How to overcome Venus in 12th house

I have venus in the 12th house.
Throughout my life I have had difficult relationships. I attracted unavailable men or difficult relationships (non single men, long distance relationships).
Not sure if it is because of my venus in sagittarius and cancer moon in the 7th house, my heart always win over my head (sun opposite moon) and I allow myself getting into those relationships even though I knew it could end up nowhere.
I have difficulties in letting go and moving on when the relationships reach dead-end or the love is unreciprocated (pisces north node) and I tend to self critizise. (Saturn opposite Jupiter?)
Are people with venus in the 12th house destinated to be a failure in relationships? How can I stop this? Feels like a curse.
I would appreciate your views.

No, it's not a curse nor a blessing to have 12 H; it is what it is.
Our natal charts reflect what we need in the present life to learn, to evolve.
Love is the greatest joy & yet it eludes so many. Why? It's because of choices we make. We may choose to fall in love or have relationships with partners that are not healthy and end up disappointed over & over again.

The solution? Know who you are & what you want & you can make better choices. With that / aspect you can become too attached & unable to let go...almost obsessive....and vice-versa.

There is no reason why you should not be in a healthy, good relationship with a man you can respect & love & vice-versa. Meet men where you can be authentic and they know that you are interested in a permanent relationship. Often with / charts, there is an age gap between the partners...maybe the man you eventually marry will be older or younger.

Have you tried legitimate dating sites that charge money so you don't get the married losers looking for a quick 'booty call'.
With your / you need to watch out for attracting the druggies, alcoholics, criminal types into your life & I would avoid bar scenes altogether as you tend to go overboard & party too hard. You probably give the impression that you like to be single & free but you are a lot more sensitive & deep than you appear.

You could also meet men in hobbies that you enjoy. Concentrate on what makes YOU happy...if you want to travel, travel...if you want to go to the beach, go there. If you enjoy art, do art & hang around with artists.
You will find that doing what you love will often bring people who you connect with easily.

Hope this helps and writing down all the attributes you want in a marriage partner will enable you to focus on what you want & not the unavailable men you are currently bringing into your life.

Bearbear said:

I have venus in the 12th house.
Throughout my life I have had difficult relationships. I attracted unavailable men or difficult relationships (non single men, long distance relationships).
Not sure if it is because of my venus in sagittarius and cancer moon in the 7th house, my heart always win over my head (sun opposite moon) and I allow myself getting into those relationships even though I knew it could end up nowhere.
I have difficulties in letting go and moving on when the relationships reach dead-end or the love is unreciprocated (pisces north node) and I tend to self critizise. (Saturn opposite Jupiter?)
Are people with venus in the 12th house destinated to be a failure in relationships? How can I stop this? Feels like a curse.
I would appreciate your views.

Click to expand...

blackbery makes some good points about choices.
In support of the astrological analysis offered: it is important to also note that your Venus is not in the 12th; it is conjunct your ascendant. Any planet within 5 deg of the next house cusp partakes of it. Your Venus is very close, as to be conjunct the asc, angular in the 1st house of your being.

So Venus is very pronounced in your psyche, and equally so is the natal Sun Moon opposition, 1st to 7th, all gathering emphasis with Pluto in an angular t-square.

I think the Sun Moon imprint of opposition, in whatever form it may have manifested, between your parents is also very strongly influencing your view of relationship. So Sun Moon merits some examination, as does blackbery's comment about Venus Pluto.

blackbery said:

No, it's not a curse nor a blessing to have 12 H; it is what it is.
Our natal charts reflect what we need in the present life to learn, to evolve.
Love is the greatest joy & yet it eludes so many. Why? It's because of choices we make. We may choose to fall in love or have relationships with partners that are not healthy and end up disappointed over & over again.

The solution? Know who you are & what you want & you can make better choices. With that / aspect you can become too attached & unable to let go...almost obsessive....and vice-versa.

There is no reason why you should not be in a healthy, good relationship with a man you can respect & love & vice-versa. Meet men where you can be authentic and they know that you are interested in a permanent relationship. Often with / charts, there is an age gap between the partners...maybe the man you eventually marry will be older or younger.

