Infidelity and Venus/Neptune Aspects

Dear FleetingDasein
i hope i will help you somehow with my experience

i have leo venus in 12 , a neptunian virgo which seeks great romance and love
Aries Moon which looses interest easily , and virgo sun which is veru eclectic

also my venus squaring my scorpio mars (great attraction to other sex), is trining my sag Neptune (things get worse) and squares my sag Uranus (need for space)

i ve been always dreaming of a great proverbial love and always got a little bit disappointed as soon as i was facing the real ego of others.

well i managed to comprehend this problem and i stopped to mess love with illusions. My virgo sun helped me to have more practical approach to relationships and choose lovers with rational criterion such as fidelity, communication, stability.
i ve been married for three years now although i had never a serious relationship before due to my wrong vision

I deal with art and literature and i found great comfort and escapism in my fantasy world. My husband bears great acknowledgement about my needs and offers me a lot of free space. Besides i know very well that my need for a magical love is just a spiritual need to get in deeper touch with God


I will refer to the old Myth of Eros & Soul which underlines perfectly the issue of all those people who suffer from great loneliness and a feeling of unfulfilled romance even they are in an relationship. It's all about a higher calling from above
Just try to follow a spiritual path and i am sure you feel better, i always keep saying this to friend who go through the same disappointment.

Good Luck

waybread said:

Interesting, FD--I've not thought of this before, but it bears watching. Does your Neptune aspect anything else?

One configuration I've seen that suggests multiple simultaneous relationships is Venus sextile or trine Mars (or possibly squared,) with Jupiter in the mix. The Venus/Mars give a libido. Jupiter says, if one relationship is good, several are better.

Neptune deals with the world of illusions and disillusionment. Your best aid will be whatever gives you a good reality-check. Probably Saturn.

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Can the same be said of Venus conjunct Mars square Jupiter? I assume it's a yes...

Vista said:

Can the same be said of Venus conjunct Mars square Jupiter? I assume it's a yes...

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I've had a similar question ever since i read waybread's quote, but didn't dare to ask because I was told I hijacked another thread with my very first post on the forum , but now that YOU mentioned it:

Can the same also be said of Mars conjunct Jupiter sextile Venus in the Radix of a man?

And on the topic:

I have Venus conjunct Pluto and Uranus in Virgo in the 8th and sextile Neptune (which is conjunct the MC) in the 10th, and my love life has always been the problem zone, despite being in a committed marriage for over 10 years.

I have been constantly floating between rose tinted glasses, obsession and the urge to break free, sometimes it's very draining.

I haven't been cheating - not because I didn't feel the urge to - but because I feel I would destroy the most precious "thing" I have. It was a conscious and rational decision (sometimes I'm grateful for my Cappy Asc and 1st house Saturn trine Sun and Mercury), but I'm often tempted anyway...

I have Venus Square Neptune. Yes, its a pain in the you know what. It is about illusions in love definately. Whatever those maybe be would be dependant on what sign they are in (and in what area of your life, house).

I have Venus in Leo (too high expectations) in the 9th house and my Neptune is in Scorpio 1st house.

I have read many descriptions about this aspect and yeah, there is alot of "don't think I have it good enough" or "what if something better comes along" type of thing. I used to do that more when I was younger - I stopped that part of it - I am kinda opposite of what you said in your first post. I go into the relationship with very high hopes and than have disappointment (venus in leo with the high expectations again). I would probably do much better if I could ground myself in reality and go in with either no expectations and a "see how it goes attitude" or more like you - thinking it will be doomed and than maybe I wouldn't be disappointed if it turns out good.

Its hard aspect to deal with in relationshp no matter how you look at it. I have in the past that I tend to look at romantic relationship to want to be like fairy tale or "movie" love - another Venus in Leo and Neptune illusion. But that is Neptune for you - "chronically disillusioned". To make it harder for me, I have that Neptune in the 1st. Apparently when Neptune is in the 1st house (and I have it conjunct to my ascendant Scorpio), others see you not as you really are but as they want to see you. The neptune creates a fantasy image of you in their minds. I am guessing my Scorpio Rising doesn't help much in that respect either since key words for Scorpio Rising are "hard to get to know" "mysterious" etc.

