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Unread 02-15-2020, 09:17 AM
CaprLibraSquared CaprLibraSquared is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Amsterdam, NL
Posts: 231
JOB HELL. Will it end?

First I have a question in terms of how to look at what is happening now. I was born in the USA, but now live in Europe. I have heard that significantly changes my chart. My current situation at work is INSANE. Yes, I am taking steps to move, but it is going to take some time. I am in my 50's trying to change careers. This doesn't happen overnight. I was suffering from severe depression. I am only now coming out of it and starting to feel I have some strength and feel good about myself to even look for a job.

SITUATION
At the beginning of the year or the latter of half of 2019 my position was moved to another department. This was not discussed with me prior to it happening. Now that it has been moved no one seems to be clear on what that means. Again left out of the conversations happening at the senior level. I am learning to be better about boundaries and I have clearly stated nothing about this is ok, but I am still too **** nice, have a hard time accessing my anger, and deep down I know I haven't performed to my best ability. I have really struggled in this job for many reasons HOWEVER this situation not ok. My boss I can't figure him out. He plays the victim "I don't know what is going on either" " I don't know why you are not at these meetings." He then goes on a rant about the dysfunction of the organization. He isn't wrong, but at this point it feels like deflection of talking about the issue. My hunch he doesn't really want me on his team or want to deal with the whole thing. We met on Friday again about this and I was asked to revise my JD. I did and sent it with my list of questions he couldn't answer and cc'd his boss. Don't give a **** at this point. If he can't answer it she should. I don't trust him. I have caught him in one too many bold faced lies. He is a clever man and my sense, manipulative. I have spent far too much time coming up reasons this isn't true so now I am listening to my gut. I remain professional, but that is it. I am done. HOWEVER, showing up at a place where I feel disrespected, not valued and basically not wanted takes an enormous amount of strength. I am finally feeling angry vs poor me,but still it is a lot. I am doing the work.I have therapist and coach and taking steps, but it is going to take some time. Not to mention moving back to the States is expensive and am living paychec to paycheck. IS there anything in my chart that shows some relief? Where is bosses in the chart. I am what the hell! I've never experienced this. The plus it drove me to explore boundary work and realized I am a bit of a doormat so working on it, but change doesn't happen overnight. Any insight to my chart.
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