My taboo sexual life

I just read feelingalaxy's post in the forum. He really encouraged me to come out with my problem publicly. Kudos to him.


My problems are somewhat, if not entirely, similar to him.


I am a homosexual.I had some bad experiences regarding sex in my adolescence. I made advances to someone(who i was dating at the time), but he refused me(i dont know why he was dating me-but refused to have sex-maybe because he was religious or because we were distant relatives).
I felt terribly insulted and later... guilty... it was in 2004. From then onwards i have refrained myself from any kind of sexual activities...except well touching myself. That makes me more or less a virgin.


Like feelingalaxy I also think of sex as something ugly nowadays-at least ugly for me....I have a strong sexual drive and a tendency to dominate in sex which is not moral. I get attracted to opportunists and amoral people because (as my therapist says) I can sexually dominate them without any qualms...However, I always maintain a good distance to such people to whom I am sexually addicted.


However, I am loving. Love to me is pure,beautiful. I want to protect and improve those I love.I love greatly, I am just not sexually attracted to my lovers.But I can love a lot.


there is another oddity of obsessing over a past platonic love (my first love when i was 10 years old). I dream of him every night.... Is there any karmic debts between us?




Here is it-I am already taking therapies but I want to know astrology's take on it. English is not my native language. So please bear with me.


Thank you for reading these as far. i really hope it isnt against the forum rules. I am really sorry if it is.


MY BIRTH DETAILS :-


22 JANUARY 1988
COMILLA, BANGLADESH
around 12.15 pm local time


my friend's dob-14 july 1988

First off you have Mars square Venus. High in murders, agressive love and passionate action. This aspect is very dynamic, and is the most sexual aspect in the entire zodiac.

Pluto on the DC is angular. This means you are a unique person, who might be rather passive unless provoked. They want to be left alone and want to be compelty authentic. Pluto trines your Moon making you have polarized emotions. Your feelings are like a switch, they are either in overdrive or completely non existent. In a way you march to your own drummer but don't force it on other people.

Your Mars in Scorpio constelation (eastern degrees which I use myself and would recommend because you are born on the east). This means you are aggressive, high libido. This is the aspect of a warrior and a fighter and may be in part why you are dominant as a person. Mars is at home here and the Mars sign is as important as the Sun and Moon in western sidereal, this means you Mars sign may be even more important.

Capricorn Sun. This is sexual, dark, and wild. It is discontent stubborn wilful and ambitious. These people may have mental health issues. This placement sexual energy is only matched by Scorpio and the Phalguni Nakshatra. These people are the kind that are into weird stuff ie the occult and orgys. They also are secretive [Mars in Capricorn is the most withholding of any placements but you have a Sun here].

An angular Sun means that you are specficly radiant. It also means you attract drama and have a big ego. It doesn't mean you are stuck up but you may be. It denotes that your are at the center of events, whether you like it or not. You may often feel like the hero on a quest in a story book.

Your moon is in sideral Aquarius. This denotes a humanitarian. A liberal free thinking person. You may be considered a radical or extreme. This also means you may be out there or not of this realm. Sidereal Aquarius is also one with the universe, less mystical the Pisces but more connected.

You have a Moon Mars aspect, it's loose. However it reinforces this Mars-Uranus (from Aquarius-Scorpio-Mars energy)of rebelion and colorfulness.


The following is taken from Astrospeak on Nakshtra. Your Moon is in Satbhij Nakshatra.
"Truthful, sharp minds, perceptive, emotionally controlled, interested in getting to the bottom of things, prosperous, economical, clever, able to defend themselves, enterprising, interested in astrology and other mysterious subjects, likes to solve puzzles, provides good service, finds happiness within themselves, strong principles, charitable, writing skills, good memory, daring, bold, artistic nature, defeats enemies
Lonesomeness, melancholic, lacks self confidence, restricted, life is duty, quiet yet will blurt things out in an unrefined manner, con artist, unstable, argumentative, uncommunicative, hides their true intentions, miser, dependent on others to meet their needs, problems in relationships, feels intensely restrained or mentally anguished, problematic relationships with children and siblings, secretive - keep weaknesses to themselves, lack self confidence, stubborn"


You are of the Gana Rakshasa, but your fairly balanced because of you Mars and Lagna Gana, as well as your Moons Gana is on the cusp of 2 Nakshatra. Your Lagna being human, your Mars being Deva and the cusp of Moon being human and Rakshasa. I would recommend watching vics videos on Nakshatra on YouTube.

