It's so hard to stay optimistic...should I just give up?

Will I always be swallowing pain, disappointment and humilaition? Is that a life meant for me? Here I am, trying to stay optimistic because FINALLY I believe that things could turn around for the better. But its also being constantly tested. I'm so frustrated I can only take so much.

Should I just give up? I don't know what to feel anymore. I feel very... I don't know. I feel like I've spent all my energy trying to maintain that persistence.

I sound like a whiner. I know. But God I'm tired of swallowing it, of taking it in, I'm tired of trying to convert this negative energy into a positive one. I feel like I could just burst. I know its good for me to be independent and self-assured, but I just want some support for once. The people around me are just draining me, but I have no chocie but to face them every single day. I just wanna run away, but I also can't. I feel so caged and stagnant, but I'm trying to think positively. It seems like it'll never end...

I don't even know anymore. Here's a chart with my transits, I guess? https://imgur.com/a/VP8Nq

*sigh* you don't need to look at my chart. Really. I just want some advice. I seriously need this. I feel like my own optimism is not that effective for me...I feel drained.

Don't you have Pluto transiting your Cap Ascendant now?

Of course you would feel like 'giving up.'

That is part of the Pluto process It can feel brutal. It is hard to stay optimistic during Pluto transits. But that's OK.

It is not a time for optimism. It's a time for reality checks. It's time to 'get real' and face the bottom line.

Pluto wants transformation. Come hell or high water.

If you feel drained, then Pluto is doing it's job. Time to drain the swamp when Pluto comes calling.

What's hiding down there, being covered up by your usual 'optimistic' self?

You are at a cross roads. You have to make some tough decisions. Pluto does not let us ignore the elephant in the living room.

great description:



Thank your lucky stars if you happen to experience transiting Pluto conjunct your natal Ascendant. Yes, I said that right. This is an incredible opportunity!

Remember that this is a transit that a lot of people go an entire lifetime without experiencing. So, it’s a rare event in a person’s life and you should take this transit as a sign of empowerment, instead of a time to crawl into a fetal position and curse your fate. Living to experience a transiting Pluto conjunct Ascendant transit means that you have been chosen by the Universe to radically transform.

Well, if you get to experience transiting Pluto crossing your Ascendant, you have a chance to flip the script entirely. It’s a chance to become a whole new you who no longer lives by the rules and the expectations that once defined you.

To achieve this, though, Pluto has got to break you down. And he does it by entering your 12th House and staying there for a long time; years and years. The 12th House is where we have shoved those things that we were told, explicitly or implicitly, by our parental figures and other authorities were unacceptable. These are the things that we have repressed or denied or remained totally oblivious to over the years. And when Pluto is moving through your 12th House, all of that stuff gets dug up in a really powerful way. To be honest, it’s like your worst nightmare coming to life.

It’s been a deeply exhausting time for us Capricorn Rising folks but we’ve needed all of these struggles in order to achieve all the more psychological growth and renewed strength.

For those with the Ascendant in Capricorn, Pluto has been making them confront and transform ideas of success, failure, responsibility, structure, etc. Pluto in Capricorn is undeniably symbolized by the Recession which is still reverberating throughout society.


Pluto is teaching Capricorn Rising people to base their place in the world on something much deeper than what they have in their pockets or how far they’ve climbed up the ladder. The lesson for us now is that failure is only a matter of perception.


http://astroarena12.blogspot.com/2015/05/transiting-pluto-conjunct-natal.html

katydid said:

If you feel drained, then Pluto is doing it's job. Time to drain the swamp when Pluto comes calling.

What's hiding down there, being covered up by your usual 'optimistic' self?

You are at a cross roads. You have to make some tough decisions. Pluto does not let us ignore the elephant in the living room.

Click to expand...

Well it's been back and forth on my ascendant for almost two years now (I think?). I've already had so much depressing and drained moments before, but I guess it was just that Jupiter transit that stopped that pattern for awhile now. The experiences I had before were worse... I attempted to harm myself to stop the pain, suicidal thoughts were constant on my mind back then. I guess I thought I was making great progress now because it has stopped and whenever it tries to come back, I can combat it with rationalization and soothing myself with positive affirmations.

I'm just really surprised it came back now. I had a feeling I was already holding it in for months now and I thought if I could just manage it I will come out better and stronger.
But if what you say is true-- and the fact that Pluto is already 1 degree ahead of my ascendant, then Pluto is still not done with me yet...

Btw, I'm not "usually optimistic". I've only learned how to channel my own optimism nowadays (probably since 2 months ago or so), and I really cherish this because its so important for me to be optimistic, its the only thing that keeps me going nowadays. For the first time I'm looking at myself in a better light, and it's a huge improvement for me because I've always willingly drowned myself in pity, darkness and depression.

So i'm not sure what I'm trying to hide now. I guess I just fear going back to my old patterns of self-doubt, pity and harshness, now that my positive affirmations have actually improved several areas in my life now.

But goodness gracious, I knew it wasn't gonna last forever. There will still be some ******** thrown into my face. I've been trying to keep up thinking that I could handle it now, ya know? Because I've had worse days. And I got through them. And so why the sudden breakdown?

katydid said:

great description:



Thank your lucky stars if you happen to experience transiting Pluto conjunct your natal Ascendant. Yes, I said that right. This is an incredible opportunity!

Remember that this is a transit that a lot of people go an entire lifetime without experiencing. So, it’s a rare event in a person’s life and you should take this transit as a sign of empowerment, instead of a time to crawl into a fetal position and curse your fate. Living to experience a transiting Pluto conjunct Ascendant transit means that you have been chosen by the Universe to radically transform.

