Why I can't have any friends? Why they don't like me?

Hello.

I'm almost loosing my mind, because I can't find the reason why I don't have any friends. I have got boyfriend and that's it.
When I had best friend, I don't know what happened that our friendship ended from the yesterday to tomorrow - it was suddenly. And not just best friend, there were many friends, and neither one of them, want me anymore as his friend.

I'm loosing my mind. I was in some way ''popular'' in the class, they loved me, I had friends, I had someone who I can trust, with who I can spend time, we talked, we laughed, we did some things together,... But then - everything changed, I was suddenly someone who is ''not the person they met'', or better said: ''not the person they want.'' Everybody does mistakes, but is ending a friendship really neccessary? I don't get it anymore.

I'm so desperate about this, that I am changing me, and I don't want this. I want that people or friends like me for who I am, not for who I changed for them. I'm saying that I can change a small things, when I will find out what things I need to change to have more friends, but I won't ever/anymore change myself in the way being someone I am not. Like André Gide said: "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” - and then happens that no one loves you, because everybody hates you.

I want to be happy, I want to have a friend, but I am sick of loosing this everytime. What is wrong with me, that this still happens?

Lousiana said:

Hello.

I'm almost loosing my mind, because I can't find the reason why I don't have any friends. I have got boyfriend and that's it.
When I had best friend, I don't know what happened that our friendship ended from the yesterday to tomorrow - it was suddenly. And not just best friend, there were many friends, and neither one of them, want me anymore as his friend.

I'm loosing my mind. I was in some way ''popular'' in the class, they loved me, I had friends, I had someone who I can trust, with who I can spend time, we talked, we laughed, we did some things together,... But then - everything changed, I was suddenly someone who is ''not the person they met'', or better said: ''not the person they want.'' Everybody does mistakes, but is ending a friendship really neccessary? I don't get it anymore.

I'm so desperate about this, that I am changing me, and I don't want this. I want that people or friends like me for who I am, not for who I changed for them. I'm saying that I can change a small things, when I will find out what things I need to change to have more friends, but I won't ever/anymore change myself in the way being someone I am not. Like André Gide said: "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” - and then happens that no one loves you, because everybody hates you.

I want to be happy, I want to have a friend, but I am sick of loosing this everytime. What is wrong with me, that this still happens?

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Consider that in fact nothing is necessarily 'wrong with you'
and that perhaps you may find friends soon
after all
most if not everyone has issues with friendship
no-one has a 'perfect life with wonderful friends'
even if it seems that way to the onlooker

DEALING WITH THE EMOTIONS https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1aa1bG3Aj4Q has some useful tips
for dealing with these kinds of emotional issues given by Ajahn Brahm,
who got a degree in theoretical physics from the University of Cambridge
and then became a monk when he was dumped by a girlfriend
and so is speaking from considerable personal experience on this issue

Your happiness needs to have a stronger basis than being totally reliant on having many friends

well, this is horary board not natal chart reading room.

T

tikana said:

well, this is horary board not natal chart reading room.

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tikana said:

T

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Fair enough - did not notice that - shall make no further comment then

Dont force yourself to let others love you. True ones will appear in the right time. Stop chasing them. Give a little time of yourself! Friends will come to you like the wave in the ocean but the true ones will stick to you like an octopus in your face. Embrace the things you love alone!

Just saying

JUPITERASC: Thank you for your opinion. I must say that I agree and disagree with you. I agree: I'm not the only one who had and still have problems with friends. I disagree: There must be something, why I can't have friends. When I look around, no matter where I look, I see people who hang out, who go for a walk with one or more than one person. And it's just walk. I need to walk alone or with my family, if I don't want to be alone. I would describe myself as: quiet person, shy, don't know what to talk about, but friendly person, people can trust me everything and I won't say one word about it, I would listen and if it's neccessary I would give an opinion or advice - but I'd rather just listen. So, I'm not loud and rude and I don't hurt people's feelings with making fun of them. Everything I need is time, to know the person and it's more helpful if the friend is someone who is loud and keep talks to me about everything - and at first I confess I'm shy, but eventually I'm not shy anymore. People I used to hang out don't even say hello to me, don't even look at me like we're hang out but it's over, they only look at me, to make me feel worse, like you're not my friend anymore, why did I ever hang out with you, and they smile at me like I'm the worst person in the whole world. And I don't know why is like that - how can I understand why ex-friends doesn't want to be friends anymore.
I met some people lately. I want to hang out with them, but they have kids and jobs and family life. So they have their schedule what to do in their busy everyday's.

