Thanks for your response and sorry to hear you are undergoing a similar trail of thought. I hope you can find some inspiration however.
That's really interesting and I too have the same harsh realistion "where is it all going " and that feeling of time taking over everything, fear of no control.
What I find most perturbing is the fear of loss with Saturn in Scorpio.
Assuming you're talking to me... what I'm experiencing right now isn't fear, but quiet acceptance. Which is probably situational. If, for instance, my father had just died, or was dying, instead of a casual friend, I would be in a much more difficult and turbulent and grief-stricken state, and yes, probably fearful. As it is, I'm only peripherally being touched by death, so I'm just experiencing peripheral feelings about it. That is indeed very inspirational.
It probably helps that I'm a tai chi player. That is a physically and emotionally balancing sort of exercise. And because, in the Western world at least, it tends to be seen as an old people's exercise, it puts me in direct contact with many older people who are facing these issues directly, and who've faced them before, and these same people are the ones who are living a healthy and vibrant old age. Tai chi creates that, and it also draws people who are inclined to live that way in the first place.
It also helps that I'm a Pagan, and it's Samhain season. Time to honor the dead, to let them slip through the veil between worlds. Samhain in my religious community is like a collective funeral. There is at least an annual reminder of death and what it means.
Yes, that is a strong 8th house, which sign? Those with many a planet in the 8th often do attract rather intense experiences, I have know many in my time, other people's money, other people's emotions and highly attuned to the ethereal. One of my freinds had Sun in 8th in Cancer and she just loved healing other people!
I'm a Leo sun. My Venus and Mercury are in Virgo, but still in the eighth.
Paradoxically, my sun is in the sign of utmost personality development, but its house placement demands transpersonal development--development of personality in a way that transcends personality. As an ally in that matter, I have the moon in Sagittarius in the twelfth house forming a trine with my sun (and a conjunction with Neptune in Sag in the eleventh). I constantly find myself seeking out deeply transformative experiences, and having very intense experiences involving healing, learning, and growth.
Healing other people is sometimes part of the picture, but it's not my main focus. If I have to give my main focus a name, I would say it's learning and growing and healing through story--whether that means telling a story or enacting it or literally living it. I do lots of work with archetypes, myths, fairy tales. Which, of course, astrology also is--telling personal and collective stories through symbols and archetypes.
Saturn square Sun can be harsh, my boyfriend had this with Sun Aquarius and we incurred a lot of issues with anxiety and law as Saturn is also connected to authority.
Now you're scaring me!
The only legal issue I've got on deck right now is a parking ticket I'm trying to contest, and they're now saying I didn't contest it by the deadline even though I did. Mercury retrograde, perhaps? Worst case scenario, all that could happen is I have to pay the fine. Unless some other problem with the law happens in the next couple of months....
I just looked at my chart again and realized that in my natal chart, I have a trine between Saturn and the north nodes. So if and when transiting Saturn conjuncts my north nodes, it will also trine my natal Saturn. Seems like a powerful push in north node direction to me.
That was also reflected in my last solar return reading: in the solar return chart, eerily, I had many of the planets, plus my north and south nodes, in the exact same signs as in my natal chart but the opposite houses, and where my natal chart has a fifth house conjunction between Mars and the south nodes, my solar return chart had a virtually identical fifth house conjunction between Saturn and the north nodes.
The astrologer told me this is a time to really work toward the north node message, but the Saturn conjunction indicates that it's happening slowly right now, that this is the time to lay the groundwork, to do everything right the first time. It feels like I'm in stagnation right now in several ways. She said that's a reflection of that Saturn conjunction, and that this will be a good year for manifesting things if I lay the groundwork first.