My astral map: searching for answers

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bgirl

Member
Hello all,

I've turned 27 few Sundays ago.

Right now I am going through a difficult time since my boyfriend committed suicide on my birthday.

I know maybe this isn't the place to search for answers, but maybe, it is.

He gave me a gift: a beautiful book of astrology that I was longing for a long time.

So I thought I would start from here. My life has many stories with drama and tragedy. But I am always looking for answers, closure, peace.

I've struggled with depression and suicidal ideation but dealt with that and moved on, stronger.

This is my chart:

showgif.cgi


Any insight, reading, anything would be so precious for me right now.

Thank you.

http://www.astrologyweekly.com/forum/attachment.php?attachmentid=69549&d=1502446821
 
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K

katydid

Well-known member
I am so sorry to hear about your sad loss on your birthday. :sad:

I would like to see your chart but it is not showing up. Can you try to link it again?
 
B

bgirl

Member
Hello Katydid,

thank you for your reply. I've attached my map.

It's a great loss, the greatest and more painful I ever have been trough.

I'm holding onto myself and others and trying to cope but it can get overwhelming. My heart is permanently aching.

So I take all of these emotions and energies and i'm searching. I need perspective...
 

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B

bgirl

Member
I've realized i have Mars opposing PLuto. And that was the only tense aspect of my BF astral map. Howewer, in his case it was a square.
I've read somewhere this is an aspect that is usually present on the Maps of people that end their lives.
Well i don't want to focus on that, quite the opposite, but how should i read this aspect?
 
ANUP

ANUP

Well-known member
Sorry for the loss.Its life and you got to move on.

You might be soon come out of this phase and meet somebody.
This could be this month end onwards or in spetember 2017.


-Anup
www.kascorner.com
 
B

bgirl

Member
Hello ANUP

That supposed to be a good thing but I dont think i am able to be romantically involved in the near future.
I am just searching and asking help with my chart: what aspects are the most relevant for example.
I've been trying to read it alone, and i came to some conclusions.
But I want more. more and better informed views.
I've unitentionally met a person also on my birthday (what a day, eh?). He sent me a message at the very same time I was on the phone receiving the news. I didnt even gave him my number, he pursued it. I was on a "go with the flow" intention specially prepared for my 27 birthday. Not controlling nothing. And i didnt. And all this has happened.
I didnt reply. Because i got caught on all of the events.
I've tought about replying but it does not make any sense right now.
 
B

bgirl

Member
Hello.
Can anyone help me with my chart?
Is there anything in it that "predicts" the life full of "tragedies" ihad so far?
Is there anything in it that could help me integrante/comprehend the suicide of my love?
Are things going to get better?
 
I

Indeed I Dream

Well-known member
bgirl said:
Hello.
Can anyone help me with my chart?
Is there anything in it that "predicts" the life full of "tragedies" ihad so far?
Is there anything in it that could help me integrante/comprehend the suicide of my love?
Are things going to get better?
Click to expand...

Hello Leo-girl

first of all, sorry for your loss.

you have a wonderful chart! Your chart is full of experience (Mars in Taurus and Sun in Leo).

Moon in Scorpio conjunct Pluto makes you highly emotional and selfless.

Saturn retrograde in 5th house gives you hard thoughts about others. North Node in 5th house is very good for children

Mars trine Neptune brings you an idealistic love life!

Venus sextile Mars makes you peaceful and harmonious towards others.

There are no lessons in your chart. Yours is a harmonious life! :)

Just trust in your well-being.

Your transits are ok. Can I help you more?

I'll write more in a moment.

The current thing the universe wants to tell you is to be peaceful in your mind. (Leo Sun near the 12th house cusp) Merc in 12

Your life full of tragedies: Is due to Moon conjunct Pluto opposite Mars and sextile Neptune.

Your lesson in life is to live a vivid, free life, without doubts that things will get better in the future (after-life)

I'm sure your boyfriend is well in heaven now. (Moon conjunct Pluto - Moon is after-life sometimes, Pluto is transformed self.)

Do you have any more questions?

I'll get back to you in a moment.
 
B

bgirl

Member
Indeed I Dream said:


Hello Leo-girl

first of all, sorry for your loss.

you have a wonderful chart! Your chart is full of experience (Mars in Taurus and Sun in Leo).

Moon in Scorpio conjunct Pluto makes you highly emotional and selfless.

Saturn retrograde in 5th house gives you hard thoughts about others. North Node in 5th house is very good for children

Mars trine Neptune brings you an idealistic love life!

Venus sextile Mars makes you peaceful and harmonious towards others.

There are no lessons in your chart. Yours is a harmonious life! :)

Just trust in your well-being.

Your transits are ok. Can I help you more?

I'll write more in a moment.