I notice too that one of the Venus Square Neptune features tends to be that when in a relationship you often feel like you don't "deserve" it - I do this all the time. It always have to fight that thinking. Or I think "why would this person want to be with me?" and the Neptune illusion makes me think that they are not seeing me for who I truly am. I definately DO NOT make the first move if I am interested in someone - that is very Venus Square Neptune thing because honestly I can never tell if the other person is interested (my friends used to tease me about this - I could never tell if a guy is hitting me! haha) and I definately do not want to make a fool out of myself! Alternately, I think people are interested me who aren't actually at all (of course yes, lots of people give off mixed signals - not my fault hehe) - I think that is more of the Neptune illusion. Geez, I can't win!

Another thing another astrologer told me is that Square are mostly tensions inside yourself while as oppositions are tension outside of yourself. Meaning the oppositions might involve other people but the square is mostly internal struggles. Don't know if others on here believe that or see it that way but I guess when you look at that way the square seems like something one could personally work on or control while as the opposition since it involves outsiders maybe more of a struggle.

That said, there are some pretty magnamious people who have Venus Neptune aspects like Pam Anderson, Brigitte Bardot, Marilyn Monroe (the ulimate glamour queen!) and Andy Warhol. I have some articles bookmarked that you might want to read (may make you feel better about the whole Venu/Neptune trap). You might have read these already.

http://astrologyforthesoul.com/billstreett/vennep.html
http://www.strangehouse.com/natal-aspects/venus-square-neptune-2.html
http://www.achernar.btinternet.co.uk/venusaspects.html
http://astrofix.net/2010/09/11/venusneptune-aspects/
http://www.astrodispatch.com/2010/10/31/venus-square-neptune-beware-the-chronically-disillusioned/

Anyhow, I struggle with this too so you are not alone. I think I would prefer to have the square rather than the opposition though. At least when I am aware of it - I can fight it a bit more.

Oh, just to add: I know you mention infidelity. I have NEVER cheated on anyone I have dated. But I think that might be more due to my Scorpio Rising and Virgo Sun - which are both loyal and dependable.

This explains this aspect better than I ever could:

From Aspects in Astrology - Sue Tompkins

People with Venus-Neptune contacts are inspired by beauty and peace. Commonly, they do not want to know about ugliness or discord. This applies to art, to music and to relationships.
The Venus-Neptune individual is invariably very romantic and idealistic about relationships. They are in love – so much so that there can be great difficulty in maintaining interest in, and commitment to, an ordinary person and the rigours and (let’s face it) unromanticism of the everyday domestic and habitual living with someone.

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How depressing.

From my experience with clients, when hard aspects between Venus and Neptune are prominent in the synastry and/or composite there are significant problems including: infidelity, deception, confusion/ vagueness, seeing through rose colored glasses, putting the other on a pedestal and eventually becoming disappointed with reality.

It is true that when you have this hard aspect yourself you will tend to face these issues in all your relationships. I've seen such people make excuses for the worst behaviours in a partner simply because the Neptunian fog was so thick they couldn't see the conspicuously painful reality. People with this natal aspect can hold out for the longest time hoping to have a relationship with someone who is unattainable or just not interested in them romantically and likely never will be. They can often interpret the other person's behaviour as signs that the other person truly likes them romantically but in reality the other person is just either being friendly or sometimes deliberately leading them on for their own agenda. If you have this hard aspect natally or in a relationship with a potential or actual lover be very careful to understand these tendencies so you can more effectively deal with them. They can be extremely destructive and painful otherwise.

Saturnian said:

I think Venus/Neptune clouds your judgement because a person you love can seem very ideal to you.Even if people with this aspect see that someone they love does something wrong they'll probably overlook it because they cannot accept it,or don't want etc.

That's what I think of this placement.

What you're saying reminds me more of Venus/Uranus,that Uranus wants excitement all the time and is always wondering what's out there,so they need to be always on the move and try whatever is new,exciting,interesting...
Plus it is said that people with these placement hardly commit for long periods of time,so if the excitement dies they'll look elsewhere.

I perceive Venus/Neptune as kinda the "victim" lover,cause if they idealise one they won't easily see that that person is bad and will try to justify the behavior and actions of their partner everytime.

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I agree with you on this. I think Venus/Neptune square is mostly about deceiving yourself. I think people with that aspect fall in love completely if they find a person who they can connect with on a higher/spiritual level, even for a second (because they are searching for something that is above normal and mortal relationship, just like anybody else with Venus/Neptune contacts). Unfortunately that person doesn't necessarily have to bee nice to them on a daily basis and they can tolerate almost anything (even infidelity!) because of that feeling they have 'on another level' with that person.

