need relationship advice... how should I approach this?

Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
Need Relationship Advice, EVERYONE JOIN IN...

Ok so the open line of communication has been opened up. But the major problem is we argue left and right. I wanted to take her out for Valentine's Day and she made some excuse that she can't go...

(I feel that she always makes excuses not to see me, and she tends to lie and deceive me a lot which is why we argue)

Please help fellow chart readers, down below is a link to our synastry chart.

http://m.imgur.com/WpuYcpv
 
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conspiracy theorist

Well-known member
If she's dodging you all the time, you should evaluate if you really want this girl in your life. If she wants to be with you, she'll make the time instead of giving you excuses.
 

Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
If she's dodging you all the time, you should evaluate if you really want this girl in your life. If she wants to be with you, she'll make the time instead of giving you excuses.

You know I got in a fight with her two weeks ago and she said she wants me but actions speak louder than words and her actions prove otherwise and it works me up like a bull in a fighting ring
 

conspiracy theorist

Well-known member
You know I got in a fight with her two weeks ago and she said she wants me but actions speak louder than words and her actions prove otherwise and it works me up like a bull in a fighting ring

I noticed you had another thread up about the same issue so now I have some more info to go on.

Brother, this looks like you're beating a dead horse. You should have been skeptical of her when she was uncompromising about her ex-boyfriend, but then you brought the relationship to another territory by hitting her. I noticed how you responded when others brought this up but consider this... what was her action when you did that? No contact. It was at that point that her whole demeanor towards you changed. This isn't condemnation, it's simply stating the cause and effect. And if that wasn't enough to ignite any latent feelings between her previous partner then I don't know what to tell you.

I would cut my losses and try to move on but I'm not an Aries in love
 

Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
I noticed you had another thread up about the same issue so now I have some more info to go on.

Brother, this looks like you're beating a dead horse. You should have been skeptical of her when she was uncompromising about her ex-boyfriend, but then you brought the relationship to another territory by hitting her. I noticed how you responded when others brought this up but consider this... what was her action when you did that? No contact. It was at that point that her whole demeanor towards you changed. This isn't condemnation, it's simply stating the cause and effect. And if that wasn't enough to ignite any latent feelings between her previous partner then I don't know what to tell you.

I would cut my losses and try to move on but I'm not an Aries in love

Words of wisdom I swear to god yes you're right I should've completely walked away vote after 10 months of no contact we got together, we became friends again and then things escalated physically and a bit emotionally. I asked her to weeks ago what she wanted, She stated that she wanted me and she wanted children in the house that she saw a future with me ... I told her that if that's the case then we need to restart from the bottom and completely forget the past.

It definitely does look like I'm beating a dead horse and yes after my actions I did bring the relationship to another level and I feel like I'm still digging my way out of that hole that I created

During the 10 months of no contact I went to therapy and I went to counseling and infact I still do go occasionally for the peace of mind. I definitely have owned up to my faults and mistakes.

Now did I take the words of what the other folks said lightly? Not at all because truth be told I'm very ashamed of what I did perhaps if my actions were thought through properly I wouldn't be in the situation today

But I'm definitely confused because when I asked her who and what she wanted she claims she wanted me ....
 

Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
I noticed you had another thread up about the same issue so now I have some more info to go on.

Brother, this looks like you're beating a dead horse. You should have been skeptical of her when she was uncompromising about her ex-boyfriend, but then you brought the relationship to another territory by hitting her. I noticed how you responded when others brought this up but consider this... what was her action when you did that? No contact. It was at that point that her whole demeanor towards you changed. This isn't condemnation, it's simply stating the cause and effect. And if that wasn't enough to ignite any latent feelings between her previous partner then I don't know what to tell you.

I would cut my losses and try to move on but I'm not an Aries in love


PS any aries that is in love is blessed to be in love but it is also a curse to be in love
 

waybread

Well-known member
Can you try some other link, or else (a) save the chart to your computer and post it as a clickable thumbnail? Sometimes you can copy and paste a chart into a message. I can't open the link you posted. Must be my ageing computer.

