40+ and lost: help finding my way

Hello everybody

I come here after i have lost all confidence and self esteem to the point of not knowing what to do with my life.

Also, i had to return near where i grew up and every time i do so, i strangely lose the most closest persons i have in my life.

I feel i was programmed to remain a lone soul.

I also deeply feel the urge to accomplish my "life purpose", but i just dont know HOW.

My chart points to service for others.

For a long time i fought the idea of having to serve others because i have been so much wounded since i was a toddler that i felt i deserved some me-time, like anybody else. To give myself the love, caring and respect nobody gave me.

Yet, i have come to realize that this idea of serving others, however much i rejected it, is actually what has "fulfilled" me the most, in terms of soul and ego.

Hence, i would appreciate your insights so i can better understand:

- if this indeed is my life calling?
- HOW and in WHICH environment can this calling? express itself

https://ibb.co/fF2ZJzb

Thank you so much,

I think you would be good at helping people who are suffering in some way, given your 6th/12th house axis, but the question is, with your sensitive tender-hearted Pisces moon, would you be up to a regular dose of emotional stress? You might think of what you could do in a helping occupation but with a little more emotional distance, such as a hospital administrative job, paralegal (going after the bad guys,) or office work for a charity.

Saturn opposite a moon in Pisces is actually a recipe for hurt feelings. If you can minimize contact with negative people, being free and solo should be preferable to letting anyone else drag you down.

Your 10th house of career ruler is in your 7th house of partnerships of various sorts. If you have a spouse or partner now, you may actually feel fulfilled by dedicating a lot of energy to the relationship.

But I am so struck by how little your OP sounds like the Aries woman warrior! How do you express your independent out-there Aries nature? If you cannot think of anything, this would be the first thing to work on. To begin with, this might just include a partner-type sport where you get to be a bit competitive, like a racquet sport. (I have Mars in Pisces opposed by Saturn in Virgo and took up lap swimming.)

One-on-one tutoring is a real possibility.

Astrology does not give a single life purpose but breaks it down:

MC vocation in life, usually defined as a career.

Sun: who must you be in order to be authentically yourself?

North node of the moon: where does your growth lie?

Virgo in the 12th suggests hospital or nursing home work, possibly even prison volunteering if you feel emotionally strong enough for it. In this "house of self-undoing," meditation that helps release attachments to your worries should be beneficial.