Raped by my bf under drug influence (25 yrs age gap)

1) wheatever he feels is irrelevant as I am focusing on the facts of this discussion aka his actions
2) whatever energies are in your live and reflected in your chart are possible influences but not the same as motive
3) I am not giving him negative energy, asI am focusing on the issues at hand and he should be prosecuted for the good of all of us and himself. That is not giving negative energy. That is stating a fact for the whole of humanity.

I agree this issue will resurface if not properly treated and looked after. The manifestation of this pain can become self destructive even if the abused forgives the abuser. Self forgiveness and processing the events for ones self with I suggest professional help is needed and can be a very difficult but worthy journey. A journey we are all on in our own ways.
Personally I find it easier to forgive outwardly the ‘other’, than to deal and accept my own feeling sometimes and stand by my own side. This is an issue I seek help with in my journey.
Finally; my main point and focus in my posting on this thread reflects my concern to the ops issue and question and not to hypothesize about the nature of abuse and how an abuser evolves.
It is not ok and I do not even think forgiveness or empathy is the main issue but I interpreted the ops main question in comparing charts to speak to seeking closure. It may never be from him nor does it have to come from him. To find healing in your own way through your own chart while avoiding self blame and trying to rationalize what external forces allowed this to happen. Stick to the fact that in the end his actions were wrong regardless of circumstances. That is the bottom line. Also I did check moon Chiron and other chart factors of op to color my reaction in this thread. I don’t want op to make it ok and accept it because that can turn into self abuse and patterns of accepting abuse from others. I see she has a support in her mother and a dialogue has already started between her and her mother which is good.

Love2Know said:

1) wheatever he feels is irrelevant as I am focusing on the facts of this discussion aka his actions
2) whatever energies are in your live and reflected in your chart are possible influences but not the same as motive
3) I am not giving him negative energy, asI am focusing on the issues at hand and he should be prosecuted for the good of all of us and himself. That is not giving negative energy. That is stating a fact for the whole of humanity.

I agree this issue will resurface if not properly treated and looked after. The manifestation of this pain can become self destructive even if the abused forgives the abuser. Self forgiveness and processing the events for ones self with I suggest professional help is needed and can be a very difficult but worthy journey. A journey we are all on in our own ways.
Personally I find it easier to forgive outwardly the ‘other’, than to deal and accept my own feeling sometimes and stand by my own side. This is an issue I seek help with in my journey.
Finally; my main point and focus in my posting on this thread reflects my concern to the ops issue and question and not to hypothesize about the nature of abuse and how an abuser evolves.
It is not ok and I do not even think forgiveness or empathy is the main issue but I interpreted the ops main question in comparing charts to speak to seeking closure. It may never be from him nor does it have to come from him. To find healing in your own way through your own chart while avoiding self blame and trying to rationalize what external forces allowed this to happen. Stick to the fact that in the end his actions were wrong regardless of circumstances. That is the bottom line. Also I did check moon Chiron and other chart factors of op to color my reaction in this thread. I don’t want op to make it ok and accept it because that can turn into self abuse and patterns of accepting abuse from others. I see she has a support in her mother and a dialogue has already started between her and her mother which is good.

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I completely agree that whatever he feels is irrelevant. I was responsding to the discussion you and AquarianRising were both having by understanding why AquarianRising would want to mention the man may be a victim turned abuser but also by explaining why in the end it does not matter.

I also wanted to give an explanation as why the abuser walked away and did not want to continue the abuse because it was the question the OP was wondering and I understand why she is questioning his behaviour because she still feels attached to him, which I said shows she is still in denial.

Anyway, the most important thing is I fully agree the OP needs counselling and should stop thinking of this man and that I think it will hit her one day how awful this actually was.

I just wanted to explain why its not good to think of abuser's, even if they were victims. We are already giving too much energy and focus to him and not the OP as it is.

All, there is some great advice being given here, but most of it isn't astrological advice. This is still an astrology forum, and it's still the rule that you stick to astrology in astrology threads. As difficult as it is, if you don't have an astrological reason to say what you're saying about the boyfriend or the OP's experience, it's not to be said. There have already been so many non-astrological posts in this thread that, if anyone continues to make non-astrological posts, it will just drive the thread completely off topic.