Another important thing is that the partner has to provoke compassion in them which means that they need to care for their 'wounded' partner, be their saviour, and that's why they tolerate a lot of bad things justifying it with some sad story about their partner.



Maybe I'm a bit offtopic now, but what would you say about Mars/Neptune square?

Astro11, I would appreciate if you could share your observations with clients who had this aspect in natal chart and in synastry.

On the topic of Venus and Neptune: soft aspects of this pair relate to artistic talents, heightened awareness and perhaps more mystical leanings. On the mundane level, afflictions do relate to all that you have mentioned. In my understandings, Venus is about our sociability, our values and one's expectations in life: that which we value in life. Alas though, our expectations can often be totally unrealistic and this is where things start to go wrong if Neptune is afflicting Venus in the chart, resulting in infidelity, betrayals, doubt, distrust, mysterious circumstances, lack of faith, dissipation, despair or boredom. In terms of 'expectations' how often do we really know what is in our heart, since most pay little attention to these 'belief systems' that have been ingrained in the subconscious; most tend to just dismiss it's importance in our lives. And thus, without knowing why, we just switch to 'automatic reactions' that seem to occur out of the ether [Neptune]. So we really must know about what expectations we carry in life, because that in turn will affect our relationships. If the individual harbors an expectation of 'the ideal partner, few will ever seem to measure up. It is our expectations that cause us to judge others and such judgments are often off kilter. So one needs to ask the question: what are my expectations of this person I am with? remember also, that the partner will also have their own expectations, and thus an experience of imbalance often intrudes into our lives. When Neptune is involved it is easy to become disillusioned by a partner, and turn to other pastures for fulfilment that seems to be lacking in a given partner. The other thing is that our expectations are not always in sync with our 'perceived desires' [Mars] and our true needs [The Moon]. To achieve harmony these three factors must find some degree of balance. Remember, 'you can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime, you just might find, you get what you need.'

Sany said:

Maybe I'm a bit offtopic now, but what would you say about Mars/Neptune square?

Astro11, I would appreciate if you could share your observations with clients who had this aspect in natal chart and in synastry.

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Mars-Neptune hard aspects tend to enhance sexual chemistry a lot. However, it can get problematic when one or both people use sex or withhold sex as a bargaining tool to get other things from the relationship. Cheating on your partner as a way to "get back at them" is common. There is a feeling that you can't express your anger directly so passive-aggressiveness occurs as a result. This passive aggressiveness occurs both with words and actions in all areas of life, not just with sex. There can be intentional deception and attempts to trick the other person.

Venus contraparallel Neptune - partner has this, Neptune at the IC in Cap. Venus in Gemini H9. Always wondered if this aspect indicates infidelity..

astro11 said:

Mars-Neptune hard aspects tend to enhance sexual chemistry a lot. However, it can get problematic when one or both people use sex or withhold sex as a bargaining tool to get other things from the relationship. Cheating on your partner as a way to "get back at them" is common. There is a feeling that you can't express your anger directly so passive-aggressiveness occurs as a result. This passive aggressiveness occurs both with words and actions in all areas of life, not just with sex. There can be intentional deception and attempts to trick the other person.

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Thank you astro, I couldn't agree with you more. Cheating as a way to get back and passive aggressiveness, exactly what is going on with Neptune and Mars in square! I can see clearly some things now. I would like to ask you few more questions now but the problem is they're far offtopic.

I can see where a venus-neptune aspect can contribute to cheating based on sympathy for other people. Venus-neptune people fall in love easily with people they think need them. However, I think the susceptibility to actually cheating would have more to do with the type of bond a person has with their partner and their personal beliefs. In any case, it's not uncommon for these people to feel guilty for allowing their sympathetic feelings to lead them astray, whether it is physical or just mental.

I think a weak Saturn or a bad aspect between Saturn and Venus (or Venus and Mars) or ruler of the 7th house could indicate someone less inclined to be faithful.

Sweet Pea said:

There will be 4 people in each of these relationships -

Person A
Person B
A's fantasy of who B is
B's fantasy of who A is

Somewhere along the line there will be a shattering of the illusion.

All Venus-Neptunians need to watch out for the predatory Plutonians who can suss out a gentle, open-aura'd neptunian from the other side of the room and move in to take advantage.

They are openhearted and compassionate people and any sob story will cause them to act lovingly out of pity for somebody. They are not good at discriminating who will make a good partner for them. These are the co-dependants to addicted people.