The current thing the universe wants to tell you is to be peaceful in your mind. (Leo Sun near the 12th house cusp) Merc in 12

Your life full of tragedies: Is due to Moon conjunct Pluto opposite Mars and sextile Neptune.

Your lesson in life is to live a vivid, free life, without doubts that things will get better in the future (after-life)

I'm sure your boyfriend is well in heaven now. (Moon conjunct Pluto - Moon is after-life sometimes, Pluto is transformed self.)

Do you have any more questions?

I'll get back to you in a moment.
Click to expand...


Hello Indeed I Dream.

First, thank you very much for your interpretation! It was so good to read something positive and informed. :happy:

If you still available to discuss some points, there are some questions I have regarding what you said:

You mention I have "Saturn retrograde in 5th house gives you hard thoughts about others." - can you explain more?

When you mention idealistic love life, regarding my Mars trine Neptune, what do you mean? That I will live ideal love or that I fantazisse these kind of stuff?

Finally, you said that there are no lessons in my chart? How come?

Sorry for the late reply... I've been withdrawn. There is so much things going on and this loss has taken a toll on me...

Thank you again, your words were little breathes of fresh air during this time.
 
D

detectahead

Well-known member
Hi bgirl,to begin with I'm sorry for the tragedy that has recently taken place.
I'm short on time but I will say that the sun will soon conjunct your Asc. This is an indication of new beginnings. It has completed its cycle through the 12 houses and is on the threshold of a new cycle with the advent of the conjunction to your Asc.
I will add more later
 
theV

theV

Well-known member
Let's examine the difficult aspect in your birth chart. First of all you have that strong t-square between four strong planets. The Sun and the Moon represents an integral part of your identity. Whereas the Sun is our ability to shine to be confident to express who we are, the Moon represents our inner life and deeper self. Sun in Leo and Moon in Scorpio largely affects your confident and self expression largely because Leo and Scorpio are two different energies. You are pulled into different directions whenever trying to take a decision or getting things done. This could mean the parents had different point of views and personalities which lead to a conflict.

Moon/Pluto indicates an intense family environment, possible dominating mother and with Mars opposite this two creates a volatile intense temper.
 
K

katydid

Well-known member
The most recent eclipse landed right on top of your Mercury @ 1 Virgo in your 12th. :bandit:


Your Mercury is very powerful in your chart. It is the ruler of the chart, as you have Virgo rising. And Mercury rules the MC and is in it's exaltation. :ninja:

So you have an exalted Mercury, as the ruler of your chart. But it is placed in the 12th house, it's weakest place, some might say.

Why is Mercury 'weak' in the 12th? Mercury in Virgo, ruling the chart, is rational, logical, extremely perceptive and highly intelligent. But that rational logical mind is useless when up against the Universe and what it throws at us.

When the Cosmic Universe throw you a curve ball, who can you complain to?

Mercury in the 12th is a feeling of being repressed. Sometimes it comes from lessons learned in childhood. "children should be seen and not heard.'

excerpt about Merc in 12th:

"...at times, it is more of a perceived influence like a twelfth-house Mars child who believes they are never allowed to get angry or stand up for themselves, or a twelfth-house Mercury person who feels they are never allowed to speak or express their ideas.

Either way, the chart holder feels like these planets are lost in a fog and don't belong to them. Nevertheless, they are always felt unconsciously. Their issues makes themselves known in dreams and as vague, lingering feelings that haunt them. Anxiety, repressed anger, stress, depression, and guilt are common psychological symptoms of twelfth-house planets that are denied proper expression. :unsure:

Often these psychological issues fester, and because the chart holder can't find a way to express them consciously, they become physical health issues like headaches, sleep problems, or digestive problems. Indirectly expressing twelfth-house planets through activities relieves chart holders from the suffering felt by repressing these planets."
http://www.southfloridaastrologer.com/12th-house-in-astrology-planets-in-the-12th-house.html


So the eclipse was right on top of your 12th house Mercury which highlights your 12th, which is an important area for you. It houses your Mercury, chart ruler. And is the key to some of your fear and worry about being alone and unsupported.

Your Mercury makes a very nice trine to Uranus in Cap in the 4th. Uranus rules your 6th. So you have the strength necessary to pull yourself out of the doldrums snd depression that sometimes haunts you. You have a logical, rational, love of knowledge and urge for self evolution and personal growth. :love:

Your Mercury can help you rise above the battle seen in the Sun/Mars/[Pluto/Moon] t-square in fixed signs. It is a difficult T-square and Mercury helps you to escape the stubbornness and ego and the internal struggles, and allow you to find spiritual awakening and acceptance of higher knowledge.
 
