I guess this is an older thread, but it seems to stay active over the years and I’m finding it resonant and would like to contribute as well. I came into my understanding of Lilith through the work of Tom Jacobs, which profoundly resonates with me to this day and which I highly recommend to anyone with interest.
I don’t have Lilith in my first house or conjunct my Ascendant, but I do have True Black Moon Lilith in tight square to my Ascendant (1° orb). She is also conjunct my Mars (2°), Mercury and Sun (4°), sextile my Moon (0°), square my Saturn, which is my chart ruler (2°), square my Uranus ( 2°), square my Neptune (4°), and square my Jupiter (4°). Needless to say, she features very prominently in my chart. It may also be relevant to note that I have a close Venus-Pluto conjunction as well (1°), with Venus being the ruler of my Sun, so some of the themes represented by Lilith may be echoed and modified by this.
In my experience of Lilith, she has taken shape as a general unwillingness to be controlled in any way by others. I feel intimately connected to wild things, find Nature to be deeply healing to me, and, over the years, have cultivated an intimate relationship with my body and her natural cycles, rejecting masculine-themed interventions of all kinds (ie, allopathic medicine, industrialized food, etc). These are things for which I have been shamed, ostracized, and exiled in various ways throughout my life. My approach is one of voluntaryism, which, for some reason I can’t quite understand, is generally vilified as a philosophy. *shrug*
I have experienced various forms of sexualization and abuse from a very young age, which an understanding of Lilith has helped me to heal.
I’ve done a good deal of healing with regard to dysfunctional relationship patterns, because I seem to always attract intense relationships with manipulative and controlling partners (the Venus-Pluto underscores this I’m sure). Both men and women seem to be intimidated by me, though perhaps for different reasons, and while I can almost always sense a man or woman’s attraction to me, generally only the bold and the brash will pursue me in any meaningful way.
I also find myself attracted to other Lilithian types, with exes and love interests usually having BML and/or Asteroid Lilith in strong aspect to their Sun, Moon, Midheaven, Ascendant, Venus, Mars, or some combination of these. I find that in men with these placements, there is a tendency to be drawn to Lilithian themes in women, sometimes projecting their own Lilith nature onto the other person altogether depending on the aspect, as was the case with a BML-opposite-Sun/Venus/Mercury man with whom I was involved. I’ve noticed in some of these men a tendency to express Lilith’s qualities through being highly sexed, intensely desirable in a raw primal way, and commitment-phobic, which will take the form of a player-type approach to relationships, and a tendency to trigger Lilith-type wounding in their partners. There is a general, though not ubiquitous, inclination I’ve noticed in men with these placements toward BDSM, whether healthily expressed or not, and this for me is part of what draws me in, whether due to my Venus-Pluto conjunction in Scorpio, or as a way for me to consensually reframe and work through some of Lilith’s issues. Probably both, for me.
I have been in two committed relationships with men with prominent Liliths.
The first man was born on the exact same day, month, and year as I was, four hours earlier than I, and so he had a majority of the same Lilith aspects that I do (crazy, right?) Given the challenging nature of my own chart nearly perfectly conjuncting his in our synastry, this was the most difficult and unforgettable love relationship I’ve ever experienced. The sex was absolutely off the charts, and has honestly ruined me for other men. There was also a good deal of emotional abuse prevalent throughout the relationship, and a couple of instances of sexual abuse as well. One thing that featured prominently in my relationship with this man was his tendency to want to own me in a real sense, though he never acknowledged this openly. He provided for me financially, and seemed to think that entitled him to dictate my behavior, and also used this along with his connections to the local community power structures in an attempt to control me, sometimes shutting down arguments by handing me cash, unprompted, as if to buy my silence and subservience. Again, some of this may have been influenced by his having the same Venus-Pluto conjunction as I did, but with his in his first house while Scorpio ruled his second house. Regardless, one of the feelings I came away from this relationship with was one of needing to flee “Eden” (this materially abundant existence with everything provided for me) in order to be true to myself as a person. After I ended the relationship, I wanted to remain friends with him because I did really love him, and he payed lip service to the same wish, but he ended up severing all contact with me by impregnating another woman and bringing all of his flying monkey friends into a plot to have me run out of town, erasing all trace of me from his life, and this reminds me very much of Lilith’s story in its own way. I’ll never be able to speak to him again, and his smear campaign against me is the image that lives on in the minds of his followers.
The other man I mentioned, is an ongoing story. We have not been together very long, but we are in a committed relationship due to an unplanned (at least on my part) pregnancy. It remains to be seen just how this relationship will unfold, but I am not optimistic at present because of his attitudes toward women and relating in general. This man has Black Moon Lilith very tightly conjunct his Ascendant (0°), sextile his Venus (1°), sextile his Uranus (1°), trine his Chiron (4°), conjunct his Jupiter (5°), conjunct his Saturn (5°), and square his Neptune (3°). He also has Venus-Pluto themes going on, with a square between the two of 1°. Additionally, his Asteroid Lilith is conjunct his Scorpio Mars (3°) and opposite his Moon (4°).
The reason I like him so much is because we share such similar views regarding health, freedom, and how to raise children, which is a rare find. He’s very outspoken against certain agendas of oppression, which is a quality we share that I’ve also found to be uncommon and highly desired. We also have a good deal in common sexually and kink-wise, though I’ve come to realize that he approaches it from a very unhealthy place, and I have given up having sex with him as a result. This man also has a thing about ownership of women, though he is more conscious of it than the one I described above. He is similar to the first in that he is also taking on the role of provider, and using that as a means of shutting down discussion with me on matters of relationship issues, though in a different way than described above.
His relationships before me have been very usurious with regard to women. He views and treats them as sex objects and sees them as something to be subjugated rather than as people who are equal to him, and he has never lived with a partner prior to me, despite being nearly middle aged. He views any attempts to work on the relationship on my part as efforts to control him, and subsequently rebels against them in very unhealthy ways. He also has a very negative view of Lilith as a mythological figure, totally subscribed to the mythological smear campaign levied against her these past few thousand years. It’s so strange to see, because in some ways he totally embodies the energy of the Lilithian archetype, while at the same time disdaining the energy when it is present in women.
Anyway, that’s a bit of my experience with men with prominent Lilith placements, which is something I don’t see discussed often or with much nuance or detail.
As far as I go regarding the themes discussed elsewhere in this thread, I generally find that Lilith’s themes extend well beyond those of a sexual nature, into areas more regarding personal sovereignty and an unwillingness to maintain the status quo regardless of the alienation that comes with living a life true to one’s own principles. I do find the sexual element and gender relations to come in as very strong themes as well, and I have a strong belief in equal relationships as well as a strong magnetism when it comes to men. I feel eyes on me wherever I go, both desirous and fearful (as repressed/shadow elements of people’s psyches will often elicit) and have adopted a kind of tunnel vision just to be able to go about my day-to-day activities. Men tend to view me as either sex object of temporary obsession or as femme fatale, and they either want to use me or serve me. I’m not attracted to submissive men, and I don’t tolerate the domineering kind well either, refusing to submit on anyone else’s terms but my own regardless of the cost, although the domineering type is usually what I end up with. It seems that I just continue living out variations of Lilith’s story regardless of how much healing work I do on myself. Maybe someday I’ll find a way to transcend the less desirable elements of this archetype I’m living out, or maybe I’ll just go out on my own and live it up on the Red Sea, so to speak.
Thanks for reading.