Why falling in love is so hard for me?

Trish05

Active member
Hi everyone,

As the title says falling in love is very hard for me and I don't know what is the reason/problem with me?! I have never been in love before which makes me sad and I've recently realized that I miss having someone to share my life with. (I feel like something is missing in my life.)

Will I ever find love? And if I will then what type of patner will I have? (I mean his characteristic.)

Thank you in advance. :)
 
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Osamenor

Staff member
When you say you've never fallen in love, what do you mean? Have you never dated anyone? Never liked anyone in *that* way? Or are you defining falling in love as being overwhelmed, obsessed with someone, butterflies in your stomach, that kind of thing, and saying you've never done it because you've never felt that way?

If it's the last, falling in love isn't always like that. In fact, it's healthier if you aren't obsessed with your partner.

In general, how do you relate to people? Are you highly social? A loner? Somewhere in between? Do you make friends easily, or is that difficult for you, too? Do you maintain friendships over time?

Birth charts show in a very general way what kind of approach we're likely to take to relationships, and what we need from them, and the same things that indicate romantic relationships can also indicate platonic friendships and other types of partnership. There isn't much difference between how we go about friendship and how we go about romantic love.

Birth charts don't tell the whole story, though. That's where you come in. People with similar charts can respond to them in very different ways, so your birth chart does not tell the story by itself.
 

Trish05

Active member
Hi,
Thanks for your reply! :)

I have dated a few guys and have had short-lived relationships (not many, though). The problem is that I have been unable to get emotionally attached to them (probably because they were not the right persons). I am not highly social nor a loner I am somewhere in between and have a few friends. Basically I consider myself to be friendly but it is also true that I am a bit emotionally distant and it has always been hard for me to open up to people (I mean emotionally). I think it's some kind of defense mechanism because I am afraid of disappointment.

All in all, I have had a few boyfriends but never liked them in *that* way and I've just recently realized that I miss having someone to share my life with. I find it strange that I am 26 years old and have never been in love before have never experienced this feeling. I don't even know what type of man is my type...?! Maybe my expectations are too high and that's why I have not found the right man yet.
 

Osamenor

Staff member
So when you say you never liked your boyfriends in that way... have you not been sexually attracted to anyone, to come right out and say it?

Do you have feelings towards women? Maybe men aren't it for you.

Or, maybe neither gender is. Some people just don't experience much, or anything, in the way of sexual attraction or desire.

Birth charts don't spell that kind of thing out. Again, that's where your own personal story is important.
 

Trish05

Active member
So when you say you never liked your boyfriends in that way... have you not been sexually attracted to anyone, to come right out and say it?

Do you have feelings towards women? Maybe men aren't it for you.

Or, maybe neither gender is. Some people just don't experience much, or anything, in the way of sexual attraction or desire.

Birth charts don't spell that kind of thing out. Again, that's where your own personal story is important.


I meant I have never been in love with anyone but I sexually attracted to my boyfriends. The problem was my lack of emotions toward them. I just "liked" them but I know it was not "love" and I dumped them because I was missing this feeling. So basically I am just wondering that based on my chart what type of partner will I have later? I mean their characteristics.


You have Venus square Saturn in your chart... Love isn't easy for you.

Yes, this is exactly what I have always felt: Love is not easy for me. But the worst thing is that I want to love others and need love and that's why it makes me sad. Will it be easier for me?
 
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Jadi

Well-known member
Yes, this is exactly what I have always felt: Love is not easy for me. But the worst thing is that I want to love others and need love and that's why it makes me sad. Will it be easier for me?
It's no guarantee, but after your Saturn return anything can happen. Especially since Saturn is retrograde in your chart. But that takes another couple of years.
 

StillOne

Well-known member
Yes, this is exactly what I have always felt: Love is not easy for me. But the worst thing is that I want to love others and need love and that's why it makes me sad. Will it be easier for me?

Work on loving yourself more then loving others will become easier.
 

