Should I reach out to my ex?

Hello,

I broke up with my ex boyfriend several years ago. He was a Pisces with Venus conjunct Sun opposing Pluto in Virgo, a void of course Moon in Virgo (not conjunct to Pluto) and Cancer Rising. I am a Leo with Mercury conjunct Sun square Uranus in Scorpio, Moon in Sagittarius conjunct Neptune with a square to Venus in Virgo and Capricorn Rising. This makes his Moon conjunct my Venus. Perhaps this background info will help.

Over the last 3 to 4 years I have had several dreams about him. We had a strong psychic bond when we were together and I still get intuitive messages from him. Although I do think about him (we were together more than a decade), I do not want to get back together. Without going into specifics, I believe that I am better off without him. However, we had a really nasty breakup and I hurt him in a bad way due to the bitterness that he caused me. I wouldn't say that I feel guilty, but am torn between clearing the air and emotionally moving on. It's as if there is an urge beyond me that is making me do this. My question is, should I reach out to him? Are these dreams really from him?

Thank you for reviewing.

(Following is not in accordance with standard horary practice and uses whole sign house format)

-querent = 1st house = Leo = Sun
-ex = 7th house = Aquarius = Saturn
-Sun flows away from Saturn = no, indications are that the querent should not reach out to ex at the present time.

If I understand your question correctly, you are asking what will be the result of your contacting your ex BF to clear the air. You still want to separate, but not to be on bad terms, or with the sour note of the break-up being your last contact.

You are represented by the sun; and your BF by the moon, secondarily by Uranus. The sun is applying to a sextile with Saturn, so it looks like you are anxious to make the contact. The moon is sextiling Saturn now. So I think the outcome would be good for your peace of mind-- just so long as you are very clear with him about why you are doing this, if you are not asking for a second chance. Also, he may react angrily, so if you aren't the kind of person who can handle him blowing off pent-up steam, then maybe it isn't such a good idea.

I don't think he is "sending" you dreams. Aside from whether or not this is possible, his dreams would be represented by the 9th house from the 7th, or the the third house. It is ruled by Mercury, which is combust the sun and moving beyond it. Mars in the 3rd is weakened by being in the sign of its detriment. I think he feels pretty burned by the end of your relationship.

You would know better than I would about how to approach him, but a simple, "I'm sorry and hope you are well" sort of thing might give him some healing. However, there is a strong chance he would "bite back", with the Mars-sun square, so if you can't handle him behaving badly in return, you might wish to defer this one.

Waybread,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. You are correct, I do wish to say sorry but remain separate. However, I do not rule out a friendship; but that seems eons away. I was generally focusing on the Moon conjunct retro Venus in the 6th house. I thought the sixth house had to do with servants and do not understand how this pertains to my question. To me it seems like now is not the time to reach out because he could "bite back", but if I wait 5.5 weeks (cardinal sign in cadent house moves in weeks according to Lilly) then the final outcome would be positive. Also, the sun completes its sextile to Saturn in roughly 9 weeks. Over the weekend, I did leave him a friendly message with no call back number. However, I did not have it in me to apologize at the time. He hurt me a lot and I am much younger than him.

I appreciate your valuable feedback!

Peace-making is always a good idea (indeed, the BEST idea)-but timing is always important.

kailaniatsea said:

Waybread,

Thank you for taking the time to respond. You are correct, I do wish to say sorry but remain separate. However, I do not rule out a friendship; but that seems eons away. I was generally focusing on the Moon conjunct retro Venus in the 6th house. I thought the sixth house had to do with servants and do not understand how this pertains to my question.

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kailaniatsea said:

It's as if there is an urge beyond me that is making me do this.

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BobZemco said:

I was just commenting on another thread that is not an aspect, that is a collision and the signification of a Planet colliding with a Retrograde Planet is that you are being driven/forced/compelled to do something that you'd rather not do.

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kailaniatsea said:

To me it seems like now is not the time to reach out because he could "bite back", but if I wait 5.5 weeks (cardinal sign in cadent house moves in weeks according to Lilly) then the final outcome would be positive. Also, the sun completes its sextile to Saturn in roughly 9 weeks. Over the weekend, I did leave him a friendly message with no call back number. However, I did not have it in me to apologize at the time. He hurt me a lot and I am much younger than him.

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So, your question, with a chart dated January 1st, was "should I reach out?" but obviously you already did by leaving a message.

kailaniatsea said:

I thought the sixth house had to do with servants and do not understand how this pertains to my question.

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6th isn't only for servants and slaves. Generally, we also associate it with short term/critical illness and small animals, but I found something interesting in Sahl. It is also the house of injustices.

The 6th domicile is cadent from the Ascendant, nor does it aspect it. And it is a malign place, and signifies infirmities (both separable and inseparable) and the causes of infirmities; male slaves too, and female slaves; injustices, and changes from place to place.