Astrological advice is, at the end of the day, common sense advice. But it still needs to tie back to astrology, in order to be astrological advice.

Keep it astrological,
Osamenor

Daydreamer123 said:

Hi guys, thanks for the responses and the supports
Actually, i’m not depressed at all, i’m just curious about our charts, synastry, and whether astrology can actually predict this kind of event to happen (i just knew him on october 2017). Although i feel sad and heartbroken that he did this to me and just left, i’m not traumatized or anything. Yes i feel upset that i won’t be able to experience my first time while i’m sober with a significance someone, but i don’t hate him at all (i never really hate people). he did me wrong but i forgave him as i know hatred will do nothing but more harm to myself. Besides, i talked to my mom about this and she’s been a great support, so no worries at all guys, i’m really fine. 😊

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Daydreamer,

No it is not possible to predict with astrology that this type of event will happen;although some charts are more prone to selfish, or sociopathic behavior, it cannot be absolutely determined by the chart. We can predict by looking at your transits that you might be at risk for something violent or exploitative at certain times.

The birth chart cannot always tell if a person is a sociopath or prone to violence. It can suggest it, but because there are so many factors acting on human beings including astrology, Things like their culture, their family etc. all come into play. Also, you could have excellent synastry with a really horrible person. You cannot rely on astrology to evaluate the character of people, you will have to take responsibility for that. And I believe that after just 6 weeks one can know a person's personality which is an outer expression of his likes and dislikes and temperament. But charcater is a different thing since it has to do with a persons' moral strength and their integrity. In six weeks you cannot truly know their character.

I always recommend when dating to use astrology as a complementary tool in addition to other rational methods of evaluating your potential lovers. If you have chemistry for someone, astrology can help you spot what kind of relationship issues will come up. The composite chart will tell you the long term potential, the synastry tells more about the about the daily personality dynamics,but do not assume that good astrology means the other is a "good person." In my classes I always have my students do synastry and composite charts for a really evil person such as Hitler or Charles Manson with many of their friends and family. Often they get some good synastry charts and good composite charts; but they would certainly not wish to see their loved ones get involved with the likes of those two men.

You have learned an important lesson in this very unpleasant and traumatic experience. I would recommend you read up on Narcissistic Personality Disorder and sociopathy so you can recognize the traits when you meet people with these tendencies. Also, that it is unwise to take drugs when you are not certain what they actually are.

If two people like each other and are attracted to each other why do they need drugs to enjoy sex and affection?

Good luck to you,
Barb at thelivingsky.wordpress.com

Ukpoohbear said:

It is an interesting question to ask 'when does the victim become the abuser?' I understand AquarianRising is saying abusers are usually victims but surely there is also a choice whether to continue the abuse and have the responsibility to stop it yourself? That does not mean we should forget they were once victims but everyone has a choice. The only way we can progress is by changing the cycle.

It is lucky that we know about astrology and through this we know the importance of being responsible for ourselves but it is also true that although people may be aware they are doing something bad, and have made that choice, that do not have the experience or soul awakening to see that this is correct path. So it is important to notice the difference between those on a spiritual path and those who are not.

But do you really need knowledge in metaphysics or astrology to understand the importance of not becoming an abuser, is your own intuition not enough? To become an abuser means you are saying your feelings are too painful but also more important than the person you choose to abuse. Even if the person had not been abused before, apparently their sexual desires are more important than the victims feelings.

If you go down the road of being an abuser then you will have to use tactics to lie and deceive so you are not caught or the victim allows you to do it. So that means you will become more aware you are an abuser. I cant imagine what it will feel like at that moment to be aware you are an abuser. If the guilt didn't eat you up I don't know what it would feel like.

From my own experiences I can say I don't think the op has realized how much of a victim she is yet because she is accepting of him abusing her. Everyone does this to some degree, pretend a problem is not as big as it is until we really start to be responsible for it then the issue seems so huge because the feelings of stress we tried to hide appear for the first time. It will be a shock but it is only a shock because of the denial before and not because the problem cannot be overcome.

The abuser turned his back in order to preserve his lies yes but also out of guilt. How long can you really bury guilt for and the realisation you are an abuser? Can sociopaths, narcissists and psychopaths really not feel guilt? The psychopath probably wont feel any guilt but this man sounds like AquarianRising suggested he was made into an abuser, so he turned his back out of guilt.