B

bgirl

Member
detectahead said:
Hi bgirl,to begin with I'm sorry for the tragedy that has recently taken place.
I'm short on time but I will say that the sun will soon conjunct your Asc. This is an indication of new beginnings. It has completed its cycle through the 12 houses and is on the threshold of a new cycle with the advent of the conjunction to your Asc.
I will add more later
Click to expand...

Hello Detectahead,

thank you for your reply.
Indeed I really feel - and am - in a transition phase of my life: I just quitted my job (in July) and I was planning in traveling for another country to start over from scratch.
This loss added more to this feeling of ending/beggining.
I feel that I am rebirthing... Previous to his death I was very, very uplifted, creative and strong. Now I am a bit down.
If you could elaborate more regarding this new cycle, I would really appreciate :).
 
B

bgirl

Member
theV said:
Let's examine the difficult aspect in your birth chart. First of all you have that strong t-square between four strong planets. The Sun and the Moon represents an integral part of your identity. Whereas the Sun is our ability to shine to be confident to express who we are, the Moon represents our inner life and deeper self. Sun in Leo and Moon in Scorpio largely affects your confident and self expression largely because Leo and Scorpio are two different energies. You are pulled into different directions whenever trying to take a decision or getting things done. This could mean the parents had different point of views and personalities which lead to a conflict.

Moon/Pluto indicates an intense family environment, possible dominating mother and with Mars opposite this two creates a volatile intense temper.
Click to expand...

Hello theV,

that's spot on!
From a very young age I feel almost bipolar (not regarding my moods) but when I have to make a decision. It's really hard for me to take one path, compromise... I feel I have conflicting priorities and desires and, because of that, sometimes I don't make a decision and remain unsatisfied and blocked for along time.
My parents divorced when I was 20 and I was used as buffer between them. They are, indeed, very different from each other. My dad is rational to a point where he suppresses his feelings. My mother is so emotional that it clouds her judgment.
Regarding my intense family environment: yes, it's so true. I feel the environment holds me back - and helded me back for basically all of my life. It's toxic and dysfunctional.
I have an intense temper, volatile and feel emotions to the core.
Nowadays I am able to deal with these intense emotions, however, when I was younger, they would control me totally and leave me broken. I've been learning to deal with the intensity of my emotions, because they come in such a raw way: i've accepted that this "emotional reality" is not the same for everyone and realized that most of the times, people couldn't understand the pain I was going trough.
I feel emotions and feelings physically and I know now, it's part of me, I can't change it.
 
B

bgirl

Member
katydid said:
The most recent eclipse landed right on top of your Mercury @ 1 Virgo in your 12th. :bandit:


Your Mercury is very powerful in your chart. It is the ruler of the chart, as you have Virgo rising. And Mercury rules the MC and is in it's exaltation. :ninja:

So you have an exalted Mercury, as the ruler of your chart. But it is placed in the 12th house, it's weakest place, some might say.

Why is Mercury 'weak' in the 12th? Mercury in Virgo, ruling the chart, is rational, logical, extremely perceptive and highly intelligent. But that rational logical mind is useless when up against the Universe and what it throws at us.

When the Cosmic Universe throw you a curve ball, who can you complain to?

Mercury in the 12th is a feeling of being repressed. Sometimes it comes from lessons learned in childhood. "children should be seen and not heard.'

excerpt about Merc in 12th:

"...at times, it is more of a perceived influence like a twelfth-house Mars child who believes they are never allowed to get angry or stand up for themselves, or a twelfth-house Mercury person who feels they are never allowed to speak or express their ideas.

Either way, the chart holder feels like these planets are lost in a fog and don't belong to them. Nevertheless, they are always felt unconsciously. Their issues makes themselves known in dreams and as vague, lingering feelings that haunt them. Anxiety, repressed anger, stress, depression, and guilt are common psychological symptoms of twelfth-house planets that are denied proper expression. :unsure:

Often these psychological issues fester, and because the chart holder can't find a way to express them consciously, they become physical health issues like headaches, sleep problems, or digestive problems. Indirectly expressing twelfth-house planets through activities relieves chart holders from the suffering felt by repressing these planets."
http://www.southfloridaastrologer.com/12th-house-in-astrology-planets-in-the-12th-house.html


So the eclipse was right on top of your 12th house Mercury which highlights your 12th, which is an important area for you. It houses your Mercury, chart ruler. And is the key to some of your fear and worry about being alone and unsupported.

Your Mercury makes a very nice trine to Uranus in Cap in the 4th. Uranus rules your 6th. So you have the strength necessary to pull yourself out of the doldrums snd depression that sometimes haunts you. You have a logical, rational, love of knowledge and urge for self evolution and personal growth. :love:

Your Mercury can help you rise above the battle seen in the Sun/Mars/[Pluto/Moon] t-square in fixed signs. It is a difficult T-square and Mercury helps you to escape the stubbornness and ego and the internal struggles, and allow you to find spiritual awakening and acceptance of higher knowledge.
Click to expand...