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Which led me to wonder which house, exactly, would be the house of forgiveness?

Whether or not you have an intuitive connection with him, you have an intuitive connection with yourself. Jupiter is regtrograde in the 12th, Venus as exaltation ruler of the 9th cusp (wisdom, dreams) is applying to the Moon (yes, applying) and compelling you to...what?

IMO, reaching out to him has nothing to do with him (Saturn's condition is seriously scary) and everything to do with you. Perhaps "moving on" emotionally for you requires that you get to have your say.

For what it's worth, Venus retrograde gets me every time. In May of 2012 I made peace with my ex-husband, after 18 years of no communication.

Tsmall,

Thank you for such a detailed response! When I did the chart I waited 2 weeks to reach out, so that's old. What makes Saturn so scary in this chart? It is in Scorpio, but the other planets do not afflict. However, I am curious. I will point out that we both committed injustices against each other. Before I sought revenge on him he used me sexually for a number of years and I wasn't legal for the first few years of our relationship. He did have kind hearted moments which made my heart melt, but he hurt me badly. I was so deeply in love with him and lost in that love that I could not think clearly. One day I woke up and all hell broke loose. But is this a personal or collective injustice? Part of my conciliatory urge stems from me moving close to his best friend's town for career reasons in the near future. I just don't want that baggage on myself. Another part of me doesn't want to take this baggage into my new relationships. And yes, I do think about him, it's not just about me. I left another message officially apologizing last night (still with no contact info) and it felt good. However, my ears have been buzzing and aching all day followed by a bad gut feeling. Given this, I will keep a safe distance for now. Perhaps I still love him, but not enough to go back to him. I just don't want him to think that I hate him before time runs out on him.

kailaniatsea said:

Tsmall,
What makes Saturn so scary in this chart? It is in Scorpio, but the other planets do not afflict.

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I've read some of your other posts, and you seem to know your way around horary charts.

Saturn is a diurnal planet. Yours is a night chart. Saturn is out of sect. Saturn is a masculine planet. Scorpio is a feminine sign. Saturn is out of sect. Saturn is in feminine degree. Saturn is out of sect.

BobZemco said:

A Planet that is Out-of-Sect signifies something or someone that is not what they appear to be; that is doing something contrary to its own nature or what it would normally do; or is doing something wholly inappropriate.

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Saturn is also peregrine, in aversion to his ruler (who is in detriment), and though Venus applies via retrograde motion from his domicile, he is in her detriment. What was it Lilly and many others said of peregrine planets, especially in horary?


Scorpio is also a sign that brings to mind secrecy, obsessiveness especially as regards passion and sex.

Saturn is the greater malefic and usually as a significator represents someone older. He doesn't need to have another planet afflict him, he is afflicted all of his own self. Note though that he is eastern and strong (rising before the Sun free from the beams and not yet approaching the square) as well as being in a powerful house. So, he's nasty/scary and strong with it.

kailaniatsea said:

However, I am curious. I will point out that we both committed injustices against each other. Before I sought revenge on him he used me sexually for a number of years and I wasn't legal for the first few years of our relationship. He did have kind hearted moments which made my heart melt, but he hurt me badly. I was so deeply in love with him and lost in that love that I could not think clearly. One day I woke up and all hell broke loose.

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Uh, did I mention that Saturn was scary?

kailaniatsea said:

But is this a personal or collective injustice?

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I don't know, but...the 6th house is below the horizon. It's your 6th, his 12th, but going with my gut I'd say personal injustices. And I'm sorry, but reading what you added here makes me say...you could not have possibly done him any injustice that he didn't deserve. Oops. Sorry, that was terribly not impartial of me.

kailaniatsea said:

Part of my conciliatory urge stems from me moving close to his best friend's town for career reasons in the near future. I just don't want that baggage on myself. Another part of me doesn't want to take this baggage into my new relationships. And yes, I do think about him, it's not just about me. I left another message officially apologizing last night (still with no contact info) and it felt good. However, my ears have been buzzing and aching all day followed by a bad gut feeling. Given this, I will keep a safe distance for now. Perhaps I still love him, but not enough to go back to him. I just don't want him to think that I hate him before time runs out on him.

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Right, and that's why I mentioned that the forgiveness part has more to do with you than with him. Does it matter more if he forgives you in return, or if you are able to "move forward" without the baggage?

Edit to add: There is a reason his significator in your chart was Saturn...

The part of peregrine planets always stumped me in horary astrology. But essentially, it means that he is "alien", that being inappropriate and does not belong, that being him. Correct me if I am wrong, but this pervert (Saturn in Scorpio) does not belong in my life in any way shape or form (peregrine planets and Venus detriment). And if I did get close his obsession (Scorpio) would be my detriment (e.g. harass me, cause me harm or kill me).