But just off the top of my head-- maybe you could say something like, "I asked you out for Valentine's Day. You gave me excuses. I assume that you do not want a committed relationship with me. If you do want a committed relationship, then I expect you to be honest with me."

Aries, it is possible to be deeply in love with someone, but have your morale take such a beating from the relationship that it's best to say good-bye and close the door. You'll never forget her. But your life will go on. Hopefully you will find someone who knows how to treat a man.

If I could see your chart, maybe I could say what's happening.

p. s. You don't suspect she's using hard drugs, do you?
 
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Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
Can you try some other link, or else (a) save the chart to your computer and post it as a clickable thumbnail? Sometimes you can copy and paste a chart into a message. I can't open the link you posted. Must be my ageing computer.

But just off the top of my head-- maybe you could say something like, "I asked you out for Valentine's Day. You gave me excuses. I assume that you do not want a committed relationship with me. If you do want a committed relationship, then I expect you to be honest with me."

Aries, it is possible to be deeply in love with someone, but have your morale take such a beating from the relationship that it's best to say good-bye and close the door. You'll never forget her. But your life will go on. Hopefully you will find someone who knows how to treat a man.

If I could see your chart, maybe I could say what's happening.

p. s. You don't suspect she's using hard drugs, do you?

This is my chart down below I re uploaded it... I don't know if she is using hard drugs but she did have a DUI a few months back, which she claimed was due to taking pain medication but I looked online and I did my research because that **** is public info and the deal I was due to 8% body alcohol content


http://imgur.com/e8Oc5YT

[Note: don't post personal emails - use the Forum's PM function instead - Moderator]
 
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waybread

Well-known member
If this link is sent from your cell phone, the problem is probably my old computer. Can you attach a thumbnail?

I have no reason to suggest hard drugs, other than it is one of those things that can make a person evasive.
 

aquarius7000

Well-known member
Chart attached and I will try to come back after dinner and read.

One thing I already noticed is that the Moons (emotions) can be problematic, with the boy having a fiery one and the girl being one with a very cool and seemingly distant Capricorn Moon.
 

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Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
Chart attached and I will try to come back after dinner and read.

One thing I already noticed is that the Moons (emotions) can be problematic, with the boy having a fiery one and the girl being one with a very cool and seemingly distant Capricorn Moon.

Ok so yes that's what I feel is issues sometimes. She gets very cold and distant I've been very distant and it's interesting and hilarious because I am in need of affection and love and attention.

1.) Is she cool and distant because she doesn't love me?

That's how I feel when she is cool and distance.


2.) And what can I do to overcome this feeling and improve our relationship?
 

aquarius7000

Well-known member
1.) Is she cool and distant because she doesn't love me?

That's how I feel when she is cool and distance.


2.) And what can I do to overcome this feeling and improve our relationship?
Hi,

Whether she loves you or not, only she knows. If she does not make you feel good and show any warm feelings towards you, you need to let her go. Sounds harsh, but you deserve better. Cap Moons, in general, find it difficult to show their emotions. Your Sun faces and opposition from her Saturn, so you will often feel rejected by her.

Looking at her chart, given all that earth via her Moon and Virgo planets, it seems she is thinking more practically instead of with her heart. SHe might feel that this won't work out for the both of you.
 

Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
Hi,

Whether she loves you or not, only she knows. If she does not make you feel good and show any warm feelings towards you, you need to let her go. Sounds harsh, but you deserve better. Cap Moons, in general, find it difficult to show their emotions. Your Sun faces and opposition from her Saturn, so you will often feel rejected by her.

Looking at her chart, given all that earth via her Moon and Virgo planets, it seems she is thinking more practically instead of with her heart. SHe might feel that this won't work out for the both of you.



Hi,

Whether she loves you or not, only she knows. If she does not make you feel good and show any warm feelings towards you, you need to let her go.