Arroyo in Astrology, Karma and Relationships says that the trouble with Venus/Neptune is that the love feelings are very diffuse and ooze out towards anybody and everybody, so if you are in a relationship with one of these people, you don't feel that you're terribly special to them.

He calls Mars-Neptune the aspect of seduction and willingness to be seduced, leading to getting tangled up in sexual encounters that the individual, if (s)he thought about it properly, didn't really want.

I agree with this comment from p1, which characterises a number of friendships of mine where I am left in some puzzlement or doubt about how/why it ended or even if it ended at all, or if the friend might reappear -

"And they end mysteriously. That's another thing with this Venus/Neptune aspect that I think. All the relationships I've had didn't abrubtly and clearly end, they just kind of faded and strangely ended."

.

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Very enlightening post, thank you! I am presently seeing someone who has Venus Square Neptune natally(also Moon conjunct Neptune) and my Mars conjuncts his Venus and square his Neptune/Moon. That fantasy comment stood out to me because I feel like he's built this fantasy around me that I can't possibly live up to. I keep telling him I have as many flaws as the next person. The part that really gets me is the physical attributes he likes about me with one of them being Complete fantasy!!

I have long been suffering under the rose-colored glasses phenomenon of Venus conjunct Neptune. However, I have never cheated on anyone. I was once involved with someone who was in a relationship and I will never do that again as it affected me profoundly.

I actually came to this board in search for help in regards to this matter and I have found tremendous insight into this as well as much more. I really wish I would have known about this aspect earlier in my life so I could have adjusted sooner but I'm so very thankful for knowing it now as there is still hope.

This is a very difficult position, imo, since I desire being in a relationship. However, when I try and picture the relationship I desire, it is very vague and fuzzy... dreamlike. The picture can change and evolve depending on other influences.

"Exalted love" and "Divine Bliss" are words that echo what my feelings are regarding this position. What I have been searching for in someone. It is something that is unattainable in a relationship with a mortal. It is one reason why spirituality is becoming a bigger part of my life since this can only be found inside oneself. Once we start looking for things in other people we set ourselves up for failure and ultimately unhappiness.

Interesting since I was athiest when I was younger.

Venus square Neptune natally, would or could it be mitigated with a trine from Saturn to Venus? Just wondering if there is the ability to offset this aspect?

As a side note, my old boyfriend and I had a double aspect of Mars/Neptune with Mars conjunct Neptune one way, and Mars square Neptune the other way and Venus sextile Neptune. There was no cheating going on at all, I'm sure of it. I can tell you another way these aspects can play out is complete and utter ambivalence to each other. Our sex life died a rapid death with neither one of us wanting the other. We were basically best friends. Neptune does this, kind of puts the kabash on the sexual desires. Now, we did have some hard Saturn aspects between each other to our Sun/Moon so this also contributed to the demise as well. Even so, we dated 2 1/2 years.

PS. It was mentioned the hard aspect from Mars to Neptune can make one attracted to someone who logically you know is not right for you; so true in the above case with my boyfriend. He was completely different than anyone I dated and socially, educationally, and economically "below" me for lack of better words. He was also 5 years younger than I. Not saying he was a bad guy by any means or that I am better than him. I looked at the person and let that guide me, which is this case ended up being a big mistake - i.e. Mars square and conjunct Neptune. Interestingly, I am currently newly involved in the same type of situation with a man who is similar to this previous boyfriend I am speaking of. Of course Mars is squaring Neptune....fortunately we have Venus trine Mars and Venus conjunct Mars between us. Very hot!

Coincidently, I was recently reminded of the movie "Rules of Attraction". The theme is along the lines of venus-neptune or neptune in 5th/7th. The ending is typical of these escapades.

Vista said:

Neptune does this, kind of puts the kabash on the sexual desires.

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I think that Neptune probably gave you, and kept giving you, the illusion that the desire should be much better. Where as all along it was exactly how it should be between the two of you, chemistry wise. I think that's the frustrating part about Neptune in synastry. You keep thinking that things should somehow be different then they really are. In this case Saturn probably had influence as well.

StillOne said:

"Exalted love" and "Divine Bliss" are words that echo what my feelings are regarding this position. What I have been searching for in someone. It is something that is unattainable in a relationship with a mortal. It is one reason why spirituality is becoming a bigger part of my life since this can only be found inside oneself. Once was start looking for things in other people we set ourselves up for failure and ultimately unhappiness.

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I like this

PisceanPallas said:

I like this

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Thanks PisceanPallas, I also noticed and corrected my grammatical error in that last sentence...