To those who have been severely depressed

[retinoid]

I am not talking about people who have been depressed from time to time, but those who have had severe mental challenges, even to the point of obsessively thinking about killing or hurting themselves their whole lives. Where they have tried to do everything they can to try to help themselves (meds, therapy, meditation, etc.) but still struggle everyday.

What do you think is your cause?...Can you find any meaning in it?

[waybread]

Sometimes it is biochemical. Sometimes getting out and walking every morning is as helpful as anti-depressant medications.

A good book by a man who's been there is Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.

[serafin5]

Intense thread guys but sadly enough I do know exactly the type of depression you are looking for. This started for me in my late teens, and due to circumstances that is too long a story here, basically culminated in 1989 probably the worst year of my life. However, while I'm by no means 'cured' I'm much much better even though I can have some really "dark nights of the soul" (and some pretty funky days too). I think that nowadays the term "bi-polar" is thrown around way way too frequently, I just say that I have a 'mood disorder' while I have worked really hard to stay in the present and not get angry over stupid stuff.

Grateful,
S5

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by waybread

Sometimes it is biochemical. Sometimes getting out and walking every morning is as helpful as anti-depressant medications.

A good book by a man who's been there is Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now.

I've read the power of now. It is difficult to implement when you aren't feeling too hot about the environment you live in and such!...

[waybread]

Nobody said it was going to be easy.

[Flowergirl]

I am by no means saying that I have it made, but my saving grace has been understanding my natal chart and a deeper understanding of Saturn, how it works and it's lessons and deep churning energy. Also reading and listening to channelled wisdom from various sources about the nature of reality helps. When you can reconcile yourself with reality and reealllly know the nature of reality, I believe you can find peace as Buddha has.

What gets you depressed is when you listen to your inner critic and don't understand how Saturn works. When you start feeling like a failure, doubt yourself and doubt your ability, and don't understand the lessons of Saturn - depression sets in.

[Cascada]

Originally Posted by retinoid

I am not talking about people who have been depressed from time to time, but those who have had severe mental challenges, even to the point of obsessively thinking about killing or hurting themselves their whole lives. Where they have tried to do everything they can to try to help themselves (meds, therapy, meditation, etc.) but still struggle everyday.

What do you think is your cause?...Can you find any meaning in it?

I don't know if I was depressed exactly, but when I was 11 I was in a real messed up place. 11 was when I first tried to hurt myself. Because I was so young at the time, I wasn't allowed to be put on medication. Eventually doctors gave in and agreed that I needed help and at the age 12 I was given a therapist. Nowadays I meditate a lot and work with my chakras and listen to all kinds of meditation music and affirmations help a bit too.

[glammunition]

Flowergirl, I am interested in hearing more about what you have found the lessons of Saturn to be... Can you give a rundown or expand at all?

[Fifth House Sun]

Forgive me if this is not what you are looking for, but I have found that raw or fermented cocoa beans are the best anti depressant.

Taking a walk in nature is also very helpful for me. I understand about the environment part sometimes if you are in a hostile or uncomfortable environment you can feel trapped.

would moving to a nature commune sound like something that would interest you?

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by Fifth House Sun

Forgive me if this is not what you are looking for, but I have found that raw or fermented cocoa beans are the best anti depressant.

Taking a walk in nature is also very helpful for me. I understand about the environment part sometimes if you are in a hostile or uncomfortable environment you can feel trapped.

would moving to a nature commune sound like something that would interest you?

Interesting about the cocoa beans do they have cocaine in it? lol...

Why do you ask about the nature commune?

[Prominent]

There's a lot that I could attribute as being the causes for a lot of feelings or predispositions I have towards things in my life. I would have difficulty trying to explain it in a way that anyone can understand, and I wouldn't want to because I've learnt that most people wouldn't care about it.

What do you think is your cause?...Can you find any meaning in it?

I'm still trying to figure that out. There's been many many moments where I believed I found my purpose, but they were only moments that never lasted. There's so many people in the world, it makes it difficult to feel appreciated for anything I try to do- so lately I feel like I shouldn't do anything, or at least not do it the way anyone else does it. But then people end up thinking you're weird for it.

[Fifth House Sun]

Coca is cocaine, but Cocoa, Theobroma cacao, is what I'm talking about, and specifically the raw or fermented beans. I've eaten the 90% cocoa chocolate bars and not felt any thing significant. The first time I had purchased the cocoa beans was in a difficult time in my life, the next morning I recall that I had a distinct feeling of being very happy that was unusual of late. I had purchased the raw cocoa(chocolate) beans for entheogenic research.