1.) sometimes I do, sometimes I dont. The emotional feelings happens when I tell her that I love her ect. She says she wants the future and gets all emotional about it. Other times it feels like I'm just an ego stroke and she makes me very very angry.


Sounds harsh, but you deserve better. Cap Moons, in general, find it difficult to show their emotions. Your Sun faces and opposition from her Saturn, so you will often feel rejected by her.


2.) yes that's very very true about Capricorn moons, she does have a hard time showing emotions. You did my sun faces opposition from her Saturn... I feel rejected almost everyday. That's the main reason for my anger and outbursts. I feel reject, she doesn't even say anything bad I just feel rejected and abandoned then I'd blow up like a bomb on her. Is she really rejecting me; or is this something simply on my end that I'm imagining? How can I counter this?


Looking at her chart, given all that earth via her Moon and Virgo planets, it seems she is thinking more practically instead of with her heart. SHe might feel that this won't work out for the both of you.

3.) the other boyfriend all I know is he is a saggitarius. He's been in her life for 7-8 years and still hasn't put a ring on her hand i told her he never will. On Monday the day before Valentine's Day we spoke and I said listen I want us to move forward I don't want to fight anymore I want to put you down anymore I don't want you to be dishonest with me and deceive me anymore. I said two weeks ago which is now three weeks ago you said you wanted me, the kids, the home, and the future... I said you need to worry about yourself and your daughter a little more and you need to think about your own futures. I told her to support me and work things out with me so we can both have a home and a family. I told her the sooner she gets rid of him the better.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Hi,

,,,

1.) sometimes I do, sometimes I dont. The emotional feelings happens when I tell her that I love her ect. She says she wants the future and gets all emotional about it. Other times it feels like I'm just an ego stroke and she makes me very very angry.

2.) yes that's very very true about Capricorn moons, she does have a hard time showing emotions. You did my sun faces opposition from her Saturn... I feel rejected almost everyday. That's the main reason for my anger and outbursts. I feel reject, she doesn't even say anything bad I just feel rejected and abandoned then I'd blow up like a bomb on her. Is she really rejecting me; or is this something simply on my end that I'm imagining? How can I counter this?

....

3.) the other boyfriend all I know is he is a saggitarius. He's been in her life for 7-8 years and still hasn't put a ring on her hand i told her he never will. On Monday the day before Valentine's Day we spoke and I said listen I want us to move forward I don't want to fight anymore I want to put you down anymore I don't want you to be dishonest with me and deceive me anymore. I said two weeks ago which is now three weeks ago you said you wanted me, the kids, the home, and the future... I said you need to worry about yourself and your daughter a little more and you need to think about your own futures. I told her to support me and work things out with me so we can both have a home and a family. I told her the sooner she gets rid of him the better.

Aries, you know the saying that love is blind, but honestly-- look at what you write about your relationship with Leo Lady. If you didn't love her to pieces, why would your post even hint that this relationship has a future?

You've indicated a pattern of seriously losing your temper with Leo Lady.

She constantly makes you feel rejected.

Aparently she doesn't want a "ring on her finger." Some women prefer their freedom. Especially if the man has anger management issues.

She's indicated her unwillingness to let go of Mr. Sagittarius.

You find her dishonest.

To top it off, you're 20 and she's 41. Although your synastry looks good; from her middle age perspective, you have a lot of growing up to do. It might be different if you were 35 and she were 56, because at that point you would have had much more adult life experience.

Trust me, there are many women closer to your own age who would love to be married, have a home, and children.

As someone who's been married 2x for a total of 40 years to men from different cultural backgrounds than my own, I believe that one of biggest indicators of a successful marriage is a shared sense of values and a commitment to living by them.

Do you see a shared sense of values in your relationship with Leo Lady?

In what way is your being aggressive around Leo Lady helping matters? It may well be that she finds you too controlling, and isn't ready to sign up for your forcefulness (triple Aries nature) for a lifetime of more of it.
 
