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  #1  
Unread 07-22-2021, 12:41 PM
AshaLuna AshaLuna is offline
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May you please help me with my chart?

Hello. Kinda long, TW warning: mentions self harm attempt, depression, post partum depression, multiple personality(dissociative amnesia). I have had a whole lot of personal issues my whole life, drugs. I am currently 23. Giving some context… I have always wanted to fit in with my peers in high school led me to h*rt myself because I made a fool of myself. Then, dropped out I was in 11th grade when I dropped out I fell into the wrong crowd and dabbled in drugs because I was young and wanted to be cool. I have always had depression, anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, multiple personality (d/a) and I have always tried to find myself. Well, I am 23 no job, no driver’s license, no diploma/GED, no major achievements. My pregnancy was unexpected and I found out around 6 1/2 months. I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years (we have been amazing until after we had our kid) my labor/delivery of my son was SUPER traumatic, in labor for 38+ hours & I was pushing for 7+ hours which landed me to have an emergency C-section because we both could have died. My son is healthy, happy, intelligent and capable. I have severe postpartum depression and anxiety. I didn’t get to bond with my son in the hospital and honestly, the first 2/3 months wasn’t really us bonding because I was not coherent after my surgery and my hormones were EVERYWHERE (still are) and because I keep doubting my capabilities to handle the responsibilities of raising my son. After we left the hospital my boyfriend wanted to go to our apartment but I wanted to stay at my parents so we all did. Which, I couldn’t function for days after we reached my parents with my son. They took full responsibility nurturing me, my son and my boyfriend. Fast forward, I have a sort of an agreement with my parents they help me raise my son (by taking him to their house for a few days and then we take him home). Which is UNHEALTHY for my son and me, he is 8 months and I can admit that I have been there for at least 55% of his life. I am still trying to figure myself out. Broad questions, Why am I the way I am? Will I ever be a good mom? What steps should I take? Why am I not driven enough? How can I not be so ‘lazy’ when it comes to LIVING? (You don’t have to answer these ALL but please interpret what you can!)

Adding: My parents were stern & overprotective of me growing up. They did discipline me, a whole lot of butt-whoopings because I was "defiant" in reality I wanted praise, love & attention. I have a lot of other childhood traumas. but, I have no recollection/memory of my life from the time I gained the ability to remember actions, events, emotions etcetc. so maybe around the age of 1-18 I have no memory. significant memories are there but a lot of them are being suppressed? Along with long-term memory loss, I also have short term memory loss. I cant remember my days. I feel like my planets, placements, aspects, houses, transitions, etcetc play a huge part in my life and hold the key to figuring myself out.

https://imgur.com/a/IVp8F25


Last edited by wilsontc; 07-24-2021 at 04:20 PM. Reason: The link didn't work so I attached an image file to my post! added more and fixed some spelling.
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  #2  
Unread 07-22-2021, 03:27 PM
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passiflora passiflora is offline
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Re: May you please help me with my chart?

This is a great time of life for you to be asking these questions - you have enough experience now to really make sense of yourself and your patterns.

I donít see laziness per se but you have a grand air trine in fire houses that includes Moon and Mercury, so you might dissipate a lot of energy in thinking and writing and talking. You write well!

Ascendant ruler Saturn is in H3 in a critical degree. You should get your GED, youíll feel a lot better. Give yourself a schedule and follow it, both in order to improve your short-term memory and to give your child a consistent environment. (Ruler of Virgo NN in 5th house) Negotiate the schedule to be consistent amongst the caregivers.
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Unread 07-22-2021, 05:06 PM
AshaLuna AshaLuna is offline
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Re: May you please help me with my chart?

Quote:
Originally Posted by passiflora View Post
This is a great time of life for you to be asking these questions - you have enough experience now to really make sense of yourself and your patterns.

I donít see laziness per se but you have a grand air trine in fire houses that includes Moon and Mercury, so you might dissipate a lot of energy in thinking and writing and talking. You write well!