Jadi

Well-known member
I meant I have never been in love with anyone but I sexually attracted to my boyfriends. The problem was my lack of emotions toward them. I just "liked" them but I know it was not "love" and I dumped them because I was missing this feeling. So basically I am just wondering that based on my chart what type of partner will I have later? I mean their characteristics.
The people you attract in general are indicated by your seventh ruler Mercury. Mercury is conjunct Moon in the 6th house. So you attract people who most likely come from your direct work environment. The conjunction with Moon is very fortunate since it's in the Moon's favorite sign, Taurus. So that could mean a fun-loving, laid back, warm and communicative relationship.

I also look at your Mars for potential boyfriend qualities. As stated before, Saturn is very stern on your Venus but here Mars sextiles your Saturn. Mars is also in Pisces. That means that it's likely that you could find someone who will understand that they shouldn't put any expectations on your feelings and is willing to give you your space.
 

Jadi

Well-known member
I also have to mention your Jupiter/Chiron conjunction in the seventh house. That means that long-term relationships or even the idea of being in one causes you pain somehow. No matter how fulfilling they are, you're likely to pull out. But, the chart indicates the longer you are in an actual relationship, the better it gets. This is seen from the sextile to your Moon/Mercury mentioned before.

Also Pluto is trining your Jupiter. So you're likely to get a very fulfilling partnership, but, it will always be very painful in the beginning.
 
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Hey,

Don't worry about falling in love. Truth be told, ime it just kind of happens after going through so many people. I actually felt the same way as you for most of my life. I too have a hard time falling in love as well and Saturn retrograde plays a role in it.

Saturn in retrograde can make the individual feel more emotionally vulnerable or guarded from a fear of rejection or being hurt. You can get around this with open body language, effective conversation skills, giving people a chance, and most importantly being confident and comfortable in yourself as a person. Rejection hurts, but you can't make it stop you from going out and trying. You just have to be ok with it and know that you are still a great person and you'll be just fine.

Also, you have venus square neptune, which makes you prone to low self esteem and disappointments in love. Low self esteem can cause alot of these problems. My best advice that hasn't already been said is to work on yourself and be the kind of person you want to be, while retaining the best parts of you. You'll notice your confidence and self esteem skyrocket and people pick up on that.

Like StillOne said, you should focus on loving yourself.

In the words of Oscar Wilde, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
 

Osamenor

Staff member
The people you attract in general are indicated by your seventh ruler Mercury. Mercury is conjunct Moon in the 6th house. So you attract people who most likely come from your direct work environment. The conjunction with Moon is very fortunate since it's in the Moon's favorite sign, Taurus. So that could mean a fun-loving, laid back, warm and communicative relationship.

The moon/Mercury conjunction is in her fifth house, not her sixth, unless you're going by whole sign.

Fifth house indicates play and hobbies rather than work. I think there's a good reason why the fifth and sixth houses share a cusp: ideally, what we like to do feeds into what we do for a living and what we do day to day.

Traditionally, the sixth house is the House of Servants, or the House of Vocation. If we look at the "vocation" meaning, that's not specifically about work in the sense of making a living, but about what we're called to do. What service do we give to society?

That service could be what we do for a living, or it could be something we do for our own enjoyment that ends up being what really serves the people around us. Someone who puts the bulk of their time and energy into parenting and developing family relationships may also have a job to support the family, but it's the relationships that really shape their life, and in the long run, the people who remember them best will be their children, who will remember them for parenting. Someone who writes or paints or sculpts or practices some other art form while holding down a day job is probably pursuing an art vocation, even if it's not how they make their living.

And some people turn their hobbies into jobs. That's a clear and literal case of the fifth house feeding the sixth.

If we read the moon/Mercury conjunction for fifth house meaning, we're looking at what you enjoy. Perhaps you need a partner who shares what you enjoy. Perhaps they're the person who helps you make your hobby more like your vocation.

John Lennon had the sun and a great concentration of planets, including Venus, in his sixth house; sun, meanwhile, was the ruler of his fifth. His great passion was his music, and the people in his life, from the Beatles to Yoko, were his partners in creating the art he is remembered for.