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aquarius7000

Well-known member
Hi again,

You are not imagining things, from the chart and going by all you have narrated till now tells me she might actually be rejecting you. Imagine having another man. How horrible is that.

I think the sooner you get out of this unhealthy relationship, the happier you are going to be. I don't see long-term potential here. Your Sun squared by her Saturn (rejection by the Saturn person), Moon square Moon (clash of feelings), Mars-Pluto opposition (violent temper outbursts), Venus square Venus (clash of values and different likes and dislikes), Sun-Uranus opposition (feeling of uncertainty and instability going out from the Uranus person). Given all that, I am afraid it is better you find yourself another person. I think you are wasting your time. Your chart the potential of a good solid marriage,, but a bit later.
 

Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
Aries, you know the saying that love is blind, but honestly-- look at what you write about your relationship with Leo Lady. If you didn't love her to pieces, why would your post even hint that this relationship has a future?

You've indicated a pattern of seriously losing your temper with Leo Lady.

She constantly makes you feel rejected.

Aparently she doesn't want a "ring on her finger." Some women prefer their freedom. Especially if the man has anger management issues.

She's indicated her unwillingness to let go of Mr. Sagittarius.

You find her dishonest.

To top it off, you're 20 and she's 41. Although your synastry looks good; from her middle age perspective, you have a lot of growing up to do. It might be different if you were 35 and she were 56, because at that point you would have had much more adult life experience.

Trust me, there are many women closer to your own age who would love to be married, have a home, and children.

As someone who's been married 2x for a total of 40 years to men from different cultural backgrounds than my own, I believe that one of biggest indicators of a successful marriage is a shared sense of values and a commitment to living by them.

Do you see a shared sense of values in your relationship with Leo Lady?

In what way is your being aggressive around Leo Lady helping matters? It may well be that she finds you too controlling, and isn't ready to sign up for your forcefulness (triple Aries nature) for a lifetime of more of it.
As someone who's been married 2x for a total of 40 years to men from different cultural backgrounds than my own, I believe that one of biggest indicators of a successful marriage is a shared sense of values and a commitment to living by them.

Do you see a shared sense of values in your relationship with Leo Lady?


I'll honestly answer you with truth. We value stability not the wild life like partying and clubbing. We both are very spiritual and have morals, believe in god ect. We both value loyalty, and companionship. We value marriage and children, adventure, knowledge and intelligence. We both have a lot of potential and we are very hard-working. I know for sure we both want a partner we can stay with for the rest of our lives. We both come from a very abusive home and she was very sexually abused by her church members. Even though some of the things I wrote contradict themselves it is the truth.


In what way is your being aggressive around Leo Lady helping matters? It may well be that she finds you too controlling, and isn't ready to sign up for your forcefulness (triple Aries nature) for a lifetime of more of it.

Yes I'm working on toning down my aggression and improving my patience and a calmness. I'm working on developing a more carefree attitude towards life in general.
 

waybread

Well-known member
Aries, I get that you are deeply in love with this woman, and whatever happens, you will never forget her. As a triple Aries (sun, moon, domiciled Mars) "you want what you want when you want it."

I just wish I saw more realism in your posts. Stars in one's eyes can be rather blinding.

I don't see shared values in what you've posted.

You want a stable marriage, family, home, and so on. If she wanted these things with you, she would have taken you up on your offer or leaned on Sagittarius Man to provide these things.

You say you both value morals and loyalty. Yet she hasn't let go of her old BF yet, and you've complained several times that Leo Lady lies to you. So which is it?

You value companionship, yet you become angry at her when you don't get your own way.

Although you both "value children" she's got a child already-- with special needs-- and should be very clear about the risks of pregnancy in her 40s. Menopause hits most women in their 50s.

Coming from abusive homes may create a bonding experience between two people, but this doesn't ipso facto give you special skills to avoid replicating your parents' mistakes.

After all you've said to this woman, what reasons does she give for not accepting your offer? Don't her actions speak louder than words?

Anyway, I wish you all the best.
 