Ascendant ruler Saturn is in H3 in a critical degree. You should get your GED, youíll feel a lot better. Give yourself a schedule and follow it, both in order to improve your short-term memory and to give your child a consistent environment. (Ruler of Virgo NN in 5th house) Negotiate the schedule to be consistent amongst the caregivers.
Wow, thank you for the interpretation. I don't think it it laziness either. I believe I am just oppositional and/or allowing outside influences like my family(my parents and siblings) have always been very critical... at this point I just have a "they can't judge me at something if I don't try to work at it" which is very self-defeating. I love writing and I love self expression through words... If I could I would be writing every chance that I got. I used to be an extrovert but something happened and now I have crippling social anxieties but I want to be social again so badly I just can't bring myself to get out there and make some girlie friends. Another question, if you don't mind me asking, you don't have to answer... but are there any placements/aspects/houses that can determine that I do have a good maternal desire deep down?
Again, thank you for all this insight!
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  #4  
Unread 07-22-2021, 06:03 PM
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Harmelia Harmelia is offline
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Re: May you please help me with my chart?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AshaLuna View Post
Hello. Kinda long, TW warning: mentions self harm attempt, depression, post partum depression, multiple personality(dissociative amnesia). I have had a whole lot of personal issues my whole life, drugs. I am currently 23. Giving some context… I have always wanted to fit in with my peers in high school led me to h*rt myself because I made a fool of myself. Then, dropped out I was in 11th grade when I dropped out I fell into the wrong crowd and dabbled in drugs because I was young and wanted to be cool. I have always had depression, anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, multiple personality (d/a) and I have always tried to find myself. Well, I am 23 no job, no driver’s license, no diploma/GED, no major achievements. My pregnancy was unexpected and I found out around 6 1/2 months. I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years (we have been amazing until after we had our kid) my labor/delivery of my son was SUPER traumatic, in labor for 38+ hours & I was pushing for 7+ hours which landed me to have an emergency C-section because we both could have died. My son is healthy, happy, intelligent and capable. I have severe postpartum depression and anxiety. I didn’t get to bond with my son in the hospital and honestly, the first 2/3 months wasn’t really us bonding because I was not coherent after my surgery and my hormones were EVERYWHERE (still are) and because I keep doubting my capabilities to handle the responsibilities of raising my son. After we left the hospital my boyfriend wanted to go to our apartment but I wanted to stay at my parents so we all did. Which, I couldn’t function for days after we reached my parents with my son. They took full responsibility nurturing me, my son and my boyfriend. Fast forward, I have a sort of an agreement with my parents they help me raise my son (by taking him to their house for a few days and then we take him home). Which is UNHEALTHY for my son and me, he is 8 months and I can admit that I have been there for at least 55% of his life. I am still trying to figure myself out. Broad questions, Why am I the way I am? Will I ever be a good mom? What steps should I take? Why am I not driven enough? How can I not be so ‘lazy’ when it comes to LIVING? (You don’t have to answer these ALL but please interpret what you can!)

Adding: My parents were stern & overprotective of me growing up. They did discipline me, a whole lot of butt-whoopings because I was "defiant" in reality I wanted praise, love & attention. I have a lot of other childhood traumas. but, I have no recollection/memory of my life from the time I gained the ability to remember actions, events, emotions etcetc. so maybe around the age of 1-18 I have no memory. significant memories are there but a lot of them are being suppressed? Along with long-term memory loss, I also have short term memory loss. I cant remember my days. I feel like my planets, placements, aspects, houses, transitions, etcetc play a huge part in my life and hold the key to figuring myself out.

First of all, with South Node Past Life symbol in Pisces - this often translates to feeling a bit lost for people - not really here on earth. It's in the 2nd house too - which is self-value, self-esteem, self-concept. So you were born asking, who am I? All the signs and planets have positive and negative qualities - and most of us respond to some of each of the qualities. Pisces can be confused and overly sensitive - feeling other people's energy and getting confused who is who and what is what. You have Jupiter, the traditional ruler of Pisces also in Pisces in the 2nd house - exaggerating on the theme. On the positive side, Pisces can be super-creative and connected to the spiritual side. You may feel you do both.

Your chart ruler (ruler of ASC) is Saturn and your IC ruler (4th house cusp of home and family) is Venus, and they both end up in Aries in the 3rd. Both the 1st house and 4th house represent the childhood home environment. So it's easy to see very stern parents and maybe even overprotective parents in Saturn conjunct Venus in Aries. In the 3rd house, it makes me wonder if they controlled the way you expressed yourself - as part of the over-protection. Overprotection is a form of control. Aires, on the negative, can be harsh - like a warrior - so if this represents your family life - it's easy to see them setting boundaries for you.