Buff 18: Thank you so much for this words. You know, I want everybody to love me, like being popular. But in the other hand, I can't do what you need to do to be popular - I can't be party animal, to be popular, 'cause I'm not like that, I can't smoke and play with boys, to be popular, 'cause I'm not like that, I can't be hypocrite to others, because I'm not like that. I think I don't give much when I met someone, but I can give too much if someone really wants me for his friend. I am generous and it's not one feast I won't think about friends and give them something special. I think that in this world and in this century it's all about being someone you aren't. I had many friends who want me to be, what I'm not. At first it was fun - I met my other personality, but after that I hated myself for doing this. For example: I hate smoking, I don't know why I did smoke sometimes (I had friends, who smoke, they changed in the way I never want for myself to change - so they want me to smoke too, I was like: "yes, why not", but after that I was angry to let them do this to me. I know it wasn't their fault - they just want me to do some things, they do, and it's my fault for doing this. But still if I weren't do this, they weren't hanging out with me. At last I show myself in the way I am, and they didn't like it. So we stopped hang out in the worst way - they started a conflict with me, for something I didn't even do, and they didn't let me explain and make things better).


Thank you tikana for telling me this, and sorry for inconvenience. You think it's better if I ask the same questions in natal chart room?

Lousiana: Im somewhat like you, a shy type one and quite known in my school or in some area. Sometimes, the more friends you have or people surrounds you is likely to have difficulties in accomodating the true ones. Nowadays its quite rare to gain the trusted peers or bestfriend. Even your own shadow leaves you in the dark. We belong in the society full of **** so thats why sometimes its hard for us to identify which one is pure. Someday , somehow, somewhere, you can have what youre seeking. The future might replace the things youve lost in the past. Keep your kindness or goodness you have no matter what. If youve change already be sure it will make you better. Everything you desire lies or depends on you. Youre not the only whose struggling that problem. Theirs might be more worst yet still embracing and managing life while hoping to survive.


And lol, you should post this again there if you want more advices.. Sorry admins if I keep responding

Buff18 said:

Lousiana: Im somewhat like you, a shy type one and quite known in my school or in some area. Sometimes, the more friends you have or people surrounds you is likely to have difficulties in accomodating the true ones. Nowadays its quite rare to gain the trusted peers or bestfriend. Even your own shadow leaves you in the dark. We belong in the society full of **** so thats why sometimes its hard for us to identify which one is pure. Someday , somehow, somewhere, you can have what youre seeking. The future might replace the things youve lost in the past. Keep your kindness or goodness you have no matter what. If youve change already be sure it will make you better. Everything you desire lies or depends on you. Youre not the only whose struggling that problem. Theirs might be more worst yet still embracing and managing life while hoping to survive.


And lol, you should post this again there if you want more advices.. Sorry admins if I keep responding

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Thank you Buff18. How old are you? I feel I could talk and talk with you. You make me feel more optimistic. Can you tell me more about your story about friends? Everytime I see your response I just want to know more about your story. Don't get me wrong - I don't want to be curious in negative way, I just want to ''study'' why some people can have friends (those are people who are pessimistic, who lies a lot, and who are not proud of themselves if they don't do something that breaks someone's heart or get someone in trouble) and other cannot (those people who did a mistake, and confess it and change themselves in the way: "I will never do mistake like that again", and people who fight for friendship even when it's over, and people who don't say secrets about others).
Why is in this world everything wrong and not in the right direction?

Have a nice day

Hello.