Ariesinlove1996

Well-known member
Reply to Waybread

Aries, I get that you are deeply in love with this woman, and whatever happens, you will never forget her. As a triple Aries (sun, moon, domiciled Mars) "you want what you want when you want it."

I just wish I saw more realism in your posts. Stars in one's eyes can be rather blinding.

I don't see shared values in what you've posted.

You want a stable marriage, family, home, and so on. If she wanted these things with you, she would have taken you up on your offer or leaned on Sagittarius Man to provide these things.

You say you both value morals and loyalty. Yet she hasn't let go of her old BF yet, and you've complained several times that Leo Lady lies to you. So which is it?

You value companionship, yet you become angry at her when you don't get your own way.

Although you both "value children" she's got a child already-- with special needs-- and should be very clear about the risks of pregnancy in her 40s. Menopause hits most women in their 50s.

Coming from abusive homes may create a bonding experience between two people, but this doesn't ipso facto give you special skills to avoid replicating your parents' mistakes.

After all you've said to this woman, what reasons does she give for not accepting your offer? Don't her actions speak louder than words?

Anyway, I wish you all the best.






You want a stable marriage, family, home, and so on. If she wanted these things with you, she would have taken you up on your offer or leaned on Sagittarius Man to provide these things.

- She says she needs time ect. She isn't leaning on the sagg though, I feel she's keeping him around out of convenience. Most certainly it's been 6 1/2 years and he hasn't given her a home, or a stable life. But she knows that I want to give her a stable life and home as well as take over her daughters responsibility.-



You say you both value morals and loyalty. Yet she hasn't let go of her old BF yet, and you've complained several times that Leo Lady lies to you. So which is it?

- like a said even though I mentioned that we both value morals and loyalty that it is still contradicted. She lies to me out of fear because I get mad and lose sight of my temper, but that's just my belief because I love her so much I don't like to demonize her. -

You value companionship, yet you become angry at her when you don't get your own way.

- I get angry at stupid ****, and that's my immaturity right there. And I'm working on it.-
Although you both "value children" she's got a child already-- with special needs-- and should be very clear about the risks of pregnancy in her 40s. Menopause hits most women in their 50s.

- We agreed to having a surrogate. She said she might carry one or two. But children isn't the issue, I told her that she needs to think about her daughter and think about yourself. She needs to find a man that will take care of them both. I told her that it's the Saggs job to help take care of her daughter since she is autistic and needs attention of two adults not just one. She usually gets angry and says that she's not trying to marry him, that she probably won't even get married. That does leave me most confused-


Coming from abusive homes may create a bonding experience between two people, but this doesn't ipso factogive you special skills to avoid replicating your parents' mistakes.


- The abuse in my home came from poverty and alcoholism and thankfully I'm neither for nor do I even drink. In fact one of our biggest issues was I didn't want her to drink and she loves her glass of wine every night (I hate alcohol due to my drunk father) -


After all you've said to this woman, what reasons does she give for not accepting your offer? Don't her actions speak louder than words?


- The excuses that she's given me is complete ******** but I feel that she deserves another chance before I finally walk away forever and ever. Besides you'll tell me that synastry wise we are very compatible. And so through that very synastry. I wish to achieve my very goal. I've come this far, way give up all of the sudden-
 
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Osamenor

Staff member
Re: Reply to Waybread

- The abuse in my home came from poverty and alcoholism and thankfully I'm neither for nor do I even drink. In fact one of our biggest issues was I didn't want her to drink and she loves her glass of wine every night (I hate alcohol due to my drunk father) -
Maybe you're not poor, and maybe you don't drink, but you are still carrying the relationship patterns of your family, which could lead to some very dysfunctional relationships. I see a few things in your natal chart that point to that. Do you want to know what they are? Or do you really not want to hear anything astrological that isn't about the "wonderful" synastry between you and this woman and how to "get her back"?

