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  #1  
Unread 01-11-2013, 11:37 AM
basedsam basedsam is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Relationships/Eating disorder

Hi all! This is my first post here, and I'd like to explain a bit before you scroll down to my chart.

I'm about to turn 20 on January 17th. My entire life is centered around the idea of being in love, falling in love, and in past experiences, figuring out why love failed. I've never actually dated anybody (I identify as straight), though I define myself as being in love three times. It gets quite stressful continuously getting up in the morning and hoping for something that I've never really been able to grasp in my entire life.

That being said, as of the beginning of my college career (September 2011), I developed an eating disorder. It started out in small increments (skipping one meal a day twice a week, consciously being more active in hopes of it slimming me down - in a dangerous way), and has since become pretty destructive. In the past few months, I've narrowed my calorie intake to under 700 calories a day and I have incredibly awful self-esteem. Too, eating less makes my emotions much more intensified, and there have been countless times in the past few months wherein I am staring at my body in the bathroom mirror and sobbing.

I'm a relatively practical person, and I know that I need to get help for what I'm going through. I attribute a lot of the disorder to the fact that I can't sustain a normal relationship with a guy. I am very aware that it's incredibly counterproductive to hate myself in hopes of someone feeling the opposite, but where I am in my life has led me here.

The point of attaching my chart is to see which areas I may improve in. I'm a journalism major and writing is my hugest passion (which, from the one previous natal chart reading I've had in the past, seems to be prevalent in my chart). I was also told that I channel my expressions via writing, and I've found this to be true as well. I have a writing blog where I write about the inner demons of the eating disorder and I find it to be therapeutic.

I know that one of the key tools in chart interpretation is context, and I'd like to describe a bit about my upbringing. My parents divorced when I was 2-years-old, and my father moved out of state shortly after and I haven't seen him since. My mom had problems with drug addiction as I was growing up, though if there's anything she's done that's been progressive, it's shown me love. She has an incredible capacity to love people, and she has consistently showered me in affection and praise. I was sexually molested when I was 3-years-old by the daughter of my mom's then-boyfriend, though the experience has only recently come back to my conscious mind. It was traumatic but not as devastating as it may originally sound. I'm an only child.

Combining the two topics at hand, my main concern is to see how my lack of relationships has impacted my relationship with eating/self-image. Most people are quite shocked when I tell them about my body distortion (as it's been penned by my closest friends, i.e., they don't see what I see), and I feel as if this can be attributed to my Leo rising/Capricorn sun. Too, my emotions are very intense, as signified by my Sagittarius moon.

There's a lot going on in my 6th house, as well as Mars in my 12th, and after googling around, I've found that those two houses are most commonly associated with psychological disorders. I'd like to hear any feedback anyone has on these two topics, and how they may intertwine, as well as (hopefully) overcome together in my chart. I also enclosed the aspects table that was generated via Kairon.

Thank you for reading this novella! And thank you to anyone who takes a stab at interpretations.
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  #2  
Unread 01-11-2013, 02:25 PM
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mahaira mahaira is offline
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Re: Relationships/Eating disorder

Dear basedsam,

It takes courage to face the problems you have and approach them in a constructive way. This step you made is maybe the first one on a long journey ahead of you, but it is also the most important. There are solutions for your problems but you have to work on them.

First of all, Iíd like to inspire you to think about the difficulties you mention as the symptoms of something in you that hasnít been balanced yet. What I mean is that the lack of a meaningful relationship hasnít caused an eating disorder. Imagine that you have a boyfriend but do not feel attractive enough; would you be tempted to start skipping meals in order to reach that perfect mirror reflection and silence that voice that tells you that heíll leave you otherwise?

Even before I took a look at your chart, I could have bet that you have Saturn in the 7th house. Not because youíre not in a relationship, or because all of your past ones have failed. Itís because of something you wrote: ďMy entire life is centered around the idea of being in love, falling in love, and in past experiences, figuring out why love failed.Ē Thatís what Saturn does. It makes you think that youíre denied something (in your case love/relationship, because itís placed there) and that itís beyond your control, thus giving a sentiment of faith, or rather doom.
The house of Saturnís placement is actually a school where we have to learn certain lessons. In order to be in a healthy relationship one first has to be healthy him/herself.
Donít wait for someone to show up. Use that time to work on yourself. Youíre still very young and have time to do/learn anything. Give yourself some slack, donít be perfectionist (which is a hard thing to do with Capricorn Sun . However it is important to be well organized with attainable goals (Mars opposite Neptune, especially working through the 12th house can bring about confusion and lack of energy); set dates and priorities, one of which would be to ask for professional help.

