Aquarius Moon and ASC, difficult upbringing?

Dear astrologers, I need some advice regarding my relationship with my three year-old son.

The days before and after his birth I experienced very difficult and traumatic situations. I almost had a cardiac arrest after "delivery", in fact, I had to stay on ICU for a week. In brief, the transits of one of the toughest moments of my whole life became the synastry between me and my son.

My baby was on my arms for the first time when he was 9 days old. First thing I noticed was that he was a very demanding baby, it was very difficult to appease him. I had to struggle those first days with him at the hospital. He was healthy but I was still recovering. He was very impatient and I couldn't delay feeding him, I had to feed him right away or he would refuse to eat. Most people can't imagine a 9 days baby punching his mother for not breastfeeding him right away. Many mothers and nurses at the hospital said I wasn't a good mother, very few persons supported me. My son was the most fussy baby of the hypertensive disorders ward of the hospital and to everybody's eyes it was all my fault.

So, my son is strong-willed and reckless, impatient and anxious since he was born. I go from being permissive to being too tough, his father acts similarly. There are times when we both do our best to make things work, he really is behaving better but... when I'm under bad transits my patience runs out very easily. Sometimes I think it would be better if I left him.

His Jupiter is conjunct my Mars in Leo by 6'. His nemesis is on my Mars and my nemesis on his Venus. We have a loose nessus opposite nessus. Chiron trine moon both ways. His chiron is on my DSC, my Saturn opposes his Sun. It seems we both have serious lessons to learn, I wonder how much time it will take us. I don't want to become a harmful influence in my son's life.

I would appreciate any insight and thoughts about any of these charts. Namaste.

BlackLioness87 said:

Dear astrologers, I need some advice regarding my relationship with my three year-old son.

The days before and after his birth I experienced very difficult and traumatic situations. I almost had a cardiac arrest after "delivery", in fact, I had to stay on ICU for a week. In brief, the transits of one of the toughest moments of my whole life became the synastry between me and my son.

My baby was on my arms for the first time when he was 9 days old. First thing I noticed was that he was a very demanding baby, it was very difficult to appease him. I had to struggle those first days with him at the hospital. He was healthy but I was still recovering. He was very impatient and I couldn't delay feeding him, I had to feed him right away or he would refuse to eat. Most people can't imagine a 9 days baby punching his mother for not breastfeeding him right away. Many mothers and nurses at the hospital said I wasn't a good mother, very few persons supported me. My son was the most fussy baby of the hypertensive disorders ward of the hospital and to everybody's eyes it was all my fault.

So, my son is strong-willed and reckless, impatient and anxious since he was born. I go from being permissive to being too tough, his father acts similarly. There are times when we both do our best to make things work, he really is behaving better but... when I'm under bad transits my patience runs out very easily. Sometimes I think it would be better if I left him.

His Jupiter is conjunct my Mars in Leo by 6'. His nemesis is on my Mars and my nemesis on his Venus. We have a loose nessus opposite nessus. Chiron trine moon both ways. His chiron is on my DSC, my Saturn opposes his Sun. It seems we both have serious lessons to learn, I wonder how much time it will take us. I don't want to become a harmful influence in my son's life.

I would appreciate any insight and thoughts about any of these charts. Namaste.

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The way you describe your son when he was at his most helpless (9 days old, desperate to feed, post traumatic birth) is cold as ice. Looking at his chart, Aquarius Moon in H1 square Saturn, perfect reflection of that. First of all, I really sympathize. I have two sons and their labor and birth were (while not the trauma you described) very intense. Nothing can prepare you for being the life-source for a helpless infant. It’s horribly exhausting and incredibly emotional. To begin the mother-son relationship as you described on top of the usual “crisis” of childbirth and transforming into (what can feel like being) a baby-slave, with everyone judging your ability...that’s just brutal. It sounds like you need to heal still from that moment, which is totally understandable. It also sounds like the blame that surrounded you after he was born has been transferred onto him by you. Back to my sons, my youngest has been a real trial in the way you described, with willfulness. Honestly now that he is a bit older, I can see how healthy that instinct is in him, and how well it serves him in life that he has so much “fire out of the gate” The only thing that works with him is consistency. Kids like that cannot be parented permissively. They need to be contained by you, and no matter how tantrumy he gets he needs to know that you are stronger. I know you know this and I’m thinking that you had a bad day or string of days with him recently. The holidays really bring this stuff out, huh? It’s easy to feel like giving up, but he really needs you. You two were given to each other for this journey and no one else is equipped to do it. Hope this helps some, it gets better as they get older!