Your own description of yourself also tells me that you're still stuck in those patterns. You have a temper, you've hit her, you've done several things that sure sound like trying to control.
Besides you'll tell me that synastry wise we are very compatible.
Waybread knows synastry better than I do, so maybe she, or others, will have more to say on this, but... your synastry with Ms. Leo looks like a mixed bag to me. It sounds like you're basing your idea of the synastry being very compatible on your sun signs. You may have heard that Aries and Leo are a highly compatible combination. That's true if you're talking about the signs themselves. That's not necessarily true if you're talking about people with those sun signs. For synastry to suggest compatibility, there have to be multiple factors in the synastry that point to compatibility. Sun sign is only one piece of the picture, and not enough to make or break the synastry all by itself.

You and she have a trine between your suns. That's what astrologers call a harmonious aspect. When two planets (sun and moon are planets for the purpose of astrology) are 120 degrees apart, give or take up to 4-10 degrees (how much can be given or taken for it to still be a trine is disputed among astrologers, but between your sun and hers, the trine is pretty exact), whatever fulfills the purpose of one of them also fulfills the purpose of the other.

That can play out between planets in your own chart, if they form a trine. Here's an example from mine: I have a trine in my chart between the sun (Leo) and Jupiter (Aries). I also have the moon in Sagittarius forming trines with both of them--when three trines are connected like that, it's called a grand trine, and it's even stronger. Sun represents what your core personality needs most; moon is about your deepest desires and emotional needs; Jupiter is about where in your life you most want to expand, your approach to learning, and what kinds of things tend to go well for you, coming to you easily.

In fact, your girlfriend has part of that aspect, the same sun/Jupiter trine. She's exactly two days younger than me, so she and I have the same sign placements for everything except the moon. Your sun is conjunct her Jupiter, which probably serves to magnify you, in some sense, from her point of view. But back on topic....

Every sign has its own desires, needs, and purpose. For Leo, the purpose is ego growth to the fullest extent possible. For Aries, it's will, being challenged, meeting challenges. For Sagittarius, it's exploring, having experiences, and self expansion. Those are the fire signs of the zodiac, and they all have self expansion as a key message.

If those three signs are teaming up through trines, an adventure or learning experience that results in self growth will serve all of their purposes nicely. Take Sagittarius out of the equation, and maybe there will be a little less of the "ho-hum, let's just wander and see what happens" approach, but Aries and Leo together are happy to meet a challenge that leaves a sense of pride once it's accomplished. A person with that trine in their chart will probably be deeply fulfilled by that kind of challenge. Two people with that trine between their suns may enjoy such a challenge together.

Between two people, a trine between your natal suns means you both want more or less the same thing for your core personal growth. In that sense, you're compatible. But there's the rest of your synastry to consider. You also have a square between your Venuses. Venus informs your approach to relationships, how you communicate interest and affection, how relate to others in general. Planets in square "want" very different things.

Given the square and where it is, I'm not surprised you have difficulties communicating. You both have Venus in Mercury-ruled signs (Mercury is all about communication, and it rules both Gemini and Virgo), but they're signs with a very different message. Gemini is an air sign: its indicators include talk, taking in and sharing information, impulsivity. Virgo is an earth sign: practical, detail oriented, needs to plan ahead rather than act on impulse. Mercury, as the ruler of both signs, acts differently on each: Gemini is talk, Virgo is do. Talking and doing both communicate, but in different ways.

It's likely that the two of you have very different approaches to love and very different ways of communicating love. That doesn't necessarily mean you can't communicate love, but it requires work, and recognition that you have different styles. Unlike the trine, which lets everything flow effortlessly, the square is a challenge. If you're not both conscious of it and deliberately working with it, it can and will trip you.

Neither your sun combination nor your Venus combination can make or break the relationship by itself, and even if you did have a thoroughly compatible synastry chart, it wouldn't necessarily mean the two of you have a wonderful relationship, or that you're "meant to be." What kind of relationship you have depends on how you respond to your chart factors. That part is up to you, and her.
 
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