Re: Reply to Waybread
- The abuse in my home came from poverty and alcoholism and thankfully I'm neither for nor do I even drink. In fact one of our biggest issues was I didn't want her to drink and she loves her glass of wine every night (I hate alcohol due to my drunk father) -
Maybe you're not poor, and maybe you don't drink, but you are still carrying the relationship patterns of your family, which could lead to some very dysfunctional relationships. I see a few things in your natal chart that point to that. Do you want to know what they are? Or do you really not want to hear anything astrological that isn't about the "wonderful" synastry between you and this woman and how to "get her back"?
Your own description of yourself also tells me that you're still stuck in those patterns. You have a temper, you've hit her, you've done several things that sure sound like trying to control.
Besides you'll tell me that synastry wise we are very compatible.
Waybread knows synastry better than I do, so maybe she, or others, will have more to say on this, but... your synastry with Ms. Leo looks like a mixed bag to me. It sounds like you're basing your idea of the synastry being very compatible on your sun signs. You may have heard that Aries and Leo are a highly compatible combination. That's true if you're talking about the signs themselves. That's not necessarily true if you're talking about people with those sun signs. For synastry to suggest compatibility, there have to be multiple factors in the synastry that point to compatibility. Sun sign is only one piece of the picture, and not enough to make or break the synastry all by itself.
You and she have a trine between your suns. That's what astrologers call a harmonious aspect. When two planets (sun and moon are planets for the purpose of astrology) are 120 degrees apart, give or take up to 4-10 degrees (how much can be given or taken for it to still be a trine is disputed among astrologers, but between your sun and hers, the trine is pretty exact), whatever fulfills the purpose of one of them also fulfills the purpose of the other.
That can play out between planets in your own chart, if they form a trine. Here's an example from mine: I have a trine in my chart between the sun (Leo) and Jupiter (Aries). I also have the moon in Sagittarius forming trines with both of them--when three trines are connected like that, it's called a grand trine, and it's even stronger. Sun represents what your core personality needs most; moon is about your deepest desires and emotional needs; Jupiter is about where in your life you most want to expand, your approach to learning, and what kinds of things tend to go well for you, coming to you easily.
In fact, your girlfriend has part of that aspect, the same sun/Jupiter trine. She's exactly two days younger than me, so she and I have the same sign placements for everything except the moon. Your sun is conjunct her Jupiter, which probably serves to magnify you, in some sense, from her point of view. But back on topic....
Every sign has its own desires, needs, and purpose. For Leo, the purpose is ego growth to the fullest extent possible. For Aries, it's will, being challenged, meeting challenges. For Sagittarius, it's exploring, having experiences, and self expansion. Those are the fire signs of the zodiac, and they all have self expansion as a key message.
If those three signs are teaming up through trines, an adventure or learning experience that results in self growth will serve all of their purposes nicely. Take Sagittarius out of the equation, and maybe there will be a little less of the "ho-hum, let's just wander and see what happens" approach, but Aries and Leo together are happy to meet a challenge that leaves a sense of pride once it's accomplished. A person with that trine in their chart will probably be deeply fulfilled by that kind of challenge. Two people with that trine between their suns may enjoy such a challenge together.
Between two people, a trine between your natal suns means you both want more or less the same thing for your core personal growth. In that sense, you're compatible. But there's the rest of your synastry to consider. You also have a square between your Venuses. Venus informs your approach to relationships, how you communicate interest and affection, how relate to others in general. Planets in square "want" very different things.
Given the square and where it is, I'm not surprised you have difficulties communicating. You both have Venus in Mercury-ruled signs (Mercury is all about communication, and it rules both Gemini and Virgo), but they're signs with a very different message. Gemini is an air sign: its indicators include talk, taking in and sharing information, impulsivity. Virgo is an earth sign: practical, detail oriented, needs to plan ahead rather than act on impulse. Mercury, as the ruler of both signs, acts differently on each: Gemini is talk, Virgo is do. Talking and doing both communicate, but in different ways.
It's likely that the two of you have very different approaches to love and very different ways of communicating love. That doesn't necessarily mean you can't communicate love, but it requires work, and recognition that you have different styles. Unlike the trine, which lets everything flow effortlessly, the square is a challenge. If you're not both conscious of it and deliberately working with it, it can and will trip you.
Neither your sun combination nor your Venus combination can make or break the relationship by itself, and even if you did have a thoroughly compatible synastry chart, it wouldn't necessarily mean the two of you have a wonderful relationship, or that you're "meant to be." What kind of relationship you have depends on how you respond to your chart factors. That part is up to you, and her.