I wonder how many people want to get back to basics(Nature). The basics that Creation intended, I have read and Astrological influences that signified this in my horoscopes before.

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by Fifth House Sun

Coca is cocaine, but Cocoa, Theobroma cacao, is what I'm talking about, and specifically the raw or fermented beans. I've eaten the 90% cocoa chocolate bars and not felt any thing significant. The first time I had purchased the cocoa beans was in a difficult time in my life, the next morning I recall that I had a distinct feeling of being very happy that was unusual of late. I had purchased the raw cocoa(chocolate) beans for entheogenic research.

I wonder how many people want to get back to basics(Nature). The basics that Creation intended, I have read and Astrological influences that signified this in my horoscopes before.

I don't want to go back to nature either. Nature itself is very similar to our society now imo (natural selection, for example)...I want to transcend it all

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by Prominent

There's a lot that I could attribute as being the causes for a lot of feelings or predispositions I have towards things in my life. I would have difficulty trying to explain it in a way that anyone can understand, and I wouldn't want to because I've learnt that most people wouldn't care about it.

It only matters if it makes sense to you.

I'm still trying to figure that out. There's been many many moments where I believed I found my purpose, but they were only moments that never lasted. There's so many people in the world, it makes it difficult to feel appreciated for anything I try to do- so lately I feel like I shouldn't do anything, or at least not do it the way anyone else does it. But then people end up thinking you're weird for it.

What is your aim at appreciation? A smile? A heartfelt thank you? Or more? Such as fame? I can't promise you fame but appreciation I can.

[Fifth House Sun]

modern day society is directly in opposition to Nature. or certain societies and these societies are pushing their..... stuff world wyde.

-

do not drink the milk that naturally comes from the goat or cow, but drink society's adulterated result instead. do not farm vegetables in the system that nature has set forth, but, instead use chemical and genetically modified plants to overcome nature.

It is Nature and the natural process that will transcend and overcome "society." words are just illusions, but at this point, they're are all we have to communicate. there will be a society again once Nature transcends the current evil system.

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by Fifth House Sun

modern day society is directly in opposition to Nature. or certain societies and these societies are pushing there..... stuff world wyde.

-

do not drink the milk that naturally comes from the goat or cow, but drink society's adulterated result instead. do not farm vegetables in the system that nature has set forth, but, instead use chemical and genetically modified plants to overcome nature.

Humans are just doing what nature intended...ADAPT...Nature is a cruel mistress. Does nature care about who she kills with her storms? Or about the prey being ripped to shreds by the predator? Or the pain and suffering of famines and plague?

Nature is the same as this society. It is the whole theme of this realm that we live in. Just going to 'nature' does not solve it.

[Prominent]

I agree with retinoid- Humans have been overcoming nature for generations and that will not change unless a meteor wipes us out or some other global phenomena. A lot of the world appears convoluted and upside down, but within each of their own relativity it makes sense why things are the way they are.

The internet is a relatively new technology compared to anything in past history, and I believe it is causing a lot of changes to the way we approach things because so much information and awareness is now out there for anyone to delve into- it kind of makes you(or at least me) feel a bit down because It makes me feel less inclined to dream of possibilities because so much has been done and there are so many people doing things that know more than me, it makes me feel like I have little to offer the world. So lately, I don't feel like I belong anywhere specific, and it makes me feel lost and lonely. It could just be the time I'm going through right now.. but that's for me to worry about

[sequestra]

My depressions used to be really bad, always fundamentally existential and prompted a couple of suicide attempts. I've nearly died a few times and arguably all of these occasions contained a suicidal element but eh... I just don't want to go back to that place. I'm scared of it. I am mildly medicated now and just try not to let myself soar too high when I feel the upswing because I don't want to fall too far down into the inevitable blackness that follows. My last major crash occurred mid 2011 and I've literally been spending the entire past year trying to pick myself back up from the rubble. Ugh considering a life of more of these ups and downs is enough to make me feel suicidal tbh, though I doubt I'll be reaching a ripe old age anyway. I feel so defeated sometimes... But where there's life, there's hope and all that.

ETA: Yes I think there is meaning in everything, and yet I don't think that suffering needs to continue (which is why I always sought treatment in some form, or sought to end myself). But if one is suffering unavoidably, this certainly can be lessened to some extent by discovering meaning through it. Beyond a certain point though, nope. Catatonic depression is just a death and I truly don't know how many more rounds of that hell I could endure.