BlackLioness87 said:

Dear astrologers, I need some advice regarding my relationship with my three year-old son.

The days before and after his birth I experienced very difficult and traumatic situations. I almost had a cardiac arrest after "delivery", in fact, I had to stay on ICU for a week. In brief, the transits of one of the toughest moments of my whole life became the synastry between me and my son.

My baby was on my arms for the first time when he was 9 days old. First thing I noticed was that he was a very demanding baby, it was very difficult to appease him. I had to struggle those first days with him at the hospital. He was healthy but I was still recovering. He was very impatient and I couldn't delay feeding him, I had to feed him right away or he would refuse to eat. Most people can't imagine a 9 days baby punching his mother for not breastfeeding him right away. Many mothers and nurses at the hospital said I wasn't a good mother, very few persons supported me. My son was the most fussy baby of the hypertensive disorders ward of the hospital and to everybody's eyes it was all my fault.

So, my son is strong-willed and reckless, impatient and anxious since he was born. I go from being permissive to being too tough, his father acts similarly. There are times when we both do our best to make things work, he really is behaving better but... when I'm under bad transits my patience runs out very easily. Sometimes I think it would be better if I left him.

His Jupiter is conjunct my Mars in Leo by 6'. His nemesis is on my Mars and my nemesis on his Venus. We have a loose nessus opposite nessus. Chiron trine moon both ways. His chiron is on my DSC, my Saturn opposes his Sun. It seems we both have serious lessons to learn, I wonder how much time it will take us. I don't want to become a harmful influence in my son's life.

I would appreciate any insight and thoughts about any of these charts. Namaste.

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You describe your son as demanding and impatient. And having the Sun conjunct Mars so tightly can indicate an impatient and demanding personality. His Sun/Mars is in Gemini so he would be quite vocal about it and seem very fussy.

But then, we see that you also have the Sun conjunct Mars, but in Leo. And so the demanding, impatient energy that you describe in your son, is also present in your behavior.

You describe him as a newborn, and complain that he wouldn't or couldn't wait to be fed, or he would hit you. He was 9 days old. He had no ability to hit anyone in a thought out responsive action. He was acting like every newborn I have ever seen---HUNGRY AND DEMANDING.

It does worry me a little that you describe a 3 yr old as 'strong-willed, reckless and anxious.' I don't know of any 3 yr old that wasn't reckless or anxious or strong willed. That is all part of being a toddler.

Saying he might be better off if you left him? That is worrisome. How would abandoning your child make him LESS anxious and reckless?

I feel that the behavior patterns that you object to are actually ones that you display as well. Maybe that is why you both need each other in this life time.

An anxious and demanding child is a normal childhood behavior. And their parents teach them to be less anxious and less reckless by fulfilling their needs in a loving, giving, nurturing way.

He is your baby boy. He is still a baby. He is not going to have 'perfect' behavior at 3 yrs old. He will be defiant and bratty because that is normal for 3 yr olds.

You are a Leo with a Scorpio Moon. Sun conjunct Mars in Leo in the 11th. I think you may be just as impulsive and bratty as he can be, if not more so. I hope you are not 'projecting' some of your issues upon him, because of the difficult transits you were going through when he was born.

You might feel restricted and secretly, unconsciously resent the limitations that come from being a parent at this time. Especially the parent of a young child as energetic, vocal and assertive as you are yourself?

Starsareround said:

The way you describe your son when he was at his most helpless (9 days old, desperate to feed, post traumatic birth) is cold as ice. Looking at his chart, Aquarius Moon in H1 square Saturn, perfect reflection of that.

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I really appreciate your answer Starsareround. I expected other mothers to share their thoughts and experience with me.

I'm not very fluent in english so I focused on describing some facts. The most meaningful an expression the hardest to translate. I also didn't want to get very emotional.

I'm not a detached person, but I've seen many mothers of difficult children seem very detached, specially when their child has a tantrum. Then all of those children may share a similar natal placement...

In my case detaching is just a way to survive when things are too difficult to manage. Life would be bitter if we don't detach occasionally from difficult or sad experiences.

My baby was fed with a syringe his first days, he was used to drinking too much milk at a fast flow. Breastfeeding was very frustrating for we both those first days. I try not to remember them... He has suffered a lot because of circumstances and I fear that's another reason why I sometimes let him go his way.

