weirdperson
New member
I haven't thought about astrology in years, but I have gone through such a period of upheaval and confusion about who I am and where I come from that I recently looked up my exact birth time and tried to read my own chart.
One thing that doesn't make sense to me is my struggle with religion, lifelong and current. It seems like I should have more going on in the ninth house, the way it's always gone with me.
God and religion have been a source of angst since childhood. I experienced the dissatisfaction of those who care deeply. In adolescence it was total chaos, just embarrassing. As an adult, despite not being born Jewish, I am convinced that I am supposed to be. You are not going to be able to talk me out of this. Nothing else seems acceptable. For a long time I thought this was a bizarre fancy arising from too many books and not enough parties, but then I learned about gilgul, or the mystical doctrine of the transmigration of Jewish souls, and its relationship with conversion. The gist is that one doesn't need to be Jewish to be valued by God, but a certain number of souls floating around are fundamentally Jewish, and if they get separated from the herd by some sort of trauma and born into gentile families they need a way to get home. On a more earthly level, Jewish people get me and I fit better in the culture than in my original culture, which fails to see the potential in argumentative, stubborn, sarcastic people (sorry, but sometimes stereotypes contain a grain of truth).
I have been part of my local Jewish community for almost four years now. These are Conservative Jews, who for those not in the know are an American denomination that uses traditional liturgy but is not strict about legal matters. They have accepted me and will formally convert me if I ask them. They are my friends and I love them. However, I have been cheating on them with an Orthodox outreach organization and corresponding extensively with Orthodox Jews. The Orthodox exert a philosophical pull on me. They would help me convert too, but there would be more sacrifices, and it would change my life in extensive, irreversible ways. Even with all the research I've done into how to avoid breakaway cults and bad marriages and such, risks abound. My parents, hitherto tolerant, would hate it - they are progressive types and find my deep social conservatism scandalous as it is. I would probably have to move to a place with a larger Orthodox community. I would be more conspicuous and vulnerable to antisemitism and adverse political developments. My pleasantly predictable and structured life would also be a restrictive one.
It is important to understand that excessive or constant asceticism and self-punishment are assur, or against this religion. But so is laxity in holy matters. So I must understand my motivations better in order to make decisions. I have other methods of self-investigation, sacred and secular, but Horoscopes are not strictly forbidden.
I have included transits, in case they are relevant. No real theological debates, please. Keep it personal.
One thing that doesn't make sense to me is my struggle with religion, lifelong and current. It seems like I should have more going on in the ninth house, the way it's always gone with me.
God and religion have been a source of angst since childhood. I experienced the dissatisfaction of those who care deeply. In adolescence it was total chaos, just embarrassing. As an adult, despite not being born Jewish, I am convinced that I am supposed to be. You are not going to be able to talk me out of this. Nothing else seems acceptable. For a long time I thought this was a bizarre fancy arising from too many books and not enough parties, but then I learned about gilgul, or the mystical doctrine of the transmigration of Jewish souls, and its relationship with conversion. The gist is that one doesn't need to be Jewish to be valued by God, but a certain number of souls floating around are fundamentally Jewish, and if they get separated from the herd by some sort of trauma and born into gentile families they need a way to get home. On a more earthly level, Jewish people get me and I fit better in the culture than in my original culture, which fails to see the potential in argumentative, stubborn, sarcastic people (sorry, but sometimes stereotypes contain a grain of truth).
I have been part of my local Jewish community for almost four years now. These are Conservative Jews, who for those not in the know are an American denomination that uses traditional liturgy but is not strict about legal matters. They have accepted me and will formally convert me if I ask them. They are my friends and I love them. However, I have been cheating on them with an Orthodox outreach organization and corresponding extensively with Orthodox Jews. The Orthodox exert a philosophical pull on me. They would help me convert too, but there would be more sacrifices, and it would change my life in extensive, irreversible ways. Even with all the research I've done into how to avoid breakaway cults and bad marriages and such, risks abound. My parents, hitherto tolerant, would hate it - they are progressive types and find my deep social conservatism scandalous as it is. I would probably have to move to a place with a larger Orthodox community. I would be more conspicuous and vulnerable to antisemitism and adverse political developments. My pleasantly predictable and structured life would also be a restrictive one.
It is important to understand that excessive or constant asceticism and self-punishment are assur, or against this religion. But so is laxity in holy matters. So I must understand my motivations better in order to make decisions. I have other methods of self-investigation, sacred and secular, but Horoscopes are not strictly forbidden.
I have included transits, in case they are relevant. No real theological debates, please. Keep it personal.