In your case, we've got some Taurus indicators. Taurus is about the earth, and stability, and nature, and music, and building, creating structure and form, to name a few of the things it stands for. Moon conjunction: the moon really shines in Taurus. That sign gives her the freedom to be like a nurturing, abundant mother goddess. A Taurean moon might be drawn to create and nurture gardens, or sculpture, or to sing, or to cook, or practice other forms of art.

Some Taurean types go in for healing arts. Some go in for sports. Taurus is also a very physical sign. With the earth indicators, some have a strong scientist/naturalist bent.

Gemini, shaping both your sixth and seventh houses, and being your sun placement on top of that, suggests communication as a key theme for your work and your partnerships and, as your sun sign, for your own lifelong growth. Gemini needs to see and hear, listen and speak. Gemini is associated with languages, and storytelling, and teaching, and journalism.

Many of the things indicated by Taurus are also communication forms. Any creative art is a form of communication.

That all spells out some of the things you need in a partner, but deep, intimate love is yet another story. I don't have time to go into it now, but I see some other details. Also, the other posters here have done a good job of fleshing out the part I don't see.
 
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Trish05

Active member
Work on loving yourself more then loving others will become easier.

Yes, I know. Learning to love myself is very important.

I also have to mention your Jupiter/Chiron conjunction in the seventh house. That means that long-term relationships or even the idea of being in one causes you pain somehow. No matter how fulfilling they are, you're likely to pull out. But, the chart indicates the longer you are in an actual relationship, the better it gets. This is seen from the sextile to your Moon/Mercury mentioned before.

Also Pluto is trining your Jupiter. So you're likely to get a very fulfilling partnership, but, it will always be very painful in the beginning.

Thank you for your reply!
Yes, that true. The idea of being in a long-term relationship somehow causes me pain because of the fear of being rejected and/or being hurt. The idea of losing someone who I love is also painful for me. Sometimes I'm like: Why should I be in a relationship if it will (sooner or later) end?"
But it's good to know that I will probably have a fulfilling partnership. :)
I know it sounds silly but how will I behave with my partner? What kind of lover am I? Also, could Mercury conjunct Moon mean that logic and emotions are sometimes mixed in me? Logic tries to overwrite my emotions and vica versa.

Hey,

Don't worry about falling in love. Truth be told, ime it just kind of happens after going through so many people. I actually felt the same way as you for most of my life. I too have a hard time falling in love as well and Saturn retrograde plays a role in it.

Saturn in retrograde can make the individual feel more emotionally vulnerable or guarded from a fear of rejection or being hurt. You can get around this with open body language, effective conversation skills, giving people a chance, and most importantly being confident and comfortable in yourself as a person. Rejection hurts, but you can't make it stop you from going out and trying. You just have to be ok with it and know that you are still a great person and you'll be just fine.

Also, you have venus square neptune, which makes you prone to low self esteem and disappointments in love. Low self esteem can cause alot of these problems. My best advice that hasn't already been said is to work on yourself and be the kind of person you want to be, while retaining the best parts of you. You'll notice your confidence and self esteem skyrocket and people pick up on that.

Like StillOne said, you should focus on loving yourself.

In the words of Oscar Wilde, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."

Thank you for your kind words! :) Yes, you perfectly said it. "emotionally vulnerable or guarded from a fear of rejection or being hurt." It's how I have always felt. When I was younger I didn't care and used to roll my eyes when people were talking about love. But it seems like the older I get the more I realize that I need to be loved and I need someone to love. But I will try to change and will try to open up to people.
 
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Trish05

Active member
In your case, we've got some Taurus indicators. Taurus is about the earth, and stability, and nature, and music, and building, creating structure and form, to name a few of the things it stands for. Moon conjunction: the moon really shines in Taurus. That sign gives her the freedom to be like a nurturing, abundant mother goddess. A Taurean moon might be drawn to create and nurture gardens, or sculpture, or to sing, or to cook, or practice other forms of art.

Some Taurean types go in for healing arts. Some go in for sports. Taurus is also a very physical sign. With the earth indicators, some have a strong scientist/naturalist bent.