Were they projecting their own fears upon you?

It sounds like it's very possible that your parents were enmeshed with you as well as you with them - and the projected much fear on you. Your Libra Moon would also be very susceptible to feeling other people's feelings - and not knowing who is who. Cancer on DES will also make you super-sensitive to other people's feelings and energies. With all the Pisces, Cancer, and Libra - you simply have very thin boundaries and are vulnerable to projections and energies.

The multiple personality thing is in part - categorizing various parts of you who could not express themselves positively within your family system. Integrating these parts are key for your healing. It will take time and work with a good therapist.

The good news is that people do heal from these things. It may seem impossible at your young age - but - you might be surprised how much you can change during your life. But you do need some help in doing it. You can't do it alone. Astrology can help - yes - because ultimately it is affirming in what you already know to be true - but - some of us need outside influences - good ones - who can give us guidance. Charts also show that as well.

I think you can have drive. I think your Aquarius and Aries planets and the Capricorn rising - will give you plenty of drive. But I think you may not be able to use that energy until you integrate your "parts" - because now, you are quite a divided person - and unable to put yourself as a whole behind anything. Truly, you need a good therapist to guide you through the healing process. You need someone who truly understands you and who you feel a connection with. THEN, I truly believe you'll begin to be able to use your personal drive to accomplish whatever you wish to accomplish.

You will probably be good at writing, language, teaching - possibly computers - and possibly psychology. You need to stay focused on self-development - and pulling identities under "one feeling sense" - about who you are - on a feeling level as well as mental level. We all have various parts of ourselves - but usually - there is one overall identity - one that sees all the parts - remembers all the parts - and integrates the parts. so that's what you're after.

And yes - as you grow - as you tend to yourself - you will be a better Mom for your son. Doing for yourself is also doing for him - as all children model after their parents. So do your best, as I'm sure you do - and don't neglect your own growth and nurturing.

A big hug to you!
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  #5  
Unread 07-23-2021, 03:03 AM
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passiflora passiflora is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AshaLuna View Post
Wow, thank you for the interpretation. I don't think it it laziness either. I believe I am just oppositional and/or allowing outside influences like my family(my parents and siblings) have always been very critical... at this point I just have a "they can't judge me at something if I don't try to work at it" which is very self-defeating. I love writing and I love self expression through words... If I could I would be writing every chance that I got. I used to be an extrovert but something happened and now I have crippling social anxieties but I want to be social again so badly I just can't bring myself to get out there and make some girlie friends. Another question, if you don't mind me asking, you don't have to answer... but are there any placements/aspects/houses that can determine that I do have a good maternal desire deep down?
Again, thank you for all this insight!
Thereís nothing in your chart that suggests you CANíT have maternal instinct deep down. You have a sweet Moon, not under any stress. But you are going to have to toughen up a bit, especially around the attitude of ďthey canít judge me if I donít work at it.Ē Motherhood is a lifetime of being constantly judged! Mothers are always wrong! Haha. Iím only slightly kidding - you can try your very best and still it wonít be good enough - your children will make you want and need to be a much better version of yourself than you thought possible. Open your heart, put your Docs on, and keep away from peers who make you feel like cutting or not showing up.
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  #6  
Unread 07-23-2021, 06:25 PM
AshaLuna AshaLuna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by passiflora View Post
Thereís nothing in your chart that suggests you CANíT have maternal instinct deep down. You have a sweet Moon, not under any stress. But you are going to have to toughen up a bit, especially around the attitude of ďthey canít judge me if I donít work at it.Ē Motherhood is a lifetime of being constantly judged! Mothers are always wrong! Haha. Iím only slightly kidding - you can try your very best and still it wonít be good enough - your children will make you want and need to be a much better version of yourself than you thought possible. Open your heart, put your Docs on, and keep away from peers who make you feel like cutting or not showing up.
I feel like Iím at such a destructive time in my life. I have always tried to find myself but now that I have a kid I want to find myself even more and Iím getting no where. I keep reading my chart and trying to put pieces togetherÖ. And once I do put pieces together I shut down more because I donít know what to do next with the informationÖ
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  #7  
Unread 07-23-2021, 06:37 PM
AshaLuna AshaLuna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zora View Post
You see the chart ?