Starsareround said:

First of all, I really sympathize. I have two sons and their labor and birth were (while not the trauma you described) very intense. Nothing can prepare you for being the life-source for a helpless infant. It’s horribly exhausting and incredibly emotional. To begin the mother-son relationship as you described on top of the usual “crisis” of childbirth and transforming into (what can feel like being) a baby-slave, with everyone judging your ability...that’s just brutal. It sounds like you need to heal still from that moment, which is totally understandable. It also sounds like the blame that surrounded you after he was born has been transferred onto him by you.

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At the hospital where I stayed babies were given to their mothers as soon as both were reasonably recovered (if it applied), and we mothers have to take care of and sleep with our babies from then on. If both mother and baby were healthy, baby was given to their mother as soon as anesthetic effect fades out. Babies went to the nursery in very special situations.

Fortunately my baby was born when I had almost 40 weeks of pregnancy, he was healthy and strong. When I left ICU I still was recovering from pneumonia (I vomited and aspired during general anesthetic, I had eaten three hours before), I couldn't breath by myself first four days, that's why I stayed on ICU... I was also recovering from pre-eclampsy and I was going through posttraumatic stress. Last week at the hospital I slept less than five hours per day. My arms were full of bruises, I had one butterfly needle on each arm, each day nurses took blood samples from my wrist to check oxygen level in my blood... nurses punctured me a hundred of times because my veins were too thin, butterfly needles had to be relocated almost each day.

First time I had my baby on my arms I had one needle on my wrist, the needle deepened each time I hold my baby. My anxiety growed each day but I managed to survive, my son was the reason why I'm still alive. I'm sure there was a fated or karmic issue going on then.

It took me more than a year to get over it (what I told here is just a part of what we went through those two weeks at the hospital) but I never blamed my baby, I used to blame my son's father because my relationship with him led me to an hypertensive disorder and that disorder led me to the hospital. My second baby was also born there, I stayed on the same hypertensive disorders ward, some obstetricians and nurses were the same as two years before. I tried to see the whole situation with different eyes, obstetric abuse is still there... I have seen a lot of mothers shutting her mouths in front of narcissistic, abusive, sadistic or careless nurses, doctors and obstetricians, just because they wanted their babies to be well treated. This time I just let every sad thing go, I wouldn't take it personally. This time I simply thought all was a karmic play, maybe I deserved it... Anyway nobody can really hurt me, awful situations happen for a reason. I mean wounds have to heal, and the past must be left behind.

I don't regret what happened. Childbirth is mostly a difficult and dangerous thing. I'm lucky both me and my son are now healthy and alive. Some mothers and their babies experience worst scenarios.

Starsareround said:

Back to my sons, my youngest has been a real trial in the way you described, with willfulness. Honestly now that he is a bit older, I can see how healthy that instinct is in him, and how well it serves him in life that he has so much “fire out of the gate” The only thing that works with him is consistency. Kids like that cannot be parented permissively. They need to be contained by you, and no matter how tantrumy he gets he needs to know that you are stronger. I know you know this and I’m thinking that you had a bad day or string of days with him recently. The holidays really bring this stuff out, huh? It’s easy to feel like giving up, but he really needs you. You two were given to each other for this journey and no one else is equipped to do it. Hope this helps some, it gets better as they get older!

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Hopefully my son will also behave better. But I'm almost a single mother with two kids to care of, their father is absent most of the week. And when the father is at home he doesn't help very much, he has asserted syndrome. I wonder if that's shown on the chart. I also wonder if "willful" children have some specifics mars aspects. And I would like to know they behavior changes according to the person who raises them up.

Thank you very much for sharing your experience.

Namaste.

Oh boy, I totally relate to you. I gave birth in a foreign country, and my youngest sons’ birth really threw me, because I felt like I was being bullied and psychologically abused by a midwife who was attending. I think this is more common than people realize, unfortunately. It’s jusy another example of weak people taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable moment to gain some gross advantage. The impact of that has lasted somewhere all this time and been a source sadness for me as well.

Hey, Blacklioness would you believe I am a single mother and have been for quite a few years? I’m not saying this to make you feel like you don’t have a right to complain, but so you can hear that it’s really possible to raise this son of yours. I understand what you mean about detaching, (both my sons have air moons too) it’s important to detach at times to get stuff done. I am having problems with my pc but in a couple days I’ll post my sons chart for you. His birthday is actually tomorrow . I can’t imagine that anyone has lived through more tantrums than I have (although I’m sure many mothers have)...anyway, raising children is very very tough. It’s Olympiad type tough sometimes. Stay strong and feel free to pm me (my inbox is currently full and will be until mid week though)

Starsareround said:

Oh boy, I totally relate to you. I gave birth in a foreign country, and my youngest sons’ birth really threw me, because I felt like I was being bullied and psychologically abused by a midwife who was attending. I think this is more common than people realize, unfortunately. It’s jusy another example of weak people taking advantage of someone in a vulnerable moment to gain some gross advantage. The impact of that has lasted somewhere all this time and been a source sadness for me as well.