Gemini, shaping both your sixth and seventh houses, and being your sun placement on top of that, suggests communication as a key theme for your work and your partnerships and, as your sun sign, for your own lifelong growth. Gemini needs to see and hear, listen and speak. Gemini is associated with languages, and storytelling, and teaching, and journalism.

Many of the things indicated by Taurus are also communication forms. Any creative art is a form of communication.

That all spells out some of the things you need in a partner, but deep, intimate love is yet another story. I don't have time to go into it now, but I see some other details. Also, the other posters here have done a good job of fleshing out the part I don't see.

Thank you for your post too!
I recognized myself. Yes, I am the type of person who wants to turn her hobby into job.That's why I am working for and communication is absolutely a key theme in the work that I do. :) I would be happy to share my hobbies with my partner it would be fun. I also see some of the Taurus traits in myself (music, food, stability, the love of arts etc.) and not to mention it definitely calms my Gemini sun down.
I would like to have a deep, intimate love. I know it depends on me too but I guess in my case it won't be so easy.
 
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Osamenor

Staff member
Thank you for your post too!
I recognized myself. Yes, I am the type of person who wants to turn her hobby into job.That's why I am working for and communication is absolutely a key theme in the work that I do. :) I would be happy to share my hobbies with my partner it would be fun. I also see some of the Taurus traits in myself (music, food, stability, the love of arts etc.) and not to mention it definitely calms my Gemini sun down.
I would like to have a deep, intimate love. I know it depends on me too but I guess in my case it won't be so easy.
I just rechecked your chart and realized I made one mistake: your sixth house cusp is in Taurus, not Gemini, so there's a basic Taurus message in your day-to-day work, too. However, sun is still in Gemini and still in the sixth, so there's a need for Gemini qualities as well.

Having your seventh house cusp in Gemini shows that you need a partner who has significant Gemini-like traits, or a relationship with Gemini qualities to it, or both. Sometimes Gemini on the seventh house cusp indicates a need for multiple partners. It's likely that you need, if not multiple lovers, then multiple friends. You're also likely to need your partner to give you stimulating conversation. Perhaps you need complete equality in your relationships--that would be a sibling-like quality, and Gemini rules siblings.

Venus also tells us something about your approach to love and what you need in a partner. Aries Venus is in fall, so in certain ways, it acts unlike classic Venus. Probably not wine-and-roses romantic. Probably not very big on social games or flirting or buttering people up. Social graces may seem pointless and phony, although having Mercury (planet of communication) in a Venus-ruled sign may change that.

Aries is about challenge, competition, and will. Venus in Aries is likely to seek someone to compete with or share challenges with. Coupled with Mercury as the seventh house ruler, maybe you enjoy word games with your partner, or debates. Maybe you like to have adventures with others. Venus in Aries is more likely to think a good date is going out and climbing a mountain (literally or figuratively) than sitting in a fancy restaurant.

What you said about a need to calm down your Gemini sun... I notice that your sun is unaspected except for a very loose out of sign trine to Saturn. Anything unaspected is expressed especially strongly. There's nothing to keep it in check or mix in its energies.

The sun is about ego, and Saturn is the planet that really puts you into yourself. Saturn indicates a sense of isolation. It gives personal boundaries, but sometimes those boundaries are too tightly drawn. If that's the only planet feeding your ego, as it were, you're likely to experience yourself as profoundly separated from others, isolated, even.

On top of that... your sun doesn't have a house to rule, because Leo is intercepted, and intercepted in your eighth house. The eighth house is where deep intimacy lives. Seventh is about visible partnerships, contracts, the parts of the relationship that can be named (he's my boyfriend, she's my wife, they're my business partners, etc.). Eighth house is about the parts of the relationship that are felt more than seen--the intimacy, the sexuality, the merged resources.

Moon rules your eighth house (cusp in Cancer), but sun, which shows your ego, could be said to have a ghost share in its ownership. The eighth house is where you move a little outside of your own boundaries. That's what it takes to be very deeply intimate with someone. However, for moving outside your own boundaries to be safe, you have to have boundaries, and you have to be with someone who respects them.