I'm almost loosing my mind, because I can't find the reason why I don't have any friends. I have got boyfriend and that's it.
When I had best friend, I don't know what happened that our friendship ended from the yesterday to tomorrow - it was suddenly. And not just best friend, there were many friends, and neither one of them, want me anymore as his friend.

I'm loosing my mind. I was in some way ''popular'' in the class, they loved me, I had friends, I had someone who I can trust, with who I can spend time, we talked, we laughed, we did some things together,... But then - everything changed, I was suddenly someone who is ''not the person they met'', or better said: ''not the person they want.'' Everybody does mistakes, but is ending a friendship really neccessary? I don't get it anymore.

I'm so desperate about this, that I am changing me, and I don't want this. I want that people or friends like me for who I am, not for who I changed for them. I'm saying that I can change a small things, when I will find out what things I need to change to have more friends, but I won't ever/anymore change myself in the way being someone I am not. Like André Gide said: "It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.” - and then happens that no one loves you, because everybody hates you.

I want to be happy, I want to have a friend, but I am sick of loosing this everytime. What is wrong with me, that this still happens?

Just turned 18 last month and still counting. Nothings fascinating to talk about my so called friends. I mean yeah they only know my name and runs when they need something to tacle or sort problems to bare or help but when I need them, no one comes. Im always willing to help others, but I guess for the type of person like me, showing kindness to them sometimes tend to abuse it or stuff like taking advantage or whatever it may called. I dont fight back. Neither do physical harm nor vengeance. I wasnt born for that. My only defense is the way I throw one or two simple words to someone who seeks my reasoning. Afterwards, my communication to them concludes it all. Depends on them if they know how to unlock it. I know it sounds a bit strange but thats who I am. Ive known my self better. The first thing I did before others. Im contented of who I am, what Ive got and what I can after realizing things that surrounds me. Living in the world full of mysteries and society full of hypocrites. Dont chase them nor beg them and dont expect too much. Know how to use your nature in a good way. When it comes to friends, Im good with that but I have my limitations. They're cool and adds more social life experience but the true ones deserves to be treasured. Wounds from a true friend are preferrable than all flattery you get from the phonies.

Some of what I say earlier is kinda bad side of me but I believe the goodness within me completes my entire image. Always been shy yet observant. Bit typical yet knows when and where to act. Weird but knows how to smile. Acceptance matters all this stuff. Even if Ive been through all the pains Ive encountered in my life and used to endure it, Im still preparing for the worst phases that will ever strike my existence. And Im gonna make sure it will never shaken me. The bottom line there is to believe.

Im referring that my friends in real life. I treated them the way I treat myself but they never did back. Well Im used to that and I dont mind. What I did is accepting all the happenings that happens to me. Facts are facts and Im living in the reality. Only me, myself that I can rely on in this material world. Life goes on and theres still things that I need to prioritize. Anyone can compliment and adore you probably because in your work or activities youve participated in school or organizations and they like the way you handle it. I know the feeling of being adored and being ignored. Thats why it helps me to understand others too. Pain is normal you just need to handle it carefully. Anticipate whats ahead on you, theres still a good view from the top

Sorry for changing modalities here but it's best to answer in Numerology terms. Your life path (the addition of your birthdate numbers) is 19. This is a Karmic number. Here is an analysis of what this means:

"19
The person with the 19 Karmic Debt will learn independence and the proper use of power. You will be forced to stand up for yourself, and often be left to stand alone. Difficulties will be faced and overcome through personal struggle.

One of the central lessons for people with the 19 Karmic Debt is that you stubbornly resist help. Much of your independence is self-imposed; you simply don't want to listen to others, or to accept the help or advice of others.
The 19 Karmic Debt can become a self imposed prison if you do not open up to the reality of interdependence, and the mutual need for love.

The most important lesson for the 19 Karmic Debt is: While you seek to stand on your own feet, you are still a human being, deeply connected with others and in need of the support, assistance, and human understanding that all people need. Those with the 19 Karmic Debt will learn the hard way that "no man is an island," and that we are, indeed, "all bits of the main!""