Well, if you get to experience transiting Pluto crossing your Ascendant, you have a chance to flip the script entirely. It’s a chance to become a whole new you who no longer lives by the rules and the expectations that once defined you.

To achieve this, though, Pluto has got to break you down. And he does it by entering your 12th House and staying there for a long time; years and years. The 12th House is where we have shoved those things that we were told, explicitly or implicitly, by our parental figures and other authorities were unacceptable. These are the things that we have repressed or denied or remained totally oblivious to over the years. And when Pluto is moving through your 12th House, all of that stuff gets dug up in a really powerful way. To be honest, it’s like your worst nightmare coming to life.

It’s been a deeply exhausting time for us Capricorn Rising folks but we’ve needed all of these struggles in order to achieve all the more psychological growth and renewed strength.

For those with the Ascendant in Capricorn, Pluto has been making them confront and transform ideas of success, failure, responsibility, structure, etc. Pluto in Capricorn is undeniably symbolized by the Recession which is still reverberating throughout society.


Pluto is teaching Capricorn Rising people to base their place in the world on something much deeper than what they have in their pockets or how far they’ve climbed up the ladder. The lesson for us now is that failure is only a matter of perception.


http://astroarena12.blogspot.com/2015/05/transiting-pluto-conjunct-natal.html

Click to expand...

I remember this article! That site is amazing.

I read this around the middle of 2016. At that time I never understood how it was such a blessing, although now I see why.

I mean, I really thought I could finally breath now. Guess it still isn't over gosh.

There must be something you are doing wrong? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to cast blame on you, or make you feel bad. But you sound like a reasonably good person, but perhaps there's something you're hiding? Humble yourself as much as you can and see if that helps in your interaction with others?
My friend... Don't wait for that lucky transit that never comes. Walk with God, seek help from him, not from an astrologer. God bless.

Animatrix said:

There must be something you are doing wrong? Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to cast blame on you, or make you feel bad. But you sound like a reasonably good person, but perhaps there's something you're hiding? Humble yourself as much as you can and see if that helps in your interaction with others?
My friend... Don't wait for that lucky transit that never comes. Walk with God, seek help from him, not from an astrologer. God bless.

Click to expand...

If there is something I'm hiding, then this is also blind sight for me as well. I don't know what I'm hiding either but it actually does feel that way, but I really don't know what it is. Not to brag or to sound righteous, but I easily humble myself. Yet sometimes to the point where people take advantage of it... I try as much as possible to stay away from these people, but I seem to attract them too.

I'm not a hardcore religious catholic, tbh. But bible verses and prayers are sometimes my wallpapers, my posters or my sticky notes in my immediate environment to help uplift my spirit. I have a Pinterest because of this as well. In fact, my favorite bible verse is

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This bible verse helped me fight my depression.

Perhaps this isn't the best place to seek advice. But I've had several people look into my chart and help me identify what I needed to fix and gave me sound advice, I guess I was hoping the same thing could happen again here. But you're right. Thank you for telling me that.

UraSatVen1029 said:

If there is something I'm hiding, then this is also blind sight for me as well. I don't know what I'm hiding either but it actually does feel that way, but I really don't know what it is. Not to brag or to sound righteous, but I easily humble myself. Yet sometimes to the point where people take advantage of it... I try as much as possible to stay away from these people, but I seem to attract them too.

I'm not a hardcore religious catholic, tbh. But bible verses and prayers are sometimes my wallpapers, my posters or my sticky notes in my immediate environment to help uplift my spirit. I have a Pinterest because of this as well. In fact, my favorite bible verse is

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This bible verse helped me fight my depression.

Perhaps this isn't the best place to seek advice. But I've had several people look into my chart and help me identify what I needed to fix and gave me sound advice, I guess I was hoping the same thing could happen again here. But you're right. Thank you for telling me that.

Click to expand...

I honestly believe this is a bad place to seek advice, at least when you are feeling so down as you do right now. Better to consult a good psychologist or doctor or something, if you are suffering from depression. If I remember correctly you have Sun opposition Saturn, and quite frankly this can be a very depressing influence, and it CAN sometimes indicate that a person is limited in their self-expression, and the people that you meet can be cold and cruel (Saturn) until this internal conflict is resolved, and what that is you have got to spend some time thinking about. Remember that your internal energies is what shapes your external world.

Whether you believe in the Bible literally or not, is up to you, I don't believe it literally but I believe that the rules of the universe is written in the Bible and that following them, and focusing on that, will guide one to better and brighter places.

I feel so bad for you and understand how hard it must be, life is not easy, especially not for someone with Sun-Saurn in adverse aspect. You will have to find a way to survive my friend. I believe you can do it.

Personally I'm going to quit (or at least take a break) from reading transit charts. It's not healthy, and it just makes me feel powerless. I suggest you do the same, take a break from astrology (natal chart readings are fine, but transits/progressions makes you feel even more powerless if you feel so). Read some uplifting passages in the Bible, talk to your parents, friends, whoever can listen to you. And don't beat yourself up; when you meet difficult people and if you hear sharp remarks, or feel bad about yourself, just tell your brain to shut up and don't think abou it; learn to live in the moment. Meditate on the present. Don't sit like a monk in your living room starring at the wall. Go out and walk and watch the trees, the sun, the sea, listen to the sounds of the birds, feel the breeze, etc. It is hard at first, but eventually the brain rewires itself and becomes stronger, and then you will automatically feel more in the present.

Other than that I'd suggest you to eat a diet low to moderate in protein and fat, vegan diet is excellent at least for some time. Exercise moderately, not too hard. Just pray like a little child to God, with an open heart, throw yourself completely open.

Be with a pet? Do you have a dog? Dogs are lovely creatures. A low soul needs a dog, a dog will love you unconditionally, will love you even at your lowest level!