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Lykanized

Well-known member
Blue da da dee da da
The weird thing is I was randomly thinking of this song a few hours ago :bandit:


I don't mind either way
I find that to be an interesting and unique perspective, the indifference...I don't know if that indifference is a rarity, it may or may not be. Maybe it only seems so to me because I find it so hard to carry indifference toward life. If I don't want to live, I want the opposite
 

conspiracy theorist

Well-known member
I thought I would lol, not by you but by someone else since I figured whatever I said you'd just go along and say something even more riduculous

Hell, I was the one coming onto you for no reason whatsoever, completely unprovoked

Yes, when I was trying to be racist against Asians you mentioned my dick so I just ran with it. I was cool with whatever happened either way
 

Lykanized

Well-known member
I'm not really indifferent. I guess I used to struggle with suicidal ideation, but then I made my resolve not to take my own life and it's been really freeing. It helped me get out of a funk.
Oh I understand that struggle. Well I guess if you've read pretty much any of my posts you know that lmao

I'm still finding my own way through it at the moment. I also wrote earlier this year about surrender and how much trouble I had with it so I'm finding the grace in admitting what I feel now and I've decided I need to write about that


Ps, if you ever need to talk, I'm here. I have to say, I think you'll live a long time and I believe that the natural course in rising from the dead of suicidal ideation is to find the raw will to live
 

Lykanized

Well-known member
haha Yeah I don't like to say 'I understand' or 'I get it' except as a reflex, because who am I to say I actually know your perspective. When you stop trying to understand though, then you're a d*ck.

I wouldn't say I have a raw will to live, but I enjoy experiencing new things. I'm a curious kat. lol

Life is f*cked up for everyone. I try to remember that in my interactions with people.
Ay me too. I always try to remember we all go through pain and we all deal with our pain differently. I know there's a wide array of trauma and darkness to the human experience and people may seem like they're doing just fine when they're not at all
I haven't always been good at it and I'm not always good at it, but I try to be a light for people and if nothing more, I would despise myself realizing I've brought darkness to someone. I suppose that's unavoidable in this life, but scars... I don't want to leave scars and if I have and ever do, I at least hope that those scars were a vital part in someone's journey


That pain of what we do to each other and how easy it is to inflict it hurts me. Though if I surrender myself to that it would paralyze me. All I can do is focus on myself and giving as much light to others as I can and when I falter, try to learn
 

Lykanized

Well-known member
I feel like I can be detached and I don't like that. Problem is when I'm not detached, I perceive all of that pain and paralyzes me. I have to find a way to get into the middle rather than shifting from pole to pole
 

Ukpoohbear

Well-known member
I've had a crazy stressful week. The kind of scenario when 3 things go wrong
at once and you spend all week fixing them. Its a funny story when I phoned Sky about my wifi, that's an anecdote of its own. Then Ive not been sleeping til later and not slept since the night before now. Had such an intense night last night here I have decided it would take too long to write here so Im making its own post.

I wanted to put a couple of conclusions down here about the recent negativity before I do though. My intense exploration last night naturally went back to the forum and Im able to be more objective.

- First of all, I stick by all my beliefs, but I shall refrain from communicating them in the forum again out of respect purely for the goodness of the forum.

- Although I think CT was a bit harsh towards me at times, I do admit I was questioning him and like trying to peak passed someone's boundaries. He admitted this to me about feeling a 'darkness' coming from me. Maybe I was putting too much pressure on him and that led to this.

However, here are my thoughts about both of ours behaviour.

For me, I am strong but sensitive. As any other strong but sensitive person will tell you, when you come across so confident, others don't see the sensitive side is separate to that and can be easily hurt by backlash from its own energy. That is my energy to learn to control, I have gotten better at it but there we go.


- For CT, its similar in the sense he comes older than he is and so its easy to forget he is younger. Therefore, I give him more pressure than what a 21/22 year old can take, when you begin to ask questions or poke their outer shell. Like my energy, he must also take responsibility that if he wants the title of being very mature, then a learning how to handle this or recognize it more clearly would help you have less stress when similar situations arise.


"The last thing I want to say is, I personally found it a low blow to say 'lost cause' and trip me up like you did because it felt like you were using my background against me. However, having reflected on the above conclusions, your age must also be taken into consideration here.


When I was your age, I had no control of my particular energy lol I was way more sensitive but would accidently upset people by being rude to them.

Your different in the sense you are a Plutonian and I am not. You also have more time to catch up and make mistakes like I did. Like a baby dragon, or baby devil that's already cursing."

Plutonians find it easier to find weaknesses in others or have the temptation to be manipulative. There is no middle ground with Pluto. Either you surrender and have integrity or you will trip up by the very same manipulations and lies.

This is something all Plutonians will have to make a choice to do IMO.

To sum up, let's *everybody* take responsibility for our own mistakes and shadow, and you never know, there may be less fighting.
 

conspiracy theorist

Well-known member
Recount that I called you a lost cause because of your accusation of new posters being duplicate accounts. You've been doing that for awhile to every new poster that's been on here. Nobody needs that harassment, especially because you do not stop pressing the issue when said person is not engaging.

That, couple with your inability to deal with your stress in a constructive way (you always come back and talk about your stressful life as if that gives you any right to act out the way you do), and your quickness to cast aspersions on people's character that are off base is what makes you so annoying to talk to.

Lykanized had more success with pushing my boundaries, you however, were like an annoying bug flying around my head. You're giving yourself way too much credit here.
 

conspiracy theorist

Well-known member
And to make things clear, your "background" has nothing to do with this. I've heard worse, and have seen much more graceful and mature (your favourite word) behaviour from persons who've had it rougher, and who were younger than you, too.

Maybe you should step back from the astrology for a minute and look at this thing without any lenses, because it seems to me that my "plutonian nature" is what you're using to contextualize how I operate on here, which makes you view me within a very limited bandwidth.
 
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