Have you noticed your south node conjunct mars. You may want to look that up. Here's a small piece I copied from the net.

Mars conjunct South Node: This individual may be fearful or phobic about ever taking the initiative. They could be overly self critical. Issues are possible surrounding health (especially relating to repression), violence or assertiveness. They may go to extremes (too much or too little) in regards to personal action or physicality. Learning how to care for themselves and others is the key.

You have moon in aquarius, which desires friendship, yet it opposes your venus in leo which likes to receive a lot of attention and is bossy and showy and wants to be number one.

Transitting Uranus is currently around you descendant, ready to shake up your relationships and how you relate to people. 7th house also represents any open enemies you may have. People may come and go during this transit and it's important to be free with your emotions and ride the waves. Aquarius is a good sign for the moon to be in to detach from emotions.

Transitting pluto has also been in your 3rd house, highlighting your communications with other people. It has been in a position that was conflicting to yourself and how you communicate with others, esp in the school setting perhaps around 2009, 2010. Pluto was in opposition. This is difficult. At that same time I had pluto square my mercury. I too had to get rid of my friends. Our minds did not meet. We were too different and hurtful. We parted and have moved on. It happens and I would say the same happened to you. Time to move on and embrace the change. Meet new ones.

Are you ever conflicted re whether you are the leader or the follower?

My interpretation is that you need to learn to be an initiator and leader in a social sphere with friends, instead of isolating yourself to be independent. This doesn't mean that you have to stay friends with people that don't fit with you. What I think is that if you are more comfortable in your assertion and leadership abilities amongst friends, you will have more success. Don't fall into the trap of being the follower because that wont suit you. When someone likes your independent quirky aquarian qualities, they will follow your lead. Be confident.

I will also add that Transitting pluto will enter your fourth house in a few years which will be better for you. Pluto will conjunct the planet of dreams which trines your mars, hopefully discovering more about your action driven qualities. Transitting Uranus will also sextile your mercury and sun in four years time, making your communications more interesting and aquarian like (Uranus is ruled by aquarius) which should help with your friendships and studying if you wish.

Your 11th house ruler (the sun) is inconjunct the 11th house. Thats not good for 11th house matters. You may never be miss popular, maybe youre not supposed to be. Maybe deep down you dont even want to be. Perhaps you even subconsciously sabotaged some of these friendships because a part of you knew that they werent good for you.

The bigger issue with you is that you dont like yourself. Thats why youre so desparate for others approval, you think "if only they liked me then I would feel better about myself". The truth is..... you wont. True happiness comes from within, if you look to others to make you happy then youlll always be disappointed.

Kite said:

Sorry for changing modalities here but it's best to answer in Numerology terms. Your life path (the addition of your birthdate numbers) is 19. This is a Karmic number. Here is an analysis of what this means:

"19
The person with the 19 Karmic Debt will learn independence and the proper use of power. You will be forced to stand up for yourself, and often be left to stand alone. Difficulties will be faced and overcome through personal struggle.

One of the central lessons for people with the 19 Karmic Debt is that you stubbornly resist help. Much of your independence is self-imposed; you simply don't want to listen to others, or to accept the help or advice of others.
The 19 Karmic Debt can become a self imposed prison if you do not open up to the reality of interdependence, and the mutual need for love.

The most important lesson for the 19 Karmic Debt is: While you seek to stand on your own feet, you are still a human being, deeply connected with others and in need of the support, assistance, and human understanding that all people need. Those with the 19 Karmic Debt will learn the hard way that "no man is an island," and that we are, indeed, "all bits of the main!""

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Thank you for this analysis. Yes, that's 100 % right - I resist help, I like to do everything on my own (with no advice from anybody, because this may put me in doubts), but I'm dying to help others (my heart falls apart, when I cannot help other people). When I need help, I ask for it, but it's not many times.

And I am so much proud, that I don't need any help and advice, but in the other hand, there were times when I desperately needed help and advice, and I didn't get it. Yes it's right - if someone give me an advice, I would do the opposite, that's for sure (life teach me that lesson). I almost never did a mistake, when I wanted to do something and wanted to have something - yes, that's why because I'm so proud for not listening to others.

