Miserable over breakup

I'm miserable over the breakup that happened 8 weeks ago. I humiliated him in a pub when some idiot spilled a drink over us. I wanted to go home, he didn't. I accused him of caring for beer more than caring for me. I wanted to go out of that place, he didn't, I turned my back and left. He later called me on the mobile phone, we argued in the street, he went back to the pub and his friends. I walked to his home in order to make up with him, his dogs barked at me. The next day I called him, we argued over the phone.

Then we didn't speak for a long time. I was angry. For what is worse, I met someone online who was promising me many things, tricking me into thinking he's the one. The night before I went for a vacation in another country, my ex sent me very warm messages wishing me a nice holiday. He also told me he had found a temporary job, told me I was "always kind and a gentleman". That gave me hope he wants us back together.

When I got home, the guy I met online disappeared, never to contact me again. Then I realized I was only fooling myself with the illusion of better love. I was avoiding facing the stress. I wanted to escape into another relationship, to avoid the pain. Then I started missing my ex like crazy.

I knew my ex's birthday was coming up, so I called him 5 days ago. We had a nice conversation. He was surprised I call, telling me "Hey, I was wondering whether you'd call me". He asked me about my vacation, told me he saw me from afar in the town, asked me to which places I went that night, talked to me about an upcoming concert of a band I adore. He told me he has nothing to celebrate, he doesn't have a job or a wife or kids. He also invited me for a drink that evening. He told me he wanted to take me to some ice cream with fruit he knows I like.

5-6 hours after our conversation I got a message from him that he was in the hospital with his grandfather and that he won't meet me that night, and that he'd call the next day.

I called him twice the next day. I had his grandfather's not feeling good as an excuse. He called me later to tell me he was at the lake, bathing with friends, and invited me to meet him that evening.

We met, I congratulated him his birthday, gave him a present, we went for a drink & ice-cream, talked. The first thing he asked me is how I liked his new haircut, cos it's somewhat shorter now, and he knows I prefer it longer. He asked me about my vacation, looked at my photos, commented some.. He asked me if there is "a (love) candidate" in my love. At one point when my eyes went toward the promenade, he asked me if I knew a guy who was passing at that moment. He also wondered why I hadn't come to see him playing basketball at the tournament (I didn't know it was a tournament. he asked me that on the phone too). I took these questions as signs of interests.

He told me he was tired, he lacked sleep, and then we walked for 5 min., to his car, in front of which he told me something like thank you (don't remember) and then he wanted to shake my hand. I was shocked. I hoped for a reconciliation. Then I put my arm around him, the other on his heart, and asked him if there's still something in his heart. He said that he cooled off, that he didn't love me anymore, that he needs to sort his life, find a (steady) job, that he doesn't want to be chained. I tried to kiss him, he didn't want to. He told me he can look at me only as a sexual object now. I offered him sex. He said that's not right. He accepted anyway. He drove me to his home.

At his place we talked. I saw he got some presents from friends and that there was a small party there the previous night. We were talking, had sex, talked some more. I offered him every option with me, offered myself on a plate. He said our relationship started stagnating, he needs to sort his life (job, house). He said my character cannot change, I am too jealous and possessive. He said he wanted to be free for a year, he hasn't met anyone else yet. He wanted us to go together to that concert in the capital, he wanted to drive us and even go for a swim before that. Or that he would ask a friend who has a gf to give us a lift so that he can drink at the concert. He told me he would try again with me because he has nothing to lose.

The next day I called and he told me he won't go to the concert because his friend's gf is working. Later I called him,around midnight, and he didn't reply. I haven't heard from him since.

While I was there, his friend called him 7 times. He has this best friend who is 7-8 years younger who always wants to hang with him, but doesn't like me and is probably advising him against me. He even made a comment "I won't answer now, he is going to tease me how I gave in, how I am letting a women be in charge"...

My problem now - I've spend the last week crying every day and night. I can't calm down. I am thinking about him all the time. I find it hard to eat. I sleep for 6-7 hours, I wake up in the middle of the night, crying more. I lost 2-3 kilos (not bad). Why did this happen to me? Which transits parted us? Is there still hope? I am a ghost.

In your own mind, the break-up seems insurmountable, however it is just an indicator that things need to change in your life. You have allowed the sense of betrayal to become an obsession, and as such it is really a problem from within that you are needing to address. At the time of this chart, the Moon was in the 8th H relating to important endings with highly emotional responses. Jupiter was still in Cancer, approaching your 8th H as well, denoting heightened emotions that blocked your sense of confidence and optimism, and took away your joy in life.
Saturn in the 11th H of friends, was just moving in to opposite your Taurus planets; with Mercury, the indication of communication problems caused by misunderstandings that could be irreparable.
It then proceeded to oppose your Sun [Identity] and Mars [desires]; all of this tension occurred in the 5th, relating to love and romance, thus the connection is obvious. Pluto transiting the first house shows mega changes that affect your persona and your interactions with others.
Now, you have allowed Pluto's obsessiveness to gain control over you, and that creates the extreme response to a situation that really wasn't meant to be. The question is what lessons were you meant to learn about yourself?
Being accountable is a demand of Saturn, and you are being expected now to see the situation in it's true perspective and be accountable for your own actions in the relationship. You are meant to see how your own issues contributed to the separation.
The best advice; be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to move on. Re-read your description of what occurred, and I am sure you will see the uselessness of it, in retrospect. Relationships need to be more balanced and equitable. Learn from this experience and allow it to make you a better person, more suitable for the next relationship that comes your way. In the next year, Jupiter in Leo will serve to teach you lessons about how the emotions affect your overall psychology and your true sense of self.