Have you tried legitimate dating sites that charge money so you don't get the married losers looking for a quick 'booty call'.
With your / you need to watch out for attracting the druggies, alcoholics, criminal types into your life & I would avoid bar scenes altogether as you tend to go overboard & party too hard. You probably give the impression that you like to be single & free but you are a lot more sensitive & deep than you appear.

You could also meet men in hobbies that you enjoy. Concentrate on what makes YOU happy...if you want to travel, travel...if you want to go to the beach, go there. If you enjoy art, do art & hang around with artists.
You will find that doing what you love will often bring people who you connect with easily.

Hope this helps and writing down all the attributes you want in a marriage partner will enable you to focus on what you want & not the unavailable men you are currently bringing into your life.

Click to expand...

Blackberry, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and suggestions. I really really appreciate it. It really makes me think more deeply about what I need versus what I want in a relationship. I didn’t realise all these hard aspects on Pluto has been a key part of the problems in my relationships. Besides Pluto square venus, I also have moon square Pluto which I read is equally destructive. The problems are actually all within myself.

I cannot agree more. I can become too attached and insecure in a relationship that I unconsciously seek validations from my partner. (I think not only love relationships but other important relationships to a certain extent). I give a lot in a relationship but I expect 100% loyalty and commitment so my love is not unconditional. It has to be reciprocated. I can easily become insecure and paranoid. I don’t want to be like this and am trying to relax and go with the flow. I know I need to have more self-love and focus on my own needs. It is frustrating because I thought I am doing it but it's not enough. It is something that I need to learn and fix in this life.

I have not tried dating sites and I don’t do bars. Of the important relationships I had, those men just came into my life. I met them via ordinary channels such as business related, childhood friend, neighbour and a language exchange app. They are all good, smart guys with successful career (all workaholics and with sun signs incompatible to mine ) None of them are drug addicts, alcoholics, criminals, etc. and they don’t smoke. They all have some good qualities that I admire to. Even when the relationship didn't work out, I believe they all came to my life with the purpose to help me learn something in this life.

I am currently on the verge of the end of a relationship. It's a long distance relationship yet with long term commitment. Unfortunately, we are unable to meet in person because of covid-19. Now the pandemic has changed his priorities. I feel sad but I tell myself to stay strong when the day comes.

Going forward, I will spend time and energy to focus on myself. I want to fix my own problems.

IleneK said:

blackbery makes some good points about choices.
In support of the astrological analysis offered:

"With that / aspect you can become too attached & unable to let go...almost obsessive..."

​

it is important to also note that your Venus is not in the 12th; it is conjunct your ascendant. Any planet within 5 deg of the next house cusp partakes of it. Your Venus is very close, as to be conjunct the asc, angular in the 1st house of your being.

So Venus is very pronounced in your psyche, and equally so is the natal Sun Moon opposition, 1st to 7th, all gathering emphasis with Pluto in an angular t-square.

I think the Sun Moon imprint of opposition, in whatever form it may have manifested, between your parents is also very strongly influencing your view of relationship. So Sun Moon merits some examination, as does blackbery's comment about Venus Pluto.

Click to expand...

Elena,
Thank you so much for sharing your views. I really appreciate it.
My sun moon opposition is probably the most difficult aspect in my natal chart. I feel that there is a natural conflict between my ego and emotions. My conscious desires conflict with my subconscious emotional needs. Sometimes I feel pulled in two different directions when I fluctuate from being extremely logical to being extremely sensitive. At work I am logical and rational and I believe in facts. But I am very sensitive especially when it comes to feelings and I can take things personally or too seriously. I often feel mis-understood.

Yes, in a way I think my mom had some influence. I was brought up in a happy and loving family but my mom was a little strict and perhaps too nurturing (her venus conjunct my moon).

Thank you for pointing out that my venus should be in my 1st house. This surprises me a little as I actually relate more to venus in 12th house with my relationships. I will check out venus in 1st house. Thanks so much.