Abby83 said:

Have you noticed your south node conjunct mars. You may want to look that up. Here's a small piece I copied from the net.

Mars conjunct South Node: This individual may be fearful or phobic about ever taking the initiative. They could be overly self critical. Issues are possible surrounding health (especially relating to repression), violence or assertiveness. They may go to extremes (too much or too little) in regards to personal action or physicality. Learning how to care for themselves and others is the key.

You have moon in aquarius, which desires friendship, yet it opposes your venus in leo which likes to receive a lot of attention and is bossy and showy and wants to be number one.

Transitting Uranus is currently around you descendant, ready to shake up your relationships and how you relate to people. 7th house also represents any open enemies you may have. People may come and go during this transit and it's important to be free with your emotions and ride the waves. Aquarius is a good sign for the moon to be in to detach from emotions.

Transitting pluto has also been in your 3rd house, highlighting your communications with other people. It has been in a position that was conflicting to yourself and how you communicate with others, esp in the school setting perhaps around 2009, 2010. Pluto was in opposition. This is difficult. At that same time I had pluto square my mercury. I too had to get rid of my friends. Our minds did not meet. We were too different and hurtful. We parted and have moved on. It happens and I would say the same happened to you. Time to move on and embrace the change. Meet new ones.

Are you ever conflicted re whether you are the leader or the follower?

My interpretation is that you need to learn to be an initiator and leader in a social sphere with friends, instead of isolating yourself to be independent. This doesn't mean that you have to stay friends with people that don't fit with you. What I think is that if you are more comfortable in your assertion and leadership abilities amongst friends, you will have more success. Don't fall into the trap of being the follower because that wont suit you. When someone likes your independent quirky aquarian qualities, they will follow your lead. Be confident.

I will also add that Transitting pluto will enter your fourth house in a few years which will be better for you. Pluto will conjunct the planet of dreams which trines your mars, hopefully discovering more about your action driven qualities. Transitting Uranus will also sextile your mercury and sun in four years time, making your communications more interesting and aquarian like (Uranus is ruled by aquarius) which should help with your friendships and studying if you wish.

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Thank you. What you said about Venus is definitely right. There is time, when I just cannot fight anymore for nothing (I lose my energy) and especially then, my other personality is rising: being bossy, want to have all the attention, being number one, being the best of everyone (being the best of everyone - especially at school: I want to be the first person who calculate some task,...). There is some people with who I act like I'm the number one, like I have all the attention - this are people who ''allow'' me to do this and I make this work for me. And I enjoy it, I admit.

So the transits are more important than the natal chart aspects ?
It's right, yes: "Pluto was in opposition. This is difficult. At that same time I had pluto square my mercury. I too had to get rid of my friends. Our minds did not meet. We were too different and hurtful. We parted and have moved on. It happens and I would say the same happened to you. Time to move on and embrace the change. Meet new ones."

Your words give me an optimistic view on the matter. I believe I want to be leader more than follower, because I want respect (and I usually want to force it, but when I can't force it, I leave everything and go on the other way), I want people to notice me,... And the social status is too important for me - I need to be leader, to be someone who is important.

The Ram said:

Your 11th house ruler (the sun) is inconjunct the 11th house. Thats not good for 11th house matters. You may never be miss popular, maybe youre not supposed to be. Maybe deep down you dont even want to be. Perhaps you even subconsciously sabotaged some of these friendships because a part of you knew that they werent good for you.

The bigger issue with you is that you dont like yourself. Thats why youre so desparate for others approval, you think "if only they liked me then I would feel better about myself". The truth is..... you wont. True happiness comes from within, if you look to others to make you happy then youlll always be disappointed.

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I agree with you - there were so much signs that I'm not supposed to be miss popular. I know what is the risk of being popular - that means that you don't have a 100 % of your life, you have to do what everyone else does (drinking, smoking, being a crazy person - something like that, but I'm not like that). I just want to be remembered, and maybe popular with a few people, not many. I don't like part of myself who let others to manipulated with me, and now I can't do nothing for that, they manipulated with me and they still do.
You are right - I can't look to others to make me happy - I need to do this on my own. I need to figure the way how I can be happy, without other people. I can't thank you enough for your words. I'm grateful that there is forum, where people help each other.

