Thanks, Osamenor--
I think I've had it both ways.
I cannot recall a time when I did not want children, and I was blessed with marriage and two beloved children-- now in middle age. I am also a grandmother, from more of a distance than I want, but such is modern life-- as well as covid travel restrictions.
But I also recall my own mother. She was a very intelligent, educated woman who was normal enough when I was young, but around about my high school years, I began to see her as someone deeply dissatisfied with her life-- and inclined to take it out on her family members. She seemed constantly critical, to the point where I got into the mold of simply trying to please her so that she wouldn't come out with something hurtful. Later when I was a young adult she suffered from depression and probably alcoholism. (She died when I was 35.)
None of her negativity was easy to be around.
Which is what concerns me, Trisha, about your posts.
People who read charts on this forum do see a lot of unhappy people. Which stands to reason. Nobody comes here saying, "I am happy and my life is great. How do you explain that?" People turn to astrology when life doesn't go so smoothly. (As I did.)
But your level of anger and anxiety is unusually high, even for an astrology forum. If you cannot find a happier space from within yourself-- simply because this is the stand you take for yourself, independently of your external circumstances-- I wonder how you're going to be around a young child who will place extraordinary demands on you.
You mention dropping some prospective boyfriends because they were too "clinchy" or clingy. (Did you "meet" them "shopping" on the Internet, or were these men you actually know personally?)
Well, if anyone is "clingy," it is a young child in relation to her mother. The child's survival depends on it.
So what would you do when you're feeling irritable and the baby won't stop crying? At 3:00 in the morning? And it doesn't end there. Wait till your teenager is out with friends for the evening and doesn't come home at the agreed-upon time? And his school work is slipping? And so on.
I hope you do get what you want in life. My concern is that you cannot get to it from here.
Yes I want a child and not a men as child. That's two different things. I want a men who don't behave like a child because he needs so much attention like a child. I don't want to discuss why I'm not writing back within 5 minutes or why I only wrote three sentence per day when I'm busy.
That with a baby not all is easy, I know and I have think about it more than one year, so maybe enough.