I only see this here - horoscope image file has expired
https://imgur.com/a/IVp8F25

Sorry!

Last edited by wilsontc; 07-24-2021 at 04:19 PM.
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  #8  
Unread 07-24-2021, 10:22 PM
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Kite Kite is offline
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Re: May you please help me with my chart?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AshaLuna View Post
Hello. Kinda long, TW warning: mentions self harm attempt, depression, post partum depression, multiple personality(dissociative amnesia). I have had a whole lot of personal issues my whole life, drugs. I am currently 23. Giving some context… I have always wanted to fit in with my peers in high school led me to h*rt myself because I made a fool of myself. Then, dropped out I was in 11th grade when I dropped out I fell into the wrong crowd and dabbled in drugs because I was young and wanted to be cool. I have always had depression, anxiety, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, multiple personality (d/a) and I have always tried to find myself. Well, I am 23 no job, no driver’s license, no diploma/GED, no major achievements. My pregnancy was unexpected and I found out around 6 1/2 months. I have been in a relationship for the last 4 years (we have been amazing until after we had our kid) my labor/delivery of my son was SUPER traumatic, in labor for 38+ hours & I was pushing for 7+ hours which landed me to have an emergency C-section because we both could have died. My son is healthy, happy, intelligent and capable. I have severe postpartum depression and anxiety. I didn’t get to bond with my son in the hospital and honestly, the first 2/3 months wasn’t really us bonding because I was not coherent after my surgery and my hormones were EVERYWHERE (still are) and because I keep doubting my capabilities to handle the responsibilities of raising my son. After we left the hospital my boyfriend wanted to go to our apartment but I wanted to stay at my parents so we all did. Which, I couldn’t function for days after we reached my parents with my son. They took full responsibility nurturing me, my son and my boyfriend. Fast forward, I have a sort of an agreement with my parents they help me raise my son (by taking him to their house for a few days and then we take him home). Which is UNHEALTHY for my son and me, he is 8 months and I can admit that I have been there for at least 55% of his life. I am still trying to figure myself out. Broad questions, Why am I the way I am? Will I ever be a good mom? What steps should I take? Why am I not driven enough? How can I not be so ‘lazy’ when it comes to LIVING? (You don’t have to answer these ALL but please interpret what you can!)

Adding: My parents were stern & overprotective of me growing up. They did discipline me, a whole lot of butt-whoopings because I was "defiant" in reality I wanted praise, love & attention. I have a lot of other childhood traumas. but, I have no recollection/memory of my life from the time I gained the ability to remember actions, events, emotions etcetc. so maybe around the age of 1-18 I have no memory. significant memories are there but a lot of them are being suppressed? Along with long-term memory loss, I also have short term memory loss. I cant remember my days. I feel like my planets, placements, aspects, houses, transitions, etcetc play a huge part in my life and hold the key to figuring myself out.

https://imgur.com/a/IVp8F25
Anaretic Saturn in the 4th house (I use traditional whole sign houses). Saturn rules your 1st and 2nd houses and Saturn is in its Fall in Aries. The 30th degree can be very trying for most people. I have it with Jupiter in the 8th. Saturn is also conjunct Venus in the 5th house of children - thus all the issues around the birth and what's happening with them. Venus is also being squared by Neptune and Uranus so lots of weird things with the kids and shocks to the system. Venus also deposits your moon and rules your 10th of career and usually Mom. Sun, Mars and Mercury in the 6th house of illness and in Pisces completes the picture as they are combust with the Sun which overshadows the houses they rule which are 6,8,9 and 11.

So what's the answer to all of this? I think it's turning Saturn around from task master to supportive drill sergeant. This is going to require trauma work. You have a lot of it and it needs to be healed. I can't tell you which treatment to get to do this but you do need help in this area.

In the meantime - this article will tell you about the 30th degree your Saturn is in and some of the challenges related to it. http://www.micheleadler.com/29degreewebsite.pdf
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Last edited by Kite; 07-24-2021 at 10:27 PM.
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