Look into Satbhij and Bhadrpada first. Then into Anuradha and Bharani.

Hope I helped.

Of course you helped.............thank you so much...................


I was looking for an answer for such a long time..........


so you guess i am correct in repressing my sexual energies???I am told not to repress them. But I am AFRAID of myself, its better to live considering sex as non-existent......right?


I do have a kundali where moon nakshatra is in poorvabhadrapada-and not in shatavij...is it wrong???


the interpretation is very scary(mostly), i really want to lead a pure simple life.....a life of love and compassion. but i cant deny that at times i become too intense.


Thank you so muchh again. May GOD bless you.

Ever tell a dog not to be a dog? Ever tell a baby not to cry? No repressing will only store energy until you explode. Honestly a career as a sex worker would not be a bad choice in your chart. I'm fairly certain that Shatavij or Shatbhij ends at 20 degrees sideral Aquarius and you moon is 20 degrees and 5 seconds so depending on the system you use it could very. My moon is maybe 3 degrees in Purva Phalguni but i display much magha energy (so much where other vedic astrologers are on the fence about where it's at). However my Sun <moons ruler> and lagna are in mula and that Nakshatra is my strongest. Nothing is wrong but nothing is simple either. You can be strong in more than one Nakshatra.

Are you young may I ask?

Yes, I am relatively young-I was born in 1988.


The problem is shatavishaj and poorvabhadrapada are of so different nature. I just watched the video of shatavishaj. I am a rebel in my thoughts-just dont always express them. I like to support the underdog, because I was the underdog myself.These things do fall with shatavishaj.


really? a sex worker? there are plenty of young people-actually solvent young ppl-who are being sex workers or gold-diggers in our country. but i really hate this. see, my mom is a teacher and I was taught values. Sex-workers may have golden hearts and needs to be recognized and rehabilitated.but i dont accept it as a legit profession., if one have access to other opportunities. I dont know where my life will take me in future, but I would hate to be conceited-or destructive.


I may have destructive energies-but isnt that what spirituality teaches us? everything is a possibility. I have free will. I would like to choose to be a helpful soul, someone who helps-understands ,protects. not someone who abuses,destroys. My relationships have been quite destructive-but thats because I couldnt control my passion. Thats what I want to get rid of, forget,if not repress-MY DARK SIDE. i dont want to be the dark sun.

You don't want to be who you are. That will always be a life of pain and misfortune. Ok so don't be a sex workers but I'm saying that it's compatible with your energy. Any profession that puts food on the table is a ligit profession. You must have lived a comfortable life, bad people don't exist (besides people who are insane and even they are just ill). People who struggle exist and they do bad things to get by.

You seem like a cool guy but a nervous mess. I place that on mercury in a Mars heavy constellation (Capricorn is Mars and Saturn). These people are nervous and can easily form addictive habits. The thing is your chart is not destructive as much as it is dark.

Destructive energy falls into Aries and Mula primarily.Scorpios may be destructive but more so to others than self and only when conflicted. Pluto is spontaneous creation and destruction.

You have a strong Pluto but Pluto balances it's self. You have a strong Scorpio but Mars pushes Scorpio do be beneficial, Mars is a benefic in your chart, perhaps even the greatest Benific in your chart.

Watch a video on Anuradha, Mars is in its sign and is the co-ruler of your Sun and your lagna ruler. It's Nakshatra is strong.

