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  #1  
Unread 08-22-2019, 05:21 PM
Violette Violette is offline
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Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

My bf and I got into an argument 2 days ago, more like he started verbally attacking me out of nowhere. He has this habit that when I start to think that things are going alright between us, starts to blame me in a very harsh way and it really hurts me. Its very hard to control myself and to not talk back, because that would hurt him and I don't want that. So Im kinda boiling inside and we haven't talked since. Its not the first time he does this, but prevously I was able to put my hurt feelings aside and initiate discussion in a more calm and civilized way but that never really gave me closure because of all the anger I had to hold inside. I don't know if I should contact him again or move on from this 'relationship'. I feel that he is abusing me, and no one should talk like this, but if I put aside the way he presents his problem to me, I can understand it but also makes me angry and disappointed because he doesnt take the effort to understand me. I just don't know if its worth to talk to him again and our relationship will improve or this is all I can expect from him.
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  #2  
Unread 08-22-2019, 07:48 PM
Hkk Hkk is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

He opposes your emotions - he being mercury and you being the moon in communication.

I donít think you will get anywhere by talking to him and it will jut be verbal attack again which will frustrate you and upset you even more. I think itís best to move away from the situation and move on.
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  #3  
Unread 08-22-2019, 08:06 PM
AlSav AlSav is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violette View Post
My bf and I got into an argument 2 days ago, more like he started verbally attacking me out of nowhere. He has this habit that when I start to think that things are going alright between us, starts to blame me in a very harsh way and it really hurts me. Its very hard to control myself and to not talk back, because that would hurt him and I don't want that. So Im kinda boiling inside and we haven't talked since. Its not the first time he does this, but prevously I was able to put my hurt feelings aside and initiate discussion in a more calm and civilized way but that never really gave me closure because of all the anger I had to hold inside. I don't know if I should contact him again or move on from this 'relationship'. I feel that he is abusing me, and no one should talk like this, but if I put aside the way he presents his problem to me, I can understand it but also makes me angry and disappointed because he doesnt take the effort to understand me. I just don't know if its worth to talk to him again and our relationship will improve or this is all I can expect from him.
Hi Violette,
Well. Should you? From a human perspective I would ask you: if a friend came to you and asked the same question, you would tell them: what a loser, if he doesnít appreciate you then heís not worth your time. From a horary perspective the story is the same.
Both of your significators are in signs of detriment and fall of each other. Since you didnít propose your own interpretation I will assume youíre not versed in horary so to simplify: he disfavors you and you also disfavor him. Thereís not a capacity to bring out the best in each other, rather the contrary.
The planet representing you is dignified immutable own sign but retrograde and in the 12th house. You are blind-sighting yourself.
He is stronger in his own house. Caring about himself and there are so many other planets in that house that they must be busy busy with other things, commitments, people. Thereís a situation with the planet signifying him, which is that itís in the last degree of Leo. On one hand, thatís unstable energy that is likely to misfire again. On the other hand itís conjunct a powerful star which can make his firing, for good or for ill even more powerful.
In the near future, when his significator changes signs, he will ďchange his attitudeĒ in some way or another but it doesnít benefit you in any way.

I donít see how you keeping him in your life could benefit you or change the way he hurt you, (moon signifying your emotions squared by the descendant and the mercury which co-signifies him for being on the cusp). Your moon will soon come to square him and that canít possibly be a good feeling for you.

The moon will trine you before it squares him. Thatís called a passage of light and can mean that if you seek him he will be available to respond. But the lack of receptivity from the significators and the fact that itís a square points to an unpleasant experience.

To answer succinctly: NO
It would be a WASTE OF YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR ENERGY.

With all this lack of reception I suppose my question is: why are you even considering talking to him? What is he to you?
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  #4  
Unread 08-22-2019, 09:05 PM
ElenaJ ElenaJ is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