If you've never managed to love anyone deeply... have you dated anyone who really, thoroughly respected your boundaries and gave you the space to be intimate (not just physically, but emotionally) on your own terms? If not, that could be why you couldn't be in love with them.
 

Trish05

Active member
If you've never managed to love anyone deeply... have you dated anyone who really, thoroughly respected your boundaries and gave you the space to be intimate (not just physically, but emotionally) on your own terms? If not, that could be why you couldn't be in love with them.

Wow, I love to read your posts thank you for your amazing replies! You definitely wrote about me. :)
Yes, communication is very important to me I believe it's one of the most important things in a relationship. You also nailed the Venus in Aries trait too. To be honest, I am not a typical romantic type which doesn't mean I don't need romance - I need it - just not in a typical, traditional way. I've always been called a tomboy and have prefered "boyish" things. So yes, for me a perfect date would be at a shooting range (for example).

Regarding to your question. I have dated a few guys who were very kind and smart but looking back I have never felt like they knew who I really was. The fact is they didn't really understand me and (as you mentioned) never gave me the space to be intimate on my own terms.They just expected things (both physically and emotionally) from me but I couldn't be myself. Cancer is very emotional and sensitive so in my eighth house (cusp in Cancer) means I need more time and space until I am able to open up to someone?!
 

Osamenor

Staff member
Regarding to your question. I have dated a few guys who were very kind and smart but looking back I have never felt like they knew who I really was. The fact is they didn't really understand me and (as you mentioned) never gave me the space to be intimate on my own terms.They just expected things (both physically and emotionally) from me but I couldn't be myself. Cancer is very emotional and sensitive so in my eighth house (cusp in Cancer) means I need more time and space until I am able to open up to someone?!

Yes... and you need someone who takes the time and space to get to know who you really are before they expect real intimacy from you.

Based on your chart, it looks to me like you're not easy to get to know. The real you has lots of hidden surprises, which don't show on first or even multiple subsequent meetings. You have no aspects between planets and your AC, most of your planets below the horizon, and most of your planets making minimal aspects with other planets.

I imagine that people who first meet you see you as a free spirited Sagittarius type. The tomboy self probably shows up quickly. It probably surprises people who think of you as such a free spirit that you're not just as free with love. Your need for boundaries and security and extra time to get comfortable with intimacy doesn't connect with the face you present to the world at all (no connections between those planets and your AC), so that whole part of you is very different from who you appear to be. No less valid, but probably a surprise to anyone dating you.

Given the Gemini/Mercury indicators for partnership, I would think you need any romantic relationship you have to be really a romantic friendship. Instead of looking for people to date, if that's what you've been doing, your best bet is to make friends, and let romance develop with someone who's been your friend first. A friend can let you have the space to develop comfort with intimacy on your own terms.
 

Trish05

Active member
Yes... and you need someone who takes the time and space to get to know who you really are before they expect real intimacy from you.

Based on your chart, it looks to me like you're not easy to get to know. The real you has lots of hidden surprises, which don't show on first or even multiple subsequent meetings. You have no aspects between planets and your AC, most of your planets below the horizon, and most of your planets making minimal aspects with other planets.

I imagine that people who first meet you see you as a free spirited Sagittarius type. The tomboy self probably shows up quickly. It probably surprises people who think of you as such a free spirit that you're not just as free with love. Your need for boundaries and security and extra time to get comfortable with intimacy doesn't connect with the face you present to the world at all (no connections between those planets and your AC), so that whole part of you is very different from who you appear to be. No less valid, but probably a surprise to anyone dating you.

Given the Gemini/Mercury indicators for partnership, I would think you need any romantic relationship you have to be really a romantic friendship. Instead of looking for people to date, if that's what you've been doing, your best bet is to make friends, and let romance develop with someone who's been your friend first. A friend can let you have the space to develop comfort with intimacy on your own terms.

That's true, I am not an "easy to get to know" person.

I think you are right - maybe it would be easier for me if I would let romance develop with someone who has been my friend first. Someone who I can trust.
 
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