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by Prominent

So lately, I don't feel like I belong anywhere specific, and it makes me feel lost and lonely. It could just be the time I'm going through right now.. but that's for me to worry about

Prominent what would you like to do that you feel you can't because you feel inferior? I am not trying to be a therapist here and to say 'everything is possible woohoo!'...I am just curious.

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by sequestra

My depressions used to be really bad, always fundamentally existential and prompted a couple of suicide attempts. I've nearly died a few times and arguably all of these occasions contained a suicidal element but eh... I just don't want to go back to that place. I'm scared of it. I am mildly medicated now and just try not to let myself soar too high when I feel the upswing because I don't want to fall too far down into the inevitable blackness that follows. My last major crash occurred mid 2011 and I've literally been spending the entire past year trying to pick myself back up from the rubble. Ugh considering a life of more of these ups and downs is enough to make me feel suicidal tbh, though I doubt I'll be reaching a ripe old age anyway. I feel so defeated sometimes... But where there's life, there's hope and all that.

ETA: Yes I think there is meaning in everything, and yet I don't think that suffering needs to continue (which is why I always sought treatment in some form, or sought to end myself). But if one is suffering unavoidably, this certainly can be lessened to some extent by discovering meaning through it. Beyond a certain point though, nope. Catatonic depression is just a death and I truly don't know how many more rounds of that hell I could endure.

Sequestra I totally understand I have had severe 'apexes' of despair in my life that the only thing that kept me from suicide were various drugs (including anti's)...To make matters worse, all the emotional trauma creates pain bodies (big balls of negativity that we begin to associate with as ourselves but are really past emotions, traumas and behaviors) which makes our lives spiral even deeper into despair.

The only way to deal with pain bodies, which I am sure you have some, is to find meaning in the experience. Either use something to 'grow' from it or to find something that it created for you now (knowledge, understanding, etc.)...you can't cover it up or 'work through it' because we already known it was horrifying and scarring.

If it helps, I do believe the people that have experienced existential vacuums are actually the 'sane' ones...but existentialism is not the answer. But the fact that you EXPERIENCED it through your life, means you are one of the people that can transcend things or the 'potential' is there...

[Fifth House Sun]

The way in which the majority of the powers that be, that direct modern day society, operate are in conflict with Nature. Yes, they are a part of Nature, and what I am saying is that this/these forces are working against themselves.

for instance: fossil fuels that destroy the earth and make the water and air we need to live instead of the other technologies that have been buried or not utilized, industrialized gardening that toxifies the food and the environment, when organic could be used MORE easily even on an industrial scale and provide more nutritious produce that does not kill ourselves and make the whole earth toxic, and much much more.

I believe that this does indeed lead to more people being depressed because they are cut off and isolated from Nature. They think they are apart from it, when the reality is that they are a part of it. Mainstream society is not overcoming nature(not in the long run) it is destroying itself. It does not have to be like this. I believe a new society will emerge that is in tune.

There are changes being made. some cities are doing a great job in a lot of areas. Take NY for example and their water system - the whole water shed(or whatever you call the natural areas they have that feed their water supply) is protected- it is a beautiful system.


i have thought about starting a community that's focus is living in tune with nature. and helping the world to do it as well.

but I understand this may not be the sort of thing you are interested in or looking for i don't want to get off topic, but i believe it is related.

I suffer from depression too, mainly because of my family, but ***** them I'm done with them, and working o n my **** now,.

Blessings

[retinoid]

5th house, how would you start a community?

[Fifth House Sun]

i own some properties. and I have daydreamed about the way in which to run it for a lot of time. also i have thought of ways to seek funding too, and contemplated the details. i should have already jumped like the kangaroo on some of this stuff but ....

[Prominent]

Originally Posted by retinoid

Prominent what would you like to do that you feel you can't because you feel inferior? I am not trying to be a therapist here and to say 'everything is possible woohoo!'...I am just curious.

That's the thing- I don't know what I need to do because I have no reason to do anything. I use to create art and design things, but people would just use me for their own gains or visions. I'd rather not do anything than to be used by others, because everything I've done feels like it never mattered to anyone- just images to passively observe as they go on with their own lives.

[retinoid]

Originally Posted by Prominent

That's the thing- I don't know what I need to do because I have no reason to do anything. I use to create art and design things, but people would just use me for their own gains or visions. I'd rather not do anything than to be used by others, because everything I've done feels like it never mattered to anyone- just images to passively observe as they go on with their own lives.

So you would like to create art that causes change?