If you donít channel that kind of a nervous energy (and sport is one of the best solutions and does wanders for weight and self-esteem) certain obsessive-compulsive (sorry for the big words) behaviours might find their way in to relieve the stress youíre feeling. An eating disorder is one of them and the list is very long and can be anything big or small, like nail biting.

I donít know anything about your family history (and wonít try to guess based on the chart so, based on what you wrote and what I see, Iíd like to draw your attention to several aspects of that problem, first of which I like to call ďshortcutsĒ. The western societies are societies of distorted images and shortcuts. Itís far more difficult to fight the preconceptions we have been served about our bodies than to discuss the ways to attain them. Diet pills, magic gadgets, massage techniques etc. are shortcuts to a perfect figure and so are eating disorders. It is far more difficult to stick to a healthier eating and exercise regime. And whenever people with lack of self-esteem face difficulties their first impulse is to not even try. In your case itís skipping meals and drastic caloric reduction that gives you a (false) sense of control over your life. The problem is that it makes you not like yourself even more, because these disorders are a sign of weakness. Thus the circle is closed.

In your chart there are certain aspects that can nourish the lack of faith in oneself (Mars in the 12th house, the mentioned Mars-Neptune opposition; Sun in the 6th house Ė the house of VirgoÖ). There is also an interesting connection between those aspects and placements. They also speak of repressed emotions and also of having difficult times to put your interests first. This suppression canít last forever and can even lead to suppressed anger and certain self-destructive patterns. Whatís more symbolic of a destruction of one self than a willing starvation? It also leads to resentment, because nobody can return the favour and take care of you the same way. If you donít love yourself you wonít be able to feel anybodyís love.
This is a passive-aggressive behaviour and if one is not aware of it can lead to huge problems in relationships, especially if the person only sees the giving and caring facets of these aspects.

You have also a nice set of tools to fight this. First of all, a certain amount of ambition (Sun in Capricorn, Leo ascendant) to help you stay on track. Sun in 6th gives good organizational skills and ability not only to be a patient, but to find cures as well! People with that placement can use the energy the good way and take care of their health. It takes a strong willpower to deprive yourself, now use that power for eating healthy and exercising.

Letís not forget a strong probability that youíre prone to idealization of your partner (Venus in Pisces, and again Mars, a male energy in your chart, opposite Neptune). Itís OK to be romantic but to fall in love with an idea of someone is another. It leads to disappointment and pain. Find a way to spend that energy in a different way (art, romantic gestures) but use your (cold) Capricorn reason to see who the person standing opposite you really is.

Moon in Sagittarius is another sign of idealistic and romantic approach to love. It needs strong emotions. As you used the equal house system (and I prefer to use placidus where the houses occupy different span of degrees) I wouldnít try to interpret the Moonís placement.

To conclude, donít give up and donít think that a partner would be a solution. Love yourself and invest energy in yourself constructively. Don't fight this alone, talk to people you can trust and seek help.
__________________
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need...
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Unread 01-11-2013, 02:40 PM
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IleneK IleneK is offline
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Re: Relationships/Eating disorder

Quote:
Originally Posted by mahaira View Post
Dear basedsam,

It takes courage to face the problems you have and approach them in a constructive way. ...

To conclude, donít give up and donít think that a partner would be a solution. Love yourself and invest energy in yourself constructively. Don't fight this alone, talk to people you can trust and seek help.
Mahaira comments are astute and thoughtful. I would strongly urge you to seek assistance, perhaps there at the university's counseling center, in the early period of these circumstances, because there is much known that can help you. And you really don't want to allow this dynamic to continue to develop energy, because it usually does not away by itself.

I am wishing you the best.
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Ilene

"You gotta have heart..." Richard Adler 1921-2012
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  #4  
Unread 01-11-2013, 02:47 PM
basedsam basedsam is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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Re: Relationships/Eating disorder

Thank you so much for your insights. I was quite surprised and thankful at the lengths you went to describe my circumstances. I will try my best to take your words to heart. Thank you again!
--
Also, I was kindly informed via private message that it'd be beneficial for me to include my data since my charts may not be up to most astrologer's par. My apologies!

Place of birth: Portland, Oregon, United States
Date of birth: January 17th, 1993
Time of birth: 5:26pm (17:26)
Current city: Minneapolis, Minnesota, United States

All of this is accurate as stated on my birth certificate.

Last edited by basedsam; 01-11-2013 at 02:52 PM. Reason: added information
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