Reality vs Illusionary

I feel torn between Saturn and Neptune.

Brief background
My Saturn return had me move to Australia for a relationship, the relationship becoming turbulent I went to Canada for work and friends to give space. My 2nd Australian visa was refused and I ended up spending 6 months and turning 30 in Los Angeles. It was a year of profound clarity and certainty - unlike any I had every experienced.

Now I am without direction - a Tr Neptune square natal Saturn aspect. I am in Hong Kong, a city that I have a huge affinity for and deciding to put down roots here and get a work visa and 'become a (partially) normal adult'. That however scares me sh!tless because it's commitment and structure yet it means I'll finally get what I want. A home, security, a partner (the perfect [I stress perfect] guy fell out of the sky a week ago), stability and move away from being flung around the planet (as I have been for the past 6 years). I know that my insecurity over putting down roots in HK is based on the 'realness' of what life is and I will get through this.

I know my chart is intense, I am an intense person. This period however is really hard because I do not know what exactly to do.
~Saturn has me focused on being committed. Saturn conjunct Sun on Solar Return, Tr Saturn conjunct the IC and making it's slow climb to my MC

~Neptune that has flung me into a new spiritual crises and my belief in the unseen has never been more profound and paramount in my daily life. I have bouts of being able to focus and other days where I am drifting in nirvana. The fact that my Neptune is pretty much a singleton with no strong aspect to any other planet (semi-sextile to Mercury) much mean it's stronger in it's influence?

Is this a period of intense dreaming (Neptune) and creation (Saturn). Will my dreams and aspirations be ungodly high and with Saturn on my back - ensure that I get to them?

Actually, I'd like to see the chart by itself without any transits or return.

Because I think you LIVE for change. And change is always going to win. Saturn may make you think twice, but your SAGI planets are really powerful and ultimately superior to just about anything going on with transits.
The Saturn return is always interesting, but the Saturnian change doesn't always happen on the return....often it happens the next time Saturn is engaged by a heaver planets.

You are very intuitive. I can't see any reason not to trust that intuition;
as far as reality goes.....whatever you are living at the moment is your reality.
Looking back on my own Neptunian "moments" as well as those of friends or clients, I have to say that no amount of "straight talk" about what is real and what is fantasy made any difference. That is the problem with the "planet of deception." It's GOOD at it's job.
LIN