Hey, Blacklioness would you believe I am a single mother and have been for quite a few years? I’m not saying this to make you feel like you don’t have a right to complain, but so you can hear that it’s really possible to raise this son of yours. I understand what you mean about detaching, (both my sons have air moons too) it’s important to detach at times to get stuff done. I am having problems with my pc but in a couple days I’ll post my sons chart for you. His birthday is actually tomorrow . I can’t imagine that anyone has lived through more tantrums than I have (although I’m sure many mothers have)...anyway, raising children is very very tough. It’s Olympiad type tough sometimes. Stay strong and feel free to pm me (my inbox is currently full and will be until mid week though)

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Thanks a lot You really gave me hope.

It will be interesting to find in the charts why some kids are more difficult than others. I think there must be some pattern.

katydid said:

You describe your son as demanding and impatient. And having the Sun conjunct Mars so tightly can indicate an impatient and demanding personality. His Sun/Mars is in Gemini so he would be quite vocal about it and seem very fussy.

But then, we see that you also have the Sun conjunct Mars, but in Leo. And so the demanding, impatient energy that you describe in your son, is also present in your behavior.

Saying he might be better off if you left him? That is worrisome. How would abandoning your child make him LESS anxious and reckless?

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Yes, I find it very interesting though my Sun-Mars conjunction is a bit loose. House placement is very important, I've read somewhere these:

Mars in the 5th house indicates some challenges like impulsiveness and blunted sensitivities.

Sun in 5th creates a child that adores being the center of attention...

I was very quiet when I was a child. As an adult I had demanded Leo stuff like sincerity and generosity, I'm also determined. I recognize a Sun-Mars conjunction is very helpful when you are trying to achieve something, but I think that conjunction being to tight in a night chart works a bit differently.

Anyway, I understand why my son is that way. Now I'm paying more attention to his natal chart and I'm trying to correlate all of those aspects with his behavior.

What I'm worried about is the synastry chart, and I don't think one's mother is sacred or irreplaceable, sometimes your own mother becomes a toxic influence in your life. Though I expect to change and not be too tough with my children, what if there are some more trials on the near future? Will I be able to be a better mother? I don't think so... I know it all depends on me, but I've been a bit negative these days, I had some strange nightmares since past month... I just want to be warned and I thought you would help me identify any difficult placement I haven't noticed yet.

katydid said:

You describe him as a newborn, and complain that he wouldn't or couldn't wait to be fed, or he would hit you. He was 9 days old. He had no ability to hit anyone in a thought out responsive action. He was acting like every newborn I have ever seen---HUNGRY AND DEMANDING.

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My one year-old daughter had never punch me when hungry. I've read that each baby has a particular temper (there are three tempers to choose from), and in my opinion my son gets frustrated very easily and that trait must be somewhere in his chart.

katydid said:

It does worry me a little that you describe a 3 yr old as 'strong-willed, reckless and anxious.' I don't know of any 3 yr old that wasn't reckless or anxious or strong willed. That is all part of being a toddler.

I feel that the behavior patterns that you object to are actually ones that you display as well. Maybe that is why you both need each other in this life time.

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I agree that me and my son have very similar challenges, in my case those astrological aspects have their impact from time to time, they aren't as heavier as on my son's chart. There are other people who doesn't have the same aspects and also object the behavior patterns I mentioned. I'm not being subjective at all. And I wish I knew more English words, but the way I describe my son was the simplest one according to my knowledge of English language. What worries me the most is that he's very sensitive to physical stimuli: food additives, lights, sounds, he kicks the mattress when he cannot sleep, he kicks and punches his seat when he's very excited with cartoons on TV. It also depends on his diet, some food exacerbates his nervous impulses.

katydid said:

An anxious and demanding child is a normal childhood behavior. And their parents teach them to be less anxious and less reckless by fulfilling their needs in a loving, giving, nurturing way.

He is your baby boy. He is still a baby. He is not going to have 'perfect' behavior at 3 yrs old. He will be defiant and bratty because that is normal for 3 yr olds.

