to be impossible for me to keep myself short no matter how hard I try. Also, english is not my native language.

Perhaps you meet people who are difficult. Like I said we often play out one of the roles within the opposition. For example, I have moon opposite uranus, 0 degrees, but I keep playing the good guy within that opposition

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  #11  
Unread 10-25-2016, 06:31 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

Hi !
I recast your birth details into a vedic chart. The readings are as follows:
Ascendant Asvini the celestial healer ruled by Ketu the cut off guy. Ketu is in the 4th house in Cancer Pashyami.The fourth house is the house of emotions, motherly feeling, feeling for home /homeland This essentially means that you are cut off from your emotional nature.
The rahu axis shows the path for this lifetime. Rahu is in the 10th house in Capricorn Uttarashada the latter unconquered one.
Uttarashada succeeds in the latter half of life. They take commitment and responsibility very seriously.
Now in previous lifetimes, you may have concentrated on home and hearth and been a very warm and emotional person with a very nurturing quality. In this lifetime the same energy has to be converted to 'tough love' in the corporate sector. This love is no less than nurturing love.It is something like fatherly love compared to motherly love. But for this to happen, the emotional nurturing tendency has to go. That is why you are feeling as if emotions have been cut. Moon in Bharani the bearer, they bear the brunt of everything.They lift other people's burdens. Sometimes that can get overwhelming. Take care to not get obese.
Bharani can be very good singers or graphic artists.
You are in Rahu dasha till 2021 after which you may start to 'feel' again when you enter the benefic Jupiter Dasha.
Tough love is no less than nurturing love. You are called upon to mentor youngsters at your workplace; sort of being a 'father figure.'
Sorry to ask..were you abused as a child- either physically or mentally? Bharani bears a lot of abuse.
Please do not get depressed or dejected. All will be well . So says 'Mr.Bean 😃!'
Do as your spirit wills ! God bless !

Last edited by RaRohini; 10-26-2016 at 09:24 AM.
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  #12  
Unread 10-26-2016, 09:51 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

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In this lifetime the same energy has to be converted to 'tough love' in the corporate sector.
Could you possibly elaborate on this? Regarding employment, I feel I have always been an "acquired taste".

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Originally Posted by RaRohini View Post
You are in Rahu dasha till 2021 after which you may start to 'feel' again when you enter the benefic Jupiter Dasha.
Is Rahu dasha a particularly negative influence?

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Originally Posted by RaRohini View Post
Sorry to ask..were you abused as a child- either physically or mentally? Bharani bears a lot of abuse.
Well, I wasn't the most popular at school and was often excluded, which lead to me pretty much giving up on what I would call an open and easy approach to other people and friendship.

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Please do not get depressed or dejected. All will be well . So says 'Mr.Bean 😃!'

Do as your spirit wills ! God bless !
Thanks, I will try!
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Unread 10-27-2016, 03:53 PM
RaRohini RaRohini is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 11001010 View Post
Could you possibly elaborate on this? Regarding employment, I feel I have always been an "acquired taste".

Hi !

Ascendant and Sun in Aries Ashvini the celestial healer and Venus Mars and Saturn in Taurus Rohini seems to suggest strong connection with herbs, herbal medicine, organic farming, seeds etc. It may be about growing and healing with herbs.
Your Rahu ( somewhat like a North node-where your energies will be perfectly in tune) is in Capricorn Uttarashada star. Uttara means latter. Ashada is Autumn. So it represents the time just before winter. This is after 40 years of age. This is when the realisation dawns. This star wants to achieve something unique. In Hinduism, It is helped by the Elephant Lord Ganesha, the remover of all obstacles.

Is Rahu dasha a particularly negative influence?

Not really.Rahu is the energy which you acquire doing this lifetime. Since your path has bern difficult, it may be a relief once you reach the energy. Jupiter Dasha is overall benefic as it is positive and wholesome. The feeling is 'Wow ! This is what it was all about.'


Well, I wasn't the most popular at school and was often excluded, which lead to me pretty much giving up on what I would call an open and easy approach to other people and friendship.



Thanks, I will try!
God bless !
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Unread 10-27-2016, 04:09 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

Reading your post I'm torn between thinking you are completely numb for some reason and experiencing spiritual sleep, and thinking the exact opposite--that you've let go of desire and neared enlightenment.

The energy you describe actually sounds very Piscean to me. An explanation of Pisces energy that I heard once and liked was that the soul has experienced various ways of struggling and striving in the world and having progressed to the 12th sign, has decided to stop, to instead look to the realm beyond, and so may feel little attachment to this world. Looking at the first chart you posted, which uses the Placidus house system (my preferred system) you have Sun, Chiron, and Mercury in the 12th House, which is the house traditionally ruled by Pisces. So, interpreting simplistically, that be would your self, your deepest wound, and your vehicle for communication with others (as well as the "gods") are all in the 12th house. One way to look at the 12th house is that things that go into it disappear. I prefer to look at it as a portal between the self and the beyond, and having important planets there can put you in closer touch with that beyond.

Is that "woowoo" enough for ya?
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  #15  
Unread 10-27-2016, 07:09 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

I hate to sound flippant, but your user name is a computer code.
have you molded your inner self to a computer code also?
have you discarded human sensitivities and frailties as part of life?

rahu
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Unread 10-27-2016, 07:31 PM
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Smile Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witchyone View Post

The energy you describe actually sounds very Piscean to me. An explanation of Pisces energy that I heard once and liked was that the soul has experienced various ways of struggling and striving in the world and having progressed to the 12th sign, has decided to stop, to instead look to the realm beyond, and so may feel little attachment to this world. One way to look at the 12th house is that things that go into it disappear. I prefer to look at it as a portal between the self and the beyond, and having important planets there can put you in closer touch with that beyond.
Wow! Into the Mystic! I can definitely relate to the way you perceive H12. Thanks for sharing that!

Last edited by david starling; 10-27-2016 at 07:33 PM.
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Unread 10-27-2016, 09:36 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

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I hate to sound flippant, but your user name is a computer code.
have you molded your inner self to a computer code also?
have you discarded human sensitivities and frailties as part of life?

rahu
It was quite an insightful comment, and I think the short answer would be a hesitant "yes".

Hesitant, because I don't feel I've discarded such things completely, but for the most part, I'd say I have.
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Unread 10-27-2016, 10:03 PM
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It was quite an insightful comment, and I think the short answer would be a hesitant "yes".

Hesitant, because I don't feel I've discarded such things completely, but for the most part, I'd say I have.
Thanks for the honest response. As many have given astrological insights, I will give another gut response .your chart makes me think your specialty is encryption. Possibly your professional work has lead you to a feeling of the futility of findings enjoyment in life's spontaneity because you see that we are all conditioned by the unseen powers that control our destinies.
rahu
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  #19  
Unread 10-27-2016, 10:13 PM
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Re: I've managed to purge all joy from life...

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It was quite an insightful comment, and I think the short answer would be a hesitant "yes".

Hesitant, because I don't feel I've discarded such things completely, but for the most part, I'd say I have.
I thought you were making a Futurama reference.
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