Hello Katydid,

you are so right when you say that the "intellect" that I hold on to so dearly, didn't helped me with the most "important" things universe has given to me.
I am very self-aware in a very "logical" way. I read a lot and I analyze everything, and I really understand my reactions and others, however, this mental awareness was not sufficient to help me with what universe gave me - those events that made me feel so intensely. It's like I am aware of everything but it's just not what I need to process feelings/emotions.
It helped me however in seeing the bigger picture and hold on to hope.
I've experienced depressions, digestive problems, repressed anger... yeah... that's so true. But I've been always able to turn it around... somehow.
I'm reading about t-squares. That can make me understand more my personal struggles and internal conflicts.
I've dealt with abandonment, loneliness and suicidal ideation issues in the past and I've came around it.
Right now, I rarely feel "lonely" or "abandoned" because I know that we are never truly alone since we are all unified and I can feel love surrounding me permanently. But this is the outcome of a emotional breakdown I had two years ago. It was the lowest point of my life but I committed to life and to the idea that if I could face that I would emerge stronger than ever before. And I did.
But i just want to know this permeant conflict my life seems, it will somehow, someday, ease.
I've dealt with so many drama, trauma in my life, and I'm hoping that "good things" are going to happen in this life to me.

Thank you so much for all of your answers, they are always helpful and so interesting and relieving. :love:
 
K

kshantaram

Premium Member
bgirl said:
I've attached my map.

It's a great loss, the greatest and more painful I ever have been trough.

I'm holding onto myself and others and trying to cope but it can get overwhelming.

My heart is permanently aching.

So I take all of these emotions and energies and i'm searching. I need perspective...
Click to expand...



sorry for the sensitive loss on a birthday.

ketu the separative node now transit natal rahu 5th, coming 1.5yr,
rahu transit natal ketu 11th leo,
life-style reversal.

ketu transit 5th detachment from romance-children-position;


hope transit rahu 11th brings gains from foreigners;
mer asc lord negating to 12th, elevated virgo, tending to foreign lands;
aptitude for astrology, good critique, international communications etc

natal sun-jup 11th, gains from govt, well placed friends/relationships;
jup elevated cancer 11th gains from
- advisory-teaching roles, consultancy, gurus-teachers-elders etc;
venus lord 9th over 10th, luck in career; charismatic leadership;

sooner jup moves to moon-scorpio trine natal jup 11th for gains-friendships;
jup trine own pisces 7th for marriage-vocation;
natal jup lord 7th pisces elevated cancer 11th, gains from spouse/marriage;

jup-venus cancer artistic aptitudes;
jup-venus lords 7/9 - luck-prosperity, through marriage;

pisces 7th inimical for virgo asc, stress-delay in marriage-vocation;


moon debilated scorpio 3rd, secretive, suspicious, sentimental;
mars aspects own scorpio 3rd, debilation cancelled, gradual improvements;

mars creative-energetic-stubborn taurus 9th,
hotel management, dairy-food technology;
spirituality through service of mankind;


sat own cap 5th, sat retro delayed results;
ambitious, hardworking, public/school admin, event management;
sat return cap 5th, time to take long-term life decisions the coming 2.5yrs;

jup-sat opp misjudgments-missed opportunities in
luck-edu-romance-children-position-income-gains-speculation-friendships-relationship to care;
jup debilated aspect over sat-cap;

sat-venus opp craving for affection-relationship but not manifesting;

mer-jup lords 1/7 critical virgo-sensitive cancer semi-friendly signs. 3/11,
merely dutiful in a relationship;

natal separative node ketu leo 11th, high self-pride,
detachment from income-gains-friendships;
sun-ketu leo 11th, pain-injury-surgery head-arms-shoulders-heart-stomach;


hope find the information relevant-useful insights, do share feedbacks,

wishing well sooner from jupiter scorpio to watch for,
while care for jup-sat opp and transit ketu,
while need to take life-decisions,


kshantaram
 
D

detectahead

Well-known member
Hi bgirl, as I was saying the sun will cross your Asc on the 7th. This is the start on a new road thru the houses of your chart. What I call a solar chart birthday. The sun's transit thru the first brings increased vitality and greater self-confidence and the willpower to succeed in new endeavors. Increased ambition personal drive and leadership.
I don't know your home situation but saturn has a way of making u deal with it. It's transit in the 4th will bring up issues associated with it. If your home situation is not solid then this would be a good time to "firm" up the foundation (repairs etc). You might even want to relocate your roots to somewhere else.
Anyway bgirl this the right time to pull yourself up and show the world the proud Leo that you are. I wish you the best!
 
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