You are a Leo with a Scorpio Moon. Sun conjunct Mars in Leo in the 11th. I think you may be just as impulsive and bratty as he can be, if not more so. I hope you are not 'projecting' some of your issues upon him, because of the difficult transits you were going through when he was born.

You might feel restricted and secretly, unconsciously resent the limitations that come from being a parent at this time. Especially the parent of a young child as energetic, vocal and assertive as you are yourself?

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I know that as we approach the age of Aquarius, children born these days are different. They may even be rainbow, crystal, diamond children and so on.

When I was a child things were different and as far as I remember there were a few fussy or reckless children in my class, so it's definitely a generational issue.

I'm not physically energetic and that's a big problem. My mother always tell me, you need four lungs, four kidneys, two livers and two hearts to handle that child! Motherhood makes a woman stronger but I've had some respiratory and maybe a heart problem since I was a child... I'm physically stronger each day I spend with my children, but I cannot hold my 20-pounds baby on my arms for more than ten minutes. My heart got tired easily and most people think I fake it.

I resent having chosen a partner that wouldn't support me and my children the way is expected. Most of the time I don't resent motherhood.

Thank you Katydid for taking your time to share your insights.

I see your moon is in Scorpio. I'm not a mother but my mother has moon in Scorpio too and I'm Sun,Moon,Uranus in Aquarius. I'm surrounded by Scorpio sign in my family too. So I could say, I can relate with your 3 year-old son.

As a son with too many Aquarius placement, I think it would be best to raise your son with the "freedom". The freedom but with "responsibility" AND "purpose". Please don't to strict for him to learning because it wouldn't good as he could be too unpredictable and erratic to demanding his freedom. I'm sorry if I had bad sentences.

Wishing well

R

SunConjunctUranus said:

I see your moon is in Scorpio. I'm not a mother but my mother has moon in Scorpio too and I'm Sun,Moon,Uranus in Aquarius. I'm surrounded by Scorpio sign in my family too. So I could say, I can relate with your 3 year-old son.

As a son with too many Aquarius placement, I think it would be best to raise your son with the "freedom". The freedom but with "responsibility" AND "purpose". Please don't to strict for him to learning because it wouldn't good as he could be too unpredictable and erratic to demanding his freedom. I'm sorry if I had bad sentences.

Wishing well

R

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Thank you very much SunConjunctUranus. What you shared is very useful information, my youngest child has Scorpio Sun, Mercury and Jupiter and may also have Aquarius ASC (she was born close to ASC change, her ASC it's somewhere between 29 Capricorn and 0 Aquarius). Most of the time I feel she will help her brother a lot once she grows up. She's very kind with him and my son has learned to be also kind and sweet with her. When my daughter was born my son was very very jealous (Sun in 5H?) about her sister, that also had an impact on his behavior for some time.

My oldest sister with Scorpio ASC was very assertive trying to "correct" my son's behavior, she's gemini moon and Venus and she may also had a better understanding of my child. She also was very fussy when she was a child.

I wonder why strong scorpio people are needed for strong Aquarius or strong air characters, why not cancer or Pisces? May be because Scorpio is a fixed sign the same as Aquarius?

Besides that, it's interesting that most air moon people I know feel their mothers didn't care enough about them when they were children. I really don't want my child to feel that way. Other difficult thing is when you have hard aspects with your mothers moon, because you feel stranged from your mother since your early years... specially if your mother is not a very evolved person. Hard aspects from your mother to your NN are also very difficult. My son and I have very few of those aspects, I wonder how to overcome the moon square moon aspect.

You have made me think that having a water moon and a mother with a air moon (Gemini) is very similar to having an air moon and a mother with a water moon... I mean both mother and child have something important to learn from each other's way to express their emotions.

Again, thank you very much

Namaste

SunConjunctUranus said:

As a son with too many Aquarius placement, I think it would be best to raise your son with the "freedom". The freedom but with "responsibility" AND "purpose". Please don't to strict for him to learning because it wouldn't good as he could be too unpredictable and erratic to demanding his freedom.
R

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I'll keep this in mind, it will be my mantra: "Freedom with responsibility and purpose", they are very wise words.

BlackLioness87 said:

I'll keep this in mind, it will be my mantra: "Freedom with responsibility and purpose", they are very wise words.

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Okay, my pleasure to help you.

We are looking forward to hear your children's progressions. Good luck.

Namastay

R

SunConjunctUranus said:

Okay, my pleasure to help you.

We are looking forward to hear your children's progressions. Good luck.

Namastay

R

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Thanks to all of you for being so kind.