Saturn Square Saturn, Help?

Lately, Ive been real down, dealing with anxiety, depression which has been a life long ordeal so far.. All I wanna do is be left alone from the world. Event after event keeps happening, and everyone just expects me to be a rock and take everyones **** and listen to them complain day after day about any and everything. I am understanding and I love to help people, but I dont have it in return. I dont have anyone to confide in or vent too. I just supress and supress. Being strong is getting harder and harder. I work fulltime, come home listen to my mom and dad argue, or vent about each other to me. Right before saturn left my 11th house I lost my two closest friends because I couldnt be around the toxic environment, Im just tired. So tired of life. I keep having mood swings. I go from fine to angry in 2.2 seconds. I really just feel like giving up, but Im not . I just need advice how to deal. I try to meditate but in this house meditation its not reachable. Never any peace .. never quiet.. never alone. I just crave solitude. I want to move out but cant yet, I just finally got my first car and its still a struggle trying to put plates and all that because I have no help. Im try to be patient and deal. Im just sick of feeling like I move forward and then back with no real support. Im really not trying to be whiney or complain like I have the worse life ever, because I know I do not. I thank god everyday just to be alive for the things I do have. These emotions are just getting stronger and stronger .. and i keep telling myself there just emotions. These emotions are taking all of my energy. I have no clue what to do. An words of wisdom would be appreciated. Thank you very much. This is the place I turn to when I need help..And I appreciate all of the knowledge and wisdom shared to me over this past year.

I am currently dealing with Saturn square Saturn as well. Its hasn't been easy. Saturn is currently transiting my first house and its been hell... I just broke up with a friend and an acquaintance recently. Everyone has let me down. I trust no one. I tell someone something in confidence, and they tell "everyone" they know! I am always there for people and no one is for me. Those so called "friends" of mine decided they only wanted to be around when they wanted something from me or used me as a second option (when their other friends cancelled on them, then they'd call me). Also, since Saturn is in my fourth house natally, I have issues with where I stand when it comes to family. This transit has basically shook me to the core when it comes to stable living conditions. I just remembered reading that the Saturn square brings about something in your life that began 7 years ago; and that, when I was 14, I had just been forced to move in with my aunt and uncle because my grandparents didn't want me and my mother is way too unstable to have a place of her own at the time. I lived with my aunt, uncle and three cousins for 6 months, never feeling comfortable or *stable*. Then I moved back in with my grandparents and lived there till I was 19, then they forced me out again. I moved with my other grandma and lived there for 9 months, then moved in with my boyfriend and his parents. That only lasted 8 months and they wanted me GONE! So me and my boyfriend got our own place. And he pays for it an what not and makes me feel very insecure about having a place to live. He always lets me know that he's the one paying for everything and not me, and that I should be grateful. Well, we are breaking up and moving out this weekend, so I am moving back to my grandparents. I have never had a stable and secure place to call home. I have bounced around my entire life actually. Not only during this time (sometime in 2010) T Pluto was opposing my Sun and that is just another disaster. I have to go, but I will be back later to explain the rest of my experience with Saturn square Saturn.

Basically for me, Saturn square Saturn is finding my stability in an unstable world. Learning to care for myself and not having to rely on other people. Doing away with what hasn't worked in the past and learning new ways of life, dealing with others and difficult situations that arise.

It would be better if you loaded a chart with the transits and progressions on it but Saturn from the 12th to the 3rd is reclusive and not wanting to be out and about. There may be a fear that you pass over if you travel or you just dont want to be bothered with friends, neighbours, sibings etc. Not a good time to study anything of a practical nature right now. or to be disciplined. A square is inner conflicts and not so much out in the world.

. It will pass and I would use it as a time for writing, meditation and just being private. You will feel depressed for sure but try to use it look inward and to gain some sort of spiritual insights. I would suggest you try flower essences to ease sense of melancholy and even loneliness as they do ease the condition so you can carry on. Best of luck.