Your moon is 27 minutes into Bhadrpada btw, I checked. Also this is a low estimate because all other systems have it further in Bhadrpada.

The only thing that stand out as the rakshasic energy you give off, is Mula. Your suns ruler is in mula.

In order of Nakshtra you have Bhadrpada~Anuradha~mula.

Mula contains your SUN and Both MOON rulers! Also your Mars Nakshatra is ruled by Saturn!I overlooked/missed that. This may be the root of your issue! Please watch the video provided.

https://youtu.be/Z_KeE1roHCs

OKK...


so I have the philosopher in me and the mitra in me and the destroyer in me !!!quite a combination !!! if you ask me its Anuradha Which i want to follow most.



i didnt understand though what does it mean by saturn ruling my mars???does it banish anuradha's energies???


Yes, I am a nervous mess. I always have been.


Thanks a million times for so much knowledge....


well sometimes i wonder how closely related astrology is to biology. you see my rakshasha energy most probably can b contributed to my genes i got from my father. He is sullen,dark, bitter and silently passionate(kruttika). my mother, whom i am closer to, is gentle, art-lover and friendly!!!and they had a sort of marriage of convenience-though after the marriage now they love each other.


i want to flourish my anuradha energies and look nriti into the eye. the roots must be known.......one must see her in the eye. how can i do that?

Each rashi and Nakshatra has a planetry ruler Saturn is the ruler of Aundradha Nakshatra, this is only important because Saturn is your SUN and Moon ruler and because Mars is also so important in your chart.

Your Moons Nakshatra is probably the strongest but it could be rivaled by the Mars and Saturns Nakshatra.

You can shift your destructive energies with discipline and still be you. For instance, I have strong Scorpio (jealousy/fear/sex/research/real estate) and I'm a Pisces Sun and focused much of my energy on jealousy and fear and worry that my partner was doing things he shouldn't - for a couple of years. When I set boundaries for myself and forced myself to stop digging, I found all of this new energy coming from the good side of Scorpio (new research and real estate opportunities and positive momentum in areas that were dormant).

Pluto near your descendant may cause issues:https://astrologyking.com/pluto-opposite-ascendant/.

Your 12 house cusp to me signifies that you like to dominate (Aries) your partner(s) (7th) in secret (12th house). These energies can also be refocused.

You have a lot of Pisces/Scorpio energy (Pisces is 12 and 24 degrees/Scorpio is 8 and 20) which i have as well. My spiritual advisor told me that some people with Pisces/Scorpio energy are not based in reality - so grounding is important (meditation/journaling/other remedies). Music is also helpful.

Acting is a great profession for your placements as it allows you to be creative (your True Node is Pisces with a Pisces degree), enjoy the fantasy of being another person, and exploring boundaries outside of the norm that are considered healthy. Another possibility would be the legal profession (19 degree is a libra degree in the 10th) and fighting for a cause (Aquarius).

The fact that you have become aware of your mindset and behavior is a huge step in the right direction. Be very careful as your 8th house placements can lead to pain or violence without the answer ever being known (Neptune) as to what actually happened. I believe that if you did pursue certain 8th house activities (dark side), it would be very risky.

Thank you so much for your advise. You have nailed it.


I am not at all grounded- always head over clouds-always fantacizing.


I wanted to be an actor from my childhood, but I am too reclusive.I have deep social anxieties. Yes,I want to fight for right causes. There are so many of them. I want to help and love, because I believe by doing so we can change the world. But i am mostly abused.


Yes, I want to repress my dark passions. But the thing is, what if it explodes one day, suddenly?I am always tensed by that. I dont wanna be remembered as a bad person.....

Why don't you try hypnosis and regular therapy. You shouldn't live life being afraid or that you'll lose control one day. It is not a good place to be (that in itself causes immense anxiety). You need to work with a professional on this; don't try to solve it by yourself.

well in a country like mine(Bangladesh) one can only avail psychologists,and even they are not that skilled.




Thanks a lot for caring to go through my chart and replying.