The best thing to do is try to separate all thoughts or thinking towards this man. I have come to realize myself that you send out energy to people without realizing it. Only if he is aware will he know you are thinking of him so instead he will just feel your energy. The last thing you want to do is give him any more of your energy because he will just use it to bury his guilt and continue to abuse.

It is true low vibe people are people too and I agree but it is a scary world out there and there needs to be boundaries.

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This is the Karpman Drama Triangle. Changing roles of the Victim, Persecutor, Judge, Jury. Victim and Victimize. Until one steps out of taking part in the situation, and takes 100% of their life, they will keep repeating the pattern. This breaking out of the Consensus and moving into Individuation.

hi DayDreamer123

you should add asteroid 196,philomeda, to your chart, this is the classic greek asteroid for violent rape, so you might get a astrological understanding of the dynamics that led to your rape.
rahu

Re: Raped by my bf under drug influence

It is important to remember that we should never use astrology or any other means to make excuses for bad behavior. There's also a good and bad with each sign and planets. My answer is going to be tough to swallow but I think it is needed to not to sugar coat.
I also didn't have time to read through the thread, so some of the following may have been answered. Nonetheless, here is my 2 cents.

Daydreamer123 said:

My question are
1.) has he ever felt anything for me at all? (He said i love you twice and sometimes he felt like a really sweet person, he even stated that he wanted to go to my hometown to meet my parents)

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Answer: NO
He has most of his planets in the eastern hemisphere, he is self-motivated and self-assertive, self-absorbed and self-centered. He has a stellium in Capricorn, in the shadow sign it is a sign of control, status and power, will do anything to reach his goal. High prey drive. He maybe very good at his career and earning power, that's the good side. Unfortunate in the relationship area he uses his goal-oriented self-motivate trait to achieve his own selfish goal.
His Venus in Cap in the first house of self and ego, is opposing the Moon in the 7th house of relationship. He might have a bad relationship with his mother or a mother figure in his life. Venus is malefic in Cap also. Pluto in Libra square Moon and Venus, talk about 'power in relationships'. This is an indication that he might even dislike women.
He used you to make him feel powerful that he got his 'prey', he found an opportunity to F you to satisfy his own ego. He would say any lies and use drugs to achieve his 'goal', and he did.

Daydreamer123 said:

2.) is it possible that he is by his nature a sociopath?

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Answer: YES and NO
See above answer. Adding that, a person can choose their actions. He is middle age now and obviously has not learned his lesson yet, or maybe because he hasn't gotten caught and no lesson to learn YET. I said yet because these behavior is not going to tolerate too much longer around the world. (I look to Saturn to right the wrong, especially the Capricorns these two years)

Daydreamer123 said:

Or is it just our really bad synastry?

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Answer: NO
See answer above. He is the way he is.

Daydreamer123 said:

3.) what aspects make a toxic and abusive relationship like this one? (i really need to know if this toxic relationship can really be seen from our synastry so i can avoid this later)

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Your chart shows that you are 'agreeable' personality type, most of your planets are in the western hemisphere. Prone to co-dependency with the self-centered.
In the synastry chart, note your venus in the 8th and his Moon. You give off a Venus/8th house or Scorpio vibe that may trigger his emotional wound with his mother (his moon) and therefore he wanted to 'overpower' you (not to confuse with taking care of you after)
In future relationships, take a closer look at your 8th house and what the person's planets are in this house. And how they Mars and Moon placement relating to yours.

Daydreamer123 said:

4.) are we really not meant for each other astrologycally?

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Ans: YES and NO
See above. I hope this is not going to be too harsh on you. He might be meant to cross your path with a tough lesson for you. In your synastry, his Saturn in DC (his midlife) is in your 8th house. No, you are not meant for each other in the way you think.

Daydreamer123 said:

5.) Do we still have the chance to be together in the future?

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Answer: NO
See all of the above. Remember his Saturn is in your 8th house. If you cross path again, remember he is a predator when it comes to a relationship with woman like you. A co-dependent relationship is an abusive relationship. And he is and will be the abuser. It is worth noting that his Mars is in his 12th house close to AC, can also indicate violence or temper. You will be the victim. Move on and choose a better man.

All in all, this man's chart is a career chart and he will always see relationships with women and family matters a roadblock to his success.