Quite honestly, after my gut began to hurt I desisted from any more contact. I said sorry and moved on because I felt the creeps.

Once again, thank you for your valuable insight . I would not have seen this on my own and might have done something stupid.

kailaniatsea said:

The part of peregrine planets always stumped me in horary astrology. But essentially, it means that he is "alien", that being inappropriate and does not belong, that being him. Correct me if I am wrong, but this pervert (Saturn in Scorpio) does not belong in my life in any way shape or form (peregrine planets and Venus detriment). And if I did get close his obsession (Scorpio) would be my detriment (e.g. harass me, cause me harm or kill me).

Quite honestly, after my gut began to hurt I desisted from any more contact. I said sorry and moved on because I felt the creeps.

Once again, thank you for your valuable insight . I would not have seen this on my own and might have done something stupid.

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There is more, if you take the time to think on it. Which I believe you will. The 6th is the house of slaves/servants, and your primary significator the Sun is there, as is a retrograde Venus. Do you not think that sexual servants/slaves applies? And, how does one go about creating a 6th house slave in this day and age?

It is always wise to listen to your "gut" for it is the sum total of your life experiences. I cannot say if he would be able to actually cause you harm physically, but yeah. You said you were sorry and now it is time to move on. That he (Saturn) is angular and posited in the 4th is also telling. Time to bury the past (the past being another signification of Saturn, and the 4th being the place of graves.) That he is angular and eastern...as well as his current condition (which includes being in conjunction with Unukalhai) makes me wonder...

SweetiePea, if he did this to you, is there any reason to think that a pedophile/pervert might not still be doing this to someone else? Venus is in his 12th and ruled by him.

Who knows. It's good that you can find a way to forgive and move forward, and perhaps (just speculation, I don't see anything in the chart to back it up) your messages, while they made your gut crawl, could be just what it takes to save someone else.

xo
tamara

Tamara,

Yes, you have left me floored. Well, slavery is forced and he did dupe me at one point, mentally speaking. Though he fantasized with kidnapping me he was too much of a coward to do it and knew that was unnecessary with me; it was a sick fantasy of his. One thing that came to mind was that Leo rules children. So a child with an adult. Gosh, this is worse than I

***Update***

tsmall said:

There is more, if you take the time to think on it. Which I believe you will.

Who knows. It's good that you can find a way to forgive and move forward, and perhaps (just speculation, I don't see anything in the chart to back it up) your messages, while they made your gut crawl, could be just what it takes to save someone else.

xo
tamara

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I have given things more thoughts thanks to reevaluating the posts, dreams and synchronicity. Given all of the malefics involved I decided to focus on our 3rd house of communication and 9th house since we do live at a distance from each other. Like you said, the chart indicates the consequences if I was to get back with him, but that is very unlikely. The question should have been phrased differently. Blame retro Venus and Jupiter, I guess. You were right, things between us are dead because I would never live in his home state. Also, the conditions down South where he is are decrepit and have been for years, and not necessarily due to poverty. The Unukhalai does make sense in his 4th house. For years, he complained that his environs were decaying. Now, he could be the one on his way out judging from what I see with Saturn, who finds joy here. Furthermore, I drew a Draconic chart to see what the soul of the question truly is since that was really what I was getting at.

My third house is ruled by Mercury which lands in the 6th house, still with a slave connotation. Mercury is in the sign of Capricorn, which can denote the past, older people and serious matters. The cusp of the third is Virgo, which is at 27 degrees, critical in horary. However, Mars sits in the third house and it is in detriment which makes a square to Sun and Mercury. Obviously, this is a horrible time to communicate, yet it may occur given the critical degree in Virgo. The third house from the third (fifth) is ruled by Jupiter Rx which sits on the 10th house (public sphere) from the third and it trines his Saturn, which sits on the 2nd from the third. I gather that in terms of communication now is not the time, but we'll talk and be near in the future (2nd house rules gains). The Capricorn planets that were in the 6th would now be in the 4th. They are still at a detriment and do not kid myself. But seen from the perspective of communication, I can better understand the pull of a retro Venus in the 4th house. Because I most certainly do not want to be anybody's slave. Mercury does touch Saturn in about 7 weeks. Mercury will conjoin Venus in roughly three months.

In my ex's chart, his third house is ruled by Jupiter and it is Rx in his 6th. Ain't that something? Also, Neptune is at home in Pisces in his 2nd. So he wants to talk too. Also, Jupiter is ruled by the 11th, the house of friendships. I cannot imagine us being friends after all that happened, but if it is the right thing, okay. I'm definitely not asking to be his friend. I apologized and forgave him, and feel satisfied with that.

I will get to the Draconic chart later; I am too tired. Also, I may have to do additional edits.