In general, communication between the couple is such a basic necessity that without referring to the chart, if you aren't talking about this with him in order to save his feelings. in twenty years you will still be doing it. Keep this in mind.
Moon in 3rd separates from a square with mercury, which is positioned in his house, the 7th. In addition, Uranus just past the cusp of the 3rd and conjunction with moon shows the verbal "explosion". Mercury inconjunct Neptune shows the confusion you feel, and the deception on his part in not being more honest about his reaction.
Chiron on the cusp of your 2nd shows how this is effecting your own sense of self-esteem.
Your question is two-fold in reality.
One, should you talk to him about your feelings.
You are Saturn, in your 12th of restrictions, on the south moon's node (remember to insert this also when you do a chart), so closed into yourself and weak, dragging past life sins along with you. You had been conjunct pluto, getting to the root of the matter and pluto rules his 3rd of communication. So, you are near the point where you will no longer be able to hold back.
You will talk to him about it, but almost blurt it out because you've held it in so long.
The 3rd and the 9th are your and his communication houses, ruled by mars and Venus, coming to a conjunction, so you just may be able to get together on this point and work it out.
His ruler sun is about to change from egoistical Leo to servile virgo and approaches the mars/venus conjunction, so he will work at it. At the moment, he is at 29 Leo which is in the terms and face of mars, showing his apparently unexplainable eruptions.
Second part of your question, should you move on.
You are Saturn on south node, in your own 12th.
He is in his own house (7th) on his own, moving onwards about to change.
Moon will trine pluto, regeneration and transformation. After which moon goes no where.
Pluto is retrograde, as is Saturn so it will never catch up with you.
Retrograde Saturn leaves a partial semi-sextile with Jupiter, ruler of the 11th of the future, so you don't seem to have much hope about how things are going.
There doesn't seem to be any unity, anything that ties together the ascendent and the descendent.
Once the moon/pluto purge and energy release occurs, nothing happens in this relationship.
Interestingly enough, look at the list of planets and their positions on the left hand side. Half the planets are moving ahead and half are retrograde. One foot moves forward, one moves back. The sum is symbolically a static position.
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  #5  
Unread 08-22-2019, 09:33 PM
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

WOW another chart i got the same situation and chart with....wtf's going on.

Moon separating from the square with mercury is whats caused it. But merc/moon being in fixed signs is not helping the situation.

Mine started 2 days ago from me telling him things im trying to do to better myself and him not being supportive...basically taking the ****. So i called him a PRICK. Theres been no contact between us since.

Im currently doing the "no contact rule" not reaching out to him or contacting him, its hard...but idk what this may bring. I dont need to apologize though and neither do you.

Just leave him be for now....don't reach out to him.
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  #6  
Unread 08-23-2019, 02:28 AM
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PlutoLibScoAsc PlutoLibScoAsc is online now
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Sorry, I didn't look into your chart but I want to share my experience with you. I have the same attitude like you, I don't want to hurt the other person so I hold it in inside of me. Even after more than 12 years have passed since the break up, what I have hold inside of me just to protect his feelings, those words, those issues that I haven't said to him, only end up wounding myself and torturing myself until today, the regrets for not communicating it, for at least we can have a clean closure. What is inside you will keep coming back to haunt you. It can rest for a few months but anything unsaid and unreleased will come back to haunt you. I say, if this is a deep & serious relationship, the best way is to sit him down and have a calm talk and to solve the issue in the hope that you both can get mutual understanding in this relationship to make it work or not. Conclusion is, If you really want this relationship, take the risk and say it. Don't left anything unsaid, fix it together. (venus pluto conjuct people can change for their partner, Idk if he has this natally, just in case if he has it in his natal.... but there's no guarantee too if you were the one that could make him change.) If it ends, you both can have a clean closure. Or, you can be very different from me, you won't get wounded as badly if things are left unsaid, you're happy person, your relationship with him isn't that deep, you can move on easily then is up to you to move on and left things unsaid.

Last edited by PlutoLibScoAsc; 08-23-2019 at 03:01 AM.
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  #7  
Unread 08-23-2019, 02:37 AM
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Querent is in house of loss, sadness and "self-defeating actions."

I put question in 5th (Gemini). We find Querent (you) "in aversion to" [quincunx] the boyfriend (Mercury), from 7th (in my mind a red flag against proceeding further).

Sun is barely a minute of arc from changing sign, implying an imminent and important change. Sun is in & rules 7th.

Etc.

Pretty clear.

Now to common sense and experience. People do not change substantially during their life. You have seen how he treats you, something of his character.

Is this a relationship you wish to carry into the future, knowing what you know now? If yes, talk to him and patch things up. If no, what is the point of talking? Let go and move on.
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  #8  
Unread 08-23-2019, 06:22 AM
ElenaJ ElenaJ is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

"I put question in 5th (Gemini). ".


This is interesting Greybeard, why did you assign the question to 5th?
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  #9  
Unread 08-23-2019, 07:15 AM
greybeard greybeard is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElenaJ View Post
"I put question in 5th (Gemini). ".


This is interesting Greybeard, why did you assign the question to 5th?
She refers to him as her "bf", and the tone of the description of things leads me to feel that this relationship has not yet reached the stage of commitment that would place it in 7th. You will note that the 7th is not ignored.
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  #10  
Unread 08-23-2019, 07:23 AM
ElenaJ ElenaJ is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Quote:
Originally Posted by greybeard View Post
She refers to him as her "bf", and the tone of the description of things leads me to feel that this relationship has not yet reached the stage of commitment that would place it in 7th. You will note that the 7th is not ignored.
So using the 5th not so much as the question, as him?
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  #11  
Unread 08-23-2019, 07:33 AM
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

You could say that.

I took the question to be something like "Is this relationship worth continuing?" And I took the relationship itself as of 5th more than 7th house nature.

Husbands live in the 7th, bf's in the 5th; but the relationship itself I took as 5th.
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  #12  
Unread 08-23-2019, 07:49 AM
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

And if she decides to move on, she should not talk to him about how she feels, for several reasons.