Kimbermoon, thank you for your quick and kind reply.

I was obviously deluding myself that Jupiter transiting through my natal 7th house would bring me great love and marriage, and that its transit through my 8H would bring me a child.

Now I don’t know what to think.

You say that next year Jupiter is going to teach me about my emotions. Does that mean I will have a relationship?

I don’t know what Jupiter does when transiting 8th house. I don’t know if it will bring me some inheritance, money. I know they call 8h the house of sex. But I cannot be happy with sex without love. Or, maybe, Jupiter will just bring regeneration.

Saturn worries me. He won’t leave my 11th H until the end of the year. I think I should use it to strengthen connections with the few friends I have left, and try to find some more.

I am worried about the state I’m in now. I am crying every day. I am supposed to take an exam in order to get a license for my job. I don’t know when that will happen, I could be invited anytime, and I am not ready at all. I am not studying, not revising, I’m scared, I need to start. I wish I were in a secure emotional state so that I could study at ease.

I am unrolling the film of my relationship in my head. Everything is coming back to me. I am trying to see what went wrong and where I erred. I was lucky to have someone so outgoing, someone who likes to go to live concerts and dj evenings. My problem is my possessiveness and jealousy. It definitely repels men. I think that will be a problem in the future too. My 7th house cusp is in Gemini, so if my future husband is going to be a Gemini type, I need to learn to give a partner more freedom. The communication must improve with my future partner(s). I remember that I was much more at ease with my ex-boyfriends who were calling me as soon as I woke up to let me know they think of me and to make plans for that day. The lack of communication and sudden change of plans with my ex bf made me feel unloved and insecure.

To be true, I want to call him one more time, probably tomorrow, when transiting Venus trines both my Jupiter and Uranus.

Marinka said:

Note, the relationship failed, not you.

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These words mean a lot. Thank you.


I'm a fighter, and I tend to fight for love till my last breath, but I am aware I can't resurrect anything when the other party doesn't want it to be resurrected. It just doesn't go into my head that he let me go so easily, when I am his longest relationship.

Becca said:

....... Is there still hope? I am a ghost.

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You posted this at 12:55 PM, Saturday somewhere in the world.

It might be useful if you took the time above and added the date and the place you are and made a horary chart for it and took the above question and put it in the horary section.

You'd be more likely to get a straightforward answer to your sad and unhappy, but also convoluted question.

In case you are unsure how horary works please go here:

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/faq.php?faq=horary#faq_horary_astrology_boards

Crying is the way to heal the psyche...now you just have to learn how to direct and balance the emotions attached to it; that is about detaching the emotional response to a past trigger, and reducing it's impact. You carry a fantasy within about the 'rightness' of that relationship, and this is what must be modified. When you focus more on the things that were not right, you will come to realize how flawed it was. When one door closes, another is ready to be opened.
The purpose of relationships is to get to know ourselves and to recognize the things within that need healing. Pluto and Saturn is a sure sign that you have allowed yourself to be obsessed about the value of the relationship, by disregarding the bad; as such everything else is put on hold, and you risk the loss of an educational advantage in the process .
As mentioned, Jupiter is nearly finished with your 7th H, and while it transits through the 8th you will become more acquainted with the psychological impact of what you have experienced, and how you allow it to affect your life. Jupiter is about learning through social interactions, and the idea of making new friends through the 11th is a good one, to give you perspective and balance. In terms of sex, you may well reach a higher understanding of the true purpose and meaning of this physical connection; a lack of understanding leads to all manner of confusion and distortion, and too often people put this as their first priority.
The central issue for you now is to address your feelings of being unloved and insecure. Rather than focusing on what you 'did wrong', you need to change the focus to what he did wrong, or failed to do in the partnership. Realize though that he was not the originator of these feelings; he merely re-activated these hidden insecurities that were implanted in early childhood. Your Venus/Neptune opposition is a testament to this. So how were you made to feel such things as a child?
Again, in the present, you have to put things in their proper perspective; you are not so vulnerable and innocent as you were then. So the lesson then is about learning to give yourself more self-love to increase these feelings of lack; what makes you unlovable? Why do you feel so insecure without a partner in your life? This is about increasing your sense of self-worth and confidence, which you must do for yourself.
It is good that he treated you to some of the things you liked, in terms of socialization, but what was the true essence and substance of the partnership in the long run?
Jupiter/Uranus in the 12th H shows that by going to extremes in such unions you can find yourself undergoing periods of isolation and detachment as a result. May the healing begin so that you can focus on your studies.