Unfortunately we can't win 'everybody' simply because we are all different and have different needs. That's life. I too am a leader who does not go with other leaders unless I absolutely admire them and aspire to be like them. You'll find in most cases in relationships there is a main leader and a bunch of followers. Most of the times two leaders end up competing for the spotlight, unless of course like I said, they both truly admire each other and bounce of each other. In the other case of competition, you just need to learn to let them go, you cant control people.

Buff18 said:

Im referring that my friends in real life. I treated them the way I treat myself but they never did back. Well Im used to that and I dont mind. What I did is accepting all the happenings that happens to me. Facts are facts and Im living in the reality. Only me, myself that I can rely on in this material world. Life goes on and theres still things that I need to prioritize. Anyone can compliment and adore you probably because in your work or activities youve participated in school or organizations and they like the way you handle it. I know the feeling of being adored and being ignored. Thats why it helps me to understand others too. Pain is normal you just need to handle it carefully. Anticipate whats ahead on you, theres still a good view from the top

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Really? You are younger than me, and so much smarter. That's true: they only know your name (not your ''story''). I found a little bit of myself in your description. And I think that you are too good friend to be true. I would be glad to have a friend like you.

I know that feeling: no one comes, when you need them. But I'm so different from you in the way of fighting back. I beg my ex friends to be friends again and I just get a humiliation. And I expected too much. And after that I'm dissapointed. I'm sick of saying sorry for something I didn't do just for have them back, 'cause I don't want to be alone. I would like to see myself as a smiling person who doesn't care what people think of me, but everytime I see those ex friends, I am nervous and I don't know what to do - if I say something they won't understand, if I stay quiet, they would make more fun of me, if I attack someone, they would think I'm crazy, if I just turn in the other way, they would think that they win and they will make more fun of me.

You are so optimistic person. I can't find a reason to be optimistic. You are such a kind and optimistic person. You gave me an inspiration how to look on bad things in life. And I really appreciate that - thank you. I believe that you went through a lot of pain and maybe this pain isn't over yet and in the future this pain will also be with you - but still, how could you be so optimistic and kind and nice person? I don't know how you can do this. All I do is think about past - I think about friends, why they left me, not because of everything I did for them and they didn't appreciate it, also because I want to know what I did wrong that they left me, that I can fix for getting more friends in the present.

Your chiron is in your 11th house (the house of friendship). Where chiron is placed in our charts is where we experience our deepest wound. Trust me I feel your pain- my chiron is almost conjunct my descendant so relationships have always been painful for me.

But someone once gave me the best advice… and that was that all our pain starts from within. We must heal ourselves before we ever see our circumstances change. So don't go into a friendship with the preconceived notion that it will always fail. Instead work on ways that you can be a better friend. Identify qualities that good friends have (like being trustworthy, loyal etc.) and then try to cultivate those within yourself.

The biggest problem here is that there is a subconscious fear of loneliness…so you seek out friends to fill that void. But sometimes they aren't the right ones. You have to learn how to be ok on your own before the right people will come along…or chiron will always set you up for failure.

Sometimes you do things for people as a way to control the friendship. But you have to ask yourself..if I have to manipulate someone into staying my friend- are they a true friend? So don't always do favours for your friends as a way to keep them close..because that is feeding your fear of loneliness even bigger.

Also your 11th house is squaring your mars, pluto and north node with can indicate frustrations, upheavals but also the potential for great inner transformation that comes through friendships. But in order to reach that potential you have to heal the chiron wound which is this feeling of loneliness which never goes away. Until you do that you will always experience frustration…and that fear of loneliness will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

I wish you the best…I know it can be frustrating at times, but remember the chiron wound can be healed it just takes being honest about our failures, learning from them and changing our beliefs about ourselves Best of luck, don't give up!