Talking to him opens the door to him soft-soaping her right back into his arms.

It sets the field for saying things that are later regretted, but can't be recalled. More pain.

There is no purpose served by telling him how you feel. How you feel doesn't seem to be among his avid interests.
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  #13  
Unread 08-23-2019, 08:41 AM
Violette Violette is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Thanks for everyone for helping. I would reply to every comment separately but Im at work now so Ill write one long reply instead. Hell, even at work I cant focus, and its been like that ever since we started 'dating'. I wrote about us in my prevous posts, how complicated our situation is, and it is not a relationship in a tradtional sense. Its a long distance thing we have never met, but still our conversations stir me up and make me feel alive, it never happened with anyone else. He feels intensely about me as well and its like we are nonstop triggering each other's insecurities. I always thought it is more than friendship, but it is too intense for a stable romantic relationship.
In this current situation I can understand why he feels hurt, but I cant accept the way he talks to me and that hes blaming me for everything. We got into this 'hand in hand' , but he nonstop projected this fears on me and eventually his harsh and abusive talk that made me distance myself. Like I can get it, its bad now for both of us, but theres no need to destroy the other and throwing insults like this. It made me lose respect for him and I dont see us as a couple in the future anymore.
I just dont know that if it can continue in other form. We were friends before and I asked him that whatever happens, Id like him to part of my life, because besides all the negativity and hurt, I think we are learning valuable lessons about ourselves. I dont know if he can see it that way or this was all we could grow together.

Last edited by Violette; 08-23-2019 at 08:43 AM.
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Unread 08-23-2019, 11:33 AM
ElenaJ ElenaJ is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

So you are together only virtually?
You don't apparently have a lot invested in the relationship yet, aside from your feelings, so you are in time to decide. Weigh your choices and make your decision carefully.
Remember, all relationships begin with us showing our best and sweetest side, it's only later that the rest comes out.
The flashy veneer wears off. And we may like what we see underneath, or we might not.
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Unread 08-23-2019, 01:24 PM
Violette Violette is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Yes it is virtual but both of us are super invested emotionally. Im causing him sleepless nights and I cant focus on my work because of him. I know its crazy. I feel my life is complete since we started talking but no one else could make me so angry and anxious. I think he is important but I dont want to be abused. Meanwhile he thinks Im the one whos abusing him. Im thinking of writing him a long message, venting out and then move on. Just somehow despite all the anger and negativity I still dont want to intentionally hurt him. Im afraid this feeling wont go away, only if I talk to him.
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Unread 08-23-2019, 01:35 PM
ElenaJ ElenaJ is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

To bad you don't have a synastry to see where this is all coming from.
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Unread 08-23-2019, 01:54 PM
Violette Violette is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

https://www.astrologyweekly.com/foru...932#post984932

In this topic theres our synastry and composite. He supposed to give me karmic lessons but I dont know if its worth the effort or this relationship would cause more harm to us
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Unread 08-23-2019, 03:36 PM
greybeard greybeard is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Here's why I don't do relationships.

Virtual????

Next come the virtual babies I suppose.

Way too sophisticated for this old Neandertal.

The chart says "drop it". Let go. Why ask astrological opinion and then ignore it?

Where did reality go?

Last edited by greybeard; 08-23-2019 at 03:56 PM.
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Unread 08-23-2019, 03:38 PM
ElenaJ ElenaJ is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Ok, made the connection.
It's pluto/moon and pluto/mars.
It's a nice relationship but you have these control issues to sort out.
Note your comment about each of you feeling like the abused one.
So surely someone is doing the abusing, or no, if you have two victims?
It's the way you interact on this level that's creating the cracks in the relationship.
Without realising it, each is being pushy and trying to change the other in some way, either emotionally or physically.
These are not easy to work with, but on the other hand you have a lot of nice aspects going on to help you with it.
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Unread 08-23-2019, 03:50 PM
ElenaJ ElenaJ is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

Quote:
Originally Posted by greybeard View Post
Here's why I don't do relationships.her

Virtual????

Next come the virtual babies I suppose.

Way too sophisticated for this old Neandertal.
Yes, the logical question is, why has it remained that way and the two haven't met up yet?
Take a look at the link she gave to an earlier thread with the synastry and composite charts, which are not really negative at all.
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  #21  
Unread 08-23-2019, 04:09 PM
greybeard greybeard is offline
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Re: Shall I open up and tell him how I feel or shall I move on?

If my "partner" continually and repeatedly does/says things that hurt me, I know from having lived that people do not change. The abuse will not diminish; it will grow.

These two have an unhealthy relationship. Saturn occupies the self-destructive 12th. Even rats have enough sense to abandon a doomed ship.

The radix should be consulted, not all these derivative charts.

Last edited by greybeard; 08-23-2019 at 04:14 PM.
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