Attraction of the identicals or opposites attract?

wan

wan

Well-known member
Hello. I just have a question that I have been giving thoughts to for a little while. I think it's quite interesting and I wish to know what other people think. Basically, when it comes to romantic relationships, do you think that people tend to be attracted to people who are similar to them, or those who are very different?

Maybe you are partnered, or maybe you are currently single but used to have a significant other. What is/was your experience? Which category do you fall into? Me personally, I think I like a mixture of both. I think that there must be some common ground to fall in love with someone but if everything was completely the same it would be boring.

What has your experience been like? Concrete examples are very welcome here. Let's share our thoughts.
 
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sibylline

sibylline

Well-known member
wan said:
Hello. I just have a question that I have been giving thoughts to for a little while. I think it's quite interesting and I wish to know what other people think. Basically, when it comes to romantic relationships, do you think that people tend to be attracted to people who are similar to them, or those who are very different?
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I think it depends on the person... And what you mean by different. I like people who share some of my core values and have a similar outlook and approach to life as me, but not identical. In romantic relationships things don't last for me if the person's approach to life is dramatically different and they value different things. My last relationship ended for this very reason.
 
wan

wan

Well-known member
sibylline said:
I think it depends on the person... And what you mean by different. I like people who share some of my core values and have a similar outlook and approach to life as me, but not identical. In romantic relationships things don't last for me if the person's approach to life is dramatically different and they value different things. My last relationship ended for this very reason.
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Do you mind giving us some examples of why it didn't work out for you? If you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I am just curious.
 
sibylline

sibylline

Well-known member
wan said:
Do you mind giving us some examples of why it didn't work out for you? If you don't want to talk about it, I understand. I am just curious.
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It's fine...We were just too different in ways that were important. The wonder was how we ended up together in the first place but perhaps we seem similar on the surface. We do have similar/the same signs in our charts but the planets are arranged in different ways.

For example, how to approach relationship issues. I will often be very frank in discussing issues that arises, not rude but direct. I just try to encourage a dialogue because I think that if you never discuss issues they will never get resolved. He took these discussions as a personal attack and would become agitated, go on the defense, attempt to shut down any discussion. He believed this approach was ruining the peace in the relationship and I found myself having to work around his feelings.
 
Dirius

Dirius

Well-known member
wan said:
Hello. I just have a question that I have been giving thoughts to for a little while. I think it's quite interesting and I wish to know what other people think. Basically, when it comes to romantic relationships, do you think that people tend to be attracted to people who are similar to them, or those who are very different?

Maybe you are partnered, or maybe you are currently single but used to have a significant other. What is/was your experience? Which category do you fall into? Me personally, I think I like a mixture of both. I think that there must be some common ground to fall in love with someone but if everything was completely the same it would be boring.

What has your experience been like? Concrete examples are very welcome here. Let's share our thoughts.
Click to expand...

I think its neither of those two, and I agree its a mixture of both.

In my opinion, its how well you complement, which in a sense would be some sort of middle ground between them: a little equality that creates shared values, but enough diversity of thought that you can share different